by Zoe Glez
“She’s as light as a feather,” Mickey blurts.
“And how exactly do you know this about my sister, Miguel?” Kev asks, scolding him.
“Must you question everything? A few months ago she felt down and, hurt her ankle. She was having trouble walking, so I carried her inside,” he confidently says. As he should, it’s the truth.
“Happy, now?” I ask Kev and he nods. “Good. Now, giddy up, teddy bear,” I playfully tell my cousin, making him laugh as he starts for the stairs.
“Clear something for me, would ya?” he asks, making his way up the stairs.
“Shoot,” I smile.
“If you’ve been living here for almost a year now, why were you in California when we all first got here?”
Shit!
“Oh…I just had a few things to sort out,” I lie. He shrugs, his curiosity seemingly pleased.
Once we are upstairs, I jump off his back and head toward my room while Mario heads back downstairs. Once I’m in the room, I go in search of my guitar. Angel taught me how to play the guitar when I was ten. A few years later Ari started showing interest in playing the guitar so he taught her as well.
The guitar was a gift from him. He bought us each one to learn on, and then another when we outgrew the first. Both guitars were bought from a Puerto Rican who builds them himself.
When I get downstairs everyone is already gathered around, apparently waiting on me. Well…everyone except my parents. Mary and Carla had apparently arrived while I was busy searching for my guitar. As soon as I fully enter the room, Angel gives me a big grin. There is a seat open in between Mickey and Kev, but I decide to stand. I prefer to stand while I’m playing the guitar.
“Great! You brought your guitar,” Angel exclaims, earning an eye roll from Mary.
“So, how are we doing this? By request, or do you already have a song in mind?” I ask my uncle.
“Oh, definitely by request!” Mama blurts out in excitement “And you already know which one I want. So, go on, start,” she orders, her one and only angelic smile planted firmly on her face.
I smile back and exchange a knowing look with my uncle and Ari. The both smile back at me, also knowing exactly what song Mama is talking about. The first song my uncle taught us to play was “Boricua en la Luna” by a Puerto Rican singer named Roy Brown. The song also happened to be one of Mama’s favorites. The coolest thing about having my uncle as a music teacher is that he also teaches you the meaning and the story behind each song. This song in particular happens to relate to my family’s history.
My uncle starts playing the first chords to the song and I quickly join in. After a few moments, I begin to sing the first verse about a woman from Aguadilla, Puerto Rico who had migrated to New York aspiring to be a singer. After I finish the first verse, Arianna follows in with the second. We continue to switch the verses back and forth while harmonizing during the chorus.
The song is the story of a man that was product of the Puerto Rican migration to New York. He talks about the struggles he and his family had in the states and how he is proud of his Puerto Rican heritage. This song relates to not only my family, but every Puerto Rican who lives here in the States and even those who live on the mainland.
We finish the song with, what Ari likes to call, a big bang of applause. I look to Mama and notice tears in her eyes. I walk over to where she’s sitting and kiss her on the cheek. If there is anyone in my family that misses the mainland the most, it’s this woman right here. She’s is certainly the most proud of her heritage. She has always taught us to appreciate and embrace our heritage, to never be ashamed of where we come from.
After a short breather, I quickly start playing a song that its really close to my heart, “Beam me up” by Pink. I notice the moment Mickey recognizes it because he sits up and I more than have his full attention. My uncle doesn’t recognize it but Ari sure does, so she quickly takes the guitar from her dad and joins in.
We spend the rest of the evening this way, singing songs requested or songs that we feel like singing. At some point during the sing-a-long, my mom enters the house alone. As she passes by me, she gives me a quick side hug and a kiss on the temple along with a sad smile. I can tell she’s worn out and maybe even embarrassed by my dad’s behavior. But, she’s a fixer, like her mother, and I know she’ll find a way to make it all better again. I immediately start to feel so much better. My uncle was right, I went from better to great.
Its nights like this that remind me why is it that I love my family so much in the first place. They give me hope.
Chapter Nine
W
e stayed up past midnight doing the sing-a-long. Everyone had eventually started singing, not caring if they were out of tune. We really had a great time and it was fun seeing everyone laughing and relaxed, mom included. The next morning, as soon as we finished breakfast, my mom came in to the house wanting to talk to me. So, we headed upstairs to my bedroom to have some privacy.
As soon as we enter my room she gives me a hug and starts crying. My mom rarely cries. “Mom, I can’t breathe and you’re scaring the hell out of me. Why are you crying?” I say to her, pulling back and drying her tears away.
“Oh…sweetie,” she says, sobbing and hugging me once more. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you sorry for? You haven’t done anything wrong,” I tell her, moving to sit on the bed.
“Of course I did,” she says huffing as she sits next to me. “I should have put a stop to your dad sooner. I should’ve told him to let you kids follow your own paths. Because we raised you both the right way, honey, and you better than anyone else, knows what’s good for you. I feel like I’ve failed you both,” she admits.
“Oh, Mom!” I say and I’m now the one squeezing the air out of her. “You haven’t failed us. We both know that dad would have never listened. Once he has his mind set on something there is nothing that can change it.”
“Yeah, I know,” she sighs “I guess that’s one of the reasons why I fell in love with him in the first place. Still, that doesn’t mean he’s not wrong about this. You’re really talented, Laylah. Ever since you were little you’ve been this talented. I’ve always known that. When all the kids at your elementary school came home with stick figures drawings, you were bringing home some amazing, realistic looking drawings. Why haven’t you told me this is what you really want? You know I would’ve helped you with it. Your happiness is my happiness.”
“I know, Mom, I know. It’s just—” I stop, shaking my head.
“You just, what? Talk to me, honey,” she pushes me to continue.
“It’s just that, until a couple of days ago, I wasn’t sure if I could ever actually succeed down this path. Then, as soon as I decide trying is worth the risk, Dad tells me he’s disappointed in me,” I confess.
“Oh, sweetie! Don’t let your dad ruin this for you. I love that man with all my heart, but he couldn’t be more wrong about this,” she says, making me look at her “What finally convinced you?” she asks.
“Mickey did,” I admit.
“You love him, don’t you?” she asks and I can see the worry in her face.
“With all my being,” I confess.
“Laylah, what about this boyfriend of yours? What about his girlfriend?”
“He is my boyfriend, Mom,” I tell her, tears in my eyes. “We’ve been dating for two years now. Hell, we’ve even been living together for a year.”
“Shhh…baby girl, don’t cry,” she says, soothing me. “Why haven’t you told us about this?” she asks.
“Because, for as long as I can remember, you guys have told me to stay away from him, that he’s bad news. I didn’t want it to come to a point where you guys would tell me to choose between him and you. At the end of the day, I’d choose him, Mom. I’ll always choose him. He’s good to me…good for me. He’s not the ogre you’ve always made him out to be.” I admit.
“I know he isn’t, honey. I don’t know if he did or didn’t do the
things that people say he did, but I know Lola, and I know she would never allow or forgive the things he’s been rumored to do. Have you ever talked to him about it?” she asks and I shake my head from side to side telling her, ‘no’. “Laylah!” she reprimands. “You have to talk about it. I can see that it’s eating you not knowing if any of it is true.”
“It is eating me, not knowing, and I know I have to. I’m just too scared to find out that it may actually be true,” I admit.
“I know you are. But, you have to ask yourself, would it change anything?”
“No. I love him, Mom. Even if it is true, he’s not that person anymore.”
“Good. I’m happy for you, sweetie,” she says, kissing my temple.
“Mom?”
“Yeah, sweetie?”
“Could you please not tell anyone? At least not yet,” I reluctantly ask.
“Why is that?” she asks, furrowing her eyebrows.
“I just don’t want dad and Kev to find out yet. I’m afraid they’ll freak out and do something stupid.”
“I guess I can respect that, I promise you, my lips are sealed.” She makes a sealing lips gesture. “Who else knows?”
“Mama and Lola, for obvious reasons. Ari and Junior somehow found out about it, then there is Luke. He’s the one that convinced me to take a risk when I was having my doubts about us being together,” I tell her. She just nods.
We talk for a few more minutes before heading back downstairs. Once we’re there, my mom says she’s heading home to see if she can keep talking some sense into my dad. As soon as we enter the kitchen, we run into Mickey who is looking for something to eat in the fridge. As soon as he notices us, he smiles.
“Thank you,” my mom says, walking toward him and giving him a huge hug.
Mickey looks at me confused and I smile. Just like that, he understands that my mom knows and she’s for us.
“Thank you for having such an amazing daughter,” he says to her.
“Keep making my baby happy and we’ll call it even. Now that I think about it, you two are good for each other. Take good care of her,” she says before she leaves.
“Six down…” Mickey says as soon as she leaves.
“Seven more to go,” I finish with a smile.
Last night was uneventful. I hoped that my dad was going to finally come and talk to me, but he didn’t. With that, I decided that I won’t let him ruin my happiness. I will fight for what I love. As of today, there is a new Laylah Torres in town and she won’t let herself be stepped all over by her own father. I meant what I said to my mom, if it ever comes to choosing between Mickey and anyone else, I will choose Mickey.
It’s no competition. I know it’s a harsh thing to say, but if going after my dreams is such a disappointment, then I’m disappointed in him as a father. Shouldn’t he be there for me, have my back, cheer me on, and tell me I can do this and so much more? Shouldn’t he believe in me? I feel like he should, but he doesn’t.
I won’t keep dwelling on it. If he comes to talk to me, good. If not…I can’t force him to be proud of me.
Moving on…
Luke is arriving today and I’m so excited to pick him up from the airport. Mama didn’t want me to drive, since it’s a late night flight, so she suggested Mickey go with me. Of course, after hearing this, Kev started to protest. But, he had already made plans for the night and couldn’t really do much about it. Besides, if we’ve learned anything in life, it’s that you never argue with Mama.
We decide to take my Jeep since its lighter on gas. While we are on our way, I can’t help but notice Mickey’s constant grin. I truly don’t know if I should be worried, freaked out, or as happy as he seems to be. After a couple of minutes, I give up on guessing and decide to ask him.
“Ok, Dimps, what gives? You’re kind of freaking me out.”
“That has never been my intention, my heaven.” He glances at me quickly, still smiling, as he reaches for my hand before looking back to the road.
“Then, what is it?” I ask, feeling exasperated.
“Curiosity killed the cat, love,” he teases.
“Speak up, or your sleeping in a different bed tonight,” I say as serious as I can manage.
“Not possible,” he says, still looking at the road. I just glare at him, hoping he’ll give up and spill whatever it is that’s making him smile like a lunatic. “Okay, okay. Your uncle doesn’t get in until tomorrow night. We are going to a hotel near the airport for some much needed alone time,” he finally admits, his grin getting even bigger if that’s possible.
“Seriously? Luke’s not coming till tomorrow? Awww man! I really wanted to see him!” I practically whine.
“Are you for real? I tell you we have an entire night and day to ourselves and you whine because your uncle isn’t coming home tonight?” he asks, exasperated by my reaction.
“Oh! Don’t get me wrong, I’m most definitely excited to some one on one under the sheets time,” I tell him, his grin now getting to me.
“There she is, there is the girl I felt in love with. What happened to her the other day while we were talking about this in the kitchen?” he asks.
“Shut up! You do not, DO NOT, ever talk about us having sex in front of my grandmother, my mother, and your mother. Never. Ever. Ever. Get it in your head, Vega!” He laughs at my outburst.
“You are so cute when you get all flustered and embarrassed,” he says moving our joined hands towards his mouth and kissing mine.
“Whatever,” I gripe.
“I love you, my heaven.”
“Right back at ya, Dimps. With all my being, never forget.”
To say this hotel is ahmahzing is putting it mildly. Yes, I just said ‘ahmahzing’, and I’ll keep saying it because I’m pretty sure I just landed in heaven. And this is just the freaking lobby. I’m just in awe.
“Pretty amazing, huh?” Mickey whispers in my ear after he sees me eying everything with my mouth almost open.
“You can say that again,” I tell him, almost breathless. He chuckles at my reaction.
The hotel looks more like a villa, which is pretty kick ass. The lobby is pretty amazing, but what has me enthralled is the floor to ceiling windows with a breathtaking view of one of the biggest lakes in Florida. With a view like that, I may never want to leave this place.
We get our keys from the front desk and head up to our room. My amazing boyfriend even managed to get us the honeymoon suite. When we get to our room we are pleased to find a cart full of strawberries and chocolate, compliments of the hotel. As Mickey sets the bag, on the floor, I’m reminded of the conversation I had with my mom yesterday. No better time than the present.
“This is amazing, Mickey, thank you so much for this,” I say, starting the conversation off lightly.
“You’re more than welcome, my heaven. But, it’s not fair for me to take all the credit. Our two crazy ladies had a lot to do with this,” he says. I add a mental note to thank them later.
“Figures…” I practically mutter.
“Something’s up with you. What is it? You don’t really like this, do you?” He furrows his brows, looking concerned and worried.
“No, it’s not that. I love this, I love you,” I say taking a seat on the sofa across from us.
“And, I love you, too. Which is how I know that look on your beautiful face says you’ve got something that’s bothering you. We promised once to never censor our feelings, so tell me, baby,” he says joining me in the sofa.
I move so I’m facing him and he does the same. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the conversation I had with my mom yesterday.” He nods, encouraging me to continue. “I told her that I would choose you over them without even blinking,” I say, which he already knew. “No matter— no matter what people have been saying about you throughout the years,” I blurt.
He nods, but remains silent. After what feels like forever, he finally speaks up. “Would it—” he clears his throat, “would it change things with us i
f it were true?” I can see pain and worry written in his eyes.
“No, of course not,” I quickly assure him. “I love you, Mickey. You know that better than anyone. And, by loving you, it means that I also know every inch of your heart and body. I know you’re not that person. Even if you were at one point…no, it would never change things with us,” I say, he nods. “But, I need to know if it’s true. Did you really deal drugs in high school? Were you high on LSD the night…the night of the accident?” I finally ask the question that has been weighing heavily on my chest for a while now.
“You know, I’ve been wondering how long it would take you to finally ask me these things. Do you really think I would do those things, Laylah?” he asks with a painful look.
“The man I love would never do those things. The man that Lola raised, wouldn’t do them either. So, no, I don’t think you did,” I tell him, seeing some of the pain lifting from his beautiful eyes. But, I can still see the ghosts that haunt him lying right under the surface.
“I’ve never been a drug dealer, Lai. I’ve never even touched the stuff. I had my mind set on my baseball career and I wasn’t just going to let that shit ruin it for me. But, in the end, I guess it still did, no matter how much I avoided it. I wasn’t driving that night, Lai” he confesses.
A couple of days after high school graduation, Mickey and a few of his friends went to a graduation party at some football player’s house. Mickey used to play baseball. He was so good, in fact, a college scout approached him after a playoff game and offered him full scholarship with the promise of a professional career in the future. It had always been his dream. Sure he loves working with cars and fixing them, but baseball had always been his focus.
Anyway, on the way home from the party, they were involved in an awful car accident. Two of his friends were pronounced dead at the scene. Mickey and some other guy got out safe. Well, not really safe, but alive.
Mickey broke a few bones in his leg and hit his head pretty badly, while the other survivor had some internal damage and bleeding due to his seatbelt. The police report had said that the guys were high on LSD and that Mickey was the one driving. At least, that’s the story I’ve always been told. He was branded a killer, blamed for the deaths of two passengers. Some have even gone as far as to protest the fact that he wasn’t charged with manslaughter. I’ve always wondered about that, why he wouldn’t be charged with their death. I guess, I finally got my answer.
