Syndrome of Mortality

by Eden R. Souther

  “If you choose the path of the Fellion, there are fewer rules. I could still come see you from time to time. You would be allowed to remain in your relationship with Ravin. The process could be done tonight, if you so wished,” Loviel explained.

  “Or,” Ravin interjected. “If you pick Exalt, you could have the protection of Heaven, and not be one of the most hated species in Eartha. You’ll get to have one of the best teachers possible. Plus, you’ll have wings. On top of that, you won’t have to try to fight against your nature. You’re an inherently good person, Mischa.”

  Michelle walked away from them a few paces. “If both my options are so great, then why are you two lobbying for the other side? My head’s spinning. I can’t do this. I told you both to let it be.” With her final words, she stormed back into the kitchen.

  Tears were burning in her eyes as she grabbed the pot of boiling eggs and dumped them into a colander. This was too hard, and they were just making it worse. On first instinct, she wanted to go with Demon… then again Angel had its perks, too.

  Ravin’s life was a complicated one. Being a demon, even a nice one, had its potential of being shitty. There were some places that refused service to the dark race. Not so much in Seneal, but not all of the world was so understanding. When he said she would have to fight against her nature, that scared her. Would the choices change her? Would she not be able to be herself?

  In that case, what was the point? She’d rather die as Michelle then live as someone else. What if she hurt someone? In both cases, it was a distinct probability. Demons sold souls and junk, stereotypically, and not all angels were accepting.

  What if she turned into an angel and hurt Ravin?

  The thoughts made her dizzy. The pit in her stomach got worse and worse. Suddenly, her home-cooked meal of eggs didn’t sound so appetizing. She stared down as the water ran against the white shells, cooling them. In a flash, she grabbed one and chucked it against the far wall. Bits of shell scattered across the room as her frustration reached its apex.

  Ravin appeared beside her. “Michelle…” He took her hand in his. “Hey, I’m sorry. I just… I can’t lose you. It’s selfish, but, please…”

  “I don’t get what you want,” she snapped. “You want me to live so badly that you never get to see me again? You want me to run off into the sunset with Loviel? If that’s what you want, then break up with me right now.”

  “That’s not what I want.” He could feel the stinging of tears in his eyes. “What I want is for you to be happy. I want you to have a chance to find your path in life, and enjoy it to its fullest, without a looming deadline. I want to know that you’re not in too much pain to move, or afraid to do something you otherwise would, just because it would be too much strain. There’s so much of the world for you to see, and even if I can’t see it with you immediately, maybe in time we can do it together. No matter what, someone is going to be hurt. But it doesn’t need to be forever, because you’ll have forever.”

  The idea of living the rest of his life, knowing that he could have done something to help Michelle, and then not, was more than he could handle. He would let her do what was best for her, even if it meant being alone. He wouldn’t really be alone, though. The one thing he would have was the knowledge that she was safe, and happy.

  “All that matters is that you’re happy…” Ravin’s words caught in his throat. “Because I… I…”

  Michelle let out a breath. The anger dispersed with it, only leaving the pain behind. “You?”

  “I love you,” he blurted out. “More than I have words for, more than I can express. Just please… please think about it. You’re the most important thing in my life.”

  With a slow movement, Michelle reached out and put her hands on either of Ravin’s cheeks, then pressed them in, causing his lips to look like a fish’s. She didn’t know what to say or do. A year ago if someone had told her this demon guy with a drawl and a stupid sense of humor would say he loved her, she would have gagged at them. Maybe even puked in their shoes.

  After the violent stomach upheaval, there would be laughing. Lots of laughing.

  Now that she was here, in the moment. And it felt good. Like it was supposed to be this way. Even if they had only been dating for a short while, they just clicked. Still, she couldn’t forgive him for putting her into this situation. A part of her was still upset, the other was a starstruck idiot. The two collided and her thoughts jumbled.

  “I need time,” she sighed. “I need to figure all this out.” She gestured in the air randomly. There was so much to think about, so many options to consider. There was no way she would be able to decide right away. Slowly, her hands slid away from his face.

  Ravin gave her a soft hug. “Take as long as you want,” he urged her. “Until you do decide, I’ll still be here.” It was a lot to put on her, but it would be worth a little stress to be able to live to see twenty-five, thirty, forty, and more.

  She wrapped her arms around him and hugged. “Tell me the good things about being a demon.” Right now, she wanted to hear the positives, from his point of view. Having to pick between the lesser of two negatives was going to be impossible. If she had more good things to consider, maybe she wouldn’t feel so bad for making a decision one way or the other.

  With one hand he stroked her hair. “Well, you get some pretty awesome horns, for one. The tail is nice too. It helps you balance if you ever need a little extra help with that. Plus, it looks amazing.”

  The next words took more consideration. “After a while, you just stop caring what people think of you, so you can do basically anything you want to. We all revel in the fact that there are practically no limitations on us. You’re going to be drawn to sinning, and there are some pretty fun ones.” He winked at her and stuck out his tongue. “There are also some annoying ones, but there aren’t as many of them.”

  “Eventually, I’d even out, right?” she inquired. “I’d be like you?”

  “Yeah, I think so.” Ravin nodded his head. “From what I understand, it’s hardest after you turn. The in-between stage will be difficult, at least for a while. I can’t imagine it would take very long.”

  Michelle pondered his words quietly. The idea of no rules was appealing to her. Michelle didn’t know what to expect with the angel path, but she was pretty sure they would be more strict. They had to be. Would she be able to deal with that?

  She pressed her face into his shirt. “I’m going to take a shower, think about it a bit, then maybe talk to Loviel about the angel stuff.” If the decision was truly on her shoulders, she would need as much information as she could get. This was a choice that could last her the rest of eternity. It wasn’t something to be taken lightly or in a game of first impressions. Even if she felt this way now, who knew if one year from now she and Ravin would still be together?

  There was so much to think about, and in the grand scheme of things, not a lot of time.

  “Taking a shower?” Ravin gasped. “Without me?” He put on an offended look. “I’m aghast.” He tilted his head back and covered his eyes with his arm. “How could you do that to me?”

  Laughter escaped Michelle’s lips and she placed her hand on his face and lightly shoved. “Does being a demon make you that dramatic too?”

  “It can make you pretty dramatic,” Ravin announced.

  She gave him a wink then looked over at the mess she had made. “You two should use your fantastic powers to deal with that.” She waved her hand. It was the least they could do for causing emotional distress.

  Ravin looked back at the splattered egg on the wall. “I suppose we can clean this up.” He sighed. “Go get clean. You smell like a barn.”

  “Thanks.” She rolled her eyes, turned, then darted upstairs.

  After grabbing a handful of clean nightclothes, Michelle made her way into the bathroom. The tile was cool against her bare feet. It felt nice. The counters were clean and white. She laid her pile of clothing on the top of the toilet and started th
e water. As the shower heated up, she discarded her dirty apparel into the hamper.

  The sparkling clear mirror was as long as the double sink countertop. For a while, Michelle looked at her reflection. Dark rings rested below her eyes, and her short hair was twisted and shiny with grease. In the future, what would change about that face? Would she have the slightly pointed demon canines? Would her eyes still be dull blue? Would they turn into a brilliant blue? One day, would she see dark horns or dusky wings?

  Michelle rubbed her shoulder as she thought about it.

  When steam clouded the edges of the mirror, she finally pulled away and stepped into the torrent of soothing water. Warmth spread across every square inch of her body and the remaining dregs of aches were quelled. Maybe there wouldn’t be another treatment in her future. What would it be like to not feel creaky with every step?

  If she could live to her fullest, what would she do? Her fingers scrubbed through her hair, lathering in the cucumber-scented shampoo. Make a difference, probably. That sounded more suited to the Angel side of things, but would they let her?

  Loviel was often frustrated by how little the angels were allowed to do. There were always roadblocks. They had to ask permission to do one thing, or file a prayer to do another. Maybe it made sense in the grand scheme of things, but not to her.

  That wasn’t to say that some aspects of being angelic weren’t appealing. Michelle had the honor of hearing some of Loviel’s music sung in Haelic. They had a rich and beautiful society with a far-ranging and powerful history. He had done his best to explain the temples where he was born, his family, and so much more.

  To be an Angel would be a great honor. She knew if Ravin wasn’t in the picture, she would have accepted it in a heartbeat. But he was there, and she couldn’t look past him. Even though he had fought for her to choose the angelic life, knowing they would be of enemy species sat strangely on her heart.

  The same went for being a demon. If she didn’t have Loviel, she would have signed right up. Losing either of them wasn’t an option. Sure, they said in time they’d be reunited, but what if that never happened?

  What about the rest of her family? Loviel had once said Angels didn’t visit Eartha often due to their duties. Would she be able to see them, or would they all pass away before she was ready to be on her own?

  If she was a Demon, would that put her family in danger? Would Lian be afraid of her?

  Once she was clean, Michelle shut off the flow of water and stepped out of the shower. She used one towel to snail-shell her hair, and the other to get toasty dry. After she was dressed and out of the bathroom, she looked down the hall. Right now, she wasn’t sure she could face either of them. While neither were expecting an answer right away, the conflict was fresh in her heart.

  So, instead of descending the stairs, she entered her parent’s room. On the bed, her mother rested, reading some juicy romance novel.

  Marie looked up as her daughter crawled into bed next to her and cuddled close. “You doing okay, little one?”

  “I need mommy advice.” Michelle hid her face into her mother’s side.

  Carefully, Marie slid the bookmark into place and closed the pages. She set the novel on her end table to give her daughter her full attention. “Mommy Advice at the ready.”

  “What if you had to make a decision, and no matter what, somebody loses. For each choice, the pros and cons are even, and it affects the rest of your life.” Michelle curled tighter. “I don’t know what to do, Mom.”

  For a moment, Marie was silent. She rubbed Michelle’s back lovingly and thought about the words. It was difficult, to say the least. “Well,” she said slowly and gently, “my Mommy Advice says to do what’s best for you, Michelle, because if you try to please everyone, you won’t be happy. No one will be.”

  “That's the thing.” Michelle shook her head. “I don’t know which one will make me happy.”

  “Then maybe those choices aren’t right for you. At least not yet. When you know what will give you joy, then you know the right choice. Especially if it affects the rest of your life.” Marie leaned down and kissed Michelle’s forehead. “Are you caught in a love triangle?”

  Immediately, Michelle started to laugh. She felt some of the tension leave her heart and she embraced her Mom tightly. “Something like that.” She smiled.

  Marie gasped. “The scandal.”

  “You read too many romance novels Mom,” Michelle commented, lovingly. “Shipping ruins lives.”

  “Did you just come in here to harp on my life?” Marie shooed Michelle away. “Go on, git. You’re hurting my sensitive feelings.”

  Michelle planted a kiss on her Mother’s cheek before slipping off the bed. That had gone better than she had expected. After the shower and some motherly love, some of the anxiety was quelled. Things were looking up, even if the decision she had to make was more monumental than she could comprehend.

  It wouldn’t have to be made in the next few days. She had time to mull it over.

  There was one item of business that couldn’t wait. She went back downstairs to the living room. Loviel had fallen asleep in the recliner and Ravin was watching the holovision. It was some soap opera. Michelle assumed that either it was something her mother had recorded, or Ravin was looking for new material.

  She walked up and sat next to him, then wrapped her arms around him.

  Ravin turned and pulled her into his lap. “So, how was the shower?” he asked and kissed her cheek.

  “Steamy,” she replied and smiled warmly at him, looking into those charcoal-colored-almost-black eyes. They were, in their own way, quite lovely. They seemed to lighten towards the center, making the pupil discernible. “I didn’t magically find the answer, but I did want to say something to you.”

  “What is that?” Ravin asked.

  Michelle pressed her lips to his, then rested their foreheads together. “I love you, too.”

  Chapter 21

  Morning came, bright and happy. Then again, it was noon by the time Michelle woke up. She sat up in bed and stretched. Small pops trailed down her spine. They didn’t hurt, which was a welcome change. There were big plans for today. The best plans of all.

  Translation: it was her birthday. The day couldn’t be much better.

  She cast a glance beside her. Ravin had already gotten up. With a quick sniff of the air, she deduced no breakfast was on. Well, maybe there had been, but by now the smell had faded. As much as she would have liked a birthday breakfast, maybe he was getting a surprise ready for her. Oh well, even if there wasn’t food waiting for her, they could grab something at the square.

  Today was the day. She was going to show Ravin around her hometown. Sparroville was a nice place, quaint with lots of little mom and pop stores. She would definitely have to take him to Lorenzo’s. He would love it. Not the most exciting birthday bash, but at the moment, it felt right up her alley.

  Sliding out of bed was the first step. The next step was getting dressed. She rooted through her wardrobe and pulled out some cargo shorts and a tank top. Flip flops were the cherry on top. After she was all ready, she skipped into the bathroom to brush her teeth and try to do something with her hair.

  A pea-sized ball of toothpaste and a glob of gel later, Michelle was making her way downstairs.

  “And that’s how I outsmarted my first publisher,” Collin said proudly as he poured a cup of coffee and loaded it with enough cream to feed a calf. As Michelle entered, he beamed. “Morning sleepy head. Happy Birthday.”

  “There you are,” Ravin yawned. “I thought you’d sleep through today, too.”

  His hair was still damp from a shower, and was freshly brushed. His shirt had little droplets of water all over it, but he looked amazing, regardless. Not that Michelle was biased or anything.

  Michelle traipsed over and gave her Dad a quick hug. “Hey, I’m still recovering. Thank you very much.” She reached behind her dad and stole the keys off the hook. “I’m stealing the car today. We
’re going into town.”

  “Eat some froyo for me,” Collin teased.

  “Of course.” Michelle grinned. “See you later. Come on Ravin. We’re driving.” Even though it would have been easier to teleport, she had her reasons for taking a transport. Easier was not always better. This way, her boyfriend would get to see what Sparroville had to offer, scenery and all. It was a beautiful drive into town. Lush greens filled the landscape as far as the eye could see. And in the distance, the great Backbird Mountains stood.

  “Alright,” Ravin chuckled. “Lead the way, birthday girl!” He took her arm. No matter what, they would have fun. Though, the idea of frozen yogurt sounded heavenly. He’d have to indulge in enough to feed at least three people.

  They got out to the transport, and Michelle hopped into the driver’s seat. She knew all the best routes. Plus, even if Ravin claimed he was the better driver, she didn’t believe him. Of course, it wasn’t like she was the best driver in town.

  Once he was in and buckled, Michelle headed down the driveway and off on their adventure.

  “And on your left, you will see Talon’s Creek. Favorite swimming spot of one Michelle Neilson,” she declared and pointed to the flowing water than ran beside the road. There were a few cars parked; whether they were swimmers or fishers, Michelle didn’t know. Both were quite popular, especially this time of year.

  After hitting the rock that broke her arm in fourth grade, Michelle hadn’t been to the creek. Well, she would watch Lian, but the cold-as-ice water was enough to make anyone’s joints a little sore. Plus, she had been yelled at for being ‘reckless’. Michelle? Reckless? Never.

  They continued on the road until they reached a T-intersection. Michelle looked both ways, then turned right. A mile or so the road down, civilization revealed itself. The first thing they saw was an old stone-work building with a big holosign that read, “Sparroville Exploratory School.” It was a proud building and it was where Michelle had spent her younger years. Not far past it was the Focus School.