by Zoe Glez
I couldn’t help but think of those sleepovers I used to have at her house when I was younger. Of the times she was sick in bed and I would sit at her bedside and read her all the jokes in the newspapers. The times when she used to pull me aside and start telling me stories about my grandfather and the way they used to live back in the Isla.
But most of all, I remembered her smile, the one that always used to brighten my days. And the times she was there with me when I needed her, telling me how strong I was, cheering me on, making me see all the reasons I had to live for.
We had decided that for the rest of her hospital stay a different person would stay with her. That Friday, the very first day, my mom stayed with her. The day after it was Angel, then Junior, Luke, Lola and Carla. It has been six days since she’s been hospitalized and I am staying with her today.
During the past few days we have taken Maddie to see her because Mama wanted her there. She had asked to have some alone time with Maddie and I think it actually did her some good. I could see the life and joy in her eyes. She didn’t look as pale as she did the days before.
It took me a while to talk it over with Maddie, but I managed to explain to her why it was that I was staying in the hospital. She didn’t want me to go, but I told her that someone needed to take care of Mama, to keep her company so she wouldn’t feel alone. She finally gave up, after I promised I would see her tomorrow. Before I left, I promised her I would call at bed time and sing what has become her favorite lullaby.
“You’ve always loved that song,” Mama says once I’m finished with my call. She had been asleep so it took me by surprise to hear her voice.
“I did,” I say as I move to her bedside. “And she loves it, too. I’m just glad I get to pass something on to her.”
“And you’ll keep doing it. She reminds me of you, Laylah,” she says. “You have no idea how proud I am of the woman I’ve seen you become. To give a child like Madison a home when you could have a child of your own, not many people do things like that. You have a heart as big as you claim this old coot has.”
“Awww, vieja, you’re just being modest now.” I grab her hand in mine. “Do you need anything?”
She shakes her head ‘no’. “Just talk to me, any last secret to share?” she asks, giving me a knowing look.
“It can’t be a secret if you already know about it.” I softly laugh.
“It can if you don’t spill it,” she deadpans.
“Touché.” I kiss her hand. “They’re twins.”
“So, it is true.” I nod. “Mickey sure knows how to work those seeds, doesn’t he?” she jokes.
“Mama!” I say, appalled by her words.
Back when I was in the hospital, the doctor had told us that I was pregnant. The weight I thought I was gaining due to my grandmothers wonderful cooking turned out to be a baby bump. I am actually three months pregnant. Because of our miscarriage, Mickey and I had decided to keep it between us until I was well into my second trimester. Of course, the news of our pregnancy didn’t change anything about us wanting to adopt Maddie. Not even when the doctor told us we were having twins.
“That is exactly what I’m talking about, mi niña. Here you are pregnant with twins and you still adopted that adorable little girl. You’re going to be a great mom, Laylah. Never doubt it,” she says, looking me in the eyes. “Thank you, Laylah. Thank you for allowing me to meet at least one of my great grand babies,” she whispers.
“Don’t— don’t say that, you will get to meet these two other babies too and many more. You’ll see,” I say, tears coming out of my eyes.
She nods but doesn’t say anything else. After a couple of moments of silence she says, “Can you turn the television on? I heard a couple of nurses saying something about a 7th Heaven marathon going on.” I smile once she mentions her favorite non-spanish speaking TV series.
“I sure can,” I say looking for the remote.
“Oh, this one is my favorite,” she says referring to the episode where the Camden’s help reconstruct a church that was burned down. “Do you know what I’ve always love about this show?” she asks and I shake my head ‘no’. “They remind me of us. There you have a family who, aside from their imperfections and mistakes, still stay by each other’s side. They forgive and love each other unconditionally, willing to look beyond their mistakes because at the end of the day, mi niña, we are humans, we are allowed our mistakes.
“We are also allowed our secrets, as long as we don’t let them grow into something worse than they are. When they do, they turn into lying. Secrets and lies are what could really break a family, a couple, and a friendship apart. We’ve got to learn to tell them apart. We’ve also got to learn to trust in those who are close to us. If we don’t, we may break ourselves into pieces and lose sense of who we are, of what we are here for.
“Promise me something, Laylah,” she says reaching for my hand. I nod before she continues, “Promise me you won’t let this family break apart. Promise me you will still stick together, see each other more often. Promise me you won’t let lies and secrets break what I have spent years uniting. Promise me you will all be as strong, forgiving, and loving as ever once I’m gone. I’m not saying you won’t have you’re disagreements, you will always have them, no family is perfect, not even the ones on TV. But, just…just don’t let them escalate into something more. Make them remember who they are and where they come from. Don’t let them get lost within their secrets. Promise me you will tell them how much I love them and how sorry I am from keeping this from them.
“Last, but not least, promise me you will always fight. Fight for your dreams, for your life. Remember to stand up if you ever fall down. Remember, that it’s what’s inside that matters, not the outer shell. We’re not perfect, Laylah. We will never be. It’s just a matter of learning from our mistakes. To not let them overpower us. Love with everything you have. Pass to those wonderful children’s of yours the good values I have always shown you. But no more secrets, okay?” she finishes.
“I promise,” I manage to whisper with all the tears coming out of my eyes.
“Now, no more of that crying. Let us just watch my show.” And so we do.
It was getting toward the end of the episode, where the family is on the grounds of what it is to be the new church and they’re giving a service. It is when they start singing a wonderful song called “I Will Rise” that I turn to her and say, “I love this song, it seems angelic and peaceful when the chorus sings it like that, don’t you think?” I wait for her answer, but she doesn’t reply. When I try to ask her again, I hear the sound of her heart monitor beeping and that’s when I start to lose it.
“Mama!” I say standing up, panic and pain in my voice. “Mama! Answer me, damn it! I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry, vieja,” I plead. “Please, please don’t leave me. Not yet. Please, God, don’t take her away from me. Mama! Come on wake up, WAKE UP!” I start to scream between sobs. But she won’t answer me, she won’t move.
“Nurse, nurse, I need some help in here. Please, somebody help! Please!” I call for help, begging, afraid that they’ll confirm what I already know.
Wake up, vieja. Please. Don’t go yet! I need you.
But it was too late, she was already gone. I knew she was from the very first moment I heard that song. No matter how much I tried to convince myself she wasn’t gone, I knew she was.
“Laylah? Laylah, baby, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” Mickey asks from the other end of the phone. He’s worried. Quite frankly, I don’t even remember dialing his phone.
“She’s gone,” I simply whisper and I quickly hear him moving around the house before I end the phone call.
“What do we do when we fall, mi niña?” she asks.
“We get right back up and keep fighting,” I answer sounding more like a question.
“And, if we can’t get back on our own?”
“We turn to the one that owns our heart, because there’s a one hundred percent chance that they are a
lso suffering and hurting. They have also fallen. Just because they have watched us fall and they want nothing more than to see us back on our feet, happy,” I answer, looking to were Mickey is.
“Fight, Laylah, no matter what happens never let yourself fall. Always, fight,” she whispers in my ear before she leaves, showing me her beautiful angelic smile as she backs away.
Gone. She’s gone.
Epilogue
5 years later
J
anuary twenty-sixth. That day will always be marked in my mind. I’ll never forget that day. That night. That was the night we had lost our rock. The night our angel had officially become an actual one, she had moved on into a better life.
That night was the hardest thing I had ever gone through, telling my family that Mama had passed away was heartbreaking. Trying to explain it to Maddie was even harder. She had grown to love Mama in what little time they had spent together. She was shattered. She couldn’t understand why it had happened.
But, as I remembered Mama telling me once, it’s the circle of life. We are not made to spend an eternity on this planet. We need to move on to a much better and peaceful place and make space for others to enjoy this chance of life we are given. I told her that she’s not gone because she is still in our hearts and in our minds. That she’s watching over us, making sure we behave and stay true to ourselves, preventing bad things from happening to us. And I believe it. I believe she truly is watching over us, making sure we don’t wreck ourselves or each other for that matter.
Things have changed in the last five years, our family has grown and, as I had promised her, we have stuck together for better and for worse. United, always united. Mama had left a letter that served as her will. She had left the house to Lola, the business was to be divided between my mom and my uncles. If any of them wished to no longer be part of it then they could sell their shares to whomever they see fit. What she owned back in la Isla she left to Junior and Angel. It wasn’t much, but she figured they would know what to do with it since they had spent more time there than my mom and Luke.
In the letter she reminded us to stick together, that we are family above all. To look beyond our mistakes and learn to forgive each other. She told us how proud she was of how we all turned out. She must have added a few things before her death because she asked Luke to forgive her for how she reacted to his news. She told him she was proud of the man he had become, that she could never be ashamed of him. Told him to embrace who he is and to love unconditionally, no matter what others said.
She asked for everyone’s forgiveness for not telling them about her cancer, claiming that, at the time, it was something she had thought was right. But, that she didn’t regret her decision of rejecting the treatment. If she would have gone through with it, she wouldn’t have been able to enjoy her last sixty days with her family. She asked me to forgive her for making me keeping such a hard secret and reminded me to always be strong and to never give up.
She told us to love each other, to stick together, to never lose that connection we have as a family. But, overall, she thanked us for giving her the best sixty days of her life. Sixty days that she will forever maintain in her heart and cherish.
I was surprised when she said that although she would have loved the idea to be buried in la Isla, the place she was born that will always be carried with her, she wanted to be close to her family, always. So, as she wished, we had buried her in the family plot she had acquired before her death. A few of the relatives back in Puerto Rico had come to say their last goodbyes to her.
Asides from everything, it truly was a beautiful ceremony. Angel had sung a few songs, along with Ari. Maddie had made her a drawing of the two of them and we had put it in inside Mama’s coffin.
Things had changed a lot in the last five years. Lola stayed in the main house. Much to Mickey and Chino’s pleasure, Junior had moved in with her. I could actually see a little something, something growing between them, but at this rate who knows. He had cleaned up a bit and cut the alcohol out completely. Especially since Mario got married and had a beautiful baby boy. He’s set to be two years old soon and he’s the light in Junior’s eyes. Mario’s, too.
My mom and dad had stayed true to their word and moved back to their old house. Mom had helped me take care of Maddie once my very round pregnant belly wouldn’t let me. They were both pretty happy and excited when they found out I was pregnant. Maddie, too, had been excited to be a big sister. You should have seen their faces when they found out they were twins. I think we shocked the breath out of them for what seemed the nth time. My mom started crying and my dad was, I don’t know what he was, he seemed happy and worried. It was just a whole mess of emotions. But, above all, they were the proudest grandparents ever.
My brother eventually met a wonderful woman and they are now engaged and set to be married any day now. Ari had finally decided what she wanted to do with her life. She majored in medicine and is starting her doctorate and internship program, where she’s specializing in cancer treatment.
Mary had gotten married not too long ago to some guy she had met during a night of clubbing. Never in a billion years had anyone seen that relationship going anywhere, but they do seem happy together and that is all that matters. Chino is still single, but pining for Ari’s attention. Poor girl is too enthralled in her studies that she doesn’t even notice. Sure, there is a major gap in age, but love is love, as Mama always said. I can only hope that they work it out.
Carla and Angel got married a year after Mama’s death and they had a baby soon after. Little Angelica is four years old. Not only does she share her grandmother’s given name, but also her eyes. Luke and Trey are still going strong and as happy as ever. They had gotten married on what was supposed to be mine and Mickey’s wedding day. Since, I was already married and very pregnant, there was no way in hell I was going to have my second wedding while sporting a belly the size of the earth. They are now looking toward adopting and we turned them to John, since I had happened to know about a couple of kid’s that needed parents like my uncle and Trey. That house, without a doubt, will be full of love.
As for Mickey and I, I had given birth to our twin boys, Dante and Caleb, on a hot summer day. They are almost five and Maddie is eight now. Our kids are happy kids, to be honest. Sure, there comes a time where they are a pain in the ass but I, we, love them with all our heart. Mickey’s shop is doing great. He had finished the Nova he was working on. We now use it for when we go on our date nights without the kids.
My painting career is going well. Some of the paintings have been showing in local galleries and Luke set up a website where I could sell those that weren’t in the gallery. Sales have also been good there. I have also taken up a side job in room designing. I’ve had the pleasure of turning rooms and offices into a dream. After seeing how I have decorated Maddie’s and the twin’s room, my mom had bragged about it to a friend. That friend loved the job I had done and hired me to do her kids room. She, of course, then referred me to another friend. And before you knew it, I had made a career out of it.
Like promised, I had made sure our family sticks together. Most of them have moved close to each other and we get together on every holiday…and every non-holiday, for that matter. Most of all, we have continued our tradition of the sixty days. We are now gathered in the backyard, it is January sixteenth, set to celebrate Mama’s life, the way she had always wanted it. All of us united as a family.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Mickey whispers hugging me from behind and wrapping his hands over my growing belly. I am in my second trimester and it looks like our fourth child might be a girl.
“Do you think she is happy and proud of us? You know, for not letting all those secrets and lies ruin us? For maintaining that connection she had always fought for us to have? For staying united as the family we are, like she always wanted for us,” I ask, relaxing in his arms and overlooking our overgrowing family, who seem to be enjoying each other’s company. They all se
em happy and joyful, as it always should be.
“Yeah, I really think she is. She always was and always will be,” he says, planting a kiss on my cheek.
The End.
Note to reader
Although the story is based on fictional events and characters, I must admit that there are some parts that I can relate to. I can relate to each and every one of these characters in different ways, they are a part of me as much as I am a part of them I dedicated this book to my grandmother who I lost at a very young age. Like Laylah, I was very close to my grandmother, unlike hers mine passed away to a better life due to natural causes. But cancer has still been a disease that has left a mark in my family.
During the writing process of this story the last thing I ever saw coming was its ending. But somehow it sort of sneaked up on me and this was the path that my characters guided me to and I obeyed to what they wanted me to say. Cancer is a disease that has at least affected someone close to each and every one of us. I applaud those who have taken a fight against it and have won it. I also applaud and hold close to my heart those who have lost it. Because I am sure they had given it its best. I admire you all.
Like I mentioned before, I dedicated this book to my grandmother, but there are four women in my life who also deserve a dedication in one of my books. I promise you all that I will do so on my next one. But right now I want to give all four of you my praise. Blanki, Maggie, Judy & Mita; you have all battled this war against cancer, some of you still are. All four of you have somehow always been there for me, I love you all the same for that, I am proud of calling you all my family; I’m proud of sharing my blood with all of you. It is because of that and so much more that I praise you all, along with all the other cancer warriors that are out there in this world. I admire all four of you, you are all strong women who haven’t given up on that hope and strength that is needed in the battle. I can only wish to be as strong as all of you amazing women.
