by Cindy Miles
“Yes, sir!” Willa exclaimed.
Sean found Nathan watching the exchange, then suddenly, his eyes shifted to meet hers. For a moment they just...stared, as if everything hung, suspended in midair. What was it about this family? This place. This guy? How welcoming and accepting they were of her and Willa. Without really knowing much at all about Sean, they’d accepted what she’d told them, without further questions, without harassment. It made Sean feel almost a part of their very solid and affectionate unit. She knew they were still curious—she’d given them only a handful of half facts. But they hadn’t pushed. She liked that. Respected it. And she loved how they all teased one another. Lovingly so.
Very briefly, she imagined what it would be like to really be a part of it.
Of them.
CHAPTER TEN
HER PRESENCE IN the cab of the truck almost overwhelmed Nathan.
All at once, he saw Sean Jacobs. Really saw her. Could feel her...everywhere. No longer just a pretty face. She’d let him into her private life. Not all of it—that much was obvious. But some of it. Maybe more than she’d wanted. She’d wanted to be a Jedi Knight, of all things. All the nights he’d lain awake thinking about her became completely clear.
She was unique. Unlike any woman he’d ever known. She was selfless. She put others way before herself. She was a really great mother. The love he saw in her eyes when she looked at Willa stunned him. She’d clearly had a fear of the sea, yet she had put her trust in him. It’d jump-started a bit of confidence he’d thought had long ago left him. And it felt good.
He was drawn to her in ways he’d tried to deny at first. Mainly because of the memory of Addie. He’d somehow felt as though he were betraying his fiancée by merely being attracted to Sean. And he’d been attracted to her since the first time he’d laid eyes on her. But now? He saw so much more than her surface beauty. He suspected she still hid something from him. From the world. He couldn’t imagine what it was. Did it have to do with Willa’s father? Aside from the revelation she’d thought she loved the guy, she never, ever mentioned him. Perhaps Nathan need never know. It was her past. Just like he had a past.
This? This was now.
And he’d felt something shift in his world. He’d confessed his loss of Addie. And not only had Sean expressed understanding, but also Nathan had felt it. Seen it in her eyes. He liked the way they sparkled when the laugh or smile truly came from within. Her eyes danced. Just as they had as he and she had shared their childhood dreams.
He had no idea where any of this would go, but for the first time in...since the accident, really, he wanted to give it a shot.
The question was, would Sean want to, as well?
He slipped a glance at her, over the top of Willa’s little head. Shadows raced across Sean’s features as the moon shot through the trees down their drive, and her eye caught his as it had repeatedly since they’d gotten off the river. Her eyes seemed to shimmer as she looked at him, then she’d turn shyly away.
She was so damned beautiful.
So beautiful, it almost hurt to look at her.
Yet once he did look, and she looked back, he seemed paralyzed. Motionless in a fathomless gaze that called to him. That saying about eyes being the windows to souls? He completely understood the meaning of that now.
What he’d give for her to fully trust him. Nathan knew well that trust wouldn’t come easy for Sean. She was alone with her young daughter, doing the very best she could to keep everyone around her at bay. Why? What was she so afraid of? Yeah, he wanted more than anything for Sean to turn loose her fears. To trust his family. To trust him.
It was something he was willing to work at to get.
By the time Nathan pulled up in front of Sean’s house and put the truck in Park, little Willa had slumped against him and was fast asleep. Without thinking, he unclasped her seat belt and lifted her into his arms. He flashed Sean a grin. “I’ve got her.”
In her slumber, Willa slipped her arms around Nathan’s neck and snuggled against him. He patted her back as he climbed the porch steps. What a sweet kid, he thought. Sweet and alert and with a soul much older than her five years. Ahead, Sean opened the door and stepped inside.
“This way,” she whispered, and led Nathan down a short dark hallway. At the end, Sean turned into a small room and clicked on the bedside lamp. Nathan laid Willa on the bed decked out with Beauty and the Beast bedcovers. She blinked her eyes open, focused on Nathan for just a second before she smiled, closed her eyes again and drifted back to sleep.
Nathan straightened, taken aback. Sean stepped in front of him, bent over and brushed a kiss across Willa’s forehead. She whispered into her daughter’s ear—something only Willa could have heard. Then Sean rose and smiled at Nathan.
“Ready?” she said.
Nathan nodded, and Sean flipped off the lamp and they left Willa to her dreams.
Silently, he followed Sean through the shadows of the house. At the front door, he paused behind her. Her eyes looked like the river in the moonlight. Shining. Dark. Wet.
“Thank you, Nathan,” she said quietly, shyly. As if she wasn’t used to being on a date at all. “I haven’t had such a nice time in—” she gave a soft laugh “—well, in forever I guess. It’s been a long time since I went out. On a date.” She glanced away. “With...anyone.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better,” Nathan said, trying to keep his voice down, “neither have I.”
Sean looked at him again, and this time she studied him. As if she knew a little more about him than Nathan had let on. “Then I’m glad,” she finally said.
“Glad?”
She nodded, shifted her weight and leaned slightly against the doorjamb. “Yes. Glad,” she said. Cautious. Hesitant. “That you decided to ask me.”
He knew he wanted to kiss her. Wanted to damn well stop thinking about it and just do it. When had he become so awkward? Why were his palms all sweaty? He balled his hands into fists. Yep, sweaty. What the hell was that all about?
Something about her. Something about Sean Jacobs made him pause, where in his teenaged years he would have dived right into it. It’d have been the kiss of a lifetime.
Now, with this woman? He waited. Maybe because he could sense she wasn’t sure about him at all. The underlying layer of fear that Sean always seemed to have about her almost radiated now. Nathan could feel it in the air like a current of electricity. She wanted to bolt. Wanted him to leave. He should do that.
“Well,” Nathan said at last, ready to end his misery. He shoved his hands into his pockets and backed away. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
Sean kept silent for a moment, and that current grew denser between them. He couldn’t help but notice how the light made her eyes look, like puddles in the ground after a nighttime rain. Dark pools, despite her eyes being hazel, but in the dark they seemed fathomless. The current zapped between them, almost as if the air surrounding them pressed inward, and closer.
“Okay,” she said quietly. “See you then.”
Nathan gave her a nod, turned and jogged down the porch steps. He got to his truck, put his hand on the door handle. And paused. His chest thumped a little harder. A little faster.
Nathan didn’t think about anything else except moving faster. He bound up the porch steps and walked straight toward Sean. Her eyes widened just a little as he closed in, grasped her face in both of his hands and lowered his mouth against hers. She gasped, and he swallowed the surprised sound and kissed her. And when her mouth relaxed and she kissed him back, Nathan exhaled, his heart pounding, then kissed her deeper.
He abruptly pushed away, staring at Sean, and her gaze shimmered like a black liquid river in the light.
“I’m sorry,” Nathan muttered, trying to shake off the pull he had toward her. It was too fast. It was all too fast. He knew
it.
Despite the look of utter surprise, a very slight tilt to Sean’s mouth caught him off guard.
“Don’t be,” she whispered, hesitated, continued. “Don’t ever be.”
Nathan blinked, and he knew he looked as off-kilter as he felt. But his brain went elsewhere, to a place where nothing else mattered except now. She didn’t reject him. He stepped back to her, ducked his head and captured her lips once more, and she let him. The warm night air sifted between them, and to Nathan nothing tasted sweeter, and he kissed her hungrily. Everything about her was soft. Felt perfect. He shook, just trying to control where his hands went.
Sean kissed him back. Nathan’s heart skipped.
His hands cupped her jaw, the back of her head, and he tilted her just right to fit his mouth. Her hands slipped to his chest timidly, then caressed his beard, then her fingers sank into his hair. Nathan groaned and kissed her deeper.
Then he forced himself to settle down, slow down, stop. He rested his forehead against hers and breathed, keeping up with her ragged breaths.
Neither said a word—didn’t move, only stood there. Recovering.
Slow. This had to go slow. He didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to break whatever spell they’d both fallen under.
Didn’t want Sean to bolt.
Nathan chanced a glance. Sean’s eyes were downcast. Her chest rose and fell a little slower now. Her small hands still clung to his neck.
“Hey, you,” he said quietly, ducking his head to try to peer into her face.
Sean remained silent. Didn’t move an inch, didn’t say a word.
Nathan tucked his knuckle under her chin and tilted her gaze to meet his. Her eyes were large, round, shining in the soft light of the porch. “Hey,” he repeated again. “Is this okay?”
His gaze focused on her lips, soft, full, as she pulled the bottom one between her teeth.
“I want it to be,” she finally said, so quietly Nathan could barely hear her voice as it blended with the still summer night. Crickets and cicadas groaned through the marsh and trees, sounds Nathan knew well. Now they seemed magnified. Everything seemed...clearer.
“Then it will be.” He swept her lips with his, a gentle, settling kiss that he really didn’t want to walk away from. But he did. For now.
He dropped his hands from Sean’s face, giving her a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Sean’s hand lifted and she touched her lips with her fingertips then smiled at him. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Nathan climbed in his truck and took off into the dark, down the long drive, farther away from Sean Jacobs. Farther than he wanted to be at the present time. As he turned onto the road that led to his home, moonlight streamed through the windshield, and Nathan stared up at the large, illuminated globe that suspended in a sky so black, it looked like a blanket of ink hanging over Cassabaw.
How had this happened? One minute he was just living day to day. Not thinking anymore of a happy future, with a wife, kids, a family of his own. Things he’d dreamed of with Addie, and those dreams had been crushed right before his eyes. He’d thought he’d never again feel for another woman. Not like how he’d felt with Addie.
Sure, he’d settled into life on Cassabaw. With his family. With the shrimping business. That was all easy stuff. It’d been his life once. A part of him that had never extinguished. But he’d had love with Addie, and had lost it. He’d not put himself into any circumstances that would cause him to cross those boundaries he’d inadvertently set for himself. The hard stuff. He’d submerged into the safety net of the Malones. Of what he knew. It’d been easy, doing that.
This thing that was starting with Sean? It was different. The draw he felt toward her overwhelmed him. Forced him over those boundaries he’d set. And that kid of hers? She’d had his attention from the moment he’d seen her jumping up and down waving on the dock, fairy wings flapping with each move she’d made. She had his heart, though, running through the cemetery catching fireflies. He may have appeared to have been simply jogging past, but he’d taken notice. It’d been an enchanting scene, Sean and Willa carefree in the dusk, wearing wings and jumping in the air. He now felt an intense desire to care for them both. Protect them.
Protect them from whatever it was that Sean feared.
Hopefully, she’d trust him. Trust him enough to let him in.
Let him protect her.
With one final glance at the moon, Nathan gave it a wink, almost a conspirator’s gesture between the two of them. Sean had stirred something fierce in his heart. Something he’d thought had died that day in the Bering Sea with his fiancée. It hadn’t died. It’d just been dormant. Hibernating.
Waiting, maybe, for Sean. For them. Sean and Willa.
A smile tugged at Nathan’s lips. He pulled out onto the deserted road and headed home. His heart felt lighter tonight. Lighter than it had in years.
Maybe lighter than it had in forever.
Which made him pause and consider. Everything.
Nathan turned into his drive, pulled up next to the house and climbed out. Jep was in his usual place on the porch. Waiting for his usual slice of gossip.
That old man was as predictable as Christmas.
“So,” Jep said in his raspy voice. Always tried to sound rougher than he really was, which totally cracked Nathan up. “Sit. What happened?”
Nathan took a seat on the top step. “What, do you want full details?”
“Hell, yes, I want full details,” Jep answered. “Damn, son. What do you think I’m sittin’ out here for all this time?”
Nathan shook his head. “I took her to the island,” he started. “We ate. Talked. I showed her the Lost Boy tree.”
“Ah,” Jep crooned. “Got her with the old Lost Boy tree, eh?” He shook his head. “Good move, son. Good move.”
Nathan laughed. “It wasn’t a move, Gramps. We...connect.” He met his grandfather’s gaze in the darkness. “She’s really special.”
Jep watched him for a moment; long enough that Nathan recalled what it felt like to be ten years old again with an angry Jep staring him down for climbing the plum tree and knocking off the new buds. He almost squirmed before his grandfather spoke again.
“That she is, son,” he said, his raspy voice quieter in the shadows than Nathan expected. Affection tinged his words. “So’s that little girl of hers.”
Nathan leaned his head against the post. “Yeah, I knew she’d have you wrapped around her little finger by the time we got back.”
“Shoot,” Jep grumbled. “She had me wrapped long before that.”
They both chuckled in the darkness.
“Something’s there, though,” Jep added after a moment. “Can’t quite put my finger on it. She has demons.” He eyed Nathan. “Bad past? Ex?”
Nathan nodded. “Yeah, I get that, too.” He sighed, stretched his legs out straight and crossed them at the ankles. “I’ve got nothing, though. Other than my own observation. She is still packed up.” When Jep cocked an eyebrow, he continued. “As in I get the feeling Cassabaw is just a stop along whatever journey she’s on. I’m hoping she’ll trust me enough to open up. Let me in. Let me help.”
Jep nodded in approval. “Yep. That’s my boy.”
Nathan pushed up and stretched. “I’m hittin’ the sack, Jep. See you in the morning.”
“Did you at least kiss her?” Jep pushed.
At the screen door, Nathan stopped and grinned. “That, you nosy, old man, is none of your business.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Jep concluded, nodding. He gave his rocker a push, and it creaked under his weight. Another familiar sound to Nathan. “Night, son.”
With a shake of his head, Nathan left Jep on the porch with his thoughts and headed upstairs. He brushed his teeth and stared hard into the mirror.
Turning his head side to side, he inspected his beard. Maybe a little trim wouldn’t be such a bad thing. He didn’t want to look like a thug. The pirate look isn’t so bad. Maybe just not such an unruly one. He stroked the beard he’d let grow a little wild, then dug his clippers out of the vanity drawer and set to work.
* * *
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, Sean?
She lay in bed, the covers pushed off, the soft whir of the ceiling fan going round and round above her. She’d started counting the rotations, since the fan was on low speed. She’d made it to 1,032. She could count no more.
Nathan Malone.
Why hadn’t she met him years ago? Why now?
When she couldn’t really and truly have him?
She’d been on the run for a long, long time. Somehow she’d managed to keep one step ahead of getting caught. Well, except in Norfolk. She’d had the distinct feeling she was being watched. There was no way possible that Willa’s father knew she even existed, unless he’d been able to get a photo of Willa. If that was the case, then there’d be no question who her father was. Willa had his eyes. She looked just like him. Yet, she had her own look, too. The look that made her exclusively Willa.
Still, if Sean had been found in Norfolk, there was a chance she’d be found in Cassabaw.
And no way did Sean want the Malones to be any part of that. So, knowing all of what she knew, of consequences, of the secrets she kept buried, how could she fully let herself keep what she’d found in Nathan and his family? It wasn’t fair to them. It wasn’t fair to Willa.
Sean was being about as selfish as she’d ever been in her life.
Closing her eyes, she sighed, opened her eyes again, rolled onto her side, tucked her folded hands beneath her head and stared out the window that looked over the marsh. The moon hung low, like a giant yellow ball suspended in the night sky. Its light bathed a path over the dock, across the backyard and onto the deck.
She sighed once more, a gusty sigh. The way Nathan made her feel with just a single, profound look. Those green eyes held so much pain, and now so much hope. He looked at her as if she were...special. Worthy.
