“Relax Luna, it’s not a big deal. I promise,” he pauses as the bartender comes back to the table, delivering our drinks and taking our food order. Of course, I get the pecan fried chicken Liam taunted me with to get me out tonight, and he orders some seafood. Not one of my favorites, but I’ll still probably steal some. As the blonde leaves with our order, he reaches back across the table again for my hands.
“I really like you Luna, but there is a piece of me I haven’t told you about yet, and I feel like it’s something important if we are going to start a relationship. Not saying that is where we are going, but it’s where I would like to go.” I feel a sense of relief, to the extent that I can, with whatever his news is looming over the evening.
“I wasn’t super up front with you about my sexuality, and before I get too infatuated with you, I want to bring up the fact that I also like men. I prefer women, but with every relationship I’ve had over the years, I’ve had a woman open enough to occasionally include another man in the bedroom.” I blink a couple times, in shock of what I am hearing. Not the shock you would initially think either. My mind is running wild with the thoughts of what a relationship like that could mean.
“Please say something?” Liam says, watching my expression. I don’t know what to even say? SCORE! Let’s do it! Two dudes?! At once?! The thoughts fly through my brain as I struggle to form a sentence.
“Ok,” I say. Still struggling to figure out what to say. “Um…well.” I shrug. “That’s cool I guess. I mean, it doesn’t really change anything for me,” I say, and you can tell he is relieved. I rub my thumb along the top of his hand trying to reassure him.
“Since we are all about getting things out onto the table, I have something I’d like to chat about too.” Thinking about Hunter and his invitation to see Coldplay. My wheels start to spin, thinking I might be able to play this to my advantage.
“Oh yeah? Do tell,” Liam says with a smirk on his face.
“Well, the day after we met I was having lunch and this guy started chatting with me. We exchanged business cards and went on our way, but earlier today he texted me and asked to go see Coldplay in Atlanta. I didn’t give him an answer because I didn’t know how you would feel about that.” I shrug, and you can see the smile spread across his face.
“Well, I have to say I’m impressed that you thought of my feelings first. That makes me think we are on the same page with how we feel about each other.” He winks at me. “I wouldn’t mind. I may be a little jealous though, because they are one of my favorite bands. We are from the same part of the UK,” he adds. I’m relieved, but I still want to talk to Hunter about my friendship with Liam before I agree to anything.
“They are my all-time favorite. I can’t help it. Something about Chris Martin just… melts me. I think it’s the British thing a little bit, too.” I wink at him with a laugh, just as our food makes its way to our table. I didn’t even realize how much time had passed, since we were in such a heated conversation. I haven’t even taken a sip of my massive drink. The huge mountain of food in front of me smells absolutely delicious. I take a sip of the Skull Crusher and realize it is going to make me fall flat on my ass by the time I am finished with this mug full of booze.
“Strong huh?” he laughs at the look on my face. It’s puckered for sure, with the alcohol content I wasn’t expecting.
“Just a little. I may need an Uber,” I laugh, and we both dig in to our food. Conversation flows over dinner and we have a couple good laughs. We talk a little bit about his mother back in the UK, and the differences between home to him and the United States. We talked about his past relationships and how he had a polyamorous relationship. I had absolutely no idea what that word even meant until Liam explained it to me. Apparently, it is a relationship with more than one partner where everyone knows about each other and they engage in a three-way relationship. I can’t say I’ve ever known someone who has lived this way, but I certainly am intrigued.
Liam picks up the tab, even though I repeatedly try to. I almost want to scream at him that I don’t want him to waste his money, and we attempt to walk back in the direction of my hotel. It’ll be so nice when I can just go home. I haven’t felt like I’ve genuinely had a home in a long time.
“Want to hit up Wet Willies on the way? It’s down on River Street,” Liam asks while we wait for the crosswalk to change. Once I got some food in my belly, that drink wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.
“What is this Wet Willies you speak of?” I ask, because I have no idea, but it does sound like it would be a good time. His fingers intertwine with mine as we quickly cross the street.
“You haven’t been yet? Oh boy, are you in for a treat. It’s an alcohol slushy place. Any fruity drink you can imagine is there in the form of a slushy. Perfect for a hot Savannah summer night.” He winks at me again, and my heart melts. You know that feeling when you find someone you know can be in your life forever? Every time I look at him I can see a future, and it scares me. It’s so soon, but my mother always told me I would know when the right guy finally came into my life. I just don’t want to jump in too quick.
“Well, that sounds delicious! Let’s do that, then we can head up to my room with our drinks.” I love the fact that Savannah has no open container law. You can walk all over the city with alcohol in your cup. Hell, The Pirate House even offered us drinks to go. I really picked the right city to move to.
“I heard that you chatted with Edward today,” Liam adds. It gives me an opening to talk about what I would like to do for the youth center, and why I want to do it.
“Well you know how Edward and I met, at my mother’s funeral? She did a lot of outreach within the LGBT youth community at the school she taught at forever. It was during a time that there still wasn’t a lot of accepting people, so it was her form of a community service project. I want a chance to do something that is going to genuinely impact people, as well as something to do with my time. Carry on her legacy, even if it is in a different city,” I explain.
“That’s really admirable, Luna. I wish more people would look at things the way you do,” he adds, but pauses for a minute looking uncomfortable, like he wants to ask something, but doesn’t at the same time. I know that feeling, because I can say I’ve had it quite frequently through my life.
“Spit it out,” I sass him.
“I was wondering what you are planning on doing for work once you get settled here?” Oh, the question that has been lingering in the minds of many, except my sister. I stop to think for a minute about how I am going to tackle this subject. Do I tell Liam? Can I trust him? My mind is a flurry of thoughts as the minutes pass by, and I’m sure he thinks I am trying to ignore the question.
“Well, I haven’t thought about it,” I say honestly. Obviously, it hasn’t been on my list of things to do, because I don’t have to worry about it. “Can I trust you with a secret?” I ask him, as we approach the steep ass old stone staircase that almost killed me once before.
“Of course, Luna.” We stop for a moment at the top of the stairs, and he pulls me into his arms. I feel safe, like I belong here. I close my eyes and nestle my head on his shoulder, inhaling his cologne. I take in a deep breath, then slowly let it out.
“I won the lottery,” I whisper, then close my eyes again, not wanting to see his reaction. It’s all almost too much for me with my anxiety and all the fucked-up thoughts I always end up with. My brain is my own worst enemy. To me, this is the worst thing in the world I could have ever done. Telling him changes everything.
“No fucking way,” Liam laughs. I slowly look up at him, our eyes making contact. “You’re serious,” he says, the smile slowly fading from his face. I nod, arms still wrapped around his slim body.
“Yeah, it happened the night my mother died. No one knows, except for my little sister who is going to be heading into town tomorrow to help me get settled in the house,” I explain, as he takes my hand and we make our way down the stairs.
“I came here with all these ideas of re-inventing myself, since I have the opportunity now. Wanting to do something new in life, I bought this awesome camera the other day. I want to learn how to use it and maybe dabble in photography. I also want to give back to the LGBT community like my mother did, but other than that, I haven’t really decided what else I would like to do from here on out. I didn’t expect to meet someone so wonderful so quickly.” His face lights up like a child at Christmas.
“Well, I am glad that you found me,” Liam replies, as we continue in the direction of the slushy place. “I don’t want you to think that this changes anything at all,” he adds.
“It feels like a burden has been lifted off of me just by telling you that,” I admit to him. It’s strange how comfortable I’ve become in such a short period of time.
“Luna, you can tell me anything.” I nod. “I’ve told you some of the most personal details of my life, I think we are both at that comfort level with each other,” Liam adds, and I totally agree.
“I think so too. It’s hard for me to open up to people. I’m not sure why, but I’m sure it has something to do with the anxiety I have dealt with most of my life.” I’m honest with him, because in the past I’ve gone too long hiding who I am really am. I think that really did a number on the relationships I have been in. I’ve always been embarrassed of my depression and anxiety, many people are.
The deep conversation is broken when we come to the entrance of Wet Willies. The bar is huge. There is a large seating area packed with tables to the left, and straight ahead of us the entire wall is lined with giant slushy makers like you are at a Seven-Eleven. It is like the mecca of adult beverages. Making our way to the counter, we both pick the size cups we want and then we pick which flavor. I opt for a Pina Colada, and Liam grabs a Blue Hawaiian.
Turning to exit with our beverages, I’m not paying attention to what I’m doing and I collide with someone. “Shit! I’m so sorry,” I say, looking up to see a man who is extremely familiar to me. SHIT!
“Hunter! Hey! How are you?” I nervously squeak out, while Liam stands there and watches the exchange with a raised eyebrow.
“I’m good, how have you been?” he asks, looking at Liam instead of me. Shit! Shit! Shit! Well this is going to get all fucked up before I have the chance to stop it.
“Hunter, this is Liam; Liam, this is Hunter. We met at Zunzi’s the other day when I stopped in there for lunch.” Liam extends his hand out in a friendly gesture, and Hunter actually shakes his hand.
“Nice to meet you,” Hunter says.
“Well, we were just on our way out. Can I catch up with you tomorrow?” I ask Hunter, and he just nods. I give him a hug and quickly head for the door with Liam not far behind.
“Well, that was uncomfortable,” I laugh when we get outside. Liam laughs at me, because he can see how damn uncomfortable I am.
“That’s the Coldplay guy, huh?” Liam asks, it’s almost like he could read the whole situation.
“Yup,” I say, taking a large sip from my Pina Colada, trying not to get a brain freeze.
“He’s pretty hot,” Liam adds, as the mouth full of Pina Colada sprays from my lips. I start to laugh in shock at what he just said. Tears begin streaming down my face as I can’t stop my laughter.
“You’re serious?” I ask him, trying to hold back my laughter.
“As a heart attack. You have my approval for that. Hot damn!” The bi-sexual part of Liam comes to the surface, and I am pretty sure I really like it. Just thinking about his words and everything that he’s told me tonight, I’m turned on.
“That’s hot,” I say, channeling my best inner Paris Hilton. I laugh to myself. I can’t help it, because I think I am slowly losing my mind with this whole situation. Pulling my cell phone out of my back pocket, I look at the time and remember that I have my closing early tomorrow morning.
“Gonna turn into a pumpkin, Miss?”
“I forgot my closing is as 9am tomorrow morning!” I laugh again, and I’m pretty sure it’s all the alcohol talking at this point. Savannah is no joke with the amount of alcohol they put in their drinks. This Pina Colada is almost as strong as the Skull Crusher I had with dinner.
“Oh shit! Let’s get you back up to your room and I’ll get you all tucked in,” Liam offers, and of course I accept. This is the second night I’ve asked him to come back to my room, and in the back of my mind I look forward to many more nights of him with me.
“I’ll let you in on my bedtime routine,” I laugh, thinking about the sex toy routine I’ve had for quite some time. My magic wand is my best friend. It gets the job done quickly, so I can pass out for a good night of sleep.
“That sounds… dirty,” he says, as we walk into the lobby of the Bohemian.
“Oh, it is,” I laugh.
Getting into an empty elevator, we turn to look at each other and our lips meet. We can’t keep our hands off of each other, minus the drinks we are trying to work around. The elevator comes to a stop and we both pause with smirks on our faces, as a couple gets on the elevator going up. Shit! Ruined our fun, I think to myself as we come to a stop on my floor. The doors open and we make our way down the hall toward my room, as his hand gropes my ass and we both just laugh.
It’s fun. Everything about our time together is always fun, and that’s the first thing that I really value when it comes to Liam. I can be myself with him and that’s refreshing for me. I dig through my pocket, looking for my keycard to swipe and we stumble into the room. The first table we come in contact with the drinks are gone and our hands are once again all over each other.
“Wait…” I say, thinking about the actual nighttime routine I wanted to share with Liam. I want to take control of the night. Last time he got to lead, tonight it’s my turn.
“Something wrong?” he asks with a puzzled look on his face.
“You led last time, this time is my turn. Remember I said I’ll let you in on my evening routine?” He nods and bites his bottom lip. He’s hungry for me, and I can see it all over his face. It turns me on even more knowing what I’m about to do to him.
“Your evening routine, huh?” he gives me a little bit of sass in return for mine earlier in the evening.
“Yes, let’s start out on the patio. I want to let you inside of my world for the evening. What I do for the night when no one is around.” I smirk at him with my seductive eyes, knowing he really isn’t ready for all this. We sit down in the two chairs on the patio, overlooking the Savannah River. The lights are bright with the bridge in the distance, and the water is so quiet you can hear the party from River Street below.
I light up a joint and take a puff, offering it in his direction as well.
“Want some?” I ask. He takes the joint from me and takes a little hit, passing it back for me to enjoy another.
“With my anxiety and how my mind is non-stop some days, this is what relaxes me enough to turn my brain off and actually sleep. It’s helped me for a couple years. I wish more people knew what a lifesaver it could be for people with mental illness,” I add, since we are in the learn everything about each other stage of things.
“I haven’t smoked since I was in college; I forgot what I was missing,” he laughs. I take another hit and pass it back to him, and he mirrors my actions. This goes on for a couple minutes in silence, as we just take in the lovely sights of the city. The view from the room is definitely worth the price.
“Do you take any medication for your anxiety?” he asks, as I put the point out in the little ashtray on the table.
“I do. My biggest problem is sleep. I also have a prescription for Ambien, but sometimes it’s a little too much for me to take,” I admit.
“Well, at least you are taking control of your anxiety and doing something about it. I know so many people who have fallen down the hole when it comes to depression, and it can get really dark.” I pray I never see a day like that. I’ve heard so many stories over the years about people who feel like their only way
out is to die. I love my life, and I love living. I can’t imagine feeling that is your only option in the world.
“I’ve seen it a lot at the youth center. It’s always horrible when a young kid commits suicide.” I couldn’t agree more with him.
“That’s why I want to get involved. If I can help even one person, it will be worth any time or effort I put into it,” I say. “But, enough about sad stuff. Ha!” I laugh and work on changing the subject to something far lighter.
“You ready for part two of my nightly routine?” Again, he bites his bottom lip and it’s driving me crazy. I stand up and head into my room. Opening up the nightstand drawer next to the bed, I pull out my magic wand. I’m sure you’ve seen them in porn before, it’s a back massager that a bunch of deviant women have started using as a vibrator. And boy does it fuckin’ vibrate!
“What is that?” Liam asks with wide eyes.
“It’s my wand, never seen one before?” I laugh a bit at the look on his face. I don’t think he knows what to make of what is about to happen.
“I’ve seen them in porn. They are pretty wild.”
“This is what’s going to happen,” I say, plugging the wand in to the lamp on the nightstand and taking a couple steps in his direction. “I’m going to show you how I use it nightly. You can watch, but you can only touch yourself. Do not come before me. Got it?” His eyes are wide with surprise and intrigue. I think I see a hint of excitement in between the outpouring of other emotions. It makes me giggle a little bit more. Or maybe that is the mixture of the weed and alcohol? I’m lucky I can keep it together enough to actually be somewhat sexy at this point.
I start to undress him while he stands at the foot of the bed. I remove his glasses and place them on the dresser, then off comes his shirt. I unbutton his pants and they fall to the floor. Liam stands before me completely naked, with a hard cock at the thought of getting to watch me.
Falling Forward Page 10
