Joseph looked up suddenly. That’s what it was in her eyes. It was him. All of their time together came rushing back. He didn’t want Yvonne. He wanted Alice. Damn it all, he thought, that’s why she tormented him so much. He had wanted her. Really wanted her. Not once had Yvonne ever caused him to feel excited that way. And even when he had kissed her that night, her lips were cold and hard like stone. He was sure Alice’s lips were not.
He looked around and saw the couples dancing and Yvonne flirting with Jefferson in an easy comfortable way and he crossed the room.
“I need to speak to you,” he said and led her towards the doorway.
“Joseph, you’re embarrassing me. I thought we agreed to take it easy for a while.”
“I’m leaving, Yvonne.”
“Alright,” she said, confused.
“I don’t know when or if I’ll be back. I’m going back to Philadelphia. I never told you that there was a girl in Alaska. An amazing girl. She lived with me for over a year. I didn’t carry out that gold alone. She carried out plenty herself. She owns that hat shop. I’m going there tomorrow to tell her what I should have said to her a year ago. I’m going to tell her that I love her.”
“You’ve gone mad!” Yvonne said. “I won’t marry you and you’re doing this to humiliate me.”
“Not at all.”
“This makes no sense. Living with her? Are you telling me you’ve had sex with some woman in Alaska?”
“I never was with her that way. I was wrong. Alice is the woman I love. Goodbye, Yvonne. I’ll leave you the carriage. I can walk home.”
Joseph walked away.
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Alice dressed casually and brushed out her hair. At ten that morning she went down to the shop and made her excuses, then climbed the stairs back to her place. On the balcony she looked out over the back of the buildings and watched the activity of the people below. She knew that the sales girls were capable on their own. Alice was sure they could run the shop without her entirely.
She made breakfast and thought about going out for a bit of shopping, but she needed nothing and decided she would clean her house instead. A bit of dust had piled up while the work was being done downstairs and she hadn’t had time to do a good cleaning. She pinned up her hair and put on an apron. She only wanted to think about Joseph, to remember how he looked coming into the shop. Alice started dusting.
Joseph took the envelope he found in his mailbox as he left for the train station and shoved it into his pocket. He barely made the train on time and he settled into the seat and stared out the window. The landscape would be changing soon. Summer would fade and with it the hot sweltering days would pass too. He had never enjoyed the heat, but it seemed worse than ever this year. Maybe his blood had changed in Alaska. He pulled the envelope from his pocket.
The postmark read Tutchone, Alaska. Joseph tore into the letter.
To Amish Joe,
It was real kind of you to leave me so many things to trade and some gold too. I miss you and Alice. A fellow came up and moved up by your cabin for a while but he is gone now. Things have changed.
Tutchone is a real town now with a bank and a post office and such. The whorehouse is gone. I think the madam died. Too bad you didn’t have the nice hardware store you talked about up here because there are plenty of prospectors now and no one has any supplies. Mooresville is getting a new name. The law came in there and people are saying it’s a real city now. Skagway they’re gonna call it.
I miss you and Alice.
Chicken-leg Jack
Joseph reread the letter a dozen times before he reached the city and he put it back into his pocket. He still didn’t know exactly what he was going to say to Alice. He decided he’d just tell her how he felt. Maybe if he’d admitted that to himself a long time ago things would be different now. He wouldn’t blame her if she just spat in his face.
He walked from the station trying to clear his thoughts and work up the nerve to speak his mind. He felt weary and foolish and by the time he reached her shop he’d nearly lost his resolve.
Joseph walked into the Madam’s Millinery and Stephanie approached him with a smile.
“Good morning, welcome back!”
“Thank you,” Joseph replied hurriedly. “Is Miss Ellis, um, the owner here?”
Stephanie eyed him. There was something about this man, even beyond how extremely handsome he was. She remembered Alice’s odd reaction to the story about his fiancée and thought that somehow Alice knew this man. She thought about them together for moment and had the idea that they would make a perfect couple. Miss Ellis knows him, Stephanie thought. This man was the reason why she never saw anyone. He’d disappeared into the back of the shop before. He was important.
“Come with me,” Stephanie led him back out onto the street and let him into Alice’s foyer. “Wait right here.”
“Miss Ellis?” Stephanie called up.
“Yes?” Alice called back.
“There’s someone here to see you.”
“Thank you, Stephanie. I’ll be right down.” Alice thought it was likely someone to whom she had offered a discount and she let her hair down, giving her head a shake. She checked her appearance in the mirror and decided that she looked presentable enough. She’d simply explain she was busy. She heard Stephanie close the door and hurried down.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Alice stopped on the stairs.
“Joseph,” she said softly.
“Hello, Alice. Can we talk?”
“Yes, of course,” she replied and he followed her silently up the stairs. “I have coffee.”
“That would be nice,” he said. He looked around at her home and he felt her in every corner of the room. It was painted a soft butter yellow and loaded with pure white trimmings. The upholstery was a pale silver and the room was sophisticated and homey. On the table stood a tall vase brimming with small sunflowers. He remembered her saying once that they were her favorite.
Alice prepared coffee and he sat silently while it perked. She poured them both a cup and invited him to sit at the table.
He sat and tasted the brew and found it rich and delicious.
“Good coffee,” he said.
“Yes, I can make the real thing too.”
“I guess you’re wondering..,” his voice trailed off. Joseph stood up and paced the room and then turned to her.
“I’m just going to say it. Say it all and then you can tell me what you want and I’ll do whatever you say.”
“Alright,” Alice said.
Joseph took her hands and she stood up to face him. He looked into her eyes and took a deep breath.
“I’m a fool, Alice. A complete and total fool. All the time I had you right in front of me I kept closing my eyes, covering my ears and closing off my heart. Why? For some stupid notion that I had over a woman that not only didn’t care if I lived or died but had nothing but an empty shell to offer. I could say it to you a thousand ways, what an idiot I am and it won’t change any of it.
“I’m sorry. You’re not a whore. A whore is a woman who is worthless and you are certainly not worthless. So I’m just going to say it. I’m sorry, Alice. I’m a fool and I hope you can forgive me.”
“You closed off your heart?”
“Sure. I closed off everything about you. You’re so beautiful and carefree about everything. I thought I had some idea what a lady was. Boy, was I wrong.”
“What did you close off in your heart?”
“Loving you,” he said.
“You love me?” Alice choked back her tears.
“Alice I’ve been in love with you since the minute you put that lipstick on and kissed me in the brothel.”
He looked into her eyes waiting for her response. “I love you, Alice. Marry me. Let me spend my life learning how to make you happy.”
Alice put her hands on his chest and looked up into his eyes. She thought about pinching herself to make sure it wasn’t just another one of he
r constant dreams.
“Joseph, kiss me,” she said.
When his lips touched hers he could feel that they were warm, yielding and inviting.
Alice felt his arms encircle her and his kiss was warm and hungry against her own. She’d wanted him for so long and now she never wanted it to stop.
“I love you,” she whispered.
He looked into her eyes. “I’m so sorry Alice. I’ve made such a terrible mess of things. I’ll make you happy. I promise you that. Whatever you want. Tell me, what do you want?”
“Make love to me, Joseph. Here, now.” Alice pointed towards the staircase and Joseph lifted her up into his arms, carried her up the stairs and set her gently on the bed.
“I’m not sure I’ll be good enough at this.”
“You’re going to be perfect,” she said.
Alice stood up beside him and he sat on the bed watching her. She unbuttoned the front of her dress slowly and provocatively and it dropped from her shoulders. Alice held the bodice to her chest and Joseph stood up and kissed her again.
She took his hand and let her bodice fall away and put his palm against her breast and noticed him swallow hard.
“You can touch me any way you like,” she whispered. “From now on I will always belong only to you.”
Joseph kissed her shoulder and the rise of her breast. Alice reached down and felt his excitement. Just as she had thought. Everything was just fine.
She let her dress fall way and he untied her camisole carefully, as if unwrapping a wonderful package.
“You’ve bewitched me, you know,” he whispered hoarsely. “I could not stop thinking of you.”
Alice slipped off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt slowly. She could not help but notice that he was shy. There was no question in her mind he really had saved himself for Yvonne. But now he would be hers. Alice vowed he would never want another woman again.
She undressed him slowly and pressed up against him. He may never have been with a woman but instinct and passion took over and he pressed her down against the bed and entered her hungrily.
Alice was pleased that he had some self-control and did not climax immediately. She was even more delighted that she became swept up in his passion and her desire for him and joined him when he did reach his pinnacle.
“I was an even bigger fool than I imagined,” he said as he lay beside her in the bed.
“Enjoy yourself?”
“More than I thought was possible.”
“There are so many things we can do,” Alice chuckled.
Chapter Sixty
Joseph took the letter from his jacket and laid it on the table. He was wearing only his trousers and Alice had slipped back into her dress without her undergarments. He watched her move around the kitchen preparing lunch and he caught glimpses of her breasts as she leaned over and he groaned softly.
“Are you alright?” she asked.
“How did I stay away from you up north?”
“Because it was what you wanted. Trust me it took a lot of determination on my part. I could have made it impossible for you to say no to me.”
“It nearly was, even when you tried to be good. I’m sorry, Alice. I didn’t realize you loved me.”
“You wanted to be blind to me. Don’t do that again.”
“You didn’t answer me before,” he said. “Will you marry me?”
“What about Yvonne?” She sat down across from him.
“I never want to see Yvonne again.”
Alice sighed deeply. “Thank goodness.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I was afraid maybe she got you excited somehow and then she turned you down so you came to me. I hoped not, but it was possible.
“You thought I might do that with you and then leave?”
“I considered the possibility.”
“Why wouldn’t you have just turned me away?” he asked.
“Because for over a year the only thing I wanted was to make love to you. Nothing else mattered as much as you wanting me,” Alice said.
Alice stood him up and kissed him hard on the lips and then his shoulders and chest. He groaned low as she unfastened his trousers and they fell to his ankles. “I want you. Let me show you.” When her kisses moved down his belly he thought he would lose his mind.
“I’ll marry you,” she said before she began to please him. Alice knew him. She admitted to herself that he was worth the wait. He loved her and she knew he was a man of his word. He would never seek out another woman. From this moment he would always be hers. Everything she had ever learned about pleasing a man she would share with him, only him.
Joseph fell into the chair panting. “I surrender,” he said. “You definitely should have done that in the cabin. I would never have left. Who would ever think of such a thing?”
“You’d be surprised. We could go back to the cabin and I could do it again.”
“Are you trying to bribe me?” Joseph pushed his hair out of his face.
“To go back to Alaska? No, I don’t think so,” Alice laughed.
“Why not? Look at this.” He handed her the letter.
Alice read it thoughtfully and laid the paper on the table.
“You would really think of going back?” she said.
“I don’t know. I guess what it really comes down to is what do you want?”
“What do I want?”
“I can tell you from my part I don’t want to go home. There’s nothing for me there. I just can’t reopen the hardware store. It’s not the same anymore. I could move in here with you so you could keep your hat shop open. I know it was your dream.”
“No, Joseph. You’re my dream. The hat shop was something to do to try and get over you. I’ll give it to Melissa and Stephanie. There’s nothing there for me either.”
“We can go anywhere, but I’d like to avoid Niagara Falls,” he said, scratching his head.
“What would it mean to open a store in Alaska? Realistically,” Alice asked. “This is a big decision.”
“Remember how beautiful it was in the morning at the cabin? We could make it even better. We could open a store there. You said once it was part of your dream. You could go barefoot in the stream.”
“I liked it being just the two of us.”
“Why didn’t you do those things?” He studied her face. “You know, like you just did. Maybe I would have woken up and we would never have gone through all that hell coming here.”
“Joseph.” She took his hands across the table. “If a man had done that same thing to woman who didn’t want it, it would be considered a crime. You didn’t want it.”
“A man do that to a woman? What do you mean?”
Alice decided that he was not ready for her to explain different forms of sex. “That’s not the point. I wasn’t going to seduce you that way. You thought you were in love with Yvonne. Not me.”
“I didn’t want to be in love with you. I had all of these foolish ideas about who you were and who she was.”
“I don’t want you to feel you have to keep apologizing. I just want you to understand why I never did anything like that. Believe me I thought about it every minute of the day. It would have been wrong. You wanted it to be right with Yvonne.”
“But it’s you I love. I was too blind to see it. I want you and everything you are. That was amazing. I never imagined a woman would do that kind of thing to a man.”
“Now I have to ask you,” Alice said seriously. “My past, it hasn’t changed.”
“I don’t care about that,” he said. “I don’t care where you’ve been. Just be with me now, always me, that’s all I ask. I couldn’t tolerate you being with anyone else. I do want you to know that.”
“That would never be an issue,” she assured him.
“I wanted it to be special the first time we were together,” he looked down at the table.
“Were you disappointed?” Alice asked.
“What? With you? Oh, no, not at all. I
was just really nervous and you were so comfortable.”
Alice smiled and walked around behind him and ran her hands over his bare back. “It was my first time in a lot of ways too,” she said softly. “I never had a man kiss me, only you. Your kisses are wonderful. And something else. I never experienced pleasure like that before. It never happened. That was a first.”
“You mean at the end? Together?”
“Yes.” Alice found herself feeling oddly emotional as she kneaded his shoulders. It had always been about sex before. She knew how she felt about Joseph and, in many ways that had been about sex as well. With him now she felt something else.
“Being in love makes it completely different. More delicious, more perfect.”
He stood to face her and she kissed him passionately. He lifted her and sat her on the table and reached down to touch her intimately. “I want to please you every time. Teach me what pleases you. I want to touch you and have you feel the way I did when you touched me. Show me.” He could feel that her skin was smooth and moist.
Alice supposed she was wrong thinking that he was not ready to learn in other ways. She quickly realized herself that he needed only her responses to recognize what pleased her. When the sound of pure pleasure escaped her lips she vowed he would only ever be hers.
Chapter Sixty-One
Joseph hesitated at her question. He was not concerned that he had pleased her. She’d cried out for him and he heard all of the love she had held inside in her voice. He decided he would live to please her, but her question was difficult to answer.
“What would you like to do?”
“For supper?” He tried diverting her question.
“No, with our lives. You always said we could do anything. I’ll accept that for some reason you’d like to avoid Niagara Falls. You know what I’m asking. Would it make you happy to go back? To Alaska?”
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