by M. Ullrich
“Why? You’re the only one I want to be with right now. Everyone keeps talking about their summer plans, but I just want to spend my summer hanging out with you.” Eva looked down into Casey’s big, shimmering eyes, and her heart hammered with blossoming feelings.
“Me too.”
“I want every memory I take with me to college to be of you.”
The sweetness of Casey’s words struck Eva deeply. It took every bit of strength Eva was capable of to keep from admitting what she wanted from Casey. Saying as much would be reckless and a danger to their friendship. Eva wanted to give Casey everything she asked for, and if a summer full of memories with her best friend was it, Casey would have just that.
“Then let’s make sure it’s a good one.”
* * *
Patricia and Jim stood on the other side of the kitchen window and watched their daughter, unbeknownst to both girls. They couldn’t hear what Eva and Casey were talking about, but the way they acted together spoke volumes. Jim looked at Patricia and smiled, knowing full well she agreed with what he was thinking.
For close to a year, the McClellans had had a feeling about Casey’s relationship with Eva, and they weren’t blind to the way Eva looked at their daughter. But they never pushed, they never asked or brought any uncomfortable attention to the topic. As many times as Patricia told Jim she wanted to make sure Casey knew they loved her no matter what, he’d explain Casey already knew it. They simply sat back and watched as their daughter fell in love with her best friend. They just wanted what was best for both young women.
“She’ll see it, won’t she?” Patricia said while wiping the countertop.
“I hope so. I don’t think anyone will ever look at our little girl the way Eva does.” He watched as Eva pulled Casey to her feet and never let go of her hands. A young man standing on the other side of the kitchen island began a conversation, Jim accidentally overhearing.
“Jason stormed out,” he said to a short brunette standing at his side. “Where’d Casey go?”
“She probably ran into the arms of her lesbo pet.” Her doll-like features scrunched into an unattractive grin as she laughed at her own joke. “Jason knew the real reason Casey wouldn’t give it up is because of that bottom-feeding muff diver.”
Jim’s fists clenched. The look of pain on Patricia’s face let him know she had heard the exchange as clearly as he did. “I’ll take care of it,” he said with an assuring touch to Patricia’s shoulder. He hardened his stare and approached the two teenagers to greet them.
“Hi, Mr. McClellan.” The young woman spoke up first.
“I know most of my daughter’s friends, but I don’t think we’ve met.”
“I’m Emily, and this is my boyfriend, Bryan.” Bryan raised a shaking hand to Jim that went unacknowledged.
“Emily, Casey has told me a lot about you. I believe you were in her physics class.”
“She was the best lab partner—”
“And you were also the one who put Eva’s gym clothes in the locker room toilet.”
“We were just playing, Mr. McClellan. Stupid high school pranks.” Emily stood tall as she explained herself while Bryan started to back away.
Jim put on an artificial smile. “Harmless fun, then?” Emily nodded. “Bryan.” The young man stood at attention. “Was it also harmless fun when you took Eva’s geometry book and wrote ‘dyke’ on every page? And you must be playing when you call her a ‘bottom-feeding muff diver.’ You two are very playful,” he said with a lethal tone.
“Come on, Emily. Let’s find Jason,” Bryan said, grabbing Emily’s elbow and tugging her away.
“Best idea I’ve heard all night.”
Casey entered the kitchen and looked from the closing front door and back to her father. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing, sweetheart. Emily and Bryan just had to get going.” Jim hoped his smirk didn’t give too much away, but Casey mouthed a thanks. He watched as Eva wrapped her arm around Casey’s shoulders.
“Is everything okay?” Eva said.
He smiled back at them with a mixture of pride and happiness swelling in his chest. He could say so much, but he kept it simple after looking at Patricia. “Everything is just perfect.”
Chapter Seven
Summer passed in a blur. June turned to July in a blink, and August had dwindled to the final days of summer break. Eva and Casey had spent every day and night together, save for the few hours they spent at their simple summer jobs. If staying indoors was too boring, they’d camp out in Casey’s backyard next to a small fire Casey’s father had built. They’d roast marshmallows and make up elaborate ghost stories before counting the stars.
Other times, their silence would be as meaningful as their laughter, every moment and breath punctuated by the sound of nature around them. Casey and Eva watched as many sunrises as they could. If the weather stopped them from enjoying their own world outside, they’d take shelter in the air-conditioning and let laziness take over. But with each passing day, they had fewer things to talk about, because neither wanted to acknowledge the end was drawing nearer.
Casey noticed Eva’s declining glee immediately, and nothing she did could bring back Eva’s carefree laughter. Knowing she was at the heart of Eva’s despair tore Casey apart inside. She considered withdrawing from Penn State University and attending a nearby college, just to stick around for Eva. But a better school meant a better future she and Eva would build together.
They sat on a park bench and soaked up the sun. Eva was staring ahead with a heavy frown but not looking at anything in particular. Her skin was darker thanks to their days spent outside, and the natural caramel highlights started to ignite in her deep mahogany hair. Summertime looked good on Eva, and Casey wanted to tell her as much. She examined Eva’s face and wondered how she’d take such a compliment. Eva would definitely argue, but she’d smile through every word. The list of times she wanted to kiss Eva again was endless. She always regretted ending their first kiss so quickly, because it felt divine. She licked her lips at the memory of Eva’s softness.
“Hey, Casey? Are you there?” Eva’s soft voice and hand in her face broke Casey’s trance. “What were you thinking about?” Eva said with a smirk that caused Casey to panic. Does she know?
“You, I mean, tomorrow night.” Casey sighed. “I’m excited for the carnival, but I’m sad it’ll be our last night together. This summer was exactly what I was hoping for, and I’m not ready for it to be over.”
“I’m not ready for you to leave,” Eva said sullenly.
Casey kicked herself. She wasn’t making Eva feel better, and that sad, helpless look was dangerous. Eva appeared so fragile, Casey wanted to forget about the promise she’d made to herself. She wanted to share all of her feelings now and not wait until she was settled in college. What difference would a couple of months make anyway? Maybe she could make their final night mean so much more than best friends ending summer vacation together.
“Tomorrow night will be special,” Casey said. She held Eva’s hand. “It’ll be about us.”
“The whole summer was about us.”
“This will be different, I promise.” Casey let her head rest back against the bench. She felt peaceful with her decision. Her chest was already lighter with the plan to share her feelings with Eva.
* * *
The following evening brought with it perfect summer weather. An afternoon rain shower had cleared up the typical August humidity. Eva paced the entrance to the fairgrounds and looked up to the clear sky. She was waiting for Casey to park the car, impatient to get their night started. Casey had been silent during the drive, and that struck Eva as odd, but she didn’t mention it because the day was already hard enough.
Eva had barely looked at Casey during the short car ride for fear of snapping the thin tethers controlling her emotions. But in the fading summer sun, she hated herself for not staring at Casey every second they were together. Casey wore a yellow sundress with thin straps, acc
entuating her slight summer tan and delicate shoulders. Her golden blond hair was up, and her straight bangs framed her lightly lined green eyes. Eva didn’t dare blink and miss a second. Her heart stammered when they were toe to toe.
“Did you get our tickets?” Casey said. “Parking was worse than usual.”
“You look incredible.” Eva cleared her throat. “That dress is really nice.”
“Thank you.”
“I feel underdressed,” Eva said, looking down at her fitted black T-shirt and skinny jeans. She kicked at the moist earth beneath her. Eva tried to quell her nerves. She had no reason to be nervous. They went to the carnival together every year.
“You look great. Nice jeans, by the way. They fit you perfectly.”
“I’ll give them back.”
“Keep them. They were too long on me anyway. Come on.” She looped her arm around Eva’s and started for the entrance.
They went from stand to stand, ride to ride. The carnival rides were the same every year, but that didn’t make the rickety contraptions any less exciting or scary. The experience was different this time, though. Casey would hold her hand through every rush or dig her nails into Eva’s thigh during a particular thrill. And when Casey pressed her soft curves against Eva’s firm body on the Tilt-A-Whirl, Eva didn’t know who or what to blame her dizziness on.
They took a break from the rides, tempted by the scent of fried food. On their way to a funnel cake stand, Casey tugged on Eva’s hand and pulled her into a photo booth. She told Eva she wanted her memories on paper too. Casey nearly sat on her lap in the small booth, but Eva didn’t mind. Together they posed over and over, goofy faces and genuine smiles illuminated by a bright flash. For the final photo, Casey planted a kiss on Eva’s cheek.
Eva looked over Casey’s shoulder at the photos. She could feel the heat of Casey’s body against her, and she stepped back.
“Which one do you want?” Casey said.
“Either is fine.”
“Take this one.” Eva took the offered strip and looked at it. The bottom photo was the one of Casey kissing her cheek. Eva’s eyes burned with tears. “I think it’s time you won me something.”
Eva laughed. Of course Casey needed a prize, just like all the other girls at the ring toss who were waiting for their boyfriends to deliver. Eva stopped and looked at Casey. Was this what it would feel like if she were dating Casey?
“What?” Casey looked worried.
“Nothing. I just—” Eva started. She looked again at the disappointed faces surrounding the ring toss booth. “I can’t wait to show all those guys how it’s done.”
“I knew you would.” Casey grabbed Eva’s arm again.
“Which one do you want?” Eva faked her best bravado as she stepped up to take her turn. She handed the guy working the booth a handful of singles.
Casey looked carefully over her options: giant pink hippos hung from the awning, and goldfish called out with gaping mouths for a new home. She scratched her chin. “I’m not sure, I guess I’ll decide when you win.”
“Challenge accepted.” Eva tossed her first ring.
Thirty rings and fifteen dollars later, Casey was walking beside Eva with a hippo under one arm and a bagged goldfish in the other hand. Eva had spent almost all her money, but the brilliant smile on Casey’s face was worth it.
“Do you want ice cream?”
“I want to go on the Ferris wheel,” Casey said, pulling Eva along.
They sat cozily in the small car and sighed when the ride came to life. It lifted them higher and higher, away from reality. The closer they got to the sky, the more alone they felt, and Eva wished they could live amongst the stars forever. The ride came to a stop, and they swayed back and forth.
“I think I’ll name him Darren,” Casey said, breaking the silence. She held up her fish. “I’ll have to get him a nice bowl for my dorm.”
“What about her?” Eva pointed to the hippo beside her.
“She’s coming, too. I need something to sleep with when I’m missing you.”
Eva studied the stars reflecting in Casey’s eyes. “Would I sound pathetic if I said I wish I had something to sleep with when I’m missing you?” A lump formed in her throat, and she stopped talking. She could tell Casey about her feelings. She could tell her no plush animal could replace the feel of her body in her arms at night.
“You’ll never sound pathetic.” Casey placed her hand on Eva’s thigh.
Eva gasped at how warm and right the contact was. She felt Casey’s touch everywhere. She took a deep, shaky breath. “I know you wanted this summer to be perfect and full of memories, and I just want you to know that tonight is perfect for me.”
“It is for me, too. Eva, I—” The ride jolted back to life, rocking their cart back and forth. Eva grabbed Darren to steady his small, shaking home.
“Sorry for the earthquake, Darren.” Casey erupted in laughter. Eva joined in and relished the sweet melody of Casey’s giggles. When they neared the bottom and their laughter stopped, Eva turned to Casey again. “Promise me we’ll talk almost every day.”
“We will talk every day.” Casey opened her mouth to say more, but Eva held up her hand to stop her.
“Promise me no matter how many cool people come along or guys ask you out, that you won’t forget about me.”
“Eva…”
“Just promise me, because I’ll go crazy if that happens.”
Casey took Eva’s face in her hands and looked into her eyes with such intensity, Eva held her breath. “There is no way I would forget about you, not in a day or a year. I’ll be home to visit, I’ll call and text, and I’ll be thinking about you all the time.” Eva looked at Casey’s lips.
“Ladies?” the ride attendant said, bringing their moment to an awkward end. Eva stumbled from the car and apologized repeatedly. She waited for Casey and walked quickly toward the exit. She couldn’t muster up a thing to say. The sensation of their intimacy mixed with the desire to kiss Casey nearly floored Eva.
They didn’t speak much in the car on the way home but for brief mentions of Darren and that they ate too much. It was all just superficial rambling until they arrived back at Casey’s house.
“Sit on the porch with me for a bit? I’m not ready to go inside.”
“Me either.” Eva sat beside Casey on the steps of her front porch. “What time do we leave tomorrow morning?”
“Six o’clock, and I haven’t finished packing yet.” Casey blew out a large breath. “Thanks again for coming with us.”
“It’s my duty as your best friend to keep you entertained during car rides.”
Casey leaned into Eva and grabbed her hand. She entwined their fingers together and said, “I want every extra minute I can get with you.”
Eva turned to kiss Casey’s head, but Casey turned at the same time, bringing their lips within an inch of each other. She had another opportunity to kiss Casey, and if Eva knew Casey’s eyes, Casey wanted that kiss too.
Eva jumped up. “I should head home.”
“You’re not spending the night?” Casey looked dejected.
“You said you have packing to do, and we both know I’ll get in the way.”
“Or you could help.”
Eva stepped backward and tripped over a divot in the grass. “I’ll just be a distraction. You head upstairs and pack, and I’ll go get some sleep.” She stopped for a second to stare at Casey and take all of her in. “Good night, Casey. I’ll see you in the morning.” Eva turned on her heels and ran to her house.
“Good night, Eva.” Casey watched Eva run away from her. She sat in a sad stupor. What the hell just happened? She wasn’t sure if she came on too strong, or if coming on at all was the problem. Maybe she had read the signs wrong all along. She could’ve sworn she saw the same want in Eva’s eyes that she felt in her own heart. No one looked at your lips the way Eva looked at hers if they didn’t want to kiss you.
Casey went inside and tried her best to shake the ill feelin
g that took over. She didn’t want Eva to be away from her, but if she needed space, Casey had to respect that. She pulled the phone from her purse and typed out a simple message: I hope you’re okay. I’ll see you in the morning. Before she put her phone away, Casey decided to add a daring message. Love you.
No response came that night, and Eva didn’t show up the next morning.
Chapter Eight
Present day
Eva tried her best to bury her aching head beneath a pile of pillows. The incessant ringing of a phone felt like tiny daggers dueling within her skull. She pulled the covers harder against her ear and started a countdown to the moment she snapped at the inconsiderate prick who let it go on and on.
“You okay, babe?” Eva barely heard the muffled question, but she felt Sara’s fingertips trace her spine. The movement was soothing, and Eva was able to take her first deep breath.
“I’m fine, just a headache,” she said, batting her lips together and tasting a sour mixture of sleep and alcohol.
“A small price to pay for a night like last night. I know I won’t forget it.”
Eva barely remembered anything. All she could say for certain was she was naked and sore, and sharing her bed with Sara, a new model with the company. Eva looked over the edge of the bed and spotted a pile of chic clothing. “Your first shoot was last night.”
“And what a start to my career,” Sara said.
“Don’t you two look cozy?” A deep voice spoke softly from the curtained doorway to Eva’s bedroom. The loft was large and housed many, but privacy was scarce.
“Good morning, Max.” Sara was too chipper for the morning after a celebration.
“Good morning.” Max’s smile was charming as usual, his muscular torso showcased in a white T-shirt, and the jeans he wore were worn to perfection. Eva sighed. It seemed like everyone else was better at recuperating than she was.
She’d been living this life for five years now, and nothing had changed except a few faces, but lately her body had all but given up on keeping its usual pace. Eva flopped against her pillow after taking two aspirin and drinking half a glass of water.
