by Sienna Mynx
“You haven’t even asked me about her,” Shae said through her tears.
Carlo looked up at her.
“Our daughter. You haven’t even asked.”
“It was the first thing I asked.”
“No. You mentioned baby but you didn’t ask. How is she? Does she look like you? Does she have your eyes? She does you know. Look like you. Smile like you. She’s even stubborn like you.”
“You shouldn’t have come here.”
“I tell her about you all the time. Teach her the words you taught me! I do!”
Carlo tried to rise. But he felt weak and crippled from the drinking.
“I told her how we met? How I went for a swim in that hotel and made you see me. Made you love me. Because your eyes were closed. To everything good around you. And how you changed. But have you?”
“You forget to tell her how you told me to get the fuck out of your life?” he mumbled.
“I tell her my mistakes, your mistakes.”
He looked up at the mention of his failures.
“And you know what Carlo? She’s a baby. She loves us both anyway.”
“What do you want me to say? You told me you couldn’t have kids? Then I find out that you came to Italy carrying my child? What was I supposed to believe?”
“You were supposed to believe in me. To believe in me no matter what anyone ever said. I didn’t know I was pregnant when you left. I thought I couldn’t have a child. It’s hard to explain—”
“Don’t explain. I know enough. Giovanni had Umberto send you away,” he finished.
“When did you know?”
Carlo waved off the question.
“Answer me! Did you know before or after... you married... her?” Shae pointed to the picture of Adara on his nightstand. He glanced at his wife and then to her. It was no wonder he didn’t believe she was really with him. He’d been caught between the two of them since he lost her. His pride prevented him for saying so. He was still very angry at the world.
“It’s killing you, Carlo. This life, these people. You’ll die if you don’t get out of here.”
“Maybe,” he said.
“Don’t you care? If not about yourself, or me, what about your children? I know you care about them.”
Carlo glanced at her. “Everything I touch turns to shit. The Battaglias are the family I serve.”
“They don’t deserve you! Maybe one time they did. Maybe the man you were, was for them. But I know a different man. I don’t want you die,” she wept.
Carlo tried to summon a response but couldn’t. The lack of food and water had him bone tired. He felt empty. Shae understood. She made an attempt at modesty by drawing her ripped dress over her lovely breasts. But he saw her. All of her. And he remembered. He remembered thinking she was with him and making love to her? Was that a dream or did something else happen? Did he hurt her?
“Shae?”
“You need to eat,” she said. “Can I put on a shirt? To cover myself?”
“Did I do that?” he asked.
“You didn’t know it was me.”
He lowered his gaze in shame. “Top drawer.”
She walked over to his dresser and pulled out a shirt. She pulled it over herself and walked out of the room. Carlo got up from the bed. He went straight to the bathroom. He looked a fucking mess. He turned on the shower and stepped in. He never showered as fast, as he did in that moment. When he was done he spent at least ten minutes brushing his teeth. He did his best to take his electric razor to his chin, but there was no electricity. Still he didn’t want to look like a piece of shit to her. He didn’t want to be so pathetic.
Carlo paused. He looked at the bathroom again. And then out of the door to his bedroom. From his point of clarity, he recalled the cleansed feel of his home. And he wondered how long she’d been with him. He wrapped a long towel around his hips and walked out of his room to an even more shockingly cleansed house.
“I could only make you sandwiches. The place... all the food spoiled and you don’t have electricity so the fridge is out.”
“I don’t need it.” He sat.
She joined him. It was darker in the living room because the shutters were drawn closed. But he saw enough of her to believe he was awake. He ate. She watched. When he had his fill he was the first to start conversation again.
“My daughter? She’s here?”
“Yes.”
“Can I... see her?”
“In the morning. She will come.”
He nodded.
“What about your son?” she asked.
“I’ve seen him,” he said between bites.
“No you haven’t.”
He stopped chewing. He looked at Shae.
“I met Arielle. She told me you haven’t.” She touched his knee. She then drew hers away before the connection between them could be made.
“I will see him. He’s mine. I love him.”
“I understand.”
“No. You don’t.” Carlo said and drank the water as if it was his first taste in years.
“Arielle said the Armenians killed her. Jasper? Is that true?”
Carlo nodded.
“How did he get here? How did he know her?”
“He didn’t. He came for me. He found her.”
“Marissa?”
“She’s dead. They are both dead. It’s a complicated story.”
“Oh,” Shae said. “I’m sorry. I know losing your wife was hard. That you loved her.”
“I did love her,” he said finishing his sandwich. “And I didn’t.”
“Don’t say that. Not for me.”
“I’m not saying it for you.” Carlo sat forward. “I cared for her deeply. But I don’t love anymore. I tried that. I failed. What I feel is all I have left. And I gave that to her. Told myself it was enough. But it didn’t save her. So it wasn’t.”
“That’s another lie. I think you love too hard and too deeply.”
“It’s not a lie, Shae.” He glanced at her. “I don’t love her and I don’t love you.”
If she was hurt she was good at masking it. She stared at him without flinching. He was the first to look away. “I don’t love. But I care, and I care enough to know that I can’t do anything for my children the way I am.”
“Let’s stop talking.”
“I need to say this.”
“Don’t say it. Damn it! Don’t do this!” Shae got up and put her hands to her hips. “What happened to Marietta and Lorenzo?”
Carlo blinked at her. “Where did that come from?”
“They called me. Well, actually Marietta called me. She was desperate. They wanted me to come to Spain. To help you, but when I told her I was pregnant and had your child she went nuts. What happened? Did you do something to them?”
“No,” he said.
“Fine. Don’t tell me the truth. But don’t you sit there and say you don’t love me. It’s not going to work. I messed up, and so did you, but it doesn’t change what we feel for each other. I’m not giving up on you. I didn’t come here to bury you or to save you. I came because we did the impossible with our love. You did it twice, with me and Adara. You created something greater out of love. And that has to mean something after all of this shit that has happened to us.”
“You’re still pretty,” he chuckled and reclined back, his gaze swept over her. “Beautiful. Is my daughter like you? Does she have your skin? Your cheeks?”
“Meet her. See for yourself?”
Carlo got up with his plate and went back into the kitchen. He could sense Shae was with him. He was lethargic but he tried to appear normal as he rinsed his plate. “Thanks for cleaning the place.”
“Where is it?”
“Where’s what?” he asked and turned off the tap.
“The rest of it?”
“You’re going to have be more specific sweetheart.”
“The vodka? I didn’t find it in the kitchen and it wasn’t in the drawers in your room. You were
drinking again. Where is it? Under the bed?”
“The alcohol isn’t the problem.”
“Are you using something stronger?”
The question stung.
“Did someone tell you I was?”
“Was! There! Good, that means you’re not doing it anymore. Whatever it was.”
Carlo chuckled. Shae was not amused.
“If we are going to do this tonight, talk about everything, all of it, then we do it sober. Now where is it?”
Carlo picked up a pack of cigarillos from the sink and plucked one. He lit it and exhaled. The nicotine did wonders for his headache.
“Find it,” he said.
Shae rolled her eyes to the challenge. She marched into his room and went straight to the bed.
“You’re warm,” he teased.
She got on her knees and looked under the bed.
“Cold.”
She searched. Then she got up and checked the drawers again and the hamper.
“Cold... Ice water,” he said.
She started toward the bathroom.
“Luke warm.”
She changed course and went to the closet.
“Hot. Smoking hot.”
Shae found his stash at the back of the closet. She pulled out four bottles from the crate. He didn’t object as she emptied them in all in the bathroom sink. Carlo walked over to the bed and sat on it. It only took a moment before the fatigue he was covering for won out and he stretched back to succumb to it. Shae returned. She stared at him for a moment and then sat in the chair.
“I want you to meet your daughter.”
Carlo nodded.
“Are you tired?”
Carlo nodded.
Sleep. I’ll come back later to check on you.
“Lie with me.”
“I tried that. It’s not a good idea for either of us.”
“You can handle it, cara, remember?” Carlo extended his hand. She glanced to the picture of Adara at the side of the bed. He noticed the way she stared at it. He turned it over and then extended his hand to her again. Shae walked over. Carlo made room so she could join him but immediately drew her into his arms. She was stiff and unwelcoming. He guessed he deserved that reaction.
“You’re wrong. I knew it was you,” he whispered.
“You’re a liar. You were drunk.”
“Yes, I was drunk. I always see you when I’m drunk, when I’m high. I guess it’s the only time I have an imagination. And when I have an imagination I dream freely. I dream of you.”
Shae looked back at him. He touched the side of her face and stared down at her. She was more beautiful than he remembered. Even his imagination didn’t compare to the real Shae.
“I killed Umberto for taking you from me. If I had known you were in America and needing me, I would have come. I would have walked straight across the ocean and come for you. Nothing would have kept me away. I didn’t know until it was too late.”
“Because you love me?” she asked.
“Because I do.”
Though she wasn’t prone to tears, since her pregnancy she didn’t know the best way to control her crying. Today was no different. She cried against his chest. “I wish I could take it all back. All the way back to the day you came for me in Texas. The day I lost you.”
“You did what you had to do. You will do what you have to do. To protect our daughter. I want her to grow up in America, with a mother who knows how to raise a kid of mine,” he smiled. “I want her to have the best of everything I will make sure of it.”
“You are coming to America with us,” Shae said.
He didn’t answer.
“Carlo? We’re going to do this together. I don’t care what it takes. Your son needs me too. I can help you both.”
“I have to ask you something, and it will be difficult to understand,” Carlo said. “If you love me like I believe you do, you will understand. I only ask because I want to protect my children.”
Shae pulled away from him. She remained on her side to look into his eyes when he spoke. She touched his jaw and realized he had shaven. It made her love him even more. She kissed his lips.
He smiled.
“Ask me,” she said.
“You mentioned my son, have you met him?”
“Ah, no, I did meet Arielle. She’s taking very good care of him.”
“If you meet him you will see. He’s a little soldier.” Carlo said with pride. “His mother was his world. To be without her, it’s too much for me. I can’t change it for him. And he needs a mother’s love.”
“Okay?”
“He’s going to grow up strong and be someone important. Maybe a doctor, a politician, or even a judge.”
“Is that right?” she smiled.
“I want you to take him with you. I want you to raise him with my daughter. Take care of them both so they will grow up loving each other. Protecting each other.”
“What does that mean?”
Carlo touched her hair. He then looked into her eyes. “It means I want you to be my son’s mother. I will have the courts recognize you as his guardian. And I have money to make sure you won’t need anything.”
“Stop this!” she turned from him but he didn’t let her escape. “I told you, I’m here for you—”
“I’ve done things. Things you don’t walk away from. I belong to this life, to the very end. I thought I could make Adara a part of it. That I could be Gio or Lorenzo. I don’t want to be either of them. I want to be a father who puts his children first. They’re not brave enough to do this. Neither one of them. But I am. I know the best sacrifice is to let them go.”
“That’s not putting your children first. You spent your life chasing your father’s shadow because he left you behind. What do you think your babies will grow up to think?”
“You’ll give them a different life, and if I’m living when they are old enough to find me, I’ll explain my decision to them.”
“No! No.”
“Shae?”
“What about me? About us? Are you trying to punish me?” She got up from the bed. “Is this your revenge?” she paced.
Carlo shook his head in sadness. He sat up but she could tell he still felt weak by the ways his hands trembled. It didn’t matter. She wanted this fight. She’s wanted this fight since the day she found out she was pregnant. She’s been dying inside ever since. And now he was sitting there telling her to leave him behind. She could never do it. She won’t do it.
“I want you to forgive me too. But I know if you can’t I’ll have to live with your anger. I’m willing risk it to protect them and you.”
“Carlo? Please don’t do this?”
“What do I have to give you now Shae? I’m nothing.”
“You’re everything to me!”
“I’m nothing!” he shouted at her. “She died saying the very same things you’re saying now.”
“This isn’t about her! It’s about us! Me and you! We belong together.”
Carlo pushed up from bed and she took a step back. She wasn’t looking for his comfort. She wanted him to fight with her, she wanted him to fight for them. And when he didn’t she broke down in despair. She went into his arms pleading against the insane idea that she could raise his children alone. He held her so tight she almost believed she’d convinced him. Then he began to explain his decision again.
“I don’t want to hear it!” she pushed him away. He threw up his hands in defeat. He turned to lie down again and stopped when she began to undress in front of him. Carlo stared at her at first perplexed. A desperate woman could do many desperate things. And she was desperate at this point to have him.
“What are you doing?” he asked her.
She kissed him. She did so without touching him, without making any move on him. And he responded as all men do. He pulled her against him. The kiss deepened and so did her hope. If she gave him all of her love, it would stop his crazy talk. They could be who they were. She was convinced. And Carl
o was a willing participant.
On the bed he paid close attention to her needs. As his head lowered to her clitoris. Shae exhaled. Carlo’s thumb brushed over the soft folds of the outer lips of her sex and parted them.
“Very nice,” he said at the sight of her. “Why did you take it out?”
“I was pregnant and my pus-ah my body changed. I had it removed.”
“I miss it,” he kissed her where she once pierced her clit for him. It was impossible to keep silent as his tongue then began the deep dives, swirls and licks. Or stop her body from reacting from the beautiful sensations sparked deep in her channel making her wet for him. And she quivered for him. She clamped her hands down on the sheets beneath them and bucked her hips against the invasive maneuvers from his darting tongue. She threw her arm up over her face to shield her vulnerability from him. Because she was falling apart too soon. They hadn’t even begun to get to the level of passion they once shared with each other.
She writhed on the mattress, sweating and panting in the descending darkness as he pushed her closer and closer to orgasm. And just when she thought she’d endured enough. His tongue slipped inside of her and spread more wetness around. Shae bit down on the inside of her cheek. Her pelvis thrust upward. And just as she reached that point of no returned something changed. She lowered her arm from her face and looked down to see him alternate from his tongue to his fingers. And it worked. Shudders moved in tidal waves beneath her skin.
Shannon Dennis let go.
Carlo wanted her to feel as beautiful as she was to him, to know how deep his torment was from Africa to his country land was for her. How many times had he been here, loving a phantom? His head was a mess. But this felt real. And he needed realness.
Trepidation settled in as he eased up and over her body, between her thighs. Shae groaned but her eyes did not open. He kissed her lips, his slicked with her juices. She rolled her tongue into his mouth as if savoring wickedness.
He was on top of her. He covered her from head to toe. He leaned his forehead against hers as his long cock positioned at her opening. Shae’s hands smoothed down his sides. His strokes began gently. He tunneled deep, but moved too slow to suit her. She didn’t want him to be gentle. She wanted him to be Carlo. She grabbed his ass and dug her nails deep with a vice like grip he grunted. His hands raised above her head and went flat to the headboard. His thrust went hard and fast forcing her thighs up and knees bent at an angle that opened her widely to his pursuit.
