by craziebabe45
"So…uh…where to begin?" Lexi asked fiddling with her thumbs.
"Can you just calm down please?" Bekah asked sipping on some hot tea that appeared before them by another associate. Lexi smiled trying to sweep away her worries. She really did need to calm down. Anything negative that could come out of this exchange wouldn't be reflected back onto her.
"Yeah alright." She didn't sound all that convincing though.
"So can I just start it off then?" Bekah asked setting her tea down on a saucer and leaning back into the green cushion. Before waiting for an answer, she began, "Do you love him?"
Lexi sat and just stared at Bekah. That question hadn't been asked in the past tense. She gulped hard and fully contemplated her answer. On one side, yes of course she loved it. She loved him so much it hurt to breath. It hurt to think. It hurt to get up every morning without him. But on the other hand, she didn't know if what they had had ever truly been love. When he said that he loved her did he mean it? How could she actually know when they had never been afforded the opportunity to fully appreciate what they had?
"I believe a part of me has always and will always love Jack. Yes," she finally stated in a strangled whisper. She hated so much admitting that especially to his beautiful, perfect girlfriend. Yes, she was in love with Jack. No matter that they hadn't been together. No matter that he had left her without a backwards glance without a single act of desperation on his part. She did love him. But something about the feeling had changed and evolved over time. So that it wasn't really the same question or the same answer Lexi could give had she been asked the same question two years ago.
"Well I'm glad that's out of the way," Bekah said blowing out the breath she had apparently been holding. "I was afraid we wouldn't have anything in common.
Lexi giggled despite herself. What a strange thing for her to say.
"Now that that's all out in the open, can we just try and talk about your relationship with Jack. I just want the facts. I just want to know why you guys didn't work out if you actually do love him, and I truly want to find out if I'm actually what he's looking for." Her eyes had enlarged at the last statement and Lexi could tell inadequacy wasn't something she was used to dealing with. So then at least that put them to having two things in common. Jack tended to make everyone feel inadequate.
"Can I just ask you something?" Lexi questioned Bekah.
Bekah raised one eye skeptically then nodded. "Sure, I guess it's only fair."
"Why would you want to talk to me? I mean, why would you want to talk to any of us? Danielle and Kate and I have all had intimate relationships with Jack. Relationships with him that you will never really understand, because every relationship is in some way different than what you are experiencing. And while you could probably pick up on a pattern of some sort, and coming from an insider's perspective, I really don't think there is one. I've known Jack for a long time, and he's pretty much been the same guy since I've known him. He's had his ups and downs like everyone, but he's pretty much the same. I just…well I don't know why you would want to open up that can of worms," Lexi said spewing out everything in rapid succession.
"I disagree," Bekah said folding her hands one over another, "I think there is a pattern."
"And what's that?"
"Well I'm not certain just yet, but there's really only been one constant throughout his relationships. I didn't see it when I first started asking questions or even when I talked to Jack about it."
"But you see it now?"
"Well, I think you are the pattern."
Lexi mouth dropped. Was she the pattern? No, that had to be ridiculous. Sure she had been around for awhile, but she wasn't the sole reason that Jack had obtained a phobia to commitment. "Me?" she asked incredulously.
"Well that's why I wanted to talk to you. I feel that somewhere in this past of his, Jack has always had rather strong affections for you. I noticed it when ya'll look at each other, when he spoke to you, when you kissed my brother," she said. "But I also could tell when I talked to ya'll separately. He would get this look on his face. You would get very defensive. It was just little things that I saw was out of the ordinary for him," she explained. "Now if something is still going on, then I'd like to know about it. If not, then honestly I just want you guys to tell me that it's over so that he can move on."
Closure. It always came back to closure. If she was the missing link that explained why Jack couldn't seem to commit to anyone, then how could they ever come to closure? She wasn't entirely sure how to respond to Bekah's accusation. A part of her said that she needed to resist the knowledge that she was his reason for not being with anyone else. That would just open up a whole other can of worms that she wasn't sure if she was quite capable of dealing with. She couldn't imagine Jack confessing all of his deep seated issues were actually solved by her. Had that been the case, they would have fixed everything for better or worse a long time ago.
Before Lexi had a chance to respond, Katherine returned from the back room with two full racks of clothes specifically catered to each individual. They wasted away the afternoon fluttering from one designer to another and discussing the tragic outcome of Lexi's relationship with Jack. She hadn't been able to reveal all of the details as she originally had anticipated, but Lexi was pretty certain that Bekah had gotten enough information out of her that it would sate her desire for the time being. What she did with the information was an entirely different story. Lexi hadn't gotten a single clue as to whether or not what she was providing Bekah with was helping or hurting Bekah's understanding of Jack.
Inevitably she did end up leaving the mall with a single black dress cover from Barney's. Katherine had been exceedingly accurate with Lexi's size and without even realizing it, Lexi had found the perfect dress. And just as luck turned out it was also the most expensive dress she had ever had the luxury of trying on her tiny frame. She had gulped at the infinite number of zeros attached to the tiny piece of paper and wondered faintly why God hated her. However, true to her word Bekah had retrieved a black credit card from her Louis Vuitton bag and handed it to Katherine paying in full for everything surrounding them. Apparently she had answered enough questions correctly to deliver payment for her time.
As she made her way towards the mall entrance, where Bekah informed her that the same town car was awaiting her, she felt strangely at ease. One of reasons she had come to Atlanta again had been successfully fulfilled. No longer would she have to agonize about Bekah, and her potentially deviant plots to get her to confess everything. Lexi hadn't told her everything, but she had disclosed enough to keep her appetite sated.
Just as Lexi was almost out of the mall, Bekah stopped her in place. "Oh let's just have a peek," she exclaimed her eyes shifting to her right.
Lexi's stomach dropped as the store front registered in her conscious. Tiffany's. Bekah had directed her straight to the entrance of Tiffany's. Now suffice it to say that jewelry stores made Lexi nervous. She'd never been able to put her finger on it, but something about the inside of them made her skin crawl. Her skin would break out into a cold sweat and she couldn't help but chew on her lips from nerves. And Tiffany's with their impossible price tags and obnoxious little blue boxes just was the worst of all. She couldn't go in there.
"I really can't…" she stammered.
"Oh come on. We don't have to get anything. Just a quick look," Bekah said her smile bright and vibrant at the prospect. She grabbed a hold of Lexi's elbow and hauled her through the well lit storefront. Bekah's eyes barely focused on the stunning collections before her. She ignored the eager looks from the sales associates as she dragged Lexi to the counter she zeroed in on. Lexi felt as if she had just hit the top a rollercoaster ride and her stomach was on auto-pilot down the metallic runway.
Engagement rings clouded her vision. Perfectly cut, perfectly designed, flawless engagement rings on display shining brilliantly in the light. Lexi's hands were shaking as she reached out to touch the glass for support. This was not go
od. She could not be here with Bekah. It was all fine and dandy when they were shopping for dresses and exchanging information, but this…this was entirely different. She couldn't imagine one of these beautiful stones on Bekah's ring finger securing her to the man she loved…to the man Lexi loved. Her gag reflex was threatening to take over her as she swiped a thin layer of sweat from her brow.
"Aren't they gorgeous?" Bekah cooed her extra thick blond hair framing her face as her eyes ballooned at the prospect of owning such a rock.
"They're…they're something," Lexi mumbled coughing into her wrist.
"I'd love this one," she said pointing to a large princess cut diamond set on a thin white gold band.
"Would you like to try it on?" the sales associate asked materializing out of thing air with a set of keys. He undid the lock and procured the ring from its home before she even had an option of declining.
"Oh dear," Bekah exclaimed taking the ring and sliding it onto her ring finger. To Lexi's pleasant surprise it was much too large. It would have to be downsized considerably to even look remotely good on her finger. Regardless, the diamond still shone true and her French manicured hands only increased the beauty and perfect that was now placed on her hand. "Well that won't do quite yet then," Bekah conceded handing the ring back to the associate. "Next time perhaps," she added winking.
"I think…I should go," Lexi said retreating.
"Yes," Bekah said glancing up at her, "we should go. Are you alright? You don't look well."
"I'll be fine," Lexi said hurrying out of the Tiffany's and back into the open mall air. She let out a long breath and felt color return to her cheeks.
"Well I'll see you Friday, if not beforehand," Bekah said nodding her head at Lexi as she exited the mall. Lexi fell into the cool comforting car and forced her mind to wander in other directions. The last thing she needed to consider was engagement rings and proposals.
Ramsey had vaguely hinted that he would be out when she returned from her shopping excursion. Something related to work though he hadn't given any details and had completely evaded any further questioning on the subject. He had slipped a key into her purse before letting her out of the house, and told her that she was welcome back whenever she had completed her errands. After depositing the hanger in the upstairs guest bedroom and letting any remaining thoughts of engagements flutter from her mind, Lexi found that she felt surprisingly relaxed. She had a new fabulous dress. She never had to speak to Jack's snotty girlfriend again. And soon enough she would be spending some much needed time with her family. Not much else could get her this excited. The only issue that she had left to deal with was talking to Jack.
She needed to figure out what was going on between them before she left for New York this weekend. She only had a couple days left, and every time they had been together had held sexual tension or outright anger. If she was ever going to let him go, then she needed to get everything out of the way…out in the air.
That is how she found herself hailing a taxi to take her back to his place. It had only been three days since she had last stepped foot into his apartment, but so much had happened since then it felt like a lifetime.
The late night attendant she had passed while entering the building only a couple days earlier seemed to remember her and buzzed her through to Jack's floor. She knocked once before twisting the knob and surprisingly finding it open. The lights were dim as she entered and a flickering was coming from a room off the entrance. No sounds could be heard from the apartment, and as she stepped past the kitchen candlelight seemed to take over. A hundred or more candles of varying shapes and sizes filled the living room and several more lit the dining room where two plates were set and a bottle of wine sat chilled.
Lexi's mind was whirling. This couldn't be for her. Why would he do something like this for her? Did he just want to confuse her? Granted, it was beautiful. She could feel tears welling to her eyes as they drifted from one romantic scene to the next. Is this what it felt like to have Jack be only yours?
Except he wasn't.
He belonged to Bekah. So what was he doing making her feel like this now? After she had just confessed everything to his girlfriend. After he had flown her down here to convince the new girl that she was what he wanted. Was this a thank you of some sort? Did he actually think he had to thank for what she had done? Because this wasn't helping her ability to get closure. She couldn't have him being sweet to her when she needed so desperately to forget him. Even if she was, as Bekah suspected, the reason he hadn't been able to commit to anyone else in so long. She still needed to be rid of him in her life. No longer could she be controlled by his desires and passions. She needed to be in control for once.
"Do you like it?" Jack asked from behind her. Lexi turned slowly and took in the beautiful man in front of her. He wasn't overly dressed which put her mind slightly at ease. He wore a pair of dark loose fit jeans and a white linen button up rolled up to his elbows. His blue eyes were momentarily hidden under his midnight hair. His complexion was dark from the summer sun which only added to the exotic effect he was exuding.
"I…well…yes, but why?" she asked her eyes leaving his sexy body and falling on things that she was more capable of discerning accurately with her heart racing like it was.
"Because I needed to apologize," he said stepping towards her.
"Is this how you apologize to everyone?" she asked attempting to keep her eyes averted despite the fact that he was standing so close she could almost feel the heat rising off of him.
She knew he was smirking without glancing at him. "This is how I wanted to apologize to you."
"Well you shouldn't have," she said weakly.
"I was out of line when I said all those terrible things to you."
"Jack you shouldn't apologize. You should let it be," she said turning away from him completely.
"I can't apologize enough for what I've done to you over the years, for what I did to you this week, for having you come here and endure what I put you through. I can't apologize enough for overreacting when I saw you with Ramsey. I can't apologize enough for everything, but I thought I could start with dinner," he whispered sweetly into the earlobe she had left exposed to him. His arms came up to encircle her miniscule waist and draw her in him. She tried not to breath in his delicious smell as old feelings threatened to overcome her senses. He placed a tiny kiss on her shoulder before reaching down, tugging on her hand, and pulling her into the dining room.
"Jack you really shouldn't have done all of this," she said as he tucked her into the dining room chair.
"I think that I should have, and who are you to turn down a man begging for forgiveness?" he asked with another smirk directed her way.
Lexi sighed and waited for him to be seated before continuing, "We really need to talk."
"I agree," he said, "how is the chicken?"
Lexi glanced down at her food realizing for the first time that there was in fact chicken on her plate. She dug her fork into the meat and tasted the morsel. "Good. Did you cook this?" she asked in surprise.
"For you."
She nodded wondering when he had ever learned how to cook. Last she had checked macaroni and cheese had been too difficult for him. Now he was creating delicious entrees? "Okay well thank you, but we really do need to talk."
"You're right. I need to apologize. Would you like me to begin?"
"Uh…"
"I should have never called you." Lexi glanced up from her plate to stare at him in surprise. She hadn't actually thought he was going to try and play the card that he was sorry for coming back into her life. She had missed him every day since he had been gone, but he hadn't and he had made that surprisingly clear when he had called. Then he had started blurring the lines. He had started using her desire for him to his own advantage. He couldn't possibly think that saying he shouldn't have called could make up for that.
"I'm not sure what Bekah told you or what you guys have spoken about, but I shouldn't have dragged you
into this. What we…were just shouldn't have been put on display like I've been making you do with Bekah. Does that make sense? What I'm trying to say is that I know why I didn't tell Bekah about you in the first place."
"You do?" Lexi asked finishing off her first glass of wine as quickly as possible. The alcohol was working its way through her system and leaving with her with just enough of a buzz so that she could take whatever he was going to send her way next.
"I just couldn't bear her knowing what I'd done to you, how I'd broken you. And I see it now. I see that I broke you into a million pieces and then left you there. I didn't want her to know I was capable of that. Did you tell her I was capable of that?" he asked directing his question towards her for the first time expecting an answer.
"I…I didn't tell her that," she whispered watching his face morph from despair to intrigue.
"But why didn't you? You could have told her. You could have told her everything."
"I know Jack," Lexi admitted placing her fork back down on the plate the tiny appetite she had entered with had now gone.
"Then why didn't you tell her. She calls me telling me she loves me telling me that I'm everything to her. She says that you've opened her eyes to who I really am, but does she know who I really am Lexi? Does anyone other than you know who I am?" he asked standing and approaching her chair. Yanking the chair from the table he rested his hands on either side of the arm rest and bore down upon her.
She gasped in surprise as she let her face tilt up to his. "I don't know Jack. Have you showed anyone else?" she asked looking up into his giant baby blues that were staring right back at her with concern stricken through the orbs.
