by Ilana Fox
Jo swallowed hard and concentrated on the chipped porcelain on her mug of tea. Jo had only ever had one true friend – Amelia – and she certainly had never made her feel as William had done late at night in his bedroom. Hearing him say those words was a massive, disappointing blow. ‘Right. So do you … do you have a girlfriend?’
William shrugged easily. ‘I’ve had a few, but nobody serious. Like I said, I had to get used to you not being around and life had to go on. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. I certainly didn’t expect to bump into you in the street!’
‘No, nor did I.’ Jo didn’t know what to say and she felt like she could barely speak – the news that he had had girlfriends ripped straight through her and physically hurt. She felt sick, and she pictured William in his bed with beautiful, toned girls. She was torturing herself but she couldn’t help it.
‘And speaking of bumping into people, I saw your friend from school the other day – she was shopping in Winchester, and looking a bit stressed about getting her degree results.’
Jo tried to look as normal as possible, and concentrated on ignoring her hurt. ‘Amelia! She’ll be fine. I spoke to her the other day – she’s in line for a first, and from what she said she aced her finals.’
William grinned. ‘She seemed a bit strung out when I saw her, said she was buying new outfits to take her mind off it. She showed me the tiniest pair of shorts ever – I think she may have mixed up Miss Selfridge with a children’s shop.’
An irrational image of Amelia flirting with William shot into her head, and Jo downed the last of her tea so she wouldn’t have to speak.
‘She was full of praise for you, though,’ William remarked. ‘Kept on telling me about how you’ve landed an amazing job on one of the best magazines in the country … although she refused to tell me which one it was!’
Jo swallowed. ‘It’s called Gloss,’ she said, ‘and it’s one of those slick women’s magazines that feature articles about people’s relationships as well as, you know, fashion pieces.’
William raised his eyebrows. ‘So you’re writing about the best way for a woman to achieve an orgasm while persuading men to strip off for the centrefold?’
Jo blushed scarlet. ‘No, no, that’s Cosmo … I …’ Jo trailed off, not wanting to disappoint William by admitting she was only a PA. She swallowed. ‘I work alongside the publisher – Joshua Garnet. I assist him on the business side of the magazine as well as providing him with an opinion on editorial ideas. My portfolio has some of the latest ideas for our relaunch …’ Jo nodded down to her portfolio, and William looked at it with interest.
‘May I?’ he said, gesturing down towards it, but Jo caught Debbie’s eye.
‘Best not. There are some staffers in here who don’t know about it, and, well, I’d hate for something to get leaked.’
William leant back in his chair and shot Jo another smile. ‘You know, I had reservations about you storming off to the big city to get a job on a magazine, but you’ve really landed on your feet.’ Jo gave him a wide smile, and he continued. ‘It seems like things have really worked out for both of us – you have your incredible career with Gloss, and I’m finally getting somewhere with the book. You were right – it was worth not getting together after all.’
Jo felt her heart sink, but she forced herself to keep smiling. ‘No regrets, then?’ she said lightly, and William shook his head.
‘Jo, I’ll always have regrets about not being with you, but what will be will be,’ he said softly, and once again he put his hand on hers. Jo felt the electricity between them, and for a moment she wondered if she could pack in her job and go back to Winchester with him. Why was she sticking around in a job that seemed like a dead end? Joshua Garnet clearly had no interest in helping her develop her career, and she couldn’t see a way to make it as a journalist if she stayed there …
William removed his hand from Jo’s, and as soon as he did the spell was broken. Jo felt herself slump a little in her chair, and as William looked at his watch she felt her eyes prickle with tears. There was no way she could give up on her dream, and she had to let William go.
‘I hate to say it,’ he said, with genuine disappointment in his eyes, ‘but I’m going to have to make a move. Look, you must give me your phone number. I’m not losing touch with you again.’
Jo blinked, and without thinking she scribbled her landline number on to an old receipt. As she handed it to him, William stood up and pulled Jo towards him for a kiss on the cheek. Jo blushed, and as she looked away from him, embarrassed, her eye caught Debbie’s, who was sitting at her table with an evil grin on her face.
‘I’ll phone you soon,’ William said, holding Jo’s hands in his before slowly letting them drop. ‘And Jo … happy birthday.’
Jo smiled in delight, and as she watched him walk down the road she felt carefree. Despite having meaningless girlfriends he’d still remembered her birthday, and he wanted to stay in touch. She rushed into a lift in Garnet Tower, but just as the mirrored doors began to shut, Debbie appeared and stuck her foot out so she could stand next to Jo. She waited until some advertising sales guy got out on the fifth floor before speaking.
‘Well, well, well,’ she said nastily, and Jo tried to ignore her, hoping Debbie would take the hint that Jo wouldn’t rise to the bait. ‘Who would have thought that Heifer Hill would have a boyfriend? And such a good-looking one at that!’
Jo focused on the front of the lift and watched the buttons light up as they rose higher up the dark red skyscraper.
‘Madeline Turner will be interested to hear that you have a boyfriend, you know,’ Debbie said, looking at herself in the mirrors of the lift and preening her hair.
Jo turned to look at her sharply. She could ignore bitchy comments about her weight – she had done all her life – but she couldn’t ignore this, not if Debbie was going to talk about her to the editor. ‘Madeline Turner doesn’t give a fuck about my private life,’ Jo said, suddenly furious. She looked at Debbie and decided she didn’t have to play nice. ‘But then, at least Madeline knows who I am. I’m not some nobody with no brain who spends her days typing up other people’s work.’
The doors to the lift opened and both girls got out. As Jo tried to walk away Debbie grabbed her by the arm.
‘Oh, she knows who I am, mark my words,’ Debbie hissed in a quiet voice, looking at Jo in surprise. She had no idea that Jo could be so sharp. ‘But that’s to be expected, given that Joshie Garnet once came on to me.’ She looked Jo up and down and smirked. ‘He likes blondes, you see, and he likes girls who look after themselves. Not like you. Although if you’ve managed to score yourself such a hot boyfriend you may have some hidden talents that Joshua might like.’
Jo gritted her teeth. ‘I don’t care if Joshua finds me attractive or not. I wasn’t employed for that.’
Debbie laughed. ‘You can say that again! His wife only chose you to be his PA because you’re the ugliest secretary in the building. She knew there was no chance of him putting his hands on you. Not like he did with me that evening when he cornered me in the filing room.’ She shot Jo a triumphant look and grinned.
‘Oh, hadn’t you worked it out? Madeline Turner’s doing her best to make sure Joshua doesn’t fuck his assistant. They couldn’t bear the risk or the scandal, especially since his last PA got pregnant.’
Suddenly it all made sense, and Jo felt the colour drain from her face. Debbie cackled.
‘Can you imagine? A bastard heir to the Garnet billions would never have done, and Harold Garnet would go crazy if he knew, so they sacked the poor girl and gave her a “bonus” to keep quiet and get rid of it. But that’s beside the point. I’ll leave you to think about this news,’ she said, walking backwards and taking in Jo’s expression. ‘Not that it’s news to anyone but yourself, really. Have a good day now, you hear? I’ll send your love to the others in my office. They’ll be delighted to hear you’re getting on so well.’
Chapter Nine
&nb
sp; As Jo ran into the ladies’ lavatories she felt tears running down her face and she tripped on the cold, school-style tiles before she shut herself into a cubicle, slamming the door behind her. It was like hiding her sobs from the school bullies all over again. Through her tears she managed to lock the door, and she dropped her portfolio and handbag on the floor before putting her head in her hands. How had she ever thought she was good enough to do this? She hadn’t even shone as a secretary, and had only been picked to be Garnet’s PA because she was fat, ugly and no man wanted to go near her. Jo buried her hands into her growing-out haircut and sobbed, letting self-pity wash over her and wondering if she could afford to leave this job, if she had enough money in her bank account to walk out of Garnet Tower and never come back. Compared to the bullies at school – who strutted around like teenage princesses – Debbie was nothing, a nobody with a head full of split ends, a wardrobe full of clothes fit for a tart and the worst estuary accent she had ever heard. Jo grinned and felt the salty tears drip from her cheeks on to her lips. She had survived Jemima and Dominique and she knew Debbie was no match for her. She wouldn’t allow herself to cry any more.
Jo sniffed, and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands, seeing how the mascara left over from her meeting with Joshua stained her skin black. Going back to her desk would be intolerable but she was determined not to do it with red eyes. Thank God, she thought, nobody would see her in this state. She had to act like she didn’t care about Debbie’s revelations, and she had to walk back into that editorial office not giving a fuck. Jo shuddered as she imagined how the girls on the editorial team would react if they saw her looking like this. Jo unlocked the door so she could examine the damage in the mirror and put her face back together again, but as she pushed the stone-coloured door open she saw Lucy, one of the girls from Gloss, looking at her curiously.
Jo baulked at the sight of her. She was super-slim, effortlessly beautiful and as polished as any model, with long light brown hair, huge grey eyes and an outfit which cost more than everything in Jo’s wardrobe put together. There was something about Lucy’s lack of haughtiness that meant that as much as she tried, Jo found she couldn’t instantly dislike her.
‘I just wanted to check you were all right,’ Lucy said, looking Jo up and down with concern. ‘I couldn’t help but overhear you crying … I was in the cubicle next to you, and …’
Lucy looked from Jo to the toilet cubicles, and she went into one and pulled the toilet chain so that it flushed. ‘I didn’t want to disturb you. Or make you feel embarrassed. But I have, haven’t I? I’m not very good in these situations, I’m sorry.’ Lucy started to turn red and Jo looked at her in amazement. She always thought the journalists on Gloss were unflappable ice-queens.
‘I’m not doing very well at this, am I? I’ll start again. Are you OK?’
Jo nodded and slowly walked to the sinks where she turned on the taps. Despite imagining a wealth of different situations where she spoke to Lucy, or Araminta, or Lizzie, Jo had never expected to be in a position like this. She washed her hands and then ran her fingers under her eyes, rubbing at the panda-bear rings that had formed beneath them.
‘I’m OK,’ she said, her voice thick with emotion. As much as she was desperate to talk to Lucy about journalism, about Gloss, about how she could be a bigger part of the magazine, she just wanted to be left alone. ‘I had a bit of a shock, but I’m OK.’ She looked Lucy in the eye and wondered if she was in on Debbie’s little plan to kick Jo where it hurt. Jo didn’t think so – Lucy neither sounded nor looked like the type of girl who would listen to a word of Debbie’s bitchy gossip.
Lucy went into the cubicle and pulled out a wad of tissue to give to Jo before leaning awkwardly against a wall. ‘When I’m upset I try to think about the last time I was happy. I put myself back into a good mood.’ She flicked her mane of long hair behind one shoulder and looked at herself in one of the mirrors. Everything about her – from her large grey eyes to her soft, plump lips – was perfect.
Jo looked down at her shoes and ignored a fresh scuff mark on one of them. ‘I was happy this morning, but that seems like a long time ago now.’ She leant against the sinks and thought about how she had felt that morning, when she had dressed with the thought that she was going to convince Joshua Garnet to give her a promotion. That – coupled with unexpectedly seeing William, and then being told by Debbie that she had only been made Garnet’s PA because she was ugly – made Jo’s head spin, and she could feel the beginnings of a headache.
‘Do you have any Nurofen?’ Jo asked Lucy, and she watched her rummage in her hard-to-get-hold-of Louis Vuitton Murakami, putting samples of make-up on the sinks so she could get to the bottom of the bag.
‘Here,’ she said, as she handed Jo the cardboard packet. She broke into a wry grin. ‘But only take two, mind. Whatever it was that gave you that shock it’s not worth overdosing for.’
Jo stared back at Lucy incredulously and then burst out laughing. Lucy’s eyebrows shot up.
‘What?’
Jo stopped giggling and smiled at her. ‘It’s nothing. It’s just …’ Jo took a deep breath and decided to take a chance. ‘I’ve never heard any of the Gloss girls crack a joke before.’
Lucy grinned. ‘Nor have I. And I’ve been here nearly a year.’
Lucy leant against the sinks so that they were side by side, but was careful not to let her tight black jeans get wet. ‘I sometimes wonder if they even find some of the jokes in the magazine funny. I often catch Madeline’s eye and wonder if her face is about to break into a grin, but it never does, which makes me wonder if she’s had too much Botox or is just humourless. Who would have thought that working on a women’s magazine would be so serious?’
‘That’s exactly what I was thinking,’ Jo said, checking her top for wet spots made by her tears. ‘Everyone’s undoubtedly glamorous, but …’ Jo stopped herself from finishing her sentence and Lucy looked at her.
‘It’s OK, you know. I won’t tell anyone what you think. God, if Minty could hear me saying she didn’t have a sense of humour I’d be sacked outright. She thinks I’m after her job as it is. Go on, what were you going to say?’
Jo looked at the floor. ‘I was going to say that you’d think there’d be a bit of personality behind everyone’s glamorous appearances, but there isn’t.’
Lucy smirked. ‘Agreed. It’s a lot like the magazine, isn’t it? All gloss and no substance. Do you think they’re robots?’
Jo looked at Lucy in shock. Her mouth dropped open, and Lucy rushed to correct herself.
‘I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just, well … Look, don’t tell anyone I said this, OK, but I’ve never worked with a team of people who take themselves so seriously. They wear the “right” clothes, they say the “right” things, but they only do what Gloss dictates, and they’re the ones who make it up. They live in their own little universe and they don’t seem to realise they’re caricatures of themselves.’ Lucy shook her head in disbelief at herself, and continued. ‘I worked at Eden magazine before this and, believe me, Gloss is a different world to most magazines.’
‘What do you mean?’ Jo said, eagerly.
‘Well, nowhere else do journalists believe they are on a par with Hollywood actresses. Helena, that junior writer, said to me the other day that she was thinking of phoning up Keira Knightley’s manager and telling him she’d be the blonde version. That she didn’t think Keira was much cop and she’d be a lot better, especially since most of London knows who she is and people tend to only think Keira is a nobody who got lucky in Pirates of the Caribbean.’
Jo giggled. ‘You’re joking? Helena can’t act, can she?’
Lucy smiled. ‘I very much doubt it. And to make matters worse, Helena thinks she’s prettier than her. Keira, I mean. Thinks she has a “talent”. Not that you need talent, but anyway. It’s not just that. I mean, every publishing company is cut-throat – that’s the nature of the business – but here it seems like everyone is stabbin
g each other in the back every single day. It’s a fucking game, and it’s one I hate taking part in, but my mortgage repayments depend on me playing it well. And to make matters worse, there are no definite alliances – your best friend today could be your worst enemy tomorrow, and if you don’t fit in then you’re nobody. A nothing.’
‘I know how that feels.’
Lucy looked at Jo sympathetically. ‘I know you get ignored – I see you hovering after meetings and it’s like you’re invisible, but can you imagine what would happen if I spoke to you? It would be social death to even acknowledge that you existed, because to the other girls, you don’t.’
Jo felt like she had been punched in her stomach. She had known all along that people ignored her because of their pack mentality but, after hearing Lucy admit it, Jo wondered if there was any point in trying to befriend anyone on the editorial team. It was just like being at school, only ten times worse, because rather than getting detention for being mean, you seemed to get promoted.
‘Please don’t take it personally – we probably all think the same thing, but none of us is brave enough to speak to you, or anyone else who isn’t part of the “exclusive Gloss gang”.’ Lucy rolled her eyes. ‘Unless one of us does something, nobody will ever step out of line. It’s that competitive and paranoid.’
Jo sighed. ‘I know,’ she said in a small voice. ‘But I still want to be part of it. I want it so much.’
Lucy looked at her with interest. ‘What, you want to be part of the editorial team?’
Jo nodded. ‘Desperately. I only took a secretarial job here so I could break in, but Joshua Garnet isn’t having any of it.’
‘Are you any good?’
‘I think I am. But …’ Jo looked down at her portfolio on the floor of the cubicle and picked it up. ‘What do you think?’ Jo handed her work over to Lucy, and as she flicked through the pages in silence Jo nervously set about putting fresh make-up on, trying not to care that Lucy’s opinion mattered to her as much as Joshua Garnet’s did.
