by Mercy Amare
“No. How could he? Ty knows about the notes. He knows that I have a stalker. If he knew something, he would tell me. I trust Ty, completely.”
“I’m just saying… what if Kasbian left you that note? What if Kasbian wanted you to see something at Ty’s house?”
I think back to the day that I went over there. “Nothing seemed out of the ordinary,” I tell Toby. “Well, besides the fact that Ty wouldn’t let me inside.”
“Doesn’t that seem odd? The guy has been trying to win you back forever. Why wouldn’t he want you to come in?”
“Ty is a player. He probably had some girl over that he didn’t want me to see.”
“Some girl… like Ariana?” he asks, accusingly.
“Ty didn’t kidnap Ariana. And Ty is not my stalker. Drop it,” I tell him. “I just want to go over there, because somebody obviously wanted me to see something. Who knows, maybe it was my stalker. Maybe my stalker is trying to make Ty look guilty. Maybe this is all one big distraction.”
“Okay,” Toby agrees. “You’re right. But we also have to keep an open mind. I’m tired of this person bullying you, Kihanna. I want to keep you safe, and I want to figure this out.”
“We will. And I promise to keep an open mind.”
I take a deep breath and we pull up to Ty’s dad’s mansion. How is it that I used to spend so much time here, and now I hardly ever come? How has our relationship changed so much?
One thing is certain — I miss Ty’s friendship… I hate that our breakup ruined our friendship. I plan on rectifying that as soon as possible.
4pm
I don’t know.
When Toby and I knock on Ty’s door, the butler is the one who opens up. He brings us to Ty’s room. He’s smiling and acting a lot different than he was on Tuesday. So different that I think maybe I imagined his weird behavior.
“Twice in one week,” Ty says to me as he shuts his bedroom door behind us. “I’m lucky.”
“Come on, Ty. We’re friends. We talk almost every day.” As I say the words, I know they’re not really true. Ty hits on me, I turn him down. That has been the extent of our relationship lately.
“I don’t think you’ve been to my house since we broke up… Does this mean you’ve broken up with what’s his face?”
“Brian,” I say. “And no, we haven’t broken up. We’re not going to break up either.”
“Didn’t you say the same thing about Gabriel? And we all know how that relationship went.”
I roll my eyes, and decide to say it in a way that Ty will understand “You cheated on me. Gabriel lied to me… repeatedly. And Brian, well thankfully he hasn’t done either. As long as things continue on the path they are now, I don’t think we will be breaking up.”
“The girl I cheated on you with is dead. You’d think that’d be a reason to get over it.”
The words hit a little too close to home. I look at Toby and see that he’s frowning too. Ty doesn’t know that my dad’s affair with his mom is the reason for my parents' separation.
“It doesn’t matter, Ty,” I tell him. “Even if you never would have slept with Jacqueline, you and I would not be together. I just… don’t like you like that. But, did you know? About my dad?”
Ty looks annoyed. “That your dad and my mom had an affair? It didn’t take a genius to figure it out that my mom cheated on my dad. It’s the reason she’s dead.”
“Why would that be the reason she died?” Toby asks him.
Ty ignores him. “What’s not fair is that my mom paid for her sin with her life, all the while your dad got a happy ending. A perfect family, a long lost daughter, and a new baby on the way…” He shakes his head. “Why does he get to be happy?”
“Happy? It split apart my dad’s marriage,” I spit the words. “And your mom didn’t die because she had an affair. She was murdered. You don’t even care enough about your mom to want justice. Because if you did, you would have told the police what you saw that night.”
“Just like you told the police about your stalker the first time somebody died. You’re such a hypocrite, Kihanna. Always saying how terrible I am for cheating on you, when the whole time we dated you were in love with my best friend. It’s okay for you, but it’s not okay for me?”
My face grows warm at his words. “I never cheated on you with Gabriel!”
“Cheating doesn’t have to mean you slept with him. You had an emotional relationship with him. You texted him while we were on dates, and when you were upset you went to him instead of me,” he pauses and looks up at me. I can see the hurt in his eyes. I hate that I am the reason for the hurt. “Maybe if you would have given me a real chance, it would be me and you now.”
Before I can say anything, Toby is stepping between Ty and me.
“Dude, chill,” Toby tells him. “You and Kihanna broke up over five months ago. It’s time to move on. She has more important things to worry about than her ex-boyfriend.”
“Then why is she here?” Ty asks Toby.
“Because of the note,” I remind him. “Ty, I need to know why my stalker wanted me to come here.”
“I. Don’t. Know.” Ty says through gritted teeth. His fists are clinched at his side, and he is flexing his jaw.
I grab a hold of Toby’s arm and start pulling him to the door.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Ty, and then we leave.
I don’t know how many more times I will have to say I’m sorry to him, but his words were true. I did cheat on Ty with Gabriel if I consider the emotional level. I don’t know how our relationship would be if I had just given Ty my full attention while we were together. But more importantly, I don’t know why my stalker sent me here. Why was I supposed to go to Ty’s house?
Maybe I will never know.
7pm
Stupid.
October 11
I’ve decided to break things off with Ty. I can’t keep doing this to Gabriel. It’s breaking my heart. He doesn’t deserve this. He is such a good guy. I can’t keep sleeping with his best friend. If he found out, it would RUIN him. I can’t be the girl who breaks him.
I got another picture with a note today. It was a picture of Ty and me in his bed. On the back it said ‘Should you tell him, or should I?’ WHAT IF THIS PERSON TELLS GABE? And WHY does this person keep targeting me? Better yet, WHO is targeting me? I have got to figure this out.
<3 Lily
October 15
Gabriel knows.
Gabriel knows!
I was so stupid. STUPID. STUPID. Why did I let Ty touch me? Why couldn’t I just have been IN LOVE with Gabe? Why do I always have to fall for the wrong guy?
I gave everything to Ty. He had me BEFORE Gabe. And now, there is nothing left for me to give Gabe… Gabe is the one I SHOULD BE with. Yet, I can’t help these intense feelings I have for Ty. HOW can I love them both? How is that even possible?
Gabe says he “needs time”. I hope he doesn’t take too much time, because I’m not sure how I can cope without him.
Heartbroken — Lily
My hands are literally shaking as I read the next entry.
November 2
I got another note today. And I’m scared. The threats keeps getting more and more intense, and I’m not sure what to do. I showed Gabe the notes, and he says not to worry, that it’s somebody just “messing” with me. But I can’t help but think the threats ARE real.
Gabriel has said that he’s forgiven me, but what if he hasn’t? What if this is just him messing with me? To get back at me.
No. Gabe is a good guy. He wouldn’t mess with me like that.
But I do wish I could figure out WHO it was messing with me, and why Gabe is acting so nonchalant about it. I’m really starting to get freaked out.
Scared — Lily
November 11
I slept with Ty again.
I know. I KNOW. After promising Gabe I wouldn’t. And after finally giving myself fully to Gabe… I feel like such a terrible person. How can I sleep with BOTH OF
THEM at the same time? But I can’t help it. I can’t choose between them. The thought of losing either one of them BREAKS MY HEART. I hope I can figure this out soon… before I hurt anybody more than I already have.
Confused — Lily
I put down the journal and take a deep breath.
Gabe knew about the notes. He knew Lily got notes. So why did he lie to me and say he didn’t? Why didn’t he tell me about them when I started getting them?
Whatever this is, I will figure it out. One clue at a time.
I put away the journal, unable to read more. It’s overwhelming, reading Lily’s thoughts. Her life and mine are not so different. I never slept with anybody that wasn’t my boyfriend, but I did have mixed feelings regarding Gabe and Ty… And the both of them are still an important part of my life. Olivia is now my best friend. Sometimes it feels as though I just stole her old life.
If she were still alive, I wonder if we would be friends. I’d like to think so.
11pm
Stupidly trusted him.
I can’t sleep. A million thoughts are running through my mind, making sleep impossible.
Brian is already asleep. He got up early this morning for school and worked late tonight, so we only talked for about thirty minutes before he went to bed. I hate nights like tonight… nights where I don’t get to spend a lot of time with him. He really is my best friend, and I miss him.
But tonight I needed to talk to him, because I really need the comfort he gives me… The closer I get to an answer, the more uneasy I feel. It’s like I don’t know who to trust, and Brian is the one person I completely trust.
I know. I know. There are so many people in my life I can trust — Olivia, Toby, my dad… and until recently, I trusted Gabriel… But Brian is a constant. It doesn’t matter what kind of a day he has. It doesn’t matter what bad thing has happened… He never falls apart. He’s there. Through everything. And nobody else is, not even my own father… And he is exactly who I need.
One thing that really is unsettling me is what Gabe said… Lily supposedly didn’t tell him about notes she was getting, but Lily’s journals tell another story. I just wish I knew the whole story. Why is he lying? I don’t think that Lily would lie in her own journal, but I wish I knew what to believe.
My phone vibrates, and I look down to see a text from Gabe. I wonder if he knew I was thinking about him.
Gabe: We need to talk.
Me: Yes. We do.
Gabe: I’m kind of outside your house right now. Can I come in?
I look over at the journal sitting on my nightstand, and then down at my pajamas. I get up to change, and then think what’s the point? Gabe has seen me in my pajamas before. I text him back.
Me: Meet me at the pool. I’m coming down.
I set my phone on the bed and head downstairs. When I get to the pool, Gabe is already sitting there. His jeans are rolled up and his bare feet are dangling in the water. His socks and shoes are sitting by him. I take a seat beside him. The water feels good on my feet as I stick them in the pool. The air tonight is cool, so I zip up my hoodie, and take a deep breath. I’m wondering what Gabriel is going to say to me — wondering what he will say when I ask him about the notes Lily got. Will he try to deny it again? Can I even tell him about Lily’s journal?
“I lied to you,” he says after a few seconds of silence.
“I know,” I respond when he doesn’t continue.
“I should have told you a long time ago.”
I nod, because he really should have, but I don’t want to talk. If I do, I’m scared I will scream at him… Yell for him deceiving me for all this time… But if I do that, he might leave, and I need to hear what he has to say.
“What happened to Lily was scary,” he finally continues. “And when it started happening to you, I didn’t know how to react or think… I panicked, thinking it was happening to you too. I just thought you would feel better if you didn’t know.”
“I just wanted the truth, Gabe. I still do… Do you know who did it to her?” I ask him.
He doesn’t say anything, but his long silence is all the answer I need.
“Do you know who is doing this to me?” I ask.
Again, he remains silent.
“Have you known this whole time?” My voice comes out in a whisper, and I am holding my breath as I wait for him to say something.
Finally, I hear him whisper back. “Yes.” It’s so faint, that I almost think I imagined it, but I can tell from the look on his face that I didn’t imagine.
I don’t know how I keep myself from yelling at him. I talk to him quietly and calmly. “I’ve been living in fear for five months, and you never once thought to tell me who was torturing me?”
“The threats weren’t real, not really,” he says. “At least not at first.”
This causes me to roll my eyes. “Gabriel, they killed my butler and shot my stepbrother. I’d be dead too if I didn’t get lucky that night.”
“It wasn’t supposed to go like that. You weren’t even supposed to be home,” he says. “He had no idea that your butler would be home when he hired that guy.”
“And what about when your brake lines were cut? And when they tried to kill me in that fire? All the times you pretended to care…” I gently pinch my arm to make sure I’m really awake. I wish that I weren’t. I want to wake up right now, and for this whole conversation to have all been just one bad dream, but it’s not. I’m awake. And this is real.
“I’m sorry…” he says, his voice breaking. “But he promised he wouldn’t really hurt you.”
“Not me… Just everybody else?” My voice is now starting to rise. “What did you think after Jacqueline died? That he would just stop?”
“Yes. I did,” he says.
My hand clinches into a fist at my side. “Nicholas… Jacqueline… Keith… Kasbian… Do you know how many lives could have been saved if you would have just stepped forward? And Ariana… She’s gone, Gabe. You could get her help before any harm comes to her. Why are you sitting here now? Why aren’t you going to help her?”
“It’s… complicated.”
“No it’s not. Whoever he is, is a murderer. And you are just as bad as him. You’re sitting here, letting him continue.”
Gabe doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t try to defend himself.
“Will you tell me who?”
He moves his head back and forth a couple of times, but doesn’t say a word.
“Okay,” I say, pushing myself up. “You need to leave.”
Gabe gets up and tries to put his arms on my shoulders. I push his hands away.
“Kihanna, please,” he says.
“I hate you,” I tell him in a firm voice. “You’re a coward. And I can’t believe I ever trusted you. I’m so disgusted with you right now… I just… I can’t even look at you. Leave. Now.”
Gabe opens his mouth to say something else, but then snaps it shut. Without a word he bends down to pick up his shoes, and then leaves. As soon as he’s out of sight, I fall down to the concrete and I cry.
I cry for the boy that I once thought I was in love with. I cry for Lily, who suffered through exactly what I’m suffering through now. I cry for every person that has lost their life because Gabe didn’t come forward… And most of all, I cry over the fact that I so stupidly trusted him. How could I not have seen it the whole time? Right in front of my eyes, and I never once thought I couldn’t trust Gabe. I did trust him — with my life. For all I know, it could be Gabriel doing this to me. The thought gives me chills.
I have an overwhelming desire to continue reading Lily’s journal. She had to have figured it out. She had to have known. I push myself off of the ground and wipe my tears onto the sleeves of my hoodie. I go inside and run up the stairs to my room. When I get there, I look on my nightstand and see that it’s not there. Lily’s journal is missing.
I rummage through my room. I look everywhere, hoping to find it… But I know I left it right there. I let out a f
rustrated scream and grab my phone and keys. The whole way to my car, I’m praying that Olivia read the journal.
Friday, April 13
12am
Broken-hearted.
When I get to Olivia’s house, I try calling her phone, but she doesn’t answer. I get out of my car, and go to pound on the door. I’m hoping that I don’t wake up her little sisters or her mom and stepdad… But Susan is the one to open the door. She takes one looks at me and goes white.
“Kihanna, what’s wrong?” she asks.
I must look like a mess. I know my face has to be red and swollen from all the crying.
“I… need to talk to Olivia,” I tell her, struggling to breathe. I force myself to take a deep breath. I can’t have a panic attack right now.
“Is everything alright with Brian?”
I nod. “Yes.”
She opens the door so I can walk inside. “Olivia is having a real hard time. I don’t know what you’re going to say, but I don’t think she can take much more bad news.”
“It’s about Lily.” I’m about to continue when Susan cuts me off.
“What’s happening to you… it happened to her too?” she guesses.
I nod.
“I was afraid of that,” she says. “The fear I see in your eyes… it’s the same fear I used to see in hers.”
“I think Olivia has answers. Or at least I hope she does.”
“You know where her room is,” Susan says.
“Thank you,” I tell her, and then walk swiftly towards Olivia’s room. I’m careful not to wake up anybody else, but I take the stairs two at a time. I’ve waited five months for the answer, and I feel if I have to wait another day I may burst. I need to figure this out. I need to make sure this doesn’t happen to anybody else… Nobody else needs to die.
