“Oh no,” Alice gasped. She hadn’t considered he’d think that. Now it would be so much harder to say. “No, I am not expecting. We never talked about a family. I’m sorry, no.” Alice struggled to go on.
“Alright,” he said and took a deep breath.
“You’re disappointed.”
“No. I’m a bit relieved actually. It would make a big difference in our plans. Maybe another time would be okay but now, well, it would be hard.”
“Another time,” she said quietly. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Joseph.” She turned to face him. “There won’t be another time. I can’t have children. I should have told you long ago.”
Joseph could see she was terribly distressed. “Why not?” he asked.
“Remember I told you about that first rancher who had a doctor examine me?” she said.
Joseph remembered the story she had told him and how much she had suffered and he sighed.
“Yes.”
“Well, he didn’t just examine me. He made sure I would never be able to have children.
“It never was an issue before and then when we married I was so happy I didn’t really think about it. It wasn’t until the other day when I saw you with the baby that I realized how important it would be. Now I’m ashamed.”
Joseph pulled her to him and she put her cheek against his chest.
“Sure, I like babies,” he said. “Everybody likes babies, especially other people’s babies. Whatever that man did to you he should rot in hell for it. It’s alright. It doesn’t matter to me that we have babies or not.”
“Really? But I thought you were excited,” Alice said.
“I was afraid we were going to have a baby in the middle of all the work we have ahead of us. Trust me, it was not excitement.”
“Oh, Joseph. I’m so relieved.”
“Me too,” he chuckled. “Let’s go out someplace nice for dinner. In the morning we’ll be out of here.”
Alice kissed him eagerly and went to brush her hair.
At the best restaurant in the center of town everyone shook Joseph’s hand and wished him well. Many of them were seeing Alice for the first time. It was clear to everyone he was happy and in love with his beautiful bride and it was apparent to Alice he was very well liked in the community. They met several young women who were plainly disappointed that Joseph was no longer a bachelor. Alice’s new husband was handsome and likeable and not in the least bit caught up in himself. She was sure he would not look at another woman but, just in case, she’d keep him close.
Part Five
June 10, 1898
The Journey North
Chapter Sixty-Nine
The shrill train whistle blew in the hot morning air and the surrounding trees buzzed loudly with the sound of the summer cicadas. Alice stepped up onto the train from the platform and suppressed a yawn.
“I told you we should have gone to sleep last night,” Joseph teased in her ear.
“I heard no complaints while you were making love to me in the moonlight,” she murmured over her shoulder. “In fact I have no recollection of you saying that at all. What I do recall was you saying something closer to ‘don’t stop’.”
“You may be right.” Joseph smiled and she watched his eyes crinkle. She was sure she was falling in love with him all over again.
“I’m glad we’re going back,” she said as they looked for their berth. “Back to where I wanted you so badly. I’ll have so much to make up for,” Alice said provocatively.
He pushed open the tiny room and let her enter first.
“And I’ll never have to sleep in an empty bed or berth or cot or anything again. How thrilling!”
“You’re making me more and more excited about the trip all the time,” he said, setting down the luggage.
“Oh really?” she said. “Show me.”
When the train pulled out of the station neither one of them even noticed.
Alice was completely thrilled to have Joseph all to herself. They dined together and talked about Alaska. He told her about his trip up the first time alone. She watched him smile across the table in the dining car every day and savored every moment.
They talked about going back up to the cabin and he wondered if anyone had gone after the mine. One day he made an admission to her.
“This is so different,” he said as they lay in the bed in the tiny berth. “When I came up last time I was determined, but I didn’t realize that I was really unhappy.”
Alice lay with her head on his chest listening to his voice reverberating low.
“I was really quite depressed. I had to prove something to Yvonne and her father, or so I thought. Maybe I just needed to prove something to myself. I was never happy. I kept thinking I would be when I got back. I couldn’t let myself be happy up north.”
“Why do you think it’s so wonderful to see you smile? I wanted so badly to see you happy,” she said.
“I should have just let you seduce me. There were a few times I almost did.”
“That day on the cabin floor? After the bear cub?” She looked up at him.
“One of the worst. I must have been mad not to kiss you. You were beautiful with your hair all a mess. Then that day you were bathing in the hot springs. That was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I thought I might just lose my mind that day.”
“I’m so glad you came to your senses,” she chuckled. “Did you tell Jack in your letters that we’re married now?”
She could feel him laugh.
“I didn’t even mention you,” he said. “He asked what became of you but I never answered. He told me one time, not long before we left, that I was crazy. He said that, even if Yvonne was the most beautiful woman ever created in all the world, like something fashioned by the gods, I was still an idiot not to see what was right in front of me.”
“He said that, really? About me?” Alice asked.
“Yep. I’m actually looking forward to seeing the look on his face when I tell him that I did come to my senses.” Joseph chuckled.
Alice thoroughly enjoyed the journey but she knew it could not last forever. When she felt the weather change at the last train stop she knew they were getting close. The landscape gradually changed to the shades of green that defined the Pacific Northwest and she could sense that Joseph was getting anxious as well. They began to pull warmer clothing from their bags the last few days of their journey.
Alice smoothed the collar on Joseph’s shirt as they prepared to step from the train.
“It won’t be long now, we’ll be back in Alaska,” he said.
“Do you think it’s calmed down at all? I saw some crazy photos in the papers.”
“It’s going to be wonderful,” he laughed.
Alice laughed at his excitement.
Chapter Seventy
The docks were overloaded with people prepared to board for passage north and Alice and Joseph knew that when they reached Tutchone it would not be a ghost town. The air of excitement remained. The stampede was still on.
By the time they had reached their private cabin on board the steamship their faces were flushed and they had been jostled by the crowds.
Joseph fell onto the bed laughing and Alice stood puzzled.
“It was not like this when I came up years ago. I feel as if I snuck in before anyone else and maybe missed part of the fun,” he said.
Alice removed her bonnet and checked her hair in the mirror. “As I recall it was not much fun when we were trying to get out and traveling against the tide.” She turned and faced him, her face serious.
“True,” he said. Joseph stepped up to her and put his arms around her shoulders. “I missed the Yukon though. Some of it was tough and I’m sure there will be madness yet to endure, but I needed to come back. I’m so glad you’re with me. I might have returned anyway, I think. When I realized the truth about Yvonne I would have come back here. It was as if I had gone to some enchanted place, but I was completely blind. All aroun
d me it was beautiful, the magnificent mountains, the wildlife, the solitude. Sadly, I saw none of it. Then, in the middle of all of that, you came into my life. But I was so blind I didn’t even see you. It was as if I had passed through the gates of heaven and all I could see was hell.” He looked into her eyes.
Alice listened to him, to all of his reasons to return to the Yukon, to make the journey again. Although he had not said it all out loud before, she already knew much of what was in his heart.
“I hasn’t even been that long,” he continued, “but it feels like a lifetime. What was I thinking? I was reckless and absorbed in a mission, a fantasy that was apparently of my own making.”
Joseph looked off into the distance and Alice held perfectly still.
“I thought I’d just take a little trip, dig in the dirt a bit and get a bunch of gold. I never cared if I was rich, it was just the price I needed to pay for what I thought I wanted. I’m lucky I didn’t end up a frozen corpse in a snow bank. I had no place to live and I knew practically nothing about the country but that didn’t bother me. That first winter was brutal, living in the tent.”
“The one we used to get down the White Pass?” Alice asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
“That exact one. That spring I built the cabin, almost entirely alone. The fellow I partnered with barely made it here and, as soon as we saw we were going to need to go back down for supplies, he turned tail and headed home. I never heard from him again.
“And now here we are, going back. If you weren’t with me I would be returning a very empty man. I was devastated when I found everything I had convinced myself about Yvonne was a lie. I can’t even blame her for leading me along because it was all my own doing. I realized that it was you I wanted and I wasn’t sure you still felt the same, but I had to try. If you had changed I still would have left, but with no hardware and no plan. I would have become a crazy hermit. I would have crawled back into the cabin and spent the rest of my life there alone.”
“Oh, Joseph.” Alice touched his cheek. “It would have been such a waste. I’m so glad you tried. I kept busy running the shop in the city, but I was empty inside. I felt like nothing really mattered. Thank you for bringing me back to share this all with you.”
Joseph pulled her to him and kissed her gently. He could taste her tears as they fell from her eyes while she imagined what her life would have been like had it gone on without him.
He looked down into her sweet face and she spoke softly. “I never imagined that any one person could be so essential to another. I missed my mama when she died, but I had so many mixed feelings about her. There were so many resentments I had over the choices she made for me. Other than her there was no one. I had seen love but never really believed in it. I thought it was just lust with complications. I never imagined.”
“You know,” he said, “all of these people on this ship, the ones we passed coming down the trail, all the people in those rush towns, they all came up here like we did. We came for gold, but there was something more. Adventure, hope, a chance for something better. Likely more reasons than I could ever imagine. I expect there are plenty who came up here thinking there was no other choice for them.”
“I did,” Alice said. “I was afraid to go to a strange brothel, although I could have if had I wanted to. There were so many things I did at my mama’s request. Very difficult things, all my life. If she wanted me to do those things, as my mama, what would another madam ask of me? I didn’t want to start my own house and feel responsible for people like she did when they burned her out. I knew better than to walk the streets. I would have been dead before very long, I know that. So I came here. I came here to run away. I thought I’d get in on some little out-of-the-way house where I could hide away for the rest of my life. I wasn’t good for anything except to be used for sex. I was used up and certainly not fit to be a wife or any respectable woman. I can’t even have children. I guess I wanted to be a kind of hermit as well.”
“I think our coming back is important,” he said. “I loved running my store and being a part of people’s lives. These people are different though. They are all like you and me. Their stories are different, but in some ways we’re all the same. We all were motivated to come here. I want to run my store again. Here. Here among people like me who are driven, who are dreamers and adventurers. We have the money to do that, Alice. We don’t even need to turn any real profit for years. Jack said there’s no hardware store that offers any credit. I plan on doing that. Not giving it all away, but supporting it. Being a part of it. That’s something I can give back to the Yukon.”
Alice considered what he was saying. What if she had not found him when she had first come north? She had wished in her heart many times that she had a chance for a better life. The day Joseph Southers took her in, despite his reservations, he had given her that chance. Now Alice also felt that she wanted to give something back to the Yukon.
“In time,” he continued, “the gold will run out. Maybe a year, maybe ten. It won’t stay this way and that’ll be alright too, because I love so many things about being up here. And I have you. I get another chance at heaven and this time I want to see it all.”
“I can’t wait to get there,” Alice said.
Chapter Seventy-One
On the morning that the steamship docked in Tutchone a vibrant blue sky surrounded the mid-summer sun at its seasonal zenith in the bright Alaskan sky. Water birds circled over the sea and the mountains rose in the distance. Massive white clouds moved across the top of the peaks casting dark shadows. The brief passing shade they created darkened the blues, greens and purples into rich jeweled tones and then moved along. The crisp scent of glacial runoff filled the air and the temperature warmed the skin.
Joseph held Alice’s hand and they stood at the back of the crowd waiting for the mass of fortune seekers to disembark. Just as the last of them left the dock, a slow moving mass of clouds moved from in front of the sun and the landscape shone brightly.
“The gates of heaven, Alice. We’re home.” Joseph bent and kissed her forehead, lifted their bags and led his wife from the ship.
They walked down the plank to the docks and immediately Joseph recognized Chicken-Leg Jack standing on the wharf, his thumbs tucked into his belt. He still wore his full beard, now sparkled with gray and he had gained several pounds. When Joseph stepped up beside him with Alice at his side Jack’s eyes flew open wide.
“You two are still together? Well how the hell did that happen?” Alice grinned broadly and Joseph puffed out his chest.
“Chicken-Leg Jack, I would like you to meet Mrs. Joseph Southers.”
“Well, hell. You married her?”
“He did,” Alice laughed. “And he gave me half his gold. Am I the best or what?”
Joseph looked down at her, surprised at her joke. When he saw her easy smile he knew that they had come to the one place on earth where her past made no difference whatsoever.
“Well, when you two ran off I got so damned lonely I married Strawberry.” He held his head up proudly.
“The native woman who lived with that old prospector?” Alice asked.
“Best damn trade I ever made,” Jack smiled.
“Let me guess,” Joseph laughed. “She cooks.”
Joseph shook his hand and Alice hugged him warmly.
“So what have you got for me?” Joseph asked as they collected the rest of their baggage.
“I think you’re going to want to talk to Olaf Neilson. He’s got the biggest store in town but he ain’t makin’ out too well,” Chicken-Leg said. “He refuses to offer any credit to anyone and he’s got some attitude problems. I think he’s just about ready to give it all up.”
Joseph patted Chicken-Leg on the back and headed for the hotel.
Alice looked up at the once small town. Any structure she would have recognized was now completely gone. There were new buildings everywhere, shops, hotels and offices, and all of them built well. Most had real windows an
d porches and brightly painted shingles. There were lawyers and doctors and pharmacies and even a bank. She saw dress shops and grocers and a livery and blacksmith. Little Tutchone was a real town. The streets were filled with people, men, women and even children hurried along the walkways. And horses and wagons filled the street.
“Damn,” Joseph whispered under his breath.
“Ain’t it something?” Chicken-Leg shook his head. “Glad you’re back.”
They checked into the hotel and carried their bags into the room. Both Alice and Joseph were anxious to see the cabin but agreed that getting a location for their store had to be the top priority.
Chicken-Leg directed them to the center of town and pointed out the property. The building was simple clapboard but it had never been painted and now the wood had weathered to a dreary grey. The only sign was in the window and was painted on a large piece of paper. Although the windows were large, they needed glazing and the panes appeared to be loose. The wide porch was completely empty. Both Alice and Joseph could see the possibilities, but there was nothing that invited anyone into the store.
As soon as they walked into Neilson’s Hardware, Joseph could see why he was failing. The interior was dreary and unkempt. He had piled so many signs and so much clutter into the windows that barely any light shone into the store. The windows themselves were filthy, covered with dusty cobwebs which were filled with dead gnats and mosquitos.
He looked down at the floor and wondered when it had last been swept. He noticed that there was a barrel with only one broom to sell and that most of the shelves were empty. Joseph strode up to the counter confidently while Alice browsed the vacant aisles and Jack waited outside.
“Good morning,” Joseph greeted the merchant in a friendly manner.
“I don’t offer any credit and what you see is what I got.” The merchant folded his arms across his broad chest. He was a massive man with a ruddy complexion and several chins.
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