by M. Ullrich
Eva thought about that while everyone continued with their conversations, sharing moments from their week. If she went back to change her life, with only her life in mind, how far back would she have to go for a better shot at happiness? She heard Rosalie’s laughter, and she knew what she had to do.
Saving two lives would amount to rewriting four.
Eva stood quickly, skidding her chair across the floor loudly. The chatter in the room stopped. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”
“Is everything okay?” Rosalie stood and walked over to Eva.
“Everything will be, I think, thanks to you.” Eva wrapped her arms around Rosalie and let the warmth and security sink into her bones. She took a deep breath and threw caution to the wind, not caring if she made the moment more awkward than it already was. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother,” she whispered into Rosalie’s ear before walking away.
Eva didn’t look back as she exited the community center or her past. She was determined and focused, if not a little nervous and sick when she arrived back home with an unexpected game plan.
Saving her parents was the answer to everything. She couldn’t see it before because she was so blinded by hating herself and wanting to only fix Casey’s life. If Eva could stop the murder, she’d never end up in Luke’s care, she’d avoid abuse and a limited life, and she’d never know the inside of the house she had been tortured in for five years.
Eva removed the time machine from her wrists and placed it on the worktable in the basement. Eva felt a wave of happiness over the thought of never coming to Marlboro, New Jersey, with a garbage bag of belongings. But then the biggest consequence dawned on her. Eva’s shoulders slumped and she fell into the desk chair. Not ending up in Luke’s care also meant not seeing Casey standing on the other side of her fence. But the truth of the matter was, Casey was better off never knowing Eva at all.
Eva took the basement stairs slowly and went to the kitchen to prepare herself a small dinner before heading to the couch. She tripped on a small pile of mail by the front door but was too tired to pick it up. She fell to the sofa and slumped to the side. She thought of Casey and the time they had together. Eva made a mental list of all the times she’d want to relive again, and decided the next day would be spent as an interloper in her own life.
Because Eva wasn’t about to walk away without soaking up Casey’s presence, not again. She needed to see young Casey once more, the girl with so much potential, the bright flame Eva extinguished. Eva needed to relive those happy moments to be at peace with the decision to erase Casey McClellan from her life altogether.
Chapter Twenty-one
Eva awoke that morning with a plan. She needed to relive the first moment she saw Casey, when Casey kissed her in broad daylight, and lastly, the final night they spent together. These moments were more important than uncomfortable or fatal side effects. Eva prepared herself for an emotionally and physically taxing day. Going back and seeing herself was bound to be weird, if hearing her own voice before was any indication. Sitting back and watching, knowing she couldn’t participate in the moment would be a whole other challenge, but it would be detrimental to the rest of her plan if she were to derail her past at the wrong time.
“Keep your distance,” she said to herself, slipping the copper rings onto her forearms. “Don’t be stupid.” She took a deep breath and imagined thirteen-year-old Casey waving to her across the shared fence dividing their yards. Eva thought farther back, to when Luke picked her up from the office of Child Protective Services and explained who he was. She remembered the car ride and the moment her new home came into view. She held on to that thought and connected the machine.
Eva wasn’t sure if she should be happy her body was acclimating to time travel. Maybe overwhelming nausea and dizziness were signs of her body still being healthy, but she’d be lying if she said she missed the symptoms when she arrived on the front porch of her home the night she came to live with Luke. She ran to the opposite side of the street and waited, hearing the sounds of Casey playing in her backyard. She wanted so badly to go watch the young girl play, but she reminded herself to stay back.
Fifteen minutes later, about four and a half minutes after Patricia had called for Casey to come inside for the second time, Eva heard the familiar rumble of Luke’s car. Immediately, a feeling of disdain filled her heart. Eva clenched her jaw as she watched the car pull into the driveway. She prepared herself to see his face for the first time since the night she ran away. This moment was the start of the worst years of her life, and the beginning of the most beautiful relationship she would ever know.
Eva crossed back over toward the house quietly, careful not to be spotted but needing a closer look. She watched herself move to the rope swing raptly. She was such a small child, worn by what life was handing her at the time. Eva blinked away tears and made a silent promise to the little girl with her head hanging low and her belongings in a garbage bag. Eva promised she’d make everything right.
She heard Luke barking at her to get in the house, and Eva looked at just the right moment to catch herself being entranced by her new neighbor. Her heart stuttered briefly as she watched herself wave to Casey, with no idea she’d be her savior. Eva blinked and the split-second interaction was over as quickly as it had started. Eva was satisfied with what she saw, and connected the bracelets once more with another destination in mind.
This jump through time was less kind to Eva’s body. She stood in nearly the same place, but instead of darkness, she stood in warm sunlight as her stomach rolled and her chest ached. She walked as quickly as she could to the trees across the street. She sat on the damp ground and leaned against a thick stump while she waited for the renewed dizziness to fade. Eva still wasn’t feeling well by the time older versions of herself and Casey appeared, but she jumped to attention when she heard their familiar giggles. She shuddered when she saw the cargo shorts and bowler hat she insisted on wearing.
Eva studied Casey’s face, the thoughtful pinch between her brows and the way she watched Eva as she walked along. Casey calculated her movement and executed her moves. Eva laughed to herself. Knowing what she knew now, Casey’s motive was so obvious. She just wanted to kiss Eva, and this was her way of making the first move. Eva’s lips tingled as the kiss unfolded before her. When the two girls broke apart, Eva looked down at the copper rings around her wrist.
She had chosen two of her favorite memories to revisit, and both times she had to leave immediately because terrible moments came next. Every coin had two sides, but why did life have to be so cruel? She didn’t deserve a perfect life, but she deserved at least one untainted memory.
Eva left that time and moved on to the final precious moment on her list.
Eva walked through muddy puddles and fought to catch her breath with humid air. She stood between two large SUVs in the parking lot of the fairgrounds and braced herself on her knees as she fought waves of nausea. She raked her fingers through her hair when she finally stood up straight. Long dark tendrils remained wrapped around her fingers when she pulled her hands away. Eva stared in alarm at the small clumps of hair. She wanted to check her head again, but worried more hair would come out. She looked around in a panic, and not one person was near.
With the inaccuracy of the time machine’s arrivals, Eva wasn’t sure if she was early or late, but a yellow car caught her eye. She watched herself approach the entrance gates to the fair, her nerves obvious. Eva was able to recall the way her stomach jumped and her heart raced with a rush of excitement for what was to come. These feelings had nothing to do with roller coasters, but everything to do with the blond girl in a pretty dress approaching her.
She followed them closely throughout the fair but was careful to keep enough of a distance to avoid any unwanted attention from herself and strangers alike. Being recognized by your past self would be a tricky situation to work out of, but Eva didn’t want to get arrested for stalking a minor. She observed as she and Casey laughed, lik
e she was watching some sort of surreal sitcom she was starring in.
Casey was flirting with Eva. She was forward and obvious, and Eva was so blind to it. Eva felt like a fool. They climbed onto the Ferris wheel and disappeared from sight.
Eva didn’t have to watch to know what was happening, and now she had a greater understanding. Every time she thought Casey looked ready for a kiss, that hunch was correct. The moment they shared at the top of the wheel, isolated from the real world, was as special in reality as it was in her heart. Eva fought against the urge to yell up to her former self to kiss the beautiful girl next to her, that the rest of her life would be better for it, but right now wasn’t the time for intervention. Now was the time to relish the few good moments in her past.
Sensing their time at the fair drawing to a close, Eva stepped away and headed toward Casey’s home. She wanted to be there for the final moments of the night. She needed to be a witness to herself making the wrong decision and setting the course of her life in stone.
The walk back to the houses served Eva well. She was able to look back on what she learned while revisiting the moments she held closely to her heart over the years. When she arrived back to Casey’s house minutes before the girls did, she took the time to cherish the knowledge that Casey had always felt their connection too. By the time Casey’s car pulled up, Eva was completely at peace with her decision, and chose to leave the memory. She didn’t need to see the moment it all fell apart. She said good-bye to Casey from afar and interlocked the bracelets. Eva collapsed to the floor and blacked out when she arrived back in present time.
She awoke several hours later, engulfed in darkness and in pain. Her head was pounding, a splitting pain radiating from the base of her skull down to the knotted muscles between her shoulders. Eva lifted herself from the living room rug and looked around, trying to get her bearings. She stared at the small pile of mail by the front door. Eva was amazed at how much junk mail still came for Luke. Eva gathered the envelopes and postcard advertisements and walked to the kitchen. Her level of dehydration surprised Eva the most out of all time travel side effects. She threw the mail on the table and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
She guzzled down her first bottle and fanned out the mail, stricken when she saw Casey’s unmistakable handwriting on one envelope. Eva threw her empty bottle in the recycling bin and tore open the letter. Just seeing her name written by Casey brought tears to Eva’s eyes.
Eva,
You weren’t answering my calls, and my parents hadn’t heard from you, so I’ve started to worry. I know you’re still around because I have no shame and asked them to spy for me. I’m happy to know I haven’t caused you to run again, but I can’t stop thinking you’re not okay. You seem to forget I know you better than anyone, and I know this is how you deal with things. You withdraw and distance yourself, choosing to face hard times on your own. At one time you did this to protect me from your uncle, and maybe you did it to shield me from seeing the life you lived in secret, but I don’t understand why you’re doing it now.
I love you, Eva. I have for as long as I can remember knowing you. That means I’m here to face everything with you, to battle everything life throws at us with you by my side. I’m struggling right now with the possibility that you don’t feel the same. But don’t worry, I won’t allow my life to become derailed like it did last time. I know you’re alive and well and capable of having a happy life. That’s all I could want for you. Ever since I was a teenager, I was convinced we’d both live happy lives because of each other, but not all fairy tales become reality.
I’m sure by now you’re wondering why I wrote you such a lengthy letter. It’s an apology, declaration, and request all in one. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I did so because I believe we can work as a couple if we take our time with it. I want us to build our lives together, because I cannot imagine a future without you, a family without you, or loving anyone besides you. You’re hiding right now, but I’m begging you to talk to me. Please, Eva, just talk to me.
Always yours,
Casey
Eva wiped the tears from her cheek and one from the letter. The ink spread beneath the pad of her index finger. She folded it and tucked it back into the envelope. She didn’t deserve Casey as a friend, never mind this unwavering love Casey offered her. She had done nothing but cause heartache, yet Casey wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Eva’s wavering decision turned concrete. Casey should’ve had a better past, and she certainly deserved a wonderful future.
She took the letter and another bottle of water to the bedroom, stepping into the bathroom to check her hair, and was relieved to see she hadn’t developed any bald spots. Not yet, anyway. She was sure they’d pop up eventually if she kept up this pace. She shuffled back to the bedroom. Considering everything she and Casey had been through, Eva didn’t have a hard time believing they wouldn’t end up together. She sat on the edge of her bed and ran her thumb over the return address. Tomorrow was Wednesday, and she knew Casey had a short day, so she’d pay her a visit. Eva made a promise to Casey she’d never disappear again, and she planned to keep that promise. She owed Casey a proper good-bye and a real explanation.
This is it, Eva thought as she closed her eyes. My last full day in this life as I know it. She was more than ready to say good-bye to the pain and grief. Even if nothing turned out the way she hoped it would, it couldn’t be any worse. Hell, even her uncle’s life would turn out better because his brother wouldn’t get murdered, and he wouldn’t have to take in his twelve-year-old niece.
Eva opened her eyes and watched the blades of her ceiling fan go around and around. The slight breeze tickled her face. Why hadn’t her uncle used the time machine to go back and change that? Surely he never wanted to care for Eva. She didn’t add anything to his life, unless… Eva thought back to what the lawyer had told her. Luke would’ve been put in charge of her inheritance if her parents hadn’t put specific clauses in their will or didn’t have a will in the first place. Luke hit the jackpot the day her parents were murdered. No wonder he didn’t try to reverse the tragedy.
Eva turned on her phone for the first time in days and watched as notification after notification came flooding in. Missed calls from Casey, Casey’s parents, and Max. She had over seventy text messages waiting for her, but all she bothered to do was check the time. She needed rest to recuperate. What was to come next would be the most trying of times. But she looked forward to seeing Casey’s beautiful face in less than twenty-four hours.
Eva pushed away the thought that it would likely be the last time as sleep claimed her.
Chapter Twenty-two
Eva paced back and forth in front of Casey’s apartment building. She wanted to surprise Casey, not for added drama but to avoid Casey dismissing her. Casey’s letter said she wanted to talk to her and take time with their relationship, but Eva didn’t have the luxury of time, ironic as that may have been.
Someone swung the door open to leave, giving Eva the opportunity to get inside. She pressed the elevator button for the fourth floor. She found Casey’s apartment easily, but when no one answered her knock, she was at a loss for what to do next. She sat on the floor next to Casey’s door and waited.
An hour and twenty minutes later, a brunette with short curly hair approached Eva and stared down at her with one squinted eye. “Either Girl Scouts are getting older, or you’re looking for someone.”
Eva’s head jerked up. “I’m looking for Casey, Casey McClellan? This is her apartment.”
“You’re in luck, this is my apartment too.”
“You must be Lizzy.”
“I am,” Lizzy said, pulling her keys from her purse and unlocking the door. Eva got to her feet. “Are you going to tell me your name and how you know mine, or should I just assume you’re not a murderer?”
Eva laughed and scratched the back of her neck. “Casey’s told me about you—”
“Wait.” Lizzy looked Eva up and down. “Tall, dark
, gorgeous, and a little sad looking. Holy shit, you’re Eva, aren’t you?”
Eva swallowed loudly. “Eva Caldwell.” She extended her hand, which Lizzy took in a robust shake.
“I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you. Come on in.” Lizzy pushed open the door and ushered Eva into the apartment.
Casey’s essence enveloped Eva. The decorations reminded her of Casey, and she could smell her faint perfume in the air. She was immediately at ease. “So, I take it Casey mentioned me a time or two?” Eva said awkwardly from just inside the door.
Lizzy threw her bag onto the kitchen table and smiled at Eva. “Would you like a drink or anything?” Eva shook her head. Lizzy grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped it open. “I don’t like you very much.” Lizzy sipped her beer casually, completely unaffected by Eva’s mouth dropping open.
“I appreciate your honesty.”
“But Casey is crazy about you, and she insists you’re a great person. Casey’s a great judge of character, so I have to believe her, but I’m skeptical.” She took another long drink from the bottle.
“Where’s your bathroom? I was in that hallway for a while.”
“Down the hall, last door on the left.”
Eva made her escape, not only really needing the bathroom, but Lizzy was a bit scary. She knew Casey and Lizzy were best friends, so she wanted to win her over, but if she was in Lizzy’s shoes and knew everything Eva had done, she wouldn’t be much of a fan either. Eva took her time in the bathroom, checking her appearance and mentally preparing for Casey’s arrival. She had a speech prepared, a sentimental good-bye and an explanation that skirted around admitting to having a time machine. Eva wanted Casey to understand she had a rare opportunity to fix everything. She didn’t want Casey to think she had officially lost her mind.
