Nope, that wasn’t true. He’d been in quite a bit of pain for the last three hours. Dancing with Grace was going to be excruciating.
“Go pick your song, Princess,” he said, turning to her, his face just inches away. He was so close to her that he had an up-close and personal view to her blue eyes.
Grace slid off her seat and Harper followed her to the corner.
“You guys suck,” Jax said, finishing his beer. What he really needed was a shot of whiskey, but that wasn’t in his best interest since he would be driving soon.
“Yeah,” Shep said, shaking his head. “You have to dance with a beautiful girl. Your life is so hard.”
“I don’t know how you do it,” Brendan said.
A soft slow song picked up over the speakers and Jax stood up as Grace made her way across the bar. She stopped in front of him, her smile suddenly shy. It made his chest tighten.
“Can I have this dance, Princess?” he asked, holding out his hand for her.
“Absolutely,” she said, putting her hand in his.
He led her away from the four pairs of prying eyes onto the nearly empty dance floor. He slowly spun her around and pulled her to him, her body right up against his. He placed his free hand at the small of her back, and she rested hers on his shoulder.
Jax had danced with Grace before, but he could never fully prepare himself for the feeling of having her so near. How her hand felt in his, or what it did to him when she rested her head on his chest, or how every time he breathed he inhaled her. He could dance with her every day for the rest of his life, and it would still feel like this. Like his world was here in front of him, like the most important thing in his life was in his hands. And then the music would end, she’d walk away, and he’d be surprised he was still standing.
Jax moved his head, and his nose skimmed the top of her hair. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as he continued to move them slowly across the dance floor.
“Jax,” Grace whispered as she pulled back from his chest and looked up at him, “are you going to tell me why you’re in such a mood?”
“Your clothes are too tight.”
“What?” she asked, confusion wrinkling her forehead. “You don’t like what I’m wearing?”
“No,” he lied. Problem was he liked it way too much. “Every guy in this place is looking at you,” he said, looking down at her.
“Why do you care?”
“Because I don’t like the way they’re looking at you.”
“Is this you doing your big brother thing and trying to protect me?”
“Yes,” he lied again. This had nothing to do with any big brother thing. He was pretty sure that if Brendan ever got an idea of all of the non–big brother things he wanted to do to her, Brendan would punch him in the face. “None of them are good enough for you. They only want to get in your pants.”
Hurt flashed through her eyes before they hardened and turned icy. “So what you’re saying is, I dress like a slut?”
“I didn’t say that,” Jax said.
“I can take care of myself, you know.”
“I’m sure you can,” he said, maybe a little bit too patronizingly. But what did she expect? He would go to the grave trying to protect her. Especially from all the assholes eyeing her like she was dessert.
“You don’t believe me?” she asked.
“I do believe you. But old habits die hard.”
“You can say that again,” she said, clearly beyond pissed off.
“Grace?”
“You know, I could care less about getting anyone’s attention, except for one person who is clearly an idiot. Or maybe I’m the idiot. You tell me no one is good enough for me?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “Well, why don’t you do something about it?” She pushed away from him, leaving him standing in the middle of the dance floor.
“Grace,” he called after her.
“I’m out of here,” she said as she grabbed her purse from the bar and turned around.
“What’s wrong,” he said, blocking her path to the door.
“Don’t, Jax,” she said, not looking at him.
“Grace.” He said her name again, needing to see her eyes.
When she looked up at him, the wetness that he found in her eyes brought him up short.
“Just let me go, Jax,” she whispered desperately.
He nodded, stepping out of her way. He turned and watched her walk away, completely baffled as to what had just happened.
Chapter Three
The Dangers of Flour
Grace pounded her fists into the dough in front of her. But it wasn’t helping. The harder she pounded, the angrier she got.
Yes, she was pissed at Jax, but she was more pissed at herself.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
How many times had she told herself that Jax didn’t look at her that way? And yet she’d pushed it and made an idiot of herself. Oh, she’d gotten him to notice her, but only because he thought she dressed like a slut. And to top it off he’d pulled out his go-to brotherly advice and made her feel like a child. Like his best friend’s baby sister.
Perfect, just perfect.
Every time her fist hit the dough, a canister of metal utensils jumped and clanged together.
He doesn’t want you. Not in the way you want him. Let it go. Let him go.
Grace stopped and closed her eyes. She dropped her head between her shoulders and leaned forward. She gripped the counter with both hands and took a deep breath, trying to find an ounce of composure.
The very idea of letting go of Jax was impossible, and she was lying to herself if she thought it was possible.
But she was so good at lying to herself. The few relationships she’d been in had been a lie. How could a person give themselves to someone truly and completely when they were in love with someone else? Grace had never been able to do it, which had ultimately led to the end of those relationships. But she kept trying to find that someone who would make her get over Jax.
That someone didn’t exist. He was a mythological creature, because for Grace, there only was Jax.
Suddenly, Grace wanted her mother so desperately she couldn’t breathe. She swiped uselessly at the tears streaming down her face.
Yes, Grace could always go to Lula Mae, and her grandmother would give her a wealth of advice. But Lula Mae had never dealt with anything like this before, having your heart broken by a man.
Grace’s grandparents had been married for fifty-two years, and they’d been in love long before that. Grace knew it hadn’t always been easy; they had to bury their only child, and that sadness plagued them every day. They knew heartache of an entirely different kind.
But Claire had dealt with the heartache of loving someone who hadn’t loved her back. Claire had loved Brendan’s father, but Crayton Dallas had never returned that love. He’d abandoned Claire, left her without a second thought. He’d never been capable of love. At least that’s what Grace believed, because what other explanation could there be for a man who could walk out on the mother of his unborn child.
And as for Grace’s father? Well, that was a whole other topic of conversation.
Claire died when Grace was ten years old. Grace had been too young to demand to know who her father was then. And now the only person who could tell Grace was gone. But whoever he was, he’d either not known, or not cared. Grace didn’t know for sure, but she had a hard time imagining her mother not telling Grace’s father. So she went with the notion that he just hadn’t cared.
Had this man broken Claire’s heart, too? Had she loved him? How had she dealt with it? How had she moved on? All of this would be helpful information to know so that Grace could figure out how to move on from Jax, because she had no freaking clue how to do it.
Grace took another deep calming breath before she opened her eyes and straightened. She wiped away the remaining tears from her cheeks and dried her hands on her apron.
She was tired; that’s why she was being so e
motional. She hadn’t slept very well after she left the bar. Her mind had been full of useless thoughts that hadn’t gotten her anywhere, and had kept her from sleep until well after one in the morning. She’d woken up at five, and instead of lying in bed for an hour and a half, she’d decided to go to the café and cook.
Pies were on the agenda for the day, thus her dough pounding. At least the café wasn’t going to open for another thirty minutes. She had a little bit of time to collect herself and down another cup of coffee.
Yes, coffee would help her nerves.
As she reached for her empty mug, a knock from the side door in the kitchen had her spinning around. Through the light blue sheers covering the windows, she could just make out the dark green uniform of an Atticus county deputy.
“Oh, awesome. Just what my morning needs, more humiliation,” she whispered as she walked across the kitchen and unlocked the door.
* * *
Grace had been crying.
If there was anything that brought Jax to his knees, it was Grace crying. She had flour on her face, and he could see the path the tears had taken down her cheeks.
“Grace, what’s wrong?” Jax asked, stepping into the kitchen, not waiting for her to invite him in.
“Nothing,” she said, turning around and walking away from him. “Did you come for coffee?” she asked, and grabbed her mug from the counter before she walked through the swinging door and out to the café.
God, he hated it when she walked away from him. That’s all he’d been able to think about last night. Well, that and all of the disappointment from his friends. Harper had declared him an idiot before she’d followed Grace out of the bar. Shep had asked him what his problem was, Brendan had told him he better fix it, and Bennett had just frowned and shaken his head.
“No,” he said, pushing through the door behind her, “I came to talk to you about last night.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she said as she pumped coffee into her cup. “I got upset, now I’m over it. Case closed.”
“If you were over it, why are you still upset? You’ve been crying, don’t try and hide it. I know that I—”
“Contrary to popular belief, Jaxson,” she interrupted as she grabbed a to-go cup from the stack and started to pump it full of coffee, “not everything is about you.”
Jax crossed the space between them and came up behind her. He put his hand over hers and stopped her vicious pumping. “Grace,” he said in a low voice, “I’ve never once believed everything was about me. And you damn well know it.”
Grace took a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling.
“I’m sorry, Jax. I was thinking about my mom,” she whispered before she pulled her hand out from underneath his. She grabbed her mug from the counter and carried both steaming cups of coffee over to where they kept the cream and sugar.
Well, damn. Claire was a tough subject for Jax to dwell on. She’d always treated him and Shep like her sons, too. And for Jax, Claire had been the mother he’d never had.
“I’m sorry, Grace,” he said softly.
She was silent as she fixed both cups of coffee. But after a moment, the stubborn set of her shoulders fell and she sighed. “I just miss her,” she said barely above a whisper.
“Grace,” he said, reaching for her, but she turned quickly and pushed him away before he could touch her.
“I’ll be okay. Talking about her is only going to make me more upset right now,” she said as she grabbed a cap on the stand and snapped it down on the to-go cup. “Here you go,” she said, holding it out for him.
“You know this isn’t why I came?” he asked, taking the cup from her. “I want to know why you got upset last night.”
“It isn’t important,” she said as she grabbed the handle of her mug and walked around him. She pushed through the door to the kitchen and disappeared again.
She was infuriating. Not one to give up, Jax followed her. He was going to get an answer from her before he left.
“Is this your new tactic?” Jax asked, setting his cup down on the counter and folding his arms across his chest. “Avoidance?”
“It’s worked out just great for you,” she mumbled as she tossed some scones in a bag. No doubt for him to take when he left.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Grace threw the bag down onto the counter and looked up at him. “Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that this clueless persona you have going on is the real deal? Are you honestly going to tell me that you have no idea?”
“No idea about what?”
“You want to know why I got upset last night?” Grace asked, marching over to him. “Why it infuriates me that you treat me like a little sister?” she shouted, shoving his chest hard. He was surprised by it and he fell a step backward. “I don’t have sisterly feelings for you, Jaxson; I don’t and I never will. But you’re too blind and stubborn to see what’s standing right in front of you!”
It was then Jax did the most impulsive thing he’d ever done in his life. He knew exactly where the impulse came from; he’d had the desire for years. He just wasn’t sure how the overwhelming need overran all of his sense. He grabbed Grace before he even realized what he was doing. He gripped her elbows and brought her body flush up against his. His mouth came down hard on hers. She inhaled, startled, and Jax took full advantage of the tiny opening of her mouth, dipping his tongue in and finding hers.
Holy shit.
Never in his life had Jax kissed a girl and felt like his whole body was on fire, burning from the inside out. This was incredible, like nothing he’d ever known. She was warm, and sweet, and soft. How could the inside of someone’s mouth feel this way? Taste this good?
Grace sighed in pleasure as her body relaxed against his. Her arms wound around his neck. He wrapped his hands around her waist as he walked her backward. When her back hit the counter he put his hands on her bottom and pulled her up to sit on top of it, their mouths never breaking.
Holy shit, his hands were on Grace’s ass. Her perfect, incredible ass.
Her shoes hit the floor a second before she pulled her legs around him, her bare feet running up the back of his thighs. Her hands were on his chest, as one of his pulled out the tie in her hair so that he could run his fingers through it. She grabbed on to his side, and her hands slid around and lowered until they were on his butt. She squeezed and he thought he was going to go off, right then and there.
He pulled away from her mouth, letting his lips travel down the slope of her neck. How many times had he fantasized about this? About feeling her soft skin underneath his lips? God he loved her neck, the soft delicate space at the hollow of her throat.
“Jax.” She said his name with so much need that he abandoned his exploration of her neck.
He palmed the back of her head in one of his hands as he slanted his mouth over hers. Grace moaned when their tongues found each other again. The sound of it rumbled in Jax’s chest and settled low in his abdomen.
Jax wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, wrapped around each other in more ways than one, before a crackling noise filled the kitchen. Mary Landers’s voice squawked through the speaker attached to Jax’s shirt.
“Seventeen, what’s your location?”
Jax pulled back from Grace, both of them breathing hard. Grace’s hair was everywhere, courtesy of his hands. She opened her eyes slowly, as if she was delaying coming back to reality, but Jax slammed into it hard.
What the hell had he just done?
* * *
Grace was having an out of body experience. Or at least that was what it felt like.
Jax had kissed her.
God, his mouth had been on hers, his hands everywhere, her hands everywhere. Grace’s hands had been on Jaxson Anderson’s ass. And it was just as spectacular as she’d imagined.
But as Grace brought herself back down to earth, she registered the look on Jax’s face and her eyes snapped open as everything insid
e of her crashed.
He did not look happy.
“Jax?” Grace asked, searching his face for something, anything besides the regret that shone plan as day in his eyes.
He didn’t answer, just disentangled himself from her as he took a step back. There was no warmth in his eyes as he pushed the button on the microphone on his shoulder. “Seventeen, on Sandy Beach Drive.”
“Seventeen, shoplifter at Forty-Nine Brooks Avenue. Deputy needed on location.”
“Ten-four.”
“Jax,” Grace said, sliding off the counter and taking a step toward him.
“I have to go,” he said, taking another step back from her.
“You’re not even going to say anything about what just happened?” she asked, trying to keep calm.
His mouth tightened before he shook his head. “It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened.”
Grace inhaled sharply, pulling back from him like he’d just hit her. And really he had, because those words were a slap in the face.
I’m not going to cry. Not in front of him.
So Grace did the only thing she could do, she walked away from him.
She stepped around him and pushed through the door out into the café. She closed her eyes as she leaned against the wall and tried to breathe past the tightness in her chest.
It was a mistake.
She reached up and grabbed her throat. The wall behind Grace shuddered slightly as the side door in the kitchen closed. He was gone and he didn’t want her. She slid down the wall and pressed her face into her bent knees.
It shouldn’t have happened.
God it hurt. It hurt so damn much.
Grace gave up trying to fight it and let the pain wash through her. She wasn’t sure how long she sat on the floor hugging her bent knees. She kept reliving what had happened in the kitchen.
He’d grabbed her. He’d kissed her. Not the other way around. But he’d also decided that it had been a mistake.
Grace was done. She was done waiting for a man who didn’t want her. She was done living with this constant ache. She refused to let him break her. She wasn’t going to let that man affect her anymore.
Undeniable (A Country Roads Novel) Page 4
