by Gail Sattler
Lacey felt stunned. She had a feeling that he’d just said something deeply personal, but she wasn’t quite sure what it was. Then, as he always did when personal issues came up, he’d changed the subject so quickly she didn’t have time to think about what he’d said, or respond to it.
This time she couldn’t let it go. Her mind raced as she tried to think of something appropriate to say.
“Kaitlyn wants a dog really bad, but Susan doesn’t trust Eric to look after a dog properly. Puppies are a lot of work.”
“I agree with her on that. It’s also more than just a care issue. There’s a good chance that a dog would become Eric’s drinking buddy. Alcoholics sometimes treat pets that way. If I would have had a dog, I don’t know if it would have ended up being my drinking buddy. Maybe it’s just as well it didn’t happen.”
Again, Lacey was stunned by the wisdom of Randy’s words. Yet, his insights still didn’t change the fact that he’d been an alcoholic—he was just being more honest about it than either her father or Eric.
His expression turned thoughtful. “Bob never had a dog, but once he did have a pair of hamsters. Do you know how fast those things multiply? I was going to say that they multiply like rabbits, but really, a rabbit’s reputation to multiply far exceeds reality. Actually, rabbits are supposed to make good house pets. Some can be litter-box trained, but I’d still rather have a dog.”
It took Lacey a few seconds to switch her train of thought. She had never known someone who changed the subject so quickly, or was so adept at it. The scariest part was that she could follow him. “Are you always like this?”
“Like what?”
Lacey stood. “Never mind. I think it’s time to go.”
They chatted during the trip home, but the closer they came to Lacey’s apartment building, the more conversation began to lapse.
She didn’t know why she wasn’t surprised when Randy parked his car in the visitor parking area and walked her to the door. When she unlocked the main door, he followed her inside, as if he didn’t consider the possibility that once they made it to her apartment, she wouldn’t invite him in.
All the way up the elevator, there was only silence.
She unlocked her apartment door and opened it, but he didn’t move.
She turned around to face him, not sure if she should bid him farewell or actually invite him in.
Randy spoke first, saving her the decision.
“I’m not going to go in—it’s getting late enough—but I couldn’t say this in the doughnut shop. I feel some tension between us, and there shouldn’t be. I want you to know that I’m fine. For the days I don’t feel fine, then God helps me. There’s a verse in Second Timothy that says ‘Yet, I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.’ So because I’m trusting God to keep my life on track, as they say in AA, one day at a time, I’m asking you to trust me, too.”
Trust.
Lacey didn’t know how such a short word could carry so much power, or ask so much.
His voice deepened, lowering in both pitch and volume. “I’m still the same person as I was on Sunday morning, before you knew.”
“I know,” she said softly, the words almost hard to say. He was that same person. What she didn’t know was how well she knew that person. Yet, for all her hesitations, he’d done nothing wrong so far. All she could think of were the verses she’d read where God cautioned His children to stay away from drunkards. Even though Randy hadn’t had a drink for a few years, he freely admitted to having a problem with alcohol, so it still counted. God’s advice was good. She knew from close experience the heartache of being married to an alcoholic, both during marriage, and after it was yanked away and all that was left was a gaping hole and continued losses.
He reached forward and grasped one of her hands, then massaged her wrist gently with his thumb. “I’m seeing Eric again tomorrow evening, but it’s going to be an early meeting. Can we have a quick dinner together, so we can do the same thing as tonight?”
“I don’t know if I should.”
“I’ll pay.”
Lacey scrambled to think of an excuse. “No. This must be getting so expensive for you. We’ve been out for supper so many times, and you’ve only let me pay once.”
“I let you pay twice.”
“I had a coupon. That didn’t count.”
Randy smiled at her comeback. “Then I have an idea. We won’t have much time, anyway, so how about if we throw something quick together at my place and keep going? At work, I often grab a quick burger for lunch. I hate doing that for supper, too. But I can make something better at home, and then we can go straight to Eric and Susan’s place together.”
“But…” Lacey let her voice trail off. That wasn’t what she meant. She certainly wasn’t fishing for an invitation, but now that he’d invited her, she didn’t know how to back out graciously, especially since he was doing so much to help her brother-in-law.
“I’m a good cook. Promise.”
“Am I going to be able to come up with a reason why this isn’t a good idea?”
“I hope not.”
She looked up into Randy’s face, into his beautiful blue eyes, which radiated only hope and sincerity. Her heart told her that so far he’d done nothing wrong. In fact, he’d done everything right. But the more sensible part of her couldn’t trust him because of what he had been.
“You’re taking too long to answer. You’re making me nervous.”
His words made her chest tighten. She wasn’t being fair to Randy, and she knew it, but she couldn’t stop the way she felt. She knew she shouldn’t sit in judgment, and she probably owed him the chance to prove himself. Besides, just because she went to his home for dinner, that didn’t mean she was obligated to spend the rest of eternity with him.
“I’m sorry. Yes, that would be nice.”
“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow. Good night.”
He turned and left before she had a chance to change her mind.
“Wow. Something smells good.”
Randy walked into the kitchen, with Lacey following behind. “It’s not a big deal. I do this all the time. I just put a bunch of stuff in the slow cooker in the morning, and when I get home, it magically turns into beef stew.”
She lifted the lid of the slow cooker, peeked inside and inhaled deeply. “It looks as good as it smells, too.”
Randy opened the cupboard door and began to set the table.
He didn’t know why it was important to him, but he wanted to show Lacey what God had done in his life. After being with Eric a few times, Randy was getting a good idea of what she’d seen, and it hadn’t been good. Randy wanted her to see that he would never, ever be like Eric as she now knew him.
Not that he could ever be someone he wasn’t, but he wanted to show her that he could be someone she could at least like.
Randy straightened the place settings, and turned to Lacey. “When I stayed with Bob’s family, I used to spend a lot of time in the kitchen with his mother, and his brother, Tony. Everyone in that family cooks. In fact, Tony even opened up his own restaurant.”
Bob’s mother had taught him well the value of a well-prepared meal. Also, by being with Bob’s family, he’d learned that there was more to a meal than just eating. For them, taking the time to be together with family and friends was often more important than the food. When he moved out, it had been a huge adjustment to eat alone. Now that he’d been with Lacey for dinner so many days in a row, something inside him ached at the thought of going back to dinner-for-one.
Randy placed two glasses on the table. “Everything is done, so this will be even faster than grabbing a burger, and way more nutritious. I don’t think we have time to make dumplings. I hope that’s okay.”
“Dumplings? You make dumplings? Yourself?”
He unplugged the slow cooker and carried it to the table rather than putting the stew into a bowl, so he
’d have less dishes to wash. “I told you I was a good cook. Didn’t you believe me?” They sat down at the table.
Her cheeks flushed. “I’m sorry. I thought you were just joking. I don’t know what to say.”
“How about saying grace?”
Lacey immediately led with a short prayer, and they began to eat.
Randy watched as she took her first mouthful. She closed her eyes and chewed slowly, savoring the flavor. “This is so good.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I like to eat, so I’d better be a good cook.”
Lacey savored another mouthful before she spoke again. “You must have done a lot of cooking when you were a kid.”
“No. I didn’t.” The truth was, no matter what he did, it was never good enough, and that included his feeble attempts at cooking. “But I did a lot of cooking with Bob’s family over the years. There were six kids in that family. Before the first one got married, including Bob’s parents, that was nine people to feed at every meal, more if they had other guests besides me.” He smiled at some of the memories from Bob’s mother’s kitchen. “Mealtime was a real family affair over there, always very interactive. Bob’s mother made sure everyone had a job to do. If you ate, you were expected to work. She has a Bible verse on the kitchen wall, saying so. Sometimes, though, I think that organizing everyone and acting as referee was harder work than if she would have just done everything herself. I learned a lot from Bob’s mom.”
“She sounds like a very special lady.”
“She is.” Randy sucked in a deep breath. “If you want to meet her of course she’ll be at the wedding, which is in a couple of weeks. Want to come with me? I can introduce you then.”
Lacey’s fork froze in midair. “Pardon me?”
“I’m going to be Bob’s best man. Would you like to come as my guest? I’d be honored if you’d accompany me.”
Her eyes widened as she stared at him. Every second felt like an hour.
“I guess I can. Is it going to be a large wedding?”
“Up until last weekend we thought it was just going to be Bob’s family, but I heard talk that George’s family is thinking of coming after all.”
Lacey’s eyes widened even more. “George?”
Randy grinned. “The bride-to-be. Her name is really Georgette, but everyone calls her George. It’s a long story. I’ll tell it to you someday.” His smile deepened as he thought of Bob and George’s courtship, most of which was spent under the hoods of various cars, or taking apart Bob’s old motorcycle and putting it back together again in Bob’s driveway on the weekends.
Randy hadn’t done a lot of dating, but he’d always pictured something more romantic—like soft music, fragrant flowers and a cozy table for two in a classy, expensive fine restaurant.
His smile dropped as the reality of his messy kitchen, the not-soothing sound of a siren in addition to the noise of the regular city traffic echoing up through the window, and his not-so-famous everyday crockpot stew, without the dumplings, sunk in.
“Randy? Is something wrong?”
He shook his head. “No. But we should get going soon. Eric is expecting me. I don’t want to be late.”
Lacey checked her watch. “You’re right. I was thinking… Rather than go to Eric and Susan’s house in one car, we should both take our own cars from here.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense.”
“It makes a lot of sense. We don’t have time tonight to drop my car off at my place, and that way I won’t have to come all the way here and then drive all the way home. It will save time late at night to just go home from their place.”
“I don’t know.” Randy didn’t like the idea, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized why. He didn’t want to go their separate ways from Eric and Susan’s house. He wanted to have some kind of private goodbye moment with Lacey when the evening was over, maybe even ending with a good-night kiss.
Randy shook his head. He didn’t know where that thought had come from. It wasn’t like he’d never kissed a woman before. But he’d never planned it in advance.
Ever since the day he’d met Lacey, he’d felt like someone had taken his life, put it in a bag and then turned it upside down and shaken it.
He didn’t know why he’d just invited Lacey to Bob and George’s wedding. It just felt right. Even with all his uncertainty, he felt strangely relieved, even happy, that she’d be accompanying him, even though being together at a friend’s wedding was a more intimate affair than just sharing a ride home and a meal on the way.
He wondered if Lacey cried at weddings. At Adrian and Celeste’s wedding, Randy had found himself getting a little choked up, but he’d told himself that it was because Adrian, Bob, Paul and he had been inseparable for years. And now Bob was cutting loose.
As he thought of what was in store at Bob’s wedding, standing up at the front in the hallowed position of best man, he thought of his friendship with Bob, who had been with him at the best times in his life and the worst. Randy wondered if he’d be crying at Bob’s wedding, too.
Was it acceptable to wear sunglasses in church?
“That was great. Thank you so much. Can I help you clean up?”
Randy blinked as he dragged his brain back to the present. “Sure.”
Lacey stacked the plates in the sink while Randy dumped the leftover stew into a plastic container and put it in the fridge.
“I’ll do the dishes later. Let’s go.”
Lacey raised her fist to knock on Susan’s door, but the door opened before she made contact.
She stepped back so she wouldn’t whack her sister in the head.
“Susan? Have you been crying? What’s wrong?”
Asking the question was merely a formality. Lacey already knew she wouldn’t have to wait for Susan’s reply to hear what was wrong.
Eric.
He’d done something. Again.
After he’d promised to quit drinking.
Again.
Lacey stepped inside, with Randy right behind her, and closed the door.
Susan sniffled. “I’m so scared. Eric didn’t come home from work. He said he was going out with his usual drinking buddies. He promised me he was only going to have one and then come home because he was supposed to be going out with Randy. But it’s been three hours, and he’s still not here.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks. “He promised me this was it, that he was going to change. Today was payday. He’s got his whole paycheck in his pocket.”
Words failed Lacey. She couldn’t tell Susan that she’d had doubts from the beginning in Eric’s ability to reform, despite Randy’s involvement and help. All week long she’d felt guilty for her uncertainty, but she was only being realistic. Now, only a few days later, the reason for her doubts had come to pass. Not only that, but they remembered from their childhood what happened every payday.
Guilt washed through her that instead of being there for her sister, she’d been at Randy’s apartment, enjoying a surprisingly good home-cooked supper.
“You should have called me. I could have come sooner.”
“I tried, but I only got your voice mail, so I didn’t leave a message. I don’t have Randy’s number.”
Lacey fished through her purse for her cell phone. “Ugh. The battery is dead. I didn’t hear the warning beep. I’m so sorry. But we’re here now. I wish there was something I could do.”
Randy stepped forward. “There’s nothing you can do, but there is something I can do.” He turned to Susan. “If you tell me where he is, I’ll go see what I can do to get him to come home. He probably feels pretty guilty, knowing he’s failed again, which makes him drink more. Then the more he drinks, the worse he feels, which makes him drink even more, and then he feels even worse and the cycle continues. It’s a real downward spiral and it’s not rational, but often that’s the way it goes.”
“If you go to the bar, what can you do?”
Randy shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure. At best, I
’m hoping I can bring him home and he can sleep it off, and we’ll talk tomorrow. At the very least, I want to make sure he doesn’t drive home.” He reached into his pocket for his keys. “If you tell me where he is, I’ll be on my way.”
Susan sniffled again, and swiped her nose with the back of her hand. “He’s at the hotel at the corner of Fifth and Main.”
Lacey spun around to face him. “You’re going into a bar? Where there’s drinking?”
“If that’s where he is, that’s where I have to go in order to get him. He’s not going to come to me if I stand on the street corner and call him.”
“But…” Lacey let her voice trail off. She didn’t want to ask her question, yet it was something that had to be addressed.
Randy beat her to the draw. He held up one hand to silence her. “I know what you’re thinking. I would be fooling myself if I said I would be able to sit down with him, just have one drink and then I would stop and everything would be just fine. I probably could stop after only one drink today, but then I’d be too tempted to do it again. Only, the next time, since I handled one okay, then I’d have two. And the next time I’d have three. And so on, and so on, and soon my life would be as out of control as it was before. I won’t go down that road, Lacey. I know where it leads, and I don’t ever want to be there again. The only way this works isn’t by moderation. It’s by total abstinence. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
He turned and left before Lacey had a chance to respond.
Again, Susan swiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “He’s so brave. And so smart. You’re really lucky to have him.”
Lacey wasn’t sure there was much difference between the definitions of bravery and foolhardiness. Most of the time, the choice of which word to use came after the fact, after everyone knew if the results of someone’s efforts had met with success, or tragedy. The difference between genius and insanity was often a line the width of a hair, and she didn’t know which side of the hair Randy was on.
She also didn’t think luck had anything to do with her relationship with Randy. She couldn’t decide if knowing him was a blessing, or a curse. Part of her couldn’t help but like him, but the greater part of her was terrified.
