She nodded. “That’s right.”
“So, tell me a little more about your interest in the RNWMP. Your brothers and father talked about it at home quite a bit?”
“Yes, around the dinner table every night, and as my brothers went off to training and came back on leave from their assignments. Some families discuss society gossip or share their doings of the day—mine talked about cases and mysteries.”
Joel smiled. “Your eyes came alive when you said that.”
“I can’t help it—I’ve always enjoyed the hunt. I’ve even helped solve a few puzzles.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You have?”
“Yes. As an objective observer, I found that I could see things more clearly, and sometimes I made comments that were helpful.”
Joel scowled. “Talking about cases in general could be entertaining, but I’m not sure that your family should have been discussing things like that in such great detail.”
“Because my mother and I aren’t authorized, I suppose?” Evelyn immediately felt her back stiffen. She didn’t mean to react so negatively, especially after agreeing that they were going to start fresh, but there was just something about his attitude that got under her skin.
“Yes, but I don’t mean to cause offense by saying that.”
She pressed her lips together for a moment before answering. “I realize that it’s unorthodox for a law enforcement officer to share the details of his work with his family, but you have to understand, we looked forward to those family dinners all day long. That’s where we bonded and felt connected. My family is as unified as it is because of those common threads, and I wouldn’t trade those experiences for the world.”
Joel reached out to touch her arm, but she stood up. “It’s been a nice walk, Corporal, but I’m quite tired and would like to go back now.”
“So, it’s Corporal again, is it?”
“Yes, I believe it is.”
“Very well, Miss Murray.”
He walked next to her all the way back to the Timmons’ house, deposited her there with a bow, and strode off without looking back. Not that she was watching to see if he would look back. That would be a childish and romantic thing to do, and she was neither childish nor feeling romantic. At all.
Possibly ever again, as far as Joel Clark was concerned.
Chapter Seven
Evelyn woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. She’d been looking forward to attending church, but the sun was too bright and every noise made the pain worse, so she stayed home and appreciated the quiet while her hosts were gone. Mr. and Mrs. Timmons did yell quite a lot in order to hear each other, and their voices had a way of ringing through her head.
Unfortunately, being alone with nothing to do gave her time to think, and of course she thought about Joel, and she didn’t want to think about Joel. That was a very perturbing topic.
She had enjoyed their walk together very much. Joel was kind and attentive, and she’d begun to think that they could be happy together after all. But then he’d lost his mind again—there really was no other way to put it—and that was the end of that.
She shook her head before remembering that it hurt to do that. Why couldn’t he let her share a happy memory and a wonderful family tradition without pointing out everything that was wrong with it? It was almost as if he was poised to find fault with anything she said or did that didn’t line up precisely with his idea of what should be. Well, she’d never lived her life according to others’ expectations, and she certainly wasn’t going to start now. There were certain compromises she was willing to make for marriage—after all, she’d left home and come all the way out here. But she would not change the very fabric of who she was to please him.
At the same time, she wondered if his very fabric was made up of criticism, or if that was covering for something else.
She stood up and poured herself another cup of chamomile tea, which seemed to be helping her head, but not her heart. She didn’t enjoy the way her emotions were tumbling around, going from elation to anger so quickly. That couldn’t be good for anyone. If only there was a way to feel less.
Of course, that kind of thinking would lead her to drink, which would be even less healthy.
The door opened a moment later, and Mr. and Mrs. Timmons entered the cabin. “He didn’t say ‘leopards,’” Mrs. Timmons was shouting. “He said ‘lepers.”
“Are you sure? Leopards made for a better story,” Mr. Timmons replied.
Mrs. Timmons turned to Evelyn. “You’ll have to forgive Felix, Evelyn. His understanding of the Bible isn’t everything it ought to be.” She glanced around as she took off her hat. “You kneaded the bread? You didn’t have to do that, feeling poorly and all.”
“It kept my hands busy,” Evelyn said. She didn’t add that it did her a lot of good to pound bread dough into submission while thinking about Joel Clark—most people wouldn’t want a person with violent tendencies staying under their roofs.
“Those loaves are rising nicely. Thank you.” Mrs. Timmons hung her hat on a nail by the door. “Oh, I almost forgot. That nice Miss JoAnn asked me to tell you that all the couples are getting together tonight, and she hopes you feel well enough to join them.”
Evelyn smiled. “Thank you for passing that along. I hope I do too.” She could use some time spent with the other girls. However, that also meant seeing Joel. Could she go through that again—feeling her heart flip over and then getting it squashed?
And why did he have to be so heart squashy, anyway?
***
Joel tossed his hat onto his bed and undid the buttons on his jacket. If he lost any more sleep over Evelyn Murray, he’d soon be completely dysfunctional. He could almost hear Miss Hazel’s voice in his head telling him that he already was dysfunctional and wondering what was wrong with him. The same question he’d been asking himself for days now.
He’d gone to church for the sole purpose of seeing Evelyn there, but she had never come. At first he thought perhaps she wasn’t a religious type, and that disappointed him—when he’d begun to entertain the idea of marriage, he’d envisioned a woman of faith who read their children Bible stories at bedtime. But then Mrs. Timmons had come up to him and explained that Evelyn had stayed home with a headache. His disappointment turned to worry for her—he hoped it was nothing too serious. The Mounties were trained for certain types of first aid, but nothing having to do with ailments of the head, and it wasn’t always easy to track down Doc Sturgis as he made his rounds.
Then he realized he was overreacting. Headaches were a simple complaint, and she’d probably be just fine after a rest. A rest—exactly what he needed as well.
After hanging up his jacket and pulling off his boots, Joel lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. All the other Mounties were married now, leaving just him, and he wasn’t sure what he thought about that. He obviously had no idea how to woo a woman, and he didn’t know if the extraordinary effort it took was worth it.
True, true—when things were going well, Evelyn made him feel like everything, including the moon, was possible, but she could also slam that door faster than anything he’d ever seen. Was this back-and-forth normal? Or was it a sign that they definitely weren’t meant to be together?
Miss Hazel had said that girls were the greatest mystery of them all. She was proving to be correct. Joel knew that the best things in life were earned through hard work, but how did he know that Evelyn was the girl he should be working so hard for? What if there was another young lady out there who would be much better suited to him?
As he had that thought, his stomach soured. He didn’t want to think about another young lady. He wanted to make things work with Evelyn. Yes, that might mean enduring a great deal of confusion and a generous helping of frustration, but she consumed his every thought, and if he lost her now, he knew it would be devastating.
He draped his arm across his eyes, preparing for a quick nap. He needed clarity, and to obtain clarity, he neede
d sleep. Hopefully by the time everyone met up that evening, he’d know what he needed to do.
***
Evelyn had known that both Kendall and JoAnn were musical—that was the common interest that had inspired Miss Hazel to match them up. What she hadn’t known was just how talented they both really were. She sat in the corner of the small cabin and listened to the newlyweds explore the notes together, harmonizing here and there, singing in unison in other spots. It was truly beautiful.
JoAnn had promised to teach Evelyn to play an instrument, but that was back when they all believed they’d be living together in Squirrel Ridge Junction. Now that Evelyn was leaving, she supposed that perhaps she’d have to put those dreams to the side—after she found a job, she likely wouldn’t have time to study music, and she doubted she’d find a teacher she liked as well as she liked JoAnn.
The music came to an end, and everyone began chattering back and forth. Joel sat across the room from Evelyn, just as quiet as she had been, and she’d felt his gaze upon her several times. She supposed that was only fair—she’d been sneaking glances at him ever since he came in. It would be far better for everyone if she walled off her heart and didn’t allow anyone to make a place there. As long as she kept rehearsing all the things he’d done wrong since she’d met him, she could build that wall of mortar and resentment, and she wouldn’t get hurt again.
But when he looked at her across the room like that, it was hard to remember why she was mad. His eyes were soft and pleading, and yet there was nothing weak about his gaze. He would stand firm for whatever he believed was right, and that’s what she wanted. She didn’t want a man who would bend to and fro with whatever whim passed through his mind—she was looking for strength, solidarity, a commitment to a cause.
And yet, she got angry at him for it.
She sighed. Once again, she could see that she’d been wrong. He had too, but she couldn’t make him take responsibility for the whole thing. If she wanted a man who was firm in his beliefs, she couldn’t get angry with him when he disagreed with her and demand that he change. She could, however, compromise with him—and compromise meant communication.
Which they lacked.
She sighed again. It seemed that she kept going around and around in her head, having these same arguments, but with no answers. That was a quick and easy way to drive herself into an asylum. It did no good to fester over a problem unless it was working toward a solution, and there would be no solution if all she ever did was talk to herself.
She needed to talk to Joel.
She stood up and moved across the room to where he sat. He came to his feet at her approach. “Good evening, Miss Murray. I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better.”
“Good evening to you too, Corporal.” She glanced around and noticed that everyone else was occupied. The fewer witnesses to this awkwardness, the better. “I wondered if you and I might go for a walk.”
“Of course.” He opened the door, and they stepped outside.
Evelyn could still hear the sound of laughter and voices as they walked away. She waited until they were quite a distance from the cabin before she turned to Joel. “You and I have had several conversations now, but I don’t believe we’ve really said what we’re thinking. Isn’t it time we were honest?”
A lantern hung on a nearby pole reflected in his eyes. In fact, several lanterns had been hung between all the cabins—the Mounties must have done that to keep everyone safe as they visited back and forth that night. It was a thoughtful gesture.
“We haven’t lied to each other, have we?” he asked.
“No—at least, I haven’t. But I have held things back, and that’s put you at a disadvantage.”
He chuckled. “You’ve held things back? I thought you were rather blunt and to the point.”
“Oh, I have been, but not about the right things.” She braced herself. “I may get on Thursday’s train and leave and never see you again. That knowledge is the only thing making me brave enough to say what I’m about to say.”
“What is it, Evelyn?”
She wrapped her arms around her waist. “I’m a silly, sentimental fool, but I fell in love with you before I ever arrived here. I listened to Miss Hazel talk about you, and I could see myself at your side, raising a family, building up this land, and belonging to you. I didn’t even have to see your face to know this is where I should be. And yes, you being a Mountie was a definite draw, but it was your character that struck me the most. Miss Hazel admires you tremendously, and I did too.”
“And now?” he said softly.
“And now . . .” She wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping up her walls. In fact, she was tearing them down with blasting powder, but this was what she had to do if she was ever to see what was underneath. “And now I feel as though I’ve lost you, and it’s a horrible feeling.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, and that horrible feeling compounded until she almost couldn’t breathe. Then he finally spoke. “I don’t want to lose you, Evelyn, but I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t have the words or even the understanding. Tell me what to do.”
She looked away, not wanting him to see the tears that were spilling over. “Why can’t I do anything right?”
“What do you mean?”
She sniffed. “Every time we talk, you tell me that I’m doing something wrong, that I’m not good enough. Why can’t I be what you need, Joel? Why am I so . . . offensive to you?”
In a heartbeat, he took her shoulders and turned her around to face him. “You’re not offensive to me! You’re beautiful and smart and unexpected—you are what I need.”
“Then why are you always correcting me?”
He looked back and forth between her eyes before closing his and taking a deep breath. “Because I’m an idiot,” he said at long last. “You do things differently than I would do them, but that doesn’t make you wrong. Your father was an inspector, after all, and I’m just a corporal—who am I to tell him that he shouldn’t discuss cases at the dinner table? And it’s none of my business anyway—I’m not even assigned to that area.”
“So, what do we do now?” Evelyn asked, feeling very small.
“Now we start over again, but this time, we do it right.” He smiled at her, a gentle smile that spoke of hope and forgiveness. “And I begin by telling you what an amazing woman you are, and how glad and grateful I am that you came all this way to marry me. That’s a blessing I can’t even fathom—that someone like you chose someone like me.”
He lifted his hand and traced his index finger along her jaw. “And I should touch you more, because all living things need to touch and be touched.”
“They do?” she asked, even though she agreed wholeheartedly. The tingle he’d left along her cheek was delicious.
“They do. Just think about how a baby deer snuggles up to its mama, or a baby human, for that matter. They do that to seek shelter and comfort.” He took a step closer. “And adult humans do very much the same thing. They shelter and comfort each other, and a lot of that comes from being in each other’s arms.” He snaked his arms around her waist. “I want to be that shelter for you, Evelyn.”
Her breath caught in her throat. She loved being so near to him, and she found herself breathing in rhythm with the rise and fall of his chest. Her mother would be scandalized to know that she was standing out in public with a man’s arms around her, but her mother was miles away, and maybe they did things a little differently in Squirrel Ridge Junction.
“I’d like that,” she whispered.
“Then let’s do this right,” he said. “I want to court you properly. I’ll come for you tomorrow afternoon at four o’clock, and I’ll take you for a ride. I’m assuming you ride?”
She quirked an eyebrow, and he laughed.
“I’ll take that as a yes. Can you be ready at four?”
“Of course I can.”
“Perfect.” His eyes flicked down to her lips and stayed there for a moment as tho
ugh he wanted to kiss her, but then he released her from his hold and stepped away. “Do you want to go back to the party?”
“I’d rather go to the Timmons’,” she replied. “I’m rather tired.”
“Then allow me to escort you.” He held out his arm, she took it, and they walked together the short distance to the cabin.
When they reached the door, he stroked her jaw again. “Goodnight,” he said, then turned and walked away, pausing once to look back at her.
It was a good thing she had a grip on the doorframe or she might have swooned. Although, that was somewhat ridiculous because Murrays don’t swoon.
Chapter Eight
When Joel woke up the next morning, he couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. Evelyn said she loved him. It wasn’t until he was falling asleep that he realized he’d never responded to that, but now he felt sure that he’d have the chance. Surely she wouldn’t leave now—not now that they’d crossed this new bridge.
As he was pulling on his suspenders, there was a knock at the door, and he opened it to receive a telegram delivery. It was one of the RNWMP outposts reporting that they’d seen nothing of Black Jack. Just like that, Joel’s buoyant mood was deflated. He knew his men were good trackers—how had Jack gotten away, and where was he holed up now? Silas MacGruder was recovering well, largely thanks to the soup and other nourishing food Tilly was bringing him, but Jack still had to answer to an attempted murder charge along with everything else. The man was dangerous.
He folded up the telegram, slipped it into his breast pocket, and put on the rest of his uniform. He was not going to let this disappointment ruin his day. Evelyn loved him, he was seeing her that afternoon, and all would be well.
Eventually.
He just had to have faith.
***
Evelyn’s headache was much better when she woke up the next morning, and her mood was improved as well. Funny how a lantern-lit moment with a handsome Mountie could change one’s perspective on everything—even one’s health.
RNWMP: Bride for Joel (Mail Order Mounties Book 4) Page 4
