“So, no more sleep?” I say, slowly blinking my eyes open to find them both staring at me.
“Nope,” They both say at the same time. Welp, I guess I am getting up!
“Can I at least brush my teeth first?” I ask in a whiny tone.
“Hurry up,” Liam says, and I take my time getting out of the bed and climbing over Hunter to make my way to the bathroom.
“Gosh, you’re a brat,” Hunter chimes in. He’s right, I just can’t help it. Maybe it’s my stubborn nature but when someone tells me to do something I usually do the opposite. I’m pretty sure that’s in my DNA. I stop dragging my feet, and pee as quick as I can, before taking my time brushing my teeth. Three minutes at the least, dental health is important. I roll my eyes in the mirror at my silly obsession with teeth. I also may be petrified of the dentist.
I wipe my mouth with a towel and stare at myself in the mirror wondering what waits for me on the other side of that door. I feel completely overwhelmed. I close my eyes and reassure myself that everything is going to be okay. This is what we all want. This is something we’ve talked about for almost a month. These two men adore me, they worship the ground that I walk on…there is nothing to be scared of. I hope.
“Ready for me?” I say, peeking out of the bathroom and seeing the two men still in the same place I left them a few minutes ago. Both men instantly look in my direction, as I slowly walk towards the bed. Step by step I kick off another piece of clothing. First my sweatpants, then my t-shirt leaving me completely naked in front of the two of them.
Liam licks his bottom lip, as I take in his adorable bedhead. His hair is wild first thing in the morning and I’ve fallen into the habit of running my fingers through it as we lay together. Hunter just looks sleepy. His short sandy hair hasn’t budged, but the circles around his light eyes show how exhausted he really is.
“We’ve been waiting for this for quite some time…” Liam says with his sexy accent, I swear I get weak in the knees when he speaks. The two men are so different in so many ways, but perfect in all the ways that matter. Over the past twenty-four hours, I’ve realized that whatever this is we’ve embarked on is exactly what I’ve always needed in life. I’ve been hesitant because I think most people would be. But now that it is real, and actually happening… it’s perfect.
“Don’t be scared, come climb in bed,” Hunter says, patting the bed alongside of him. I climb up onto the bed and slide under the covers between the two men, naked under the covers already.
“You okay?” Liam says, I must look like a deer in headlights right now. You would think that last night would have gotten me ready for this already? At least I was hoping so, but I can’t help but think I am going to do something wrong. Take care of one man more than the other. Who do I pay attention to? Shit! I’ve got to get out of my head and just let whatever is going to happen, happen.
I just nod my head that I am okay, and Liam leans over giving me a kiss. I can feel Hunters hands on my body, cupping my ass and beginning to explore while Liam keeps me busy. I keep my eyes closed and just feel. The touch, the kisses, the lips on my neck, the dick pressed up against my ass, everything.
Liam rolls over, covering my body with his and slowly pressing his cock against my center. I buck my hips, silently begging for it. Hunter moves to position himself next to us, while Liam begins to slowly work his cock inside of me. Hunters hand palms his cock, slowly stroking, while watching the two of us make love. I turn my head to the side and use my free hand to start stroking for him.
He moves closer, and I take his cock into my mouth while Liam picks up his pace.
“Oh yeah, suck his cock,” Liam says, encouraging me while he reaches between our bodies to rub my clit. He knows exactly what I like. I close my eyes enjoying the pleasure as Hunter pulls his cock from my mouth and moves to position himself behind Liam. Wait? What’s he doing? Is he really gonna do what I think he is? I think to myself. If he is about to fuck him, I am going to need a front row seat, not watching from the bottom.
I’m totally right too, Hunter pulls out a bottle of lube and starts to cover his cock as Liam slows down to let him work his dick slowly into his ass.
“This okay?” Hunter asks Liam, and in turn Liam looks at me for approval.
“Is this okay with you?”
“Fuck ya!” I say. “But we are going to have to change positions because I can’t see what’s going on, and I am going to need a front row seat to this,” I laugh, as Liam pulls out of me and I lay on my side, watching the scene unfolding before me. These two men are everything I never knew I needed in my sex life. What have I been missing out on all these years? Vanilla certainly has not been a good look for me.
Liam stays on his hands and knees, as Hunter slowly moves to fuck him. It takes them a few minutes to get going, and I start to re-position myself doggie style under Liam. I’m dying watching this, and not getting fucked myself. Slowly Liam starts to work his cock inside of me, and we all get a rhythm together. I’m not jealous at all like I thought I would be. It doesn’t phase me at all. As both of the men start to reach their own climax, Liam finishes off inside of me and I roll onto my back, as Hunter pulls out and jerks his cock off onto my tits. I close my eyes for a second as I feel both men collapse by my side. I’m not sure what to make of this, but I know it’s something I could really get used to.
There is so much the three of us can do together, like this. My only worry is the fact that society is rarely accepting of relationships that they don’t understand. Once upon a time we couldn’t date different races, and couples were terrorized because of who they love. People this day in age still terrorize gay couples because they don’t understand their love. It’s been a problem as long as the world has existed. Is it something I could deal with for the rest of my life?
“I could really go for a breakfast burrito.” My stomach gets the best of me, and both men start laughing at the same time. I knew I had to do something to get out of my own head, before I talked myself out of the best thing to happen to me in years.
“Coffee sounds amazing right now,” Hunter adds.
“Lemme get you something to clean that up with,” Liam says with a laugh, as he rolls off the bed and heads in the direction of the bathroom. While these two days have been amazing, I am totally ready to get back to Savannah and start the next chapter of whatever our relationship has become.
“I think we need a girl’s night out,” Violet says, while digging through my almost empty fridge. I really need to go grocery shopping and stop calling takeout every night. My waistline has been screaming at me about that. Or maybe, I just need to get off my lazy ass and start going to the gym again? Either way I need to do something before I start looking like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
“What do you got in mind?” I ask her. Back in Orlando we would go to a drag show for the night, or grab hibachi, but around here we both don’t really know where to go or what to do. Violet did get a small part time job at a hair salon in the City Market answering phones. Mainly because she wanted to get out and meet people. Me on the other hand, every time I meet a new person they turn into my boyfriend. I have enough of those at this point in time.
“I was thinking we could go bar hopping on River Street with a couple of the girls I work with. They invited me to come along Friday night. I doubt they would mind if you came too.” The idea does sound nice. I have to work on Friday morning at the youth center, but it would give me the whole afternoon to nap, and rest my old ass enough to make it through a couple hours of drinking. I’ve gotten to the point where going out for the night for some fun feels like recovering from a minor out-patient surgery the next morning.
“I’m in, it’ll be good for me to make a couple new friends anyway,” I add, thinking about how this could blow up I my face, but hoping my pessimistic behavior really doesn’t get the best of me this time around. I pull my phone out and type out a message in the group text Liam, Hunter, and I have.
Out of commissi
on Friday night. Violet is taking me out with some girls from her salon.
Not like we really had any plans since we got back from Atlanta. We spent the first week relaxing and falling into our own routine at my house. They’ve been so helpful with all the projects I’ve started, whether it was painting my new office or putting together the bookshelves I ordered.
I’m sure we can find something to do.
Hunter replies, before Liam has a chance to chime in.
I’m going to have to work Friday night anyway. Trying to get everything squared away on
this big project and I don’t think I’ll make my deadline if I don’t.
It makes me kind of sad because it seems like lately, Liam is more pre-occupied with work than me. I know that sounds slightly bratty of me, but I got used to having him around all the time and then when we all started to come together, it’s almost as though he’s checked out. But I do get what he is doing. With the goals that he has for the next few years of his life and being able to start his own firm based on reputation, it takes time and effort. If there is anyone that should know that… it’s me.
Hunter and I have taken that opportunity to work on our relationship together, since Liam and I did have a head start. They are both very different people. Liam is loud and showy. His emotion is open and on display for anyone who is around him. His affection is apparent to anyone who watches. Hunter, on the other hand, is quiet. He’s like an onion you have to peel back the layers of. He’s shy and everything he does is calculated. He comes from a quiet two parent home with no drama, just your all-American, apple pie, kind of family.
Thinking about it all puts me in a bad mood, though. I wish the two of them could have the chance to meet my own parents. I know that no matter what happened, they would both be accepting of whatever lifestyle I chose. That is just who they were. Especially my mother. She was one of those peace, love, and flower children of the sixties. Free love, and lots of pot. Truth be told, my parents met while at a Grateful Dead concert as teenagers and the rest was history. It wasn’t until I was a teenager myself, and learned what marijuana was, that I realized it’s definitely something I’ve smelled in my parents closet once in a blue moon as a kid.
“Earth to Luna!” Violet yells at me, slamming the refrigerator door. “Where the hell were you?”
“I was thinking about mom and dad,” I admit. I’ve tried to keep these conversations at bay, because I know I’m in a better place with coping than Violet is. I mean, she found my mother on the floor that night.
“Maybe we should finally talk about them?” Violet says, while motioning me into the living room. Huge love sac bean bags sit on either side of the coffee table and she plops down in the bigger of the two. “It’s about time, Luna. You can’t keep it all bottled in forever.”
“I know, it’s just hard for me to get it out, ya know?” I say, trying to make excuses to push this conversation off, but I don’t think it’s going to happen this time around.
“What were you thinking about?” she asks.
“Remember when we were growing up, how their bedroom closet always smelt like pot?” I say with a laugh. Realizing now I’ve walked directly in the footsteps of my mother. The apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree.
“When I hit high school, I started stealing it from their closet. One time, dad caught me and, boy, was he fucking mad!” My sister laughs. “I was grounded for, like, forever and a day!”
“I never knew what the smell was until I was a junior in high school. That is when I realized how cool mom and dad really were.” I laugh and smile, thinking about how amazing they really were. Once dad was diagnosed with cancer, he openly smoked around us. I knew it helped him deal with the chemo and everything he was having to go through. I wanted any kind of relief for him, any kind of cure, but nothing helped.
“I remember getting stoned with dad after his first round of chemo. It was right before I left to go live with shit-face in California. I didn’t want to watch him slowly die, and I was a coward for running away like I did,” Violet admits. “I had talked with mom on the phone earlier that day, and found out what time they would be home from his treatment. I grabbed some out of my stash and headed over, so I was at the house when they got home. Mom got dad all settled in bed, I felt horrible because he had a puke bowl since he really couldn’t make it to the bathroom. It was horrible to watch, but his face lit up when I came in with a joint between my lips.” I smile just thinking about what a special moment that must have been between the two of them. When dad got sick, I took care of mom and made sure she didn’t go off the deep end. I was always worried about her because I knew she would be lost without dad.
“He couldn’t smoke much, but by God did he try. I just laid with him in bed for hours that night and gave mom a break. I dumped his barf bowl and got him whatever he needed, whether it was medication, or just another puff on the joint.” Violet smiles, but I can see the tears starting to pool in the corner of her eyes.
“I knew that night, I couldn’t stay and watch him like that. It broke my heart, but I am really glad we got to share that moment. I guess it was really shitty of me to bail and leave it all on you. I just wasn’t mature enough to handle what was going on.” I don’t blame her at all. She was still so young. No one should be forced to watch their parents die.
“You dealt with it the way you needed to. We all did. I don’t blame you for that, by any means. It’s just what we do when we have to cope with a loss. I didn’t realize it at first when he got sick, but it wasn’t very long until I knew there was no coming back for him.” He went downhill very quickly. None of us expected that, but the cancer spread so fast there was nothing the doctors could do, but make him comfortable.
“If I could go back and do it over again, I would have never left,” she admits. But, shoulda-coulda-woulda, there’s no changing the past, only making the future the best that you can.
“There is nothing we can do to change it now. Believe me, you didn't want to see him the way that mom and I had to. It would have ruined so many of the memories you were fortunate enough to share with him over the years,” I say, remembering how many things I can’t look past from those days.
“Is that what happened to you?” Violet asks, wiping her tears on the sleeve of her t-shirt.
“Oh yeah, bringing him to doctor’s appointments when mom just couldn’t drag herself out of bed. The 2am phone calls because dad needed to go to the ER and mom couldn’t drive him in the dark. The things Lucy should have been forced to deal with, fell on me because she was out living in her own little bubble,” I say, not thinking of what I am saying.
“You resent her for that, huh?”
I never thought of it before, but maybe that is exactly where my resentment of my older sister began.
“I mean, I guess that could be where it started. She got a free pass on dealing with both dad and mom dying, while I had to sit there and watch it firsthand both times around. I’m sorry that you had to find mom that night. I wish it had been me. I wish that I could've protected you from that,” I admit to Violet. She is my baby sister, I wish that I could have stood in for her so she wasn't traumatized by it. Once upon a time, I saw a therapist and she tried to encourage me to deal with the past traumas I’ve had in my life, and it only made me feel worse. I feel like, once something is in the past what sense is there to dig it up and think about it again? Nothing you can do about it now, right? What’s the sense? I get for some people it can be productive, but for someone like me, it only does more harm than good.
“We can’t fault her for doing what was best for her kids. Mom would have done the same thing,” Violet says, once again defending Lucy. I’ll never be able to wrap my mind around it, but I am assuming that one day I am going to have to come to peace with the fact that the two of them have a better relationship than Lucy and I will ever have. And I think I’m getting there after our last dinner together.
“I’ll never understand how you can always
stick up for her. I don’t want to fight about it though. I don’t know why you are as close as you are, but it’s not something I want to talk about. I think we’re having a good conversation about mom and dad and I don’t want to ruin it.” I don’t know if I sound like a bitch, but I really hope I don’t. It’s not my intention, by any means.
“Kent is cheating on Lucy. He has been for quite some time. She made a deal with the devil for the life she has. She hasn’t been happy since Ava was born,” Violet admits and it pisses me off. I don’t know if I am pissed for knowing, or pissed at Lucy for staying so long knowing what is going on. Does she really have no self-respect that she would stay in the situation?
“Then why doesn’t she just leave?” I yell. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be shouting at you. It’s just…” I trail off, trying to wrap my head around it all.
“He told her she would never see the girls again. You know his family has money and connections in that town. She wouldn’t stand a chance.” Violet shrugs. “She stays because in her mind, the worst thing in the world is having her babies taken away from her.” The details of it all enrage me. I want to get in my car and drive straight to her house and run Kent over with my SUV. How could someone do that to a person? How could someone hold their children over their head? How cruel could a person be?
“So, what you are telling me is he’s holding her and the kid’s prisoner?” I ask. My rage, mixing with my scheming.
“After they got married he changed. It was like night and day. When he would threaten her, she would call me crying. She never bothered mom or dad with any of it, because they always had enough of their own shit going on. She didn’t want to be a burden to them. To anyone, really.”
My mind is going in a million different directions. What is the right thing to do? I wonder. There is no way that Kent could out lawyer me at this point. I have all the money in the goddamn world. If there is anything that I should be doing with the wealth I’ve been afforded… it’s freeing my sister and her children from this goddamn monster.
Falling Forward Page 14
