‘I gave her a lift this morning. Did she tell you that?’
‘What were you doing around here at that hour?’
‘Coming to see you, Father, but she vomited all over my car so I had to go and have it cleaned. She’s not used to cars, did she tell you?’
‘She did not. Leave her alone, Jonah. I am warning you. Any trouble you bring should be brought straight to me.’
‘Oh, I do not want to be any trouble to her,’ he smiled.
‘You can’t help it. It’s in your nature.’
‘But this is not the way to talk to your son, Father. This is not the way to talk to a son you write a letter to, asking to see him, to talk.’
Thomas got out of his chair and sat on his bed, offering Jonah the chair. He did not like his son towering over him.
‘I wanted to explain some things.’
Jonah drew himself out of the chair and sat on the arm, so his gaze was level with his father’s.
‘Plenty of time to discuss things again. I mean to visit a lot more than I have done.’
‘I am going to leave here soon, make a home elsewhere. I do not want you to follow me. I do not want you to think I have anything more to give you,’ Thomas could not help but speak. ‘I want you only to know that I will never come after you for what you took from me. It is yours and you are welcome to it.’
Jonah looked at his father a long while. Then he said softly, ‘I would prefer it if you stayed here.’
‘You have no say in what I do.’
‘I have plenty of say. You have no money. I pay for you to stay here and without that money you are on the street with nothing for company but the creaking of your bones.’
Thomas smiled at this.
‘For all the son you claim to be you do not know me. I am plenty more than my money.’
Jonah rose, did not leave Thomas enough room to rise.
‘I have my reasons for wanting you here. If you do not stay you will be worse off for it. I will find you.’
And he was gone, saying, ‘I’ll just see if the girl wants a lift. She must be heading home soon.’
‘You leave her alone, Jonah.’
Jonah could not find me. I had hidden when I saw the car.
‘Why did you not tell me he met you this morning?’ Thomas knew where I would be; in the washroom.
‘Now is not the time to talk about this, Thomas,’ I pleaded. ‘Sister Mauritius has me on my last warning.’
‘Keep away from him, Sive!’ Thomas’s voice rose. ‘He is dangerous.’
‘Do you think I do not know that? That’s why I asked you to speak with him. But you only make things worse between you. He is your son and you make things worse between you.’
‘He is not my son. How many times do I have to say it?’
Thomas’s eyes held an aching, an aching to hold me and to put the wrong he was continuing to do, to rights. But he saw I would not come to him and he left me to put on my coat, which had hardened with the day on the radiator.
I walked home through the fields, to avoid the road. I took the same way to work the next morning.
* * *
Jonah waited on the road for two hours the next morning. No sign. He drove up and down the narrow twisting road. He killed a sparrow, its tiny heart gave way as the pearl-blue monster with the shining eyes swallowed it up, mashing its heat and feathers into the cold and uncaring road.
Jonah parked his car by the gate and began to pace and smoke. He had not been able to sleep that night. He had thought of all the possibilities and had decided there was only one way with me, the right way.
He would become perfect for me. He would not make mistakes. If I was fond of his father then his father could be brought to live with us and he would make all of this work for me, make all of this right for me.
He knew he would have to work hard to win my trust. He thought of the shape of me and of the smooth skin that held that shape. He could buy clothes for my fine shape and dress me up and take me to fine places where I would be treated like a someone, instead of someone who slaved for those who were beyond thanking me for it.
He took his last cigarette and crumpled the empty packet, throwing it to the ground, and turned to shelter his lit match from the wind. I walked across the lawns, from a gap in the hedgerow. The flame burned towards his fingers and caught the tips of them and burned on and he did not feel it.
He stared at me disappearing into the building without a glance to left or right and he knew I sensed him and he saw the fear in the sensing. He got into his car, drove a short distance up the drive and parked it in full view of every window. Margaret was inside the door of the porch.
‘You are not allowed to visit now,’ she said. ‘It’s after ten o’clock the visiting starts.’
‘Then I will wait.’ He smiled a thin smile and asked her, ‘Do you have cigarettes?’
‘In the tin shop-box, but that’s not open until ten either, when the men go to the dayroom and the sister comes with the key.’
‘Will you open it now?’ he asked, waving a five-pound note at her. ‘And keep the change.’
Margaret took the money, found the sister, got the key, opened the box and scampered back with the cigarettes with all the joy of a dog that has learned to retrieve.
‘Well done,’ Jonah smiled and Margaret looked away, nervous of that smile. ‘Would you like one?’
‘Don’t smoke,’ Margaret sat on the bench beside him.
‘What do you do here, then?’ Jonah asked.
And Margaret told him. He nodded for the several minutes it took her to tell him and he asked if she would like to earn more money. She said yes, because the wages were shite in here.
Then he told her how she might earn more.
‘I have to go now,’ she said, ‘wait here till ten,’ and she laughed so her teeth and gums were bared and she danced a little and said in a whisper, ‘Paid twice to look once. I can get rich at this.’
31 ∼ Like Old Times
IT TOOK ME SOME TIME, when I came through the door, to place the two strange women sitting at the table with Carmel and Eddie. Myrna was in a chair by the fire, roused by the visitors’ appearance from a bed she had not left for weeks.
‘Well, how do you like that.’ The one with the bright dyed-blonde hair said to the one with the black-dyed hair. ‘She don’t recognize us.’
‘Well,’ the dark one said. ‘I wouldn’t recognize her. She’s gone different. She’s got like a proper woman.’
Lulu and Fanny. In our kitchen.
‘You might,’ Fanny said, ‘give us a hello. We come a long way to get it.’
Eddie looked like he was about to fall through the floor. Lulu had her knee and thigh pressed against his. He was not sure if it was rude to move it away. I embraced them. Lavender sweets and cheap scent and cigarettes were still part of their lives. Lulu did not smell of the vodka she drank from small bottles kept in a handbag, still pristine patent leather, still with plenty of pockets to hide a life’s contents.
‘You look as well as ever,’ I told them.
Their hair colours were finding it harder to hide the grey. They seemed paler. Lulu was putting on more make-up now. Fanny’s blonde hair was new, at odds with the worn look of her clothes. She saw me looking.
‘I got it done special. I said to Lulu, “I have their address and I expect they’d like to see us after these months going by.” We sent a card. Well I wrote it, Lulu sent it. Didn’t you, Lou?’
Lulu sniffed at Fanny’s obvious annoyance that she had not got around to posting it. She picked at her nails and grinned at Eddie in a way that made his ears burn. ‘Got a light, lad?’
She shoved her cigarette into his face. Fanny talked nervously.
‘So sorry for turning up unexpected, Sive. We thought you would meet us at the bus. Well, I thought you would meet us at the bus. I gave the dates up and all on the card…’
‘They look like they fuck their brothers and sisters in this town,’ Lulu s
aid.
Eddie’s neck burned now. Carmel looked down at her hands.
‘Easy, now, Lulu, in front of Carmen’s chap,’ Fanny said in a pleading tone.
‘Fancy Carmen having a fella and a big house,’ Lulu continued as if it was polite conversation. ‘You never know with the quiet ones, do you? They always do well for themselves. Though this place could do with a lick of paint. It’s nice, mind. I never liked the country meself. City girl me. Leeds and London, me.’
Lulu’s voice trailed away, then, ‘Got a loo?’
‘Outside,’ Carmel pointed.
‘Lovely,’ said Lulu, raising her eyes to heaven.
‘We’ll have an inside one soon enough,’ Eddie promised. ‘I’m getting around to making one of the upstairs rooms into a bathroom.’
This was the first Carmel, Myrna or I had heard of it. Eddie, up to this point, had seemed to like his tin baths in front of the fire and his long trips out to the toilet.
Fanny took Lulu’s absence as an opportunity.
‘I kept your address in my purse all this time. I didn’t want it to be the last we saw of you. Lulu’s had her fair share of trouble since and so have I, I need not tell you. Lulu did a little bit of business for a fella. Her own wasn’t going so well you see. More girls coming up all the time. So she did a bit for this man. Messages. Got a bit sticky and she almost got caught. So I says, “Right – time to go on a little holiday and let things settle. Time to go and see our friends in Ireland.”’
Fanny pulled at the bread slice on her plate. There had been no biscuits to offer them.
‘Everything is more difficult these days. You girls would not recognize the place. Full of business people doing it all big. It’s a good job that I’m near pension age. Still,’ Fanny raised her cup with tears in her eyes. ‘It’s good to see the old girls doing so well for themselves,’ she looked around uncertainly. ‘Though, like Lulu, I’m not country material. Nearest I get to country is a trip to Bethnal Green to feed some ducks, only there weren’t none. Ha.’
When Lulu came back from the toilet with brighter eyes, Fanny went, asking Carmel to come for company, ‘I’m scared of the outdoors. What if something bites me?’
Lulu made a beeline for Eddie, but he was up and out the door, with an excuse to mend or buy or fetch something. Lulu sat at the table, opposite Myrna and me, facing us.
‘I didn’t want to come here. That’s why I didn’t send the card. But once she was coming I couldn’t let her go alone. I live with her now you know. She drives me mad with her talk. Not one of those girls she had stood by her. The first two let off at her for being on the game. The third one ran off to get married to a fella you wouldn’t piss on.
‘The last one, Sive’s age, wild she is. Fanny wouldn’t let that one out of her sight these past months. She’s bold as brass, gone into all sorts, drugs and what not. I don’t mind telling you I’m glad I hadn’t a child. Not one that lived anyways. They treat you like shite, but for Sive here. Sive’s a good girl aren’t you, Sive?’
I made sandwiches.
‘Here, they looked at us like we were circus animals, getting off that bus. They never see a good-looking woman before?’
Lulu laughed at herself, and took out her compact. She put on lipstick with shaking hands, tutting with annoyance and dabbing the mistakes out with the corner of a hanky.
Fanny and Lulu settled into my room and I slept in the bed beside Myrna.
Getting washed and ready for bed was an affair. With so many women in the kitchen Eddie said, ‘I’ll rinse me neck under the cold tap outside.’
‘I might try that.’ Lulu went to totter after him. But Fanny held on to her skirt firmly. Later that night I heard them arguing upstairs. Like old times.
* * *
Fanny and Lulu made the house seem brighter and smaller. It was my weekend off and Eddie, Carmel and I took our guests into Scarna to show them the town and the town’s eyes near fell out at the sight of them.
‘A fucking dump, this is,’ Lulu puffed smoke and pronounced. ‘My old mam was right to leave Ireland.’
‘Your old mam had no choice,’ Fanny reminded her.
We had just left the drapery where Lulu had left the proprietor purple with rage having tried on everything in the shop and pronounced every item a rag.
‘It depends,’ said the proprietor, with her face stuck firmly in her accounts ledger. ‘On what sort of person is wearing them.’
‘I wouldn’t wipe my arse with this,’ she said cheerfully to the proprietor who went to Mass each day before opening up and took confession twice a week.
Eddie and Carmel went to wait outside.
‘It depends,’ Lulu smoothed her hair and waistline in one practised movement. ‘On whether you have a waist or not. I happen to have one and that makes everything in here the wrong shape. Barrel shaped everything in here is, wouldn’t you say, Sive?’
I wouldn’t and hustled Lulu out.
‘That one,’ Lulu said smartly, ‘has been humping herself on pokers all her life. She should try a hot one to warm her up.’
‘That one,’ I reminded Lulu, ‘is Mrs Scully and Mrs Scully is the mother of five children. Her shop is one of two places where we can buy our clothes. After that performance there is only one place where we can buy our clothes.’
‘Good so,’ Lulu insisted. ‘I’ll go there next.’
Fanny and I followed at a pleading distance and Eddie and Carmel said they would see us in the Harbour View Hotel.
In Rose’s Fashions, Lulu charmed Rose with a commentary on the quality of her garments. Rose, who looked no different to the thick-waisted Mrs Scully and sold clothes no different to Mrs Scully’s, blushed deep and long.
‘I dressed in Paris stuff all me life and this is Paris stuff. I’m telling you,’ Lulu wagged her finger at Fanny and me, ‘these are the clothes to buy in this town, a lot better than the rags at that other place.’
Rose nodded her head, because she could not say it, it was not good business practice, but she knew it to be true.
‘You.’ Lulu pointed at Rose so violently her handbag tipped off her wrist and over her index finger and on to the ground; the naggin bottle quickly stuffed back by Fanny who bent down to pick it up as soon as it fell.
‘You!’ Lulu repeated louder, ‘have the eye for fashion in this town. Sive, this is the place to come for your clothes. This woman can look after you. I know a good outfitter when I see one. Mr Chanel himself looked me over for fashions. I’ll be telling all London about this shop.’
Then Lulu left without buying anything.
‘Sorry, Sive,’ Fanny said quietly as we followed Lulu down the road to the Harbour Bar. ‘She’s always lively in the mornings. She’ll be ready to sleep by tea time. I thought if things had worked well for you here that you and Myrna might have Lulu for a bit. I’m just not able to manage her as well as I used to. She insults anyone who doesn’t know her well enough to know she doesn’t mean it. Don’t worry, Sive,’ Fanny saw my look. ‘I can see it’s not the thing to leave her here.’
We walked into the lounge area to find Carmel and Eddie in easy chairs on either side of the fire that was lit all year round. The Harbour Bar lounge had always had a fire in the lounge for the lady drinkers, regardless of whether it was July or January. Noreen had stood around it with her small wedding party while Joseph Moriarty had repaired to the men’s domain.
When Lulu pulled up a chair between Carmel and Eddie’s, Eddie immediately got up and said he was going to the other part. Lulu immediately went after him.
‘You can’t,’ Eddie lost patience and turned on her. ‘It’s no women in the bar.’
Lulu stood rooted to the spot as Eddie made his way through the gents, which had a double entrance into both bar and lounge.
‘Well, we will see about that,’ she said and set off in the same direction.
‘Lulu!’
Fanny called idly after her, sat down and sighed and pulled up both feet to rest them on
a table.
‘Well I’m buggered if I’m following her in there.’
Carmel, Fanny and I sat quietly drinking a pot of loose-leaf tea and waiting for scones that never arrived. The noise of male laughter and a shrill female whinny came from the bar. Carmel asked, ‘What is she doing?’ and Fanny said she had no idea.
‘No dragging her out of there,’ Fanny said resignedly. ‘Best be off and let her follow.’
We had been home at least two hours and had Myrna chuckling with recounts of Lulu before Lulu arrived home with Eddie.
‘He’s a good boy, your Ed,’ she said to Carmel. ‘Told me all about you two on the walk home. A windy walk if ever there was one! Told me you were childhood sweethearts. I wish I could look mine up. He’s married. Mind you, he was married when I was his sweetheart.’
Eddie went to sit beside Carmel who took up his hand.
‘I met an acquaintance of yours, too, Sive, a Peter, said he lives where you work. Lovely man. Lovely man.’
When Lulu had passed out on the chair, Eddie told us how she had told the customers of the Harbour bar about her singing career in London. She had given anyone who wanted one a song and sat on their knee while singing. When Eddie had tried to remove her Lulu was not the only one to protest. The Harbour bar regulars on a Saturday afternoon found this better entertainment than the company of themselves.
Lulu hadn’t to buy a drink all day.
‘I believe the manager was after me for a spot,’ she insisted to Eddie who had walked her home before she needed carrying. The regulars were wondering how long she was in the town for.
‘I told them,’ Eddie insisted, ‘that it was a one-off performance.’
He looked at Fanny.
* * *
The following day I felt the air in St Manis was lighter.
‘It’s Sister Mauritius,’ Margaret filled in. ‘She’s away for the week at a conference of her order. Didn’t tell us so we wouldn’t know.’
‘I bumped into your Auntie Lulu in the Harbour bar,’ Peter came up to me in the ward kitchen. ‘Lovely lady, real lady. Sang “Hello Dolly” better than Barbra Streisand. Lovely lady.’
Peter walked off, whistling. I shook my head and poured jugs of water into the tea urn and turned it on, ready to brew up for the men’s breakfasts. When Joe O’Reilly found me he had a clipboard. Sister Mauritius’s departure gave him matron status, being a full-trained nurse.
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