Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Epilogue
Reasons to Stay
Reasons Part Two
Lisa J Hobman
Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Epilogue
About the Author
Acknowledgments
Also by Lisa J Hobman
This is a fictional work. The names, characters, incidents, places, and locations are solely the concepts and products of the author’s imagination or are used to create a fictitious story and should not be construed as real. Any similarities between the characters herin and persons living or deceased is purely coincindental.
Lisa J. Hobman
Copyright Lisa J. Hobman 2015
First Published by 5 Prince Publishing 2015
Second Edition Published by Lisa J. Hobman
Front Cover The Graphics Shed
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations, reviews, and articles. For any other permission please contact Lisa J. Hobman
First Edition/First Printing June 2015Printed U.S.A.
Second Edition/Second Printing February 2018 Lisa J. Hobman, UK
ISBN: 978-0-9956658-5-9
Created with Vellum
For Rich and Gee with all my love
Prologue
Stevie observed Jason as he read, his face a confused mask. The line between his brows deepened. What the hell was in that letter? He peered down at the envelope, pulled out a photo, and stared at it for a long while. From where Stevie was sitting, she leaned forward and could see that it was a photo of Jason with another girl. Judging by his fresh-faced appearance in the picture, it must have been taken just before he disappeared. Handsome eighteen-year-old Jason. The man she had loved so deeply.
She touched his leg. ‘Jason? Are you okay?’ No reply. ‘Jason? Who’s that girl in the photo with you?’ Still nothing. Panic rose within her and she nudged him. ‘Jason!’ She raised her voice this time causing him to look up.
‘What?’ he snapped. His face had paled. Drained of all colour. But in his narrowed eyes she saw anger. And maybe a little fear.
‘What’s in the letter?’
‘Sorry? Oh…it’s...’ He shook his head and looked back at the letter and the photograph again. His eyes widened. He was clearly horrified at the contents. He opened and closed his mouth as if searching for the right words. Disbelief washed over his features. He stood slowly as if in a trance like state. ‘I’ve…I need…I need some air.’ He almost staggered towards the door, clutching the papers and photograph in his grip.
Stevie stood too and followed. Something was very wrong. ‘Are you all right? You’re worrying me.’ She followed him down the stairs and watched as he pulled on his leather jacket, shoved the scrunched up letter and photograph into the inside pocket, and walked out of the front door. ‘Jason, for goodness sake, will you please tell me what was in the letter? And who was that girl in the photo with you? Please!’
He stopped and turned to face her. ‘I…I can’t do this now. I need to go. I need some time to think… I can’t talk…not now. I need to go… Please let me go.’
‘What do you mean you need to go? Go where? What the hell’s going on, Jason? Talk to me!’ Her chest heaved, and she felt tears needle the back of her eyes.
Whatever was in that letter had changed him. It was like someone had flicked a switch. Loving, sweet, playful Jason had gone. The menacing mask descended once again. Jason from the first days in Scotland was back. He stalked towards her with an angry determination and leaned in until his face was only inches from hers.
His jaw was clenched. ‘I. Need. To. Go.’ Each word was uttered in a staccato rhythm.
She automatically stepped back. ‘B-but you’ll be back? I mean…when you say you need to go, you mean for a drive…or for…for some air…don’t you? And there’s your dad’s funeral…and Dillon.’
His nostrils flared, and he stared blankly at her. ‘I already said I can’t fucking talk about this now. Just leave it, for fuck’s sake. Why do you always have to push things?’
Tears welled in her eyes, and she bit back a sob. ‘I’m not pushing things. You’re scaring me. Just tell me the truth… Are you running again? After you said you wouldn’t to Dillon…and to me for that matter. Is that what’s happening here? I know we agreed that you and I were temporary, but I don’t want you to leave without explanation. Not again. I don’t think that would be very fair of you.’
He snorted. ‘Think whatever you like. At this moment in time, I don’t really care. The world doesn’t fucking revolve around you. All right? It’s. Not. All. About. You!’ he shouted, pointing at her.
Her eyes overflowed with angry and confused tears, and she watched helplessly as he pulled his helmet on, swung his leg over the bike, started the engine, and sped off up the street and out of sight without looking back once.
‘Jason!’
She ran back into the house. A feeling of dread washed over her as she pulled out her phone and dialled Dillon’s number with shaking fingers and a racing heart.
‘Dillon Reynolds.’
‘Dillon, it’s Stevie. I need to speak to you urgently. Can you get out of work for ten minutes?’
‘I…erm…yeah, okay. What’s wrong? Has something happened?’ His voice was filled with concern.
‘Yes…I mean no…I mean… I can’t explain over the phone.’ She was aware that her words were a jumbled rush.
‘Okay…Okay, calm down. Where shall I meet you?’
‘Come to my house. I’ll be there in ten.’ She hung up, locked the door, and ran to her car. Once inside, she fumbled with the keys in the ignition. ‘Come on, Stevie, calm the hell down!’
Exceeding the speed limit wasn’t something she usually did, but it felt warranted right then. She pulled up to her house and climbed out of her car. Her legs felt like jelly, and her heart was doing its best to escape its casing as
it pounded in her chest. She could hear the blood whooshing in her ears and felt a little nauseated. After several attempts of trying to get the key in the front door, she finally succeeded.
Once inside, she paced the lounge and chewed at her nails, periodically peering out the window until Dillon pulled up in his flashy executive’s company car. She watched as he jogged up and was about to knock.
Pulling the door open, she blurted, ‘Something’s happened. He’s gone. I don’t know what it said… He looked like he’d seen a ghost and there was the photo—’
Dillon held up his hands. ‘Whoa, whoa, Stevie. Calm down.’ He gripped her upper arms firmly in his hands and bent to look into her eyes. ‘Slow down, okay? Tell me what happened.’
She led him into the lounge and slumped onto the sofa. ‘We were clearing out his room and listening to some music. I was…we’d…I was…tidying his bed up.’ Dillon raised his eyebrows knowingly, but she ignored him and continued. ‘Anyway, I was straightening his pillow and underneath it there was an envelope addressed to him. In it there was a long letter which he said was from your mum.’
Dillon rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Shit…really?’
‘Yes…anyway, he read it and sat there staring. He went pale and shaky. There was a photo of him from before he left, but he was with a girl. She was pretty… I didn’t recognise her… Oh, my God.’ Shivers travelled down her spine. ‘I…I think I’ve figured it out.’ She widened her eyes and covered her mouth with her shaking hands.
‘Figured what out? Can you tell me what the hell is going on, 'cause I’m lost here.’ Confusion etched his features as he ran his hands over his head and stared pleadingly at her.
A sob escaped through her fingers. ‘The girl in the photo… He had an affair, Dillon. That must be it. The photo was of him with a woman…well, a girl of about the same age as we were just before he left. She seemed familiar, but I couldn’t quite place… Oh God, I bet she got pregnant. That woman had his bloody child, and now he’s finding this out after all this time. Your mum must have found out after he’d gone! It’s freaked him out that he has a nine or ten-year-old child out there somewhere and your mum was the only one who knew. It makes sense… He looked horrified, Dillon.’
Tears sprang from her eyes, and she let them fall as she began to gulp for air. Her heart was thumping so hard it was almost painful, and she began to see stars. She leaned over as panic took hold of her. Clenching her hands into fists, she fought for air as her lungs began to sting.
Dillon crouched before her and grasped her by the arms again. ‘Hey, hey stop this. We don’t know… You can’t presume all that, Stevie. You need to calm the fuck down, right now!’ He raised his voice and shook her lightly. ‘Just stop or I’m ringing for an ambulance, okay? Please…breathe.’
His distress snapped her out of her panic, and she began to take deep breaths, ringing her hands in her lap. ‘Sorry…sorry…I’m so sorry.’ She sobbed.
Leaning forward and placing his knees on the floor, he pulled her into his arms. ‘Come on, it’s fine…just breathe…breathe.’ He stroked her hair until her heart rate slowed, and she was breathing normally again.
He tilted her face up so that she looked at him. His words were softly spoken. ‘I don’t mean to be harsh, Stevie, but you don’t actually seem to know what was in the letter and so jumping to your own conclusions is probably not a good idea, is it?’ She shook her head; he had a point. ‘Now where did he say he was going?’
Fresh tears escaped. ‘That’s just it…he didn’t. He said he had to go and that I could think what I liked. He seemed angry with me. It was as if I’d hurt him. I don’t get it. But he promised both you and me that he wouldn’t run without explanation again. What if he doesn’t come back?’
Dillon seemed to calculate his next words carefully. ‘I think…if he doesn’t come back, you’re going to have to move on and get over him. He’s pretty messed up about things as it is, and there’s no wonder. But I think you maybe need to let him deal with whatever the hell this is in his own way. He was never going to move back here, realistically, and you can’t say you really thought he would. Can you?’
She dropped her eyes to the floor. ‘I love him, Dillon. I’ve always loved him. No one else has ever come close to him in my heart. I hoped that would be enough…enough to make him see that he could make a life with me here. I showed him all the places I love and tried to make him see—’
Dillon took her face in his palms. ‘Stevie, please. Think about it logically. He ran away for a very good reason the first time. Being here again was hard for him. If I were Jason, there would be no way I’d live here again. And if you’re honest with yourself, I think you know…and please don’t take this the wrong way as I know how much you think of him, but expecting him to move back here would be…would be selfish.’
His words hit her like a brick wall, knocking the air from her lungs. She pushed him away and leaned forward again, resting her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands. ‘You’re right.’ She rubbed her face. ‘I was stupid and selfish. I didn’t want to lose him all over again. I keep losing him. And now he may have gone again and I have no idea why. I have no clue what was in that letter that would have affected him so badly. Should I chase him? Should I go up to Scotland and see him? What should I do, Dillon?’
He took a deep breath and pulled her to face him once again. ‘Stevie…please…for your own sake…just let him go.’
Later, Stevie sat home alone, clutching a photograph of Jason and her when they were aged around seventeen. She had swiped it from his noticeboard before she piled the boxes and bags of his things into her car. She had no clue if this was what he wanted her to do since he had simply gone without explanation, but she figured at least this way he had something of his past if he chose to return.
She stared at the image. Jason’s face smiled back at her. Just thinking about what he had been through that made him leave the first time caused her heart to ache, but something equally as painful or hard to bear must have been in that letter, making him bolt again. The pain and anger in his eyes as he had glared at her had both terrified her and made her want to grab him, hug him, and tell him that everything would be okay. But she really didn’t know if it would. He had been through enough, surely. Whatever it was, she hoped someday he would return and explain, but there was a pretty good chance she would have to get used to life without Jason once again.
Chapter One
Jason sat in the airport awaiting his flight to Maine. His knee bounced up and down, and he chewed his nails, a bad habit from childhood that had resurfaced over the past couple of weeks. But there was no wonder. What the fuck am I doing? I should turn around and go home. This is just fucking crazy. He pulled out the letter once again. When they were clearing out his old bedroom after his abusive father’s death, Stevie had found the letter from his deceased mother under his pillow. He had read the note over and over trying to force the words to sink in. Why wouldn’t they sink in?
He glanced up at the illuminated flight schedule on the screen above him. His flight was on time, but he had almost an hour before he was due to board. Focusing his attention on the letter once more, he began to re-read the words that had changed his life, past, present, and possibly his future too, beyond all recognition.
Dear Jason,
My darling boy. This isn’t the first letter I’ve written to you since you left, but I have a feeling it may be the last. I’ve never had an address to post them to, and so I keep them in a box in my wardrobe. The most recent one I always place under your pillow just in case you ever come home. But of course you never do.
The thing is, now I’m sick, and I’m not getting any better. I’m not sure how many more I can write. It’s my heart. I’ve had lots of treatment and tests, but there isn’t much to live for and so I’m giving up. I know that sounds so negative, and I don’t want you to be angry with me. I deserve this you see. I’m getting what I should. My just desserts. The things I lef
t unsaid and undone have eaten away at me for all these years, Jason, and now at least it won’t be long until I can stop feeling like this.
I sit alone in your untouched room often. I wash and change your bedding in case you return. It’s all I have ever wanted, your safe return. To see your beautiful face again.
As I think this may be the last letter I write, there are some things I need to tell you, and they will be painful to hear. But I want you to know that nothing you can think of me will be any worse than what I have thought of myself for the last twenty-six years. I have tortured myself enough for both of us.
I will start at the very beginning. Many years ago before you were born, I met a boy. I fell head over heels in love. He was my everything. We talked of getting married, and we were both so very excited. We talked of nothing else even though we were very young. Anyway, we planned the wedding and had the blessing of both families, which considering our young age was nigh on a miracle. All they asked was that we remain chaste until after the wedding.
The big day arrived, and I dressed in my ivory satin gown and veil, feeling so very excited about seeing my future husband at the altar. It was the most amazing feeling, to know that I would spend the rest of my life with him. I arrived at the church only to be told that he hadn’t arrived. So I waited…and waited. Finally, two hours after the wedding was due to take place, I gave up hope of him turning up and had to admit to myself that I had been jilted. He wasn’t coming. My heart shattered.
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