by craziebabe45
Jack, at least, seemed to be normal. For that, she was grateful. If this new girl had changed him, or at least if she thought she was capable of changing him, things were going to be very interesting. Seeing him speak with Bekah like he had always done with her was disconcerting to say the least. But after all, she had volunteered for this torture so she was might as well endure it with some dignity. Not that she had expected it to quite play out like this.
By the time brunch had come to a close, and the every last bit of coffee was drained from the china, Lexi was near to bursting. She was ready to run away from this place screaming and never look back. As the dishes were cleared away, Lexi began to wonder whether or not she had made a mistake in coming here.
Fine. If Bekah wanted to talk to her about Jack, she could handle that. It would take her awhile to get through the story without showing emotions, but she figured that she could probably do it. She had replayed the events enough times through her head. It couldn't be that hard to tell it to someone else. But this, sitting here right this second playing a part, was just plain torture.
Bekah's father stood and thanked everyone for attending their monthly brunch celebration. Lexi followed everyone's lead and scooted back from the table to leave. Jack moved in front of her and grabbed Bekah's hand entwining it with his. She could feel herself beginning to gag. She quickly covered her mouth so as not to draw notice.
"You don't mind if I escort you this time, do you?" Ramsey asked holding out his arm. His green eyes were twinkling again as a smile broke out across his face.
After contemplating her options, Lexi rested her hand in the crook of his elbow, and trailed behind the crowd exiting the dining hall. "I might mind, but I'll allow it," she said glancing up at him mischievously. She hadn't realized how tall he was the first time around. Now standing directly next to him, she noticed that the top of her head just barely reached his shoulder. He had to be over six feet tall. Way out of the height range of guys she typically dated.
"So, are you just here visiting Jack?" Ramsey asked.
"Kind of," Lexi said neither confirming nor denying anything.
"Specific. Are you visiting your parents?"
"I plan on it."
"So are you staying with Jack?"
Lexi saw Jack's head swivel in front of her. He had obviously been eavesdropping on their conversation. "Um…no. I don't think so."
Ramsey nodded, but kept his face neutral. "Do your folks live in the city? Are you staying with them?"
"Why do you care?" she asked snootily.
"Why are you so snippy?" he questioned right back at her.
"Sorry, Yankee thing," Lexi said drawing out the word.
"Right, but you're not from there," he pointed out. "Either way, I was just curious about you is all. I told you that before."
"Okay," Lexi said eyeing him warily, "well my parents live on the south side of Atlanta about an hour maybe an hour fifteen south of here. I'll probably be staying with them."
"That's pretty far away. Why don't you just get a hotel?"
She rolled her eyes. This was typical. "Money. As in I don't have any, because I'm in school," she told him coldly.
"Oh right. Stupid me," he said smacking his forehead with his available hand. "Well I think Bekah and Jack are coming over to my place later for drinks with some of my friends. You are welcome to join them, if you are interested," he offered graciously.
"Oh my God, we would just love for you to come," Bekah exclaimed interrupting their conversation. "Why didn't you think of that Jack?" she asked him, hitting him playfully on the arm.
"Must have slipped my mind," Jack commented glancing from Bekah to Lexi and then down to where Lexi's hand was still placed on Ramsey's expensive sleeve.
"Then it's settled," Ramsey confirmed, "I'll see you around eight."
Lexi had come here for one purpose. Country Club brunches and late night parties were not on that list. She didn't want to get to know Bekah or her family. She didn't want to think about what a better lot Jack would get by marrying into this family…this girl. She didn't want to go back to New York feeling worse about her situation and the way things had ended with Jack then she already did. She couldn't imagine what that would feel like. She just wanted this to over with.
Why couldn't closure be easier than this?
* * *
K.A. Linde
Compulsion
But according to him
I'm beautiful, incredible,
he can't get me out of his head.
According to him
I'm funny, irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
-Orianthi "According to You"
* * *
Chapter 6: September Five Years Earlier
"Jack, I can't come over," Lexi told him for what felt like the hundredth time. She rested her flip phone between her ear and shoulder. She directed her black Hyundai Tiburon into an available parking spot in front of the grocery store.
"Sure you can. I don't live that far away from you. What's the drive like ten minutes?"
"It's not the distance that's the issue," she told him, getting out of the car and walking towards the entrance. She dodged a white Explorer that zoomed in front of her. Lexi flicked off the driver as she skidded to a halt in the middle of the crosswalk. "Jackass."
"What? No need for name calling."
"Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking about you," she told him cautiously jogging the rest of the way to safety. "Some crazy driver."
"I really want to see you."
"I know. I want to see you too," she confided in him. She bit her lip at the thought of going over to his house. Then, she quickly diverted her attention. She couldn't let herself go down that path again.
"Well then, come see me. Nothing's stopping you."
"You know that there are plenty of things stopping me from coming to see you."
"Alright. How about this: I'll come see you. That way you don't feel like those reasons apply."
Lexi shook her head. "You forgot about my nosy roommates." She threw a few items aimlessly into the cart and continued down the aisle.
"Are they there right now?" Lexi knew they weren't, but there was no way she was telling him that. She didn't know her roommates' schedules, and if she was found with Jack, there would be a lot of explaining to do. And explaining why she was talking to him again was not something she was interested in. "Silence means they're not?" Jack guessed.
"I don't know when they are or are not there," she told him noncommittally.
"I just really want to see you. You've been so busy with your schedule that I haven't seen you but once since we ran into each other at Chamber."
"Yeah, about that. How did you know I was going to be there? You never told me," she said switching ears to adjust the uncomfortable feeling creeping through her shoulder. She couldn't afford to have aching muscles with conditioning beginning soon.
"Don't try to change the subject. When do I get to see you?"
"You can't see me until you answer."
"I won't answer until I see you."
"Well I guess we're at a stalemate," Lexi said attempting to maneuver the shopping cart one-handed.
"Okay fine. If I tell you, you promise you'll come see me? My roommates are out of town, and we'd have the house to ourselves."
All of a sudden, the invitation seemed very enticing. God, she knew she shouldn't even be talking to him. Spencer had no idea about the conversations they had been having, and she had no real desire to tell him. Sometimes she could swear that he knew that something was different about her. Jack always made her appear different. That wonderful month they had shared together, albeit he had had a girlfriend the entire time, she knew she had changed. Her parents had even commented on her seemingly newfound inner joy. Jack just made her glow. Which was the exact reason she could not tell Spencer about Jack.
Spencer would never understand. Sure he acted goofy and played everything off like it was a joke, but
she knew that he would see more into it. And there wasn't more to it. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.
"So what do you say Lex? You'll come over?" he asked persuasion etched in every line.
She sighed heavily weighing her options. Spencer was also out of town for the weekend. His great-aunt something-or-other from some no name city in Vermont was visiting his parents, and he was obligated to entertain her. She hadn't been too keen on the details. No matter how many times he had argued with his parents about having previous arrangements. It hadn't work, and she couldn't accompany him. His family was really old fashioned. He would be none the wiser if she happened to spend a few hours of her afternoon at an old friend's house. Then again, she felt guilty enough for not telling him about the phone conversations and text messages. How would she feel if she spent time with him? A knot formed at the pit of her stomach and she felt her heart begin to race.
"Just to talk?" she peeped, already knowing his answer.
"Of course, if that's what you want," he added.
"You can keep your hands to yourself?" she practically whispered into the other line. She glanced around the nearly empty aisle checking for people she knew or potential eavesdroppers...anyone at all that looked suspicious. If she found one person, she'd turn him down flat. But she didn't find anyone.
"I can if you can," he deadpanned.
"Well I don't know," she said prolonging the moment.
"You don't know if you can keep your hands to yourself?" he asked with a chuckle. "You should definitely come over."
"Oh, ha. Ha. I don't know if I should come over."
"Lex, I already told you I just want to spend a little time with you. I know you want to come over, and there's no reason for you not to. If one of your other guy friends asked you to hang out right this instant, what would you tell him?" She remained silent. He knew what she was thinking regardless. There would be no reservations in going to hang out with another guy. Any other guy wasn't Jack. Plain and simple. "That's what I thought. So, come see me."
"You know what. Fine. Whatever. If you say we're just going to sit around and talk and hang out, then I'll come over. But only if you tell me how you knew I'd be at Chamber," she said giving into him.
"Okay, that's an easy one," Jack said coolly.
Just then, Lexi's phone began to beep in her ear. "Hold that thought," she said, glancing down at the number that beeping into the line. She sighed heavily swearing escaping her lips as she read the name.
"Hey, can I call you back?" she asked Jack impatiently. "I have to take this call."
"You're still coming over right?"
"Sure. And you will finish your story there."
"Alright see you soon."
Lexi clicked over to the other line. "Hey baby," she trilled into the phone. "How's hanging out with the fam?"
"It's so dull without you here," Spencer complained. "Maybe I could still convince them to let you come up here and visit."
Lexi giggled. "In what lifetime? Your sister got married last year, and they still have trouble letting her husband come to family events."
"You're right dear. I wish I could fix things."
She waved the comments off. No need for him to be even sweeter than normal. That would just make her feel worse. "Nothing to fix. Your family is the way it is. There's nothing wrong with that."
"Well I don't agree with you on that, but I appreciate it. It would make me feel better if you were with me though. There's only so much family backgammon I can take," he said chuckling heartily. "So what are you doing? Have any big plans for the evening? Weekend get-away while I'm not in town?"
Lexi stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the frozen food section. Did he know about her plans? She shook her head. Of course, there was no way for him to know. She had just decided herself, and she would never let anyone else know. She steadied herself on the shopping cart and let her breath even out. "Nope. I'm probably just going to be boring while you're gone. Hang out with Olivia. Finish my Spinoza reading. Stuff like that," she said terrified that guilt was creeping into her voice and he would notice.
"Aww…baby…you don't have to do nothing just because I'm gone. You know what?"
"No," she croaked.
"I want you to have a good time; a really good time while I'm gone. It's my fault you're all by yourself this weekend. I feel obligated to tell you that you need to do something fun and crazy. I don't want you sitting at home doing homework on a Friday night."
"I…well…"
"Nope. That's final. If you don't have a good time tonight, then I'm the one to take the blame. So go home put on something cute, and have fun tonight okay?"
"Okay," she mumbled half-heartedly.
"Oh, I'm so sorry I'm not there," he moaned, misinterpreting her guilty conscience.
"It's…it's fine. You have family stuff."
"I just wish I could be there with you, but you still have to take my advice. I'll call you tomorrow to find out how your night went, and you better tell me just how great it was okay? I've gotta go though. I love you. Bye."
Spencer hung up so fast he didn't even hear her whispered good-bye or the fact that she completely neglected saying I love you too.
Lexi tucked her phone back into her pocket. She felt worse about going to see Jack now that she had spoken with Spencer. He wanted her to have a good time, and she would if she actually went to Jack's house. It just wouldn't be the kind of fun that would be in her best interest, or her relationship's best interest. She couldn't go see him. He had promised they would just talk, but she just couldn't do it. The thing she remembered the most about visiting Jack was the feeling of having no control. Her actions were compelled by him. She was compelled by him. Every time she found herself in his presence, she acted as if she was possessed. It was easy to conjure up how she had felt when she had been so enraptured in him that she could hardly sleep at night. But she couldn't let herself go there again. Her temples began to pulse painfully as she contemplated her options.
She had stopped anything from happening with Jack at Chamber even when she had been drunk. Then, when they had met up for a second time, he had barely hugged her. Let alone anything beyond that happening. It had been nice just to see him with no strings attached. She wondered if maybe she was overreacting. What she had felt before with Jack had stemmed from her understanding that they were working towards a relationship. Now that she was with Spencer, perhaps they could just work towards a friendship.
Deep down, she knew that what he had felt with Jack nearly a year earlier had been real. That had he been single at the time, and refrained from lying to her, they would have worked out. She had wanted that – for them to be together – more than anything she wanted now. And that fact scared her.
Lexi tried not to think about the subject too much as she finished her grocery shopping and drove home. Pulling into a parking spot in front of her four-bedroom flat, she quickly unloaded the groceries.
"Need any help with that, roomie?" Olivia asked, skipping into the living room her pixie-cut bouncing as she went.
"No thanks. I think this is the last of it."
"Okie dokie," she trilled, plopping down cross-legged on the white carpeted floor. She snatched her acoustic guitar from its stand and began absentmindedly strumming one of her new tunes. She alternated to a fast-paced picking for the chorus and her soprano filled the room.
"I like that last part," Lexi told her pushing aside three half-full cartons of milk to make room for some of her groceries.
"Well good," she said returning to the gentle strum, "I'm not finished yet. I'm working on a second verse.
Lexi smiled brightly. "Can I hear the whole thing?" she asked her head up popping up over the refrigerator door.
"Sure sweetie," Olivia exclaimed. She plucked each chord experimentally to verify she was in tune. After adjusting a knob or two, she began to play letting her lyrics flow easily from her mouth.
"Closing up. Finally spent.
And now you're moving along.
Heavy now. Tears remain.
Hard pressed to rest.
When all I feel like is a mess.
Now, don't you worry your head.
You're not my one and only friend.
And I don't need you anymore.
To leave me bruised and broken on the floor.
You left me bruised. You left me broken.
You left me bruised. You left me broken."
Lexi stared at Olivia in awe. This was the most heart-wrenching song Olivia had written. Generally, they were up-beat tempos with lyrics about anything from raisins to kittens to technicolor rainbows.
"Is this about John?" Lexi asked about her ex-boyfriend after she finished a second round of the chorus.
"No, of course not," Olivia said quickly returning to her upbeat personality.
"I just mean, that was really dark, Liv."
"Yeah, well, whatever. Things happen," Olivia said vaguely.
"I mean I know you liked him a lot, but you can't dwell on him any longer," Lexi told her.
"I loved him," she said meekly.
"I know. But he was hurting you. You have to know that you couldn't go along with that any longer."
"I know I shouldn't have to, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be with him," she said fiercely.
Lexi nodded her head. She knew what that was like, even if she couldn't exactly tell Olivia that. "Your break up took seven hours. That coupled with crying for the next week straight had to have been mentally draining. I don't expect you to recover from that over night. I know that I wouldn't. But you have to know that I'm here for you. You can trust me."
The words felt hollow in her mouth as soon as she uttered them. Here she was comforting her friend after the most traumatic break-up Lexi had ever witnessed, and she was going to go see Jack. She had pretty much made up her mind in that department. Olivia had been there for her when things had gone south with Jack last year, and now Lexi couldn't even tell her that she was talking to him again. Oh, what would Olivia say if she found out? Lexi tired not to think about it, for she knew Olivia would be furious with her. She just knew it. That's why Lexi couldn't tell her. After what had happened with Olivia's ex-boyfriend, how could she tell Olivia that she was subjecting herself to what could potentially be just as destructive?
