by Sarah Markel
“Help us, mommy! Don’t let him take us!” Alex looked around frantically for the two tiny voices as she continued to struggle for freedom. “Yeah, sweet thang, I like it when you struggle.” He said, his putrid breath causing her skin to burn as he bit her neck and lifted her off the ground. Kicking hard, she tried desperately to get away. “Help!” she screamed, hoping that someone would hear her cries and come to her aid. “No one helped you then, and no one is going to help you now.” The man bent his head and bit her breast, his teeth sending a jolt of searing pain through her as he forced her legs apart, holding her hips still with his own. “No! I won’t let you do this again!” she screamed, making the man laugh. He looked at her then and his grin turned to an evil smirk. “You. Can’t. Stop. Me.” he seethed, forcing himself on her with each word.
Alex screamed in pain as the assault continued, each word the man spoke punctuated by an impossibly strong surge of pain. “It takes a man to make a baby. If God wanted two dykes to reproduce, they wouldn’t need a doctor to do it.” Alex’s screams increased in intensity as the passersby on the street just feet from them continued on without notice. “Please. Please stop.” She begged, the pain from his efforts spreading upward into her belly. She gasped and an otherworldly wail of terror escaped her lips as a pain like none she had ever felt stabbed through her midsection and the man released her. She crumpled to the ground and curled into a ball, writhing in agony as she watched the man dissolve away into the ether. Alex closed her eyes, the hot tears of shame cascading down her face.
“You let him take them. What kind of mother does that?” Alex’s eyes snapped open as the scene changed and she was laying in a hospital bed. She turned her head toward the familiar voice. “I tried to stop him. I fought back and tried to get away.” she said, reaching out to her son. Zane recoiled, backing away from her hand as if touching her would harm him. “Zane,” she began, new tears beginning their trek down her cheek. “No!” the boy yelled, his voice shaking the walls of the hospital room, “You don’t get to say my name. You never gave them names, so you can’t use mine!” Alex watched in horror as her son fled from her. “Alex?” Kelly’s voice floated around her. She searched frantically for her wife, but couldn’t find her. “Kelly?” she called out, her body beginning to tremble.
*****
“Alex! Honey, wake up!” Kelly pleaded, shaking her wife’s shoulders. She had been awoken by Alex’s terrified cries, as had Zane and Dej, and the group was now gathered in the living room. Alex’s eyes popped open, and she stared at her wife. Kelly’s stomach did a quick flip flop at the sight of fear and panic in Alex’s eyes. Carefully, she stroked Alex’s cheek, “Honey, it’s all right. It was just a nightmare.” she soothed gently, waiting for Alex’s eyes to focus. Alex looked at each of the three worried faces before her and broke down. She sat her recliner upright and reached out, pulling Zane into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry, son.” she cried, burying her face against the boy’s chest, her shoulders heaving as she sobbed. Unsure of what else to do, Zane wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. Dej looked at Kelly helplessly. She had never seen her mother like this before and it scared her. Kelly pulled the girl to her, wrapping her in a hug as the pair watched quietly.
Alex sniffed and took a deep breath. Slowly, she pulled away from her son and looked up at him. She expected to find anger on the boy’s handsome face, but instead she only found concern. No one said anything for a moment, giving Alex time to compose herself and think of something to say. “I’m sorry I woke you guys up. I’m okay.” She said, wiping her eyes with her palms. Zane shared a look with Kelly and Dej before looking back at his mother, “Bullshit.” Alex’s eyes snapped back to her son and she raised her eyebrow. Before she could scold him, he continued. “You’re not okay, Mom. You were screaming and crying in your sleep, and I have never, ever, heard anything like it from you. You had all three of us scared out of our heads. You don’t have to talk to me or Dej, but at least talk to Mama. You’ve always told us that the best way to banish a nightmare is to talk about it.” the boy finished, his worried eyes glued to his mother’s. After a moment, Alex nodded.
“You’re right, son. You and Dej go on back to bed. I promise, I will talk to Mama so the dream doesn’t come back. I’m sorry I scared you.” she said, heat coloring her cheeks. Dej moved to her and wrapped her arms around the woman’s shoulders. “If you want, you can have my teddy bear. I don’t use him anymore, but he’s great at keeping the monsters away.” She whispered in Alex’s ear. Alex smiled and hugged her daughter. “Thank you sweetheart. I think I will pass and let you keep him. Besides,” she reached for Kelly’s hand and pulled the woman into her lap, “I’ve got my own teddy bear right here.” Dej beamed at her mother and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Well, if you change your mind, he is on my dresser.” She said with a shrug. Alex thanked her daughter and kissed both kids before they headed back upstairs.
“You really had me worried, sweetheart.” Kelly said, snuggling into the arms that surrounded her. Alex felt a pang of guilt stab at her heart and she held her wife closer. “I’m sorry. I haven’t had that nightmare in years.” She replied, rubbing her hand up and down Kelly’s back. Kelly stayed quiet, not wanting to push after the encounter in the kitchen earlier in the evening. She waited patiently as Alex searched for the words to explain. “I’m sorry, baby, for how I’ve been acting all day.” Alex began, a lump settling itself in her throat. When Kelly felt Alex’s breathing begin to speed up, she laid a gentle hand on the woman’s chest. “Honey, if you aren’t ready to talk about it, that’s alright. We can talk when you’re ready.” Alex let out a soft sigh at her wife’s words. “No, the longer I wait, the harder it will be.” she said, pressing a kiss to the top of Kelly’s head. Taking a deep breath, Alex began.
“Before I start, I need you to promise to just let me talk. If you stop me, I don’t think I will be able to finish.” Kelly looked up at Alex and nodded, suddenly wondering if she really wanted to know. Alex took another steadying breath and pushed back on the recliner so the pair could stretch out. Once they were situated, with Kelly lying next to her, Alex explained. “When Callie and I found out that I was pregnant with Zane, we got a little more than we were expecting. At our second ultrasound, the doctor told us that we were having triplets.” Kelly looked up in surprise, but said nothing. Alex took a moment to collect her thoughts before she went on. “When I was about eleven weeks pregnant, Callie and I were invited to a friend’s birthday party at a bar in Portland. Obviously I wasn’t drinking. Callie and the others were playing pool and since the bar was pretty crowded, I went up and sat at the bar to watch, so I wasn’t in the way. After a while, this man came up next to me and offered to buy me a drink. I told him that I was pregnant and politely declined his offer. I was watching Callie line up a shot, and the man put his hand on my knee.” Alex stopped, feeling a twinge of panic start to set in. She took several deep breaths and closed her eyes, willing the panic away.
“I pulled my knee away and asked him not to touch me. He moved his hand away and apologized, and I turned my attention back to Callie. He saw where I was looking and asked if one of them was my husband. I laughed and told him no, but that the woman who was taking her shot was my wife. He made some ignorant comments about lesbians being unnatural and how I just hadn’t found the right man. I asked him to leave me alone, and after a minute of staring at me, he left.” Alex sighed and closed her eyes, willing her courage to continue. For several minutes, she sat quietly, hoping that she would be able to finish. When Kelly rested her hand over Alex’s heart, Alex covered it with her own and turned to press a kiss against Kelly’s temple.
“A while later, Callie and I got into an argument. I was ready to leave, and she wanted to stay, and I told her if she didn’t go with me then, she could call a cab to get home. She was drunk and told me to do whatever I wanted and she would see me later. I was pissed, so I grabbed my purse and stormed out. The bar had an alleyway entrance and it was late enoug
h that the alley was all but deserted. As I was heading toward the car, the man from inside the bar stepped in front of me and asked if I was alright. I told him to get lost and when I pushed past him, he grabbed my wrist and shoved me against the wall.” Alex stopped again, wiping the burning tears from her eyes. Kelly felt anger build inside her, knowing where this was going, but she remained silent. “He, um, he… he told me that no dyke was going to flaunt herself and then brush him off like that. I tried to push him away, but he was a lot stronger than me. He held me against the wall and ra…raped me. I was screaming for help, but no one did. After he was done, he let me go and I fell to the ground. Before he walked away, he kicked me hard in the stomach, and told me that I didn’t deserve to bring life into the world.” Crying openly now as Kelly held her, Alex took one more deep breath and finished her story.
“Someone walking by noticed me and called the police. At the hospital, I started bleeding heavily, and was told that I was miscarrying. I stayed there overnight, and when Callie got there the next morning, I couldn’t even speak to her. I don’t know who told her what happened, but she hadn’t even noticed that I wasn’t home. Anyways, after three days in the hospital, the doctors did an ultrasound to confirm the miscarriage was complete, and they found that I had only lost two of the babies. The man was arrested after he bragged to some friends about teaching some red-headed dyke a lesson, and he was sent to prison for twenty-five years.” Alex exhaled softly and cautiously turned to face her wife. She caressed Kelly’s cheek and pressed their lips gently together. “When Dr. Gilbert told us that you were having triplets, all those memories came crashing back. I truly am over the moon about it, baby, but I couldn’t get over the memories of what happened the last time I had been given that news.”
Kelly stared into scared green eyes and felt the anger inside her grow. She took a deep breath and kissed Alex softly, feeling some of the tension drain from her wife at the contact. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?” she asked. Alex hung her head in shame, “I never planned on telling anyone. I’ve worked really hard to make myself less vulnerable to other people, and I don’t think I could handle the looks of pity and sympathy. My mom and dad know, and Angie knows some of the details, but not about the triplets. I had only known for a few days, and she was so busy with Jaxon that I didn’t want to upset her. If it hadn’t been for that nightmare, I probably wouldn’t have told you about it.” Alex looked at Kelly through half lidded eyes and hoped that she hadn’t upset the woman. She waited while Kelly processed this new information, and wondered if this would cause more tension in their marriage.
“Honey, I,” Kelly cleared her throat and shifted positions so she was sitting on Alex’s hips and could look directly into her wife’s eyes, “I don’t know what to say. I know what I would say to a patient, but I have no idea what to say to my wife.” Alex rested her hands on Kelly’s hips and rubbed her thumbs over the bones. “You don’t have to say anything, babe. I just need to know one thing.” She shifted her gaze, not wanting to see the rejection she was worried may come. “Will this, um… will this change things with us? In the bedroom I mean.” Kelly huffed out a breath and pinned Alex with an icy stare. “Really? Do I really seem like the kind of woman who would be like that?” she asked coldly, amazed that after five years, Alex was even worried about something like that. Alex dropped her gaze and sat the recliner upright. “No, but… it doesn’t bother you? That I’ve… that I’ve been with a man?” Kelly just stared at her. “Honey, you haven’t ‘been with’ a man. You were violated by one, but that is totally different than being with one. Even if it had been consensual, it wouldn’t change anything between us. I have met very few lesbians who haven’t slept with a man at least once.”
Alex considered her wife for a moment, letting her words settle in and calm her fears. With a smirk, she squeezed the woman’s hips and bucked her own gently. “Very few, huh? What about you? Were you ever with a man?” she asked, knowing the answer she would get. Kelly noticed the change of mood in Alex, and decided to play along. “Oh yeah,” she said, running her hands up Alex’s chest to rest on her breasts, “in college. Big black guy, and I mean big. Couldn’t walk for days.” she tried to suppress a smile, but failed, breaking into a soft chuckle at the look of irritation on Alex’s face. Alex gave her a wicked grin and stood quickly, holding Kelly’s legs around her waist, “I’ll show you ‘couldn’t walk for days’.” she said seductively as she headed upstairs to their bedroom.
Chapter 11
“Babe? Are you alright?” Alex stood at the bathroom door, trying not to laugh at the sight of her wife hugging the toilet. When Kelly just grunted pitifully, Alex walked over to her and pulled her hair back, holding it in a tail at the base of her neck. She sat on the tub and rubbed Kelly’s back with her other hand. “I know it sucks, sweetheart. Did you manage to eat anything first?” Kelly shook her head and groaned, the movement causing another wave of nausea. Alex tried her best not to giggle at her wife’s misery, but couldn’t quite manage successfully. Kelly turned to glare at her, but the effect was more comical than menacing. “Get out.” she croaked when Alex laughed. “Aww, come on, baby. You have to admit that it’s a little bit funny. Those little guys have pretty much set an alarm for you.” For the past several weeks, Kelly’s morning sickness had kicked in at 7:30am, every single morning. It didn’t matter if Kelly was asleep, awake, taking a shower, or trying to eat, as soon as it was time for the kids to leave for school, Kelly was running for the bathroom.
“It is not, and I blame you for all of this.” Kelly replied, standing slowly as she was sure that the bout was over. Alex let go of her hair and stared at her. “My fault? How in the hell is it my fault?” she asked, amusement playing on her face. “You did this to me. You put the little shits in there, and now they’re making me miserable.” Kelly pouted, applying a liberal amount of toothpaste to her toothbrush. Alex raised her eyebrow and laughed heartily as her wife brushed her teeth and washed her face. “Sweetheart, that argument doesn’t really hold much water.” Standing, Alex went to her wife and slipped her hands around the woman’s waist. She nuzzled Kelly’s neck and slid her hands around to splay over the growing bulge of her belly. “You can blame Jon, though, if you need to blame someone.” Kelly turned in Alex’s arms and draped her arms over the woman’s neck. “Nope, don’t bring your poor defenseless brother into this. He just donated the ingredient, you, missy, are the one who put the cake in the oven.” Alex groaned and chuckled. “Thanks for ruining cake with that mental image.” Kelly smiled and pushed Alex toward the bathroom door, “Come on, I’m starving.”
Down in the kitchen, Alex put together a bowl of berries and some dry toast. Setting them in front of Kelly, she took her seat and started on her own breakfast. “So what’s on the agenda today, boss?” she asked. Kelly raised her eyebrow in question. “It’s Wednesday, aren’t you working at the facility today?” Alex shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “Angie’s doing a really good job, and she said there isn’t really much for me to do, so I thought I would stay home and…” she trailed off, hoping that her presence wouldn’t cause more stress on Kelly. “And… what?” Kelly asked, when Alex didn’t complete her thought. Alex sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “Well, the thing is… it’s nearly the end of March, and I was thinking… I should start clearing out the guest room. I mean, we’re going to need it in a few months, and there’s no telling how long it will take to get it done.” Alex looked up nervously, hoping that this wouldn’t cause an argument. She had tried to broach the subject a few times since the news, but each time had ended in an argument for one reason or another.
“I think that’s a good idea, honey.” Kelly said with a smile. “Give me a few minutes to get my routine out of the way, and I will help you.” Alex started to decline the offer, but the words died on her lips when Kelly gave her a look. “Sounds great, babe. I’m going to go out to the garage and make sure there’s room out there for all that stuff. Come get me wh
en you’re ready.” Alex said instead. With a warning smile, Kelly stood and kissed Alex on the cheek before heading up to shower, “Smart idea, not turning me down.” She said with a chuckle. Alex snorted into her coffee and stood to clear the breakfast dishes. Once the dishes were done, she put on her shoes and stepped through the door at the back of the kitchen that led directly into the garage. She flipped on the light as she stepped down and took a moment to look around the rarely used space. Oh yeah, plenty of room in here. She thought to herself, taking in the few boxes against the wall, and the smaller boxes that lined the shelves on the back wall. Other than the bikes and tools that were against the wall opposite the house, the space was empty.
She picked up a box from the floor and set it on the bottom shelf, jumping slightly when she heard a loud clatter at the other end of the shelf. She looked over and saw that she had knocked a smaller box onto the floor. Alex stared for a moment at the items that had fallen from the box and swallowed a lump in her throat. I thought that stuff was in the attic. She thought as she crouched down to gather the papers and pictures. With shaky hands, Alex stood and leafed slowly through the newspaper articles that detailed the trial of one Mitchell Plimpton. She turned and leaned against the tool bench on the far wall as she stared into the face of the man that had violated her. As she tucked the article that held the man’s image behind the other, she noticed something slip between the pages in her hand, but didn’t bother to pick it up as she thumbed through the trial transcripts and Judge’s decision. She stopped when she reached another article, this one bringing tears of sorrow to her eyes. She traced her finger over the smiling face of Callie and smiled sadly down at the woman who had first held her heart.
