I didn’t want to talk about how I ignored every shadow of a doubt, every inkling and every question. I buried them so fuckin’ deep, I’d sooner come across the wreckage of the Titanic than find all the warning signs I should’ve listened to.
Along with all the warnings he’d given me.
Amanda had never sat right with my brother. On the one hand, it drove a small wedge between us. But at the same time, Mick was always there by my side when I decided to beat up the asshat of the week who I caught flirting with her—a situation she’d invited, I’d come to realize.
But there were things even worse than her cheating—even worse than my blissful and begging ignorance that I wore with pride because she would never do that, not to me, not after everything we’d been through together, not after how long we’d been together. Never.
But those worse things didn’t need to be mentioned. Not now.
No, forever had fucked me, and I wasn’t about to play into her clinging hands again.
That was why I stayed away from Eve—because I was her. I was the fool who’d hung every goddamn star on my forever someone, and that someone had turned around and hung me out to dry.
“I’m sorry, Miles.” I heard the hollow hurt in his voice, the one that promised he was here for me whatever I needed.
And that was the problem. Mick wanted to give things I didn’t need.
“Don’t be sorry. Just stop askin’ what’s going on.” I leveled him with a resolute stare. “Stop askin’ what’s wrong. This is who I am. This is my future… my life now.”
I sat down on the dirt, too, the weight of the memories, even a year old, still heavy on my soul. Kona took the opportunity to crawl over my lap and lay down across my legs like a weighted fur blanket.
“Jesus, Miles, you can’t really believe that. You can’t just live from one woman to the next, never settlin’ because the first one hurt you,” he insisted, anger and despair bleeding from similar eyes. “You deserve better than that.”
“Stop,” I snarled, and Kona whined at my tone. “Eve is lookin’ for the man she’s going to marry. And everything you said about her is true which is why she deserves to find that lucky fucker instead of giving it all up for me.”
I tugged out the tie in my hair, letting the sweat-clogged strands fall around my face. Still, my head and heart pounded as I spoke the bitter truth.
“I’m not him, Mickey. She’s lookin’ to settle down, and I promise you, little brother, gettin’ involved with me would only be settling.” I let out a long sigh. “So, please, just let it go.”
I didn’t want to beg, but with Mick, my brother, I knew I could.
We sat in the truth-drenched silence for a minute, both of us listening to Kona’s panting as my final words came to rest between us.
With a muffled grunt, I watched my brother push himself up to stand, brushing his hands off on the side of his shorts before he spoke down to me, “You know I’m not great with words, and I’m not goin’ to tell you how to live your life, but you’re my brother, and I need you to know that just because I’m goin’ to respect your choices doesn’t mean I agree with how you’re disrespectin’ yourself.”
My eyes shot up to his.
“So, I’m goin’ to say this once and you do with it what you will,” he warned. “I never thought she was good enough for you, not from the moment she sat down next to you in second grade, looked over and smiled at you, and then winked at me as soon as you looked away.” He paused and cleared his throat. “So, I may not be the smartest out of the two of us, but I’m pretty damn good at knowin’ who’s good people, and Eve… Eve is one of the best.”
Sighing, he planted his hands on his hips and glanced away from me. “That woman has looked at you like the moon looks at the stars—like they’re both destined to spend forever together in the same sky. And that’s even after you were your charming self at the wedding. But whether it’s Eve or someone else, Miles, you’re my brother and I love you, but I think you deserve better than you’re givin’ yourself right now.”
Kona climbed off my lap, walking circles around the two of us waiting for whatever adventure was next.
“Where to next?” he asked, extending a hand down to help me up.
When I took it, I knew I was accepting his truce. “This way.”
But his opinion about me… about Eve… there was no point in arguing with him since he was wrong. And if he saw the way she’d looked at me when I left with Jill last night, he’d know that forever with me was finally the very last thing on her mind.
Eve
To go to the cove or not to go to the cove?
The debate warred inside me all week, though it hadn’t been really much of a battle. I loved the almost-secluded spot I’d found. My class loved it. And I refused to not use it just because I might have to deal with its grouchy—gorgeous—co-inhabitant.
Plus, who knew, maybe he’d be too busy with Tits McGee to intrude on my class again.
I hated to admit that my worst fear wasn’t the possibility of seeing him there. It was the possibility of not.
Is it because you can’t get over me that you’re following me around?
Even now, six days later, the memory of his words still cut just as sharply as when they’d been spoken. They weren’t true. But they weren’t false either.
I wasn’t following him. But the truth was I was having a hard time getting over how much I wanted him.
“Leaving in five!” I yelled out my door to the girls. Turning back to my room, another stone of sadness settled in my heart.
Addy had checked in with me at least once a day since we’d talked, making sure I was okay with moving out. No matter how much sadness or fear the thought inspired, it was completely drowned out by the bigger picture—knowing more women who came to this place seeking shelter would be able to stay.
My trials were small compared to what each and every applicant had been through, and if me getting my own place could help just one more of them, there was no shred of a doubt it was what I needed—what I wanted—to do.
My first night at the bar had brought in a fair number of tips to offset the heartache that Miles had provided. I’d only glanced through the available listings online, deciding to wait until after this weekend to see what was going to be in my budget.
I really didn’t need much, I’d come to realize. Most of my days were either spent at Roasters, Blooms, practicing yoga, or, now, at the bar. The colder months would change some of that but not much. I just needed something affordable and temporary—and soon.
A few minutes later, I tugged on a lightweight long-sleeve yoga top over my scoop-neck sports bra and corralled my class out of the house and to the beach.
We’d just stepped onto the sand of the beach when Jo mused with a twinkle in her eye, “Do you think Aquaman will be here tonight?”
I glared at her. “He better not be.”
Liar.
Armed with our yoga mats, we made the trek along the shore to the point where it looked like the beach disappeared but instead curved back into the hidden cove.
Glistening water. Untouched sand. Sea and sky painted with the bright red sun as it set over unsettled seas. Goose bumps spread over my skin at the sight, and I wondered if I’d ever not be so struck by its beauty.
Swallowing hard, I wondered the same thing about Miles—if I would ever look at him and not want him.
I knew there were secrets to him. I’d known from the moment they moved here. Mick was always so friendly and open whereas Miles had a reticence that had only grown the longer he’d been here. And from the moment I’d asked him to dance, the second I asked for more than one night, that reticence had turned recalcitrant.
And I’d helped out at Blooms for long enough to know that hurt people hurt people… and Miles was hurting.
I looked around the perimeter as we reached our spot in the sand, scanning the slightly choppier waves for any sign of my angry Aquaman. No, not mine.
There was no sign of him. A heavy sigh slipped from my lips, but I wasn’t sure if it was in relief or disappointment. A few more moments to register the heaviness in my chest told me it was the latter.
“What was the deal with him anyway?” Jo pressed as she unrolled her mat directly in front of mine.
I shrugged, not meeting her gaze. “He’s my friend’s fiancé’s twin brother.”
“He makes you mad,” she asserted perceptively.
“Among other things,” I grumbled in return.
Cammie chimed in quietly, “It’s hard to even picture you mad, Eve.”
I smiled. “Well, it happens to the best of us.” Raising my hands above my head, I scanned my crowd as the rest of the eyes lifted to me. “Okay, ladies. Here we are again.” I spread my arms out like the cove was mine to share with them.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and pushed Miles from my mind. This place, this practice, wasn’t for him. It was for me.
“This week, I’ll make the introduction short, but I’d like to dedicate this practice to patience,” I opened my eyes and spoke soothingly. “Many times, things happen in life that we need an answer for, that we need a resolution for. And sometimes, the hardest thing is staying steady in the patience it takes to work toward that answer.”
I’d never really been an impatient person. Even now, with the idea of being homeless (though it would never come to that) looming on the horizon, I wasn’t impatient to find a new place.
No, the impatience I felt was attached to a person aside from myself.
My impatience was strung tighter and tighter around the man who didn’t want me, the man who wasn’t slipping from my grip, but losing his grip on the life he’d built here and the people who cared about him.
Over the past many months, I’d watched him. I’d watched how he became distant as Eli fell for Laurel. I watched how he took a step back from his brother and saw how the choices he made drove a wedge between them. Behind his happiness for Mick and Jules, there was sadness and longing for what they’d found.
And then there was the anger with which he punished himself for that longing.
“So, our practice today will take a much slower pace, fully exploring every nuance and breath of the poses, practicing our patience as they work in us to bring resolution, to bring us truth.”
I began with several long side stretches, warming everyone up before we worked into a downward dog sequence.
In my patience, in harboring this slowly and deeply burning crush for Miles, I’d watched him for long enough to learn the truth.
It wasn’t the saddest thing in life to lose something you loved, it was the after… it was living with the knowledge that you’d never have it again.
I didn’t know who or what he’d lost, but I knew he’d retreated into a shell because of it.
I breathed through the poses, knowing I’d never get tired of this—of needing this peace just as much as the women standing in front of me.
As I flowed through the sequence, I let my mind drift to where it needed to go—to where it needed to figure out what it was about Miles that kept me hanging on even when he’d made it more than clear there was no hope.
Every long exhale was a confession to myself why I was attached to a man that wasn’t mine. Eventually, I got to the base of my lungs and the bottom of my soul as I admitted I wanted him because I recognized a piece of myself when I looked at Miles, a piece that he was determined to smother out. And I just wanted to reach him in time before he turned that piece to stone.
I didn’t know or care who hurt him, all I wanted was the chance to show him I would never do the same.
“When your breath brings your practice to a close, you can bring yourself to seated,” I instructed softly, the hour having passed by like minutes.
I pushed myself up from Savasana and took the moment of peace to soak up the cove. The light from the setting sun painted the sand and the rocky wall in the distance with hues of oranges and yellows, turning our little cove into a flickering firepit.
We all stood, brushing any wayward grains of sand off us and gathered our things. I looked back at the ocean, longingly… but there was no angry god in the sea tonight.
“Kenzie, can you take the girls back to Blooms?” I asked, craving a few moments alone.
“Sure.” She nodded.
Jo walked up to my shoulder. “You okay, Eve?” I saw her eyes flick to the sea. “I don’t think he’s here tonight…”
“I know.” I forced a brave smile, refusing to sound disappointed.
Of course, he’d try to stay away from me. He thought I was stalking him because he wasn’t interested.
I let out a sad laugh and repeated, “I know. And I’m okay.”
She put her arm around my shoulder and squeezed before leading the class back to Blooms alongside Kenzie.
The ocean was calmer now, I noticed, walking toward its edge, setting my things down close enough to the shore. It looked like a giant warm bathtub, the deep red hue tinting the surface. As my toes touched the water, they told me otherwise. Cool but not unpleasant. In fact, after the last hour, the chill of the water felt refreshing—right up until it sparked the craziest idea.
I scanned each side of me, looking for Miles or any other signs of life. Confirming I was indeed alone, I walked back to my yoga mat, shoes, and jacket, and paused.
Was I really going to do this?
“I mean, if he has a right to swim naked in the ocean, then so do I,” I grumbled to myself, tugging off my clothes.
Shirt. Bra. Pants. Gone.
The next time I waded into the ocean, it was wearing only my thong. A shiver teased up my spine, igniting a laugh.
Eve Williams, skinny dipping in the ocean.
My arms locked over my bare breasts until I’d made it deep enough for the water to cover them. The waves forced my body into a gentle sway with their power. Pushing my legs up, I floated onto my back, careful to keep my head and glasses above the surface, and stared up at the sky, the moon peeking out into my periphery, waiting for the late summer night to dissolve into darkness.
Cold and cleansing. No wonder Miles swam like this.
After a few minutes, I looked back to the shore to check on my things and saw something I wasn’t expecting.
“Where did you come from?” I yelled, my feet finding the sandy bottom beneath me.
The blue-merled fur dotted with dark eyes and a pink nose tipped to the side like the dog was trying to understand what I’d asked.
I rapidly looked around for his owner but saw no one. Slowly, I began taking steps toward the shore. The cove was a distance from the road with several obstacles in the way, but I was still worried I’d frighten him in that direction.
“Where’d you come from, boy? Who brought you here?” I continued to ask calmly, smiling at how his tongue hung lazily out the side of his mouth.
I took another few steps, the water dropping to the tops of my breasts. Even though he was a dog, I still found myself folding my arms over me like he knew what boobs were and shouldn’t see them.
The beautiful dog trotted right up to the shoreline, retreating as it came toward him and then coming closer as it pulled back. I smiled. He obviously didn’t spend too much time by the sea.
“It’s all right, boy,” I cooed. “Let’s see if you have a collar on, how about that?”
He continued to just sit there and pant, his mouth almost in the line of a smile as though he knew something I didn’t. Taking another step, the water dropped to the tops of my thighs and I reached down and adjusted my thong. Looking up, I froze as the dog jumped up and whipped his head to the side, staring at the string of large rocks that crossed the beach.
There was nothing and no one to see but still, I stood paralyzed, too, until the dog looked back to me, his tail suddenly beginning to wag with a force that looked like it was about to knock him over.
“What’s your name, boy?” I asked softly, trying to calm and refocus him on
me.
He let out a small yap, spun around, and buried his head in my pile of clothes.
“Hey!” I cried out. “Those are mine!”
“Kona!”
I let out a yelp, my body splashing in the water, as a non-animal, but very familiar voice crashed over me.
The next few seconds played out even worse than the night of the wedding. Not only did I watch in horror as Miles climbed over the rocks, but even if I could’ve reached my clothes in time, they were gone—dangling from the dog, Kona’s, mouth as he ran with his bounty to the back of the cove, leaving me stranded.
In the cold ocean.
Naked.
In front of the one man who already thought I was trying to seduce him.
Miles
“Kona!” I yelled, clearing the rocks that separated the two halves of the cove, knowing my crazy dog had to be on this side.
I was expecting to find him digging a hole in the sand to bury another one of my sneakers. Only one. The other he would leave on the way to where its mate was buried, like some sort of trail, and then he’d just sit and stare at me with that goofy smile like he thought he was so damn funny burying my shit.
I expected to find my wayward companion.
Instead, I sailed over the rocks and crashed to a halt when I saw her.
“Eve?” I choked out her name, the sight of her punching the breath from my lungs.
We’d just gotten back from Monterey not even thirty minutes ago, and I’d been cleanin’ out the Jeep after a week of livin’ in it when I turned my back for two minutes and that damn dog took off. Truth was, in a week, I’d grown far too attached to the crazy mutt than seemed reasonable, and when I saw he disappeared, I freaked out.
But all thoughts of him vanished when I climbed over that rock and came face to face with Eve, rising like fucking Venus out of the waves, one arm over her pert tits and the other at her waist.
Thinking… Breathing…. All basic human functions failed me.
Her long dark hair lay in a wet braid over her shoulder, dripping a steady stream of water onto her skin. My tongue thickened, wanting to lick it up.
Besotted: An Enemies-to-Lovers Small-town Romance (Carmel Cove Book 3) Page 9
