Dre rolls her eyes so hard she looks like a cartoon character. “Mmm-hmm.”
I’m trying not to smile, but I can’t help it. Outraged Dre always makes me laugh. “Seriously!” I say.
She throws a pillow at me. “I know you are lying about something, but I just don’t know what.”
“Honestly,” I say, but now I’m full-on grinning like the Cheshire cat. “But! You know what I did do while I was out sick?”
“What?”
“I watched all eight Harry Potter movies.”
“No way! Without me?”
“What do you mean, without you? I thought you were too cool for Harry Potter.”
“Nobody is too cool for Harry Potter.”
“Then how come we never talk about Harry Potter anymore?” I ask.
“Girl, I don’t know! You know I love Harry Potter! We can talk about Harry Potter any time you want. The only reason we stopped talking about those books is…” Her voice trails off. It’s the same reason I don’t talk about music with my family. It’s because it makes me think of Mika.
And I realize why I could talk about Harry Potter with Seth but not Dre. Because with Dre, it isn’t just the books. It’s the memories and they are Mika-drenched.
“We used to go to the marathons down at the old movie theater,” Dre goes on. “Remember?”
“Yeah,” I say softly. We did. Mika and Tori would take us.
Dre is watching me closely. “I could look up and see when the next marathon is going to be. It’s been for ever since we did that!”
I force a smile and nod. “Yeah, that could be fun.” But it won’t be. Not without Mika.
“We definitely need to do a big movie marathon at the theater at least one more time before we go to college,” she says.
I turn over on my back, relieved the conversation has taken a different turn. “Why are you talking about graduation? We haven’t even finished junior year.”
“Yeah, but it is going to sneak up on us. Tori says time flies in your senior year. And that we gotta make the most of every moment.”
I’m always trying to make the most of every moment.
“I don’t believe this is our last real summer,” I say.
“What do you mean? We’ll have next summer too. And, you know, what I heard?” Dre lowers her voice in a mock whisper. “That colleges have summer vacation too!”
I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean! Like, the last high-school summer. Next summer, we won’t be coming back to Palm High in the fall. Like, who knows where we’ll be going?”
“Um, I know? We’ll be going to UCLA. Just like we always planned.”
But we hadn’t always planned that. I’d had a plan before that.
“My dad wants me to apply to schools in Japan,” I blurt out.
Dre’s eyes widen. “Oh, man,” she says. Because she knows what that means to me. “How … how do you feel about that?” Her tone is measured and careful.
“I mean, it is ridiculous,” I say. “Like you said, we’re going to UCLA.” Even though I’m the one who brought it up, I don’t want to talk about it in detail.
“Exactly,” she says. “But … maybe you should apply anyway? For him? I mean, who can say no to Ken? That smile? Those eyes? Those dimples?”
I groan. “Shut up, Dre.” She’s always teasing me about how handsome my dad is.
“No, but seriously, you should apply. I think it might be good for you.”
“That’s what he said.”
“Well, he is a very smart man. And did I mention how good-looking he is?”
“ANDREA.”
A low, loud laugh bursts out of her and bounces off the walls of my bedroom, and it is so contagious that I start laughing too.
“You’ve been cooped up at home for too long,” she says, and I almost tell her that I was out on Friday night, at Seth Rogers’ place, but then I realize how weird that would sound. “Let’s go get ice cream,” Dre goes on. “We can go to Freeze and pick up Libby on the way.”
Dre pulls up to Libby’s house and honks. Libby jogs out of the front door with her blonde hair pulled up in a high ponytail. She clambers into the back seat.
I think Dre and I must have always been popular, even when we were little and people would pretend there was no such thing as popularity, but it didn’t start to really matter to me until we got to high school. I’d seen Mika being popular at high school, and I knew I had to be like that too. So when Dre and I got to huge Palm High after going to tiny Vista Mountain Middle School, and we started hanging out with Libby and Megan and Zach and Peter and Michael, we became a crew. Not just a crew. The crew. But Dre is still my best friend.
I wonder if Libby sometimes still feels a bit third wheel to me and Dre. Probably she doesn’t care. She’s got Megan and the rest of our friends. Also Libby mostly just seems to care about Libby. She’s pulled some shady stuff over the years, like when she made out with Dre’s date at winter formal last year. Dre and Libby didn’t speak for a few weeks after that, but it’s hard to stay mad with Libby. Once you look past her flaws, she can be a lot of fun. And after all, nobody’s perfect. I should know.
“I’m so hot and so bored. There is literally nothing to do here,” Libby says.
“Not literally,” I say, thinking about the sunrise I saw this morning with Mika. And the tiny owl I saw on my way back from Seth’s place on Friday. And the way the stars shine in the desert at night. But I don’t tell Libby any of that. Because best-case scenario, she just wouldn’t get it. Worst-case scenario, she’d laugh at me.
It’s like we live in two different deserts. Sometimes even two different worlds. And at school, I live in her world, where I shouldn’t care about the desert sky.
Sometimes it’s exhausting, being two different Reikos.
“I’m just so glad I’m going to Hawaii in a few weeks. Like, thank God. I’m going to get some island sun, maybe get an island boooooy,” she trills in a singsong voice.
“We get plenty of sun here. And it’ll just be other tourists at your hotel,” I say.
“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll meet a hot Hawaiian guy.” She does what I think is her impression of a hula dance.
“With those moves, nobody will be able to resist you,” says Dre dryly, but she’s smiling.
“Hey! I’m a great dancer.” Libby swats Dre’s arm. Then she leans back into her seat and sighs. “Well, if I don’t meet a hot Hawaiian surfer, at least I’ll get tan. Maybe I’ll even come back tanner than you two!”
Dre snorts. “Sure, babe. Good luck with that.”
Dre’s Mexican-American, and I’ve got my dad’s olive complexion, so we’re always naturally more “tan” than Libby.
“Just you wait. I’m going to come back with a Hawaiian lover and a tan.”
Dre shakes her head, her shoulder-length bob waving from side to side. “Whatever you say, Libbs.”
“Where are we going anyway?” says Libby.
“Freeze,” says Dre, as she turns down South Palm Canyon Drive.
“Ohh! Free ice cream then.” Libby bounces in her seat.
“Free ice cream?” says Dre. “Are they having some kind of promotion?”
Libby tosses her ponytail over her shoulder and adjusts her cleavage. “If you call ‘Libby always gets free ice cream at Freeze’ a promotion.”
“Since when?” says Dre.
“Since Jake Campbell started working there.” Libby gives a sly smile.
“Jake Campbell, as in ‘the guy who got expelled last year for having weed on campus’, Jake Campbell?” I ask.
“Jake Campbell, as in ‘the guy who Libby was totally hooking up with all last summer’, Jake Campbell,” says Dre with a smirk. “I should have known you were doing it for the ice-cream perks.”
“How did I not know about this?” I say.
Libby, to her credit, doesn’t even blush. “You don’t know everything, babe. And you guys are just jealous I’m getting action and free ice cream. Reiko, when was t
he last time you even kissed someone?”
Dre fans herself in mock shock. “Holy Father, Mother, and Son, our baby Rei once kissed someone?”
“All right, all right,” I grumble as we pull into a parking spot in front of Freeze. “It’s been a while. I’m just picky. You guys know that.”
“A while? Rei, you haven’t hooked up with anyone since Ryan. And that was months ago,” says Dre.
“Well, it isn’t like there is anyone new. And unlike some people” − I raise my brows at both of them − “I don’t like sharing what has been around on the Palm High conveyer belt. But I bet I can get free ice cream from Jake Campbell too. And just free ice cream, nothing else,” I say with a grin. “Come on.”
So when I put on my best smile and stride into Freeze, my girls on either side of me, I’m fully expecting us to have to wipe Jake Campbell up off the floor. And to get complimentary ice cream, of course.
What I’m not expecting is to see Seth Rogers standing behind the ice-cream counter, staring at me like he’s seen a ghost.
CHAPTER 10
It takes all of my willpower not to spin on my heel and walk back out of the door. I try to remember if he mentioned that he had a job at Freeze when I was at his place. Maybe he did and I forgot about it? Libby, oblivious, saunters up to the counter and leans against the glass case. “You’re not Jake Campbell. But you look kind of familiar.”
Seth’s pale blue eyes dart to me. I know he is waiting for me to jump in and say, This is Seth. Seth Rogers. I know him.
I stay silent.
“What can I get you?” Seth says, finally.
“He speaks!” says Libby in false astonishment, twirling around. She’s waiting for me to play my part because it always works better when we do this together.
Seth’s eyes are still on mine, a silent plea there. Even though the sun has gone down and the air conditioner is blasting, I’m starting to sweat.
Acknowledge me, Seth is silently screaming.
I take a deep breath and step forward, and Seth visibly relaxes.
“So what happened to Jake Campbell?” I say, and Seth wilts like he’s a marionette and his puppeteer has dropped the strings.
“Got fired,” he says shortly, eyes down.
“God, you’re boring, aren’t you,” says Libby.
I flinch at her tone, but I know why she’s being so harsh. She’s unsure why he’s not responding the way they usually do and is thrown by it. She doesn’t get why he’s not playing his part. And she’s irritated that he hasn’t really looked at her, not once, since we walked in.
Because he’s just been watching me.
“Libby,” Dre chides.
“What? It’s the truth,” says Libby petulantly.
“We go to the same school,” Seth says in a cold voice.
Libby laughs. “It’s a big school, sweetie. No need to get all butt-hurt that we didn’t know your name.”
As Seth’s eyes find mine again, I try to remember if Libby is always like this when she wants something − if I’m usually like this.
“I’ll have salted caramel,” I say, keeping my voice steady.
“Your favorite,” Seth says, and I wince.
Dre and Libby exchange a look, and Libby starts to snicker. It hurts more when Dre joins in.
“Lucky guess,” I say to Seth.
But that isn’t what I want to say. What I want to say is: Guys, I actually went to Seth’s house on Friday. And I kind of want to hang out with him again. And then smile at everyone. I know I could do this, I could make it better.
But the words are trapped inside of me and I don’t know how to let them out. I try, I really do, but it feels like trying to turn on a faucet that has been rusted shut.
Because I know what my friends, what everyone thinks about him. And I know what they’ll think of me if they know I’ve been hanging out with him.
“Well, my favorite flavor is chocolate-chip cookie dough,” says Dre in her normal voice, not her flirty, trying-to-get-free-ice-cream voice. She has suddenly caught on that I’m uncomfortable, really uncomfortable, so she’s stopped snickering and teasing and stepped in to smooth things over.
Seth scoops my salted caramel, then scoops Dre’s cookie dough, and hands us our cones.
“For you?” he says to Libby, who is still trying to figure out what the hell has happened to our usual routine.
“Strawberry,” she says.
“That’ll be six dollars,” Seth says, passing the strawberry ice-cream cone to Libby.
“Oh, Sam—” she starts to say.
“Seth.”
“Do you think you could give us, like … the student discount? Since we go to the same school and everything.” Libby is still giving this her best shot.
Seth’s face is stony. “Six dollars, please,” he says.
“I mean, nobody will ever know. It isn’t like they do a weigh-in with the ice cream each night. I know because Jake used to give me free ice cream all the time.”
“Maybe that’s why he got fired,” Seth says, deadpan.
Dre snorts. And I start to think that maybe, just maybe, she’ll get why I like spending time with him.
Libby sighs, overly dramatic. “Fine,” she says, clearly bored. Then she turns to me and Dre. “I left my wallet in the car, so one of you bitches can buy me ice cream.”
“I’ve got it,” I say. “I’ll meet you guys in the car.”
Dre and Libby exchange another look, and for a second, it looks like Libby is going to say something, but a short headshake from Dre stops her, and they both go outside.
“Well, that was … enlightening,” says Seth. His gaze is cutting.
“Just run the card, Seth.” My voice is tense.
“You are unbelievable,” he says, but he runs the card.
“Look, I didn’t know you’d be here—”
He gives me a sardonic smile that stops my words. “Of course you didn’t. Because if you’d known, you wouldn’t have come. Wouldn’t want to inflict me on your friends.”
“It’s not like that,” I protest, but he raises his eyebrows.
“Whatever you say, Reiko.” Then he gestures out of the window. “Don’t keep your friends waiting.”
“Seth—” I try again, but he turns away and goes into the storage room behind the counter, leaving me alone with the ice cream.
“Well, that was weird,” says Libby, as I climb into the back seat. “Reiko, why was he … watching you like that?”
“He wasn’t,” I say.
“He totally was. And how did he know your favorite ice cream?” She shivers. “What a creep.”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say,” I say, feeling my cheeks start to flame.
“Since when are you Miss Congeniality?” Libby says with a snort. “Why are you defending Seth Rogers? He looks like one of those guys who is going to end up with a girl locked in his basement or something.”
“Libby!” snaps Dre, turning to swat Libby on the leg.
“What?” says Libby, eyes wide with faux innocence.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Libby,” says Dre, scowling.
“I’m bored of talking about Seth Rogers.” I keep my voice steady, like I really don’t give a damn. “Dre, can you turn on the radio?”
Dre does what I ask, but I can tell she’s watching me. I feel bad. I’m her best friend, and best friends are supposed to tell each other everything.
But I don’t know how to explain me and Seth.
CHAPTER 11
I can’t stop thinking about what happened at the ice-cream store with Seth. And I don’t want to feel guilty about it, but I do, and then my guilt gets bigger, like the shadow of an oncoming truck, until it isn’t about Seth anymore, until it has morphed into something else entirely, and it is so big it is going to devour me. That night in bed, thoughts that I keep locked up in a corner of my brain come to life. They slide out of my head and surround me, pressing on me, pulling on me until I can’t sleep. My shee
ts are soaked in sweat and my long hair is tangled around my throat like seaweed. I untangle it and push it back off my face and neck.
Then I lie back down, trying to ignore that I’m trembling, and close my eyes. I should sleep. I should sleep. I should sleep.
But whenever I close my eyes, I see Mika, not as she is now, in her yellow dress, but as she was the last time I saw her alive.
She was wearing a bikini. It was yellow. My mom sang when she saw her in it. “Itsy bitsy teenie weenie…”
“Mom, it doesn’t have polka dots!” Mika said, but she was smiling.
“Yeah, but it’s itsy bitsy! And yellow!” My mom stood back and admired my sister. “You look beautiful.”
“What about me?” I demanded, twirling in front of her.
She laughed. “You look beautiful too. My beautiful girls.”
… slamming into the ocean, tumbling around like a sock in a machine. Sand under my fingers. Another wave smashing my face. Water rushing down my throat… Mika. Mika!
My heart hammers hard in my chest and my lungs start to burn, and I bolt upright, gasping for air.
I have to get out of my room.
I have to get out of my house.
I have to get outside.
My car is quiet; my car is free of ghosts. I sit for a minute in the front seat, under the gaze of the moon, head on my steering wheel. For a minute, I think about calling Dre, but I don’t want to be the Reiko she knows.
I want to be someone else.
After a few minutes, I do text someone. But not Dre.
Can I come pick you up? I’ll be outside your place in 20 min.
Seth is already waiting outside his trailer when I pull up. I’d never texted him before and he didn’t reply to my message, but I drove here anyway, just in case. I had a feeling he’d come outside, even after what happened at Freeze. Maybe even because of what happened.
He gets in the car without saying a word, and we drive in silence for a few minutes.
I break first. “Look, I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting to see you.”
He stares out of the window. “That was pretty crappy.” Then he turns toward me, eyes sharp and bright like the stars above us. “Is it that unimaginable to you that we could be friends? Am I that unimaginable?”
Only Love Can Break Your Heart Page 4
