I tried to keep my breathing steady as we continued to walk and he continued down the path of his past that was more fraught with broken pieces, dying roots, and poison than the forest floor.
“I believed her when she said she got this great internship with a young, congressional candidate and had to stay at his office until all hours working on the campaign.” And now, I saw it too: his ghost. “I believed her because I believed in forever. I believed in fairy-fucking-tales. And I believed that she was mine.”
My head tipped down and a watery drop fell onto my glasses; I’d started crying.
His hurt was soul deep—deeper than the sea… and, as I listened to it, I knew the story wasn’t done. I knew there was more coming that would justify the bottomless chasm of his pain… that would make it so easy to understand how he’d drowned in it.
“And I believed her the day she came home in this strange state of excitement and panic to tell me that she was pregnant, and we were going to have a baby. It was the first time I felt a flicker of doubt—fucking idiot that I was. At first, I told myself it was panic because we were pregnant and we hadn’t planned it; I’d always used protection.” He paused, a hoarse strangled laugh escaping. “All of a sudden, she was talking about getting married as soon as possible when any time I’d brought it up in the past, she’d always pushed me off. First because high school was too young. Then because she wanted to finish college. Then because she wanted to have her career established. There was always an excuse until the baby.”
It was like that moment when the roller coaster pulls you to the very top of the first drop. Everything he’d admitted up to this point had been the steady drag of despair, pulling me closer and closer to the very darkest part of his pain, the very height of his hurt.
Even the soft sound of the wind blowing gently through the towering trees was like nails on a chalkboard.
“Still, I believed her. Still, I believed in forever.” The way he said it sounded like a curse, like this woman had redefined his dictionary where forever became a new F-word. “So, I bought a ring, and even though she’d already picked a date and a venue, I still planned somethin’ special where I could propose proper, damn fool that I was. Somethin’ at my parent’s house, under the tree where I first kissed her, where we could go back and tell my whole family after.”
His short groan came as the knife of knowledge twisted deeper inside him.
“The day before, she got a call and rushed from my apartment, saying she had to run into the office—campaign emergency. Few minutes later, I heard buzzing. Over and over.” His voice turned raw, like speaking about her betrayal caused an acid burn to his throat. “I saw the screen light up with all these messages from an app I didn’t recognize. Where are you? Are you sure he believes you? I can’t have this baby ruin my campaign.”
And the rollercoaster dropped, leaving my heart behind, breaking.
Just then we stepped into a clearing, a few feet in front of us stood a tall rock face that glittered like dark silver marble in the sun.
Miles turned to face me. I knew my glasses wouldn’t hide the glassiness of my eyes, nor would my flush conceal the streaks my tears had left on my cheeks.
“Once again, I’d been fooled by forever.” The bitterness in his tone burned through my skin like bleach. “The baby wasn’t mine. It was his. The wanna-be congressman, who had a wife and family. And I wasn’t good enough for forever, just good enough to be a front—just good enough, gullible enough, to be the guy to claim the baby and cover up their affair. ”
“Oh, Miles…” I choked out.
I didn’t know what to say. Me. Of all the people. Nothing. Not even something awkward.
“A-And she called?” My throat… my chest… everything burned when I swallowed.
“Same lies. Same person.” He turned away to face the wall, a perfect picture of resignation.
I stood there for a few moments, paralyzed by the truth of what had happened to him—paralyzed with hurt. And anger.
How could someone have done such a thing to this good man? I wanted to punch her.
Actually, I wanted to choke her just like Benny had taught me in class. Not out of self-defense, but out of pure hatred for someone who could use and hurt such a good heart the way she had.
And just as quickly and ferociously as the anger had sprung, it was doused in fear. In one earth-shaking moment, I realized that Miles was me. He’d believed just as strongly in finding the one as I did.
He’d been so intent on creating his fairy tale that he hadn’t realized the woman he’d chosen was the villain and not the princess.
And in the next heartbreaking moment, I wondered if that was going to be me tomorrow. Or a week from now. Or maybe a month. When Miles decided that enough was enough, and what we had was done.
Was I too convinced that what we had was special? That what we had was worth ignoring his insistence that it could never be?
I shook my head as Kona began to trot around me, wondering why I was still standing here when Miles was over by the rock. Numbly, I pet his head and gave him my best strong smile, earning my fingers a giant lick. As I jogged over to where Miles was getting set up, I hoped that if Kona believed my smile, so would he.
“You sure you want to do this?” he asked when I got over there, all trace of the truth of his past wiped from his face.
“Yes,” I replied without hesitation, not caring whether he was talking about climbing the rock or something else.
“Alright, let’s get you harnessed, and then I’ll explain how everything works.” His grin settled my concerns for the moment and as my gaze shifted to the rock face, my worries began to shift.
Was I sure?
“Most people use this wall for sport climbing which means they don’t typically use the harness or ropes. But I’m not willin’ to take any chances with you.” Goose bumps wrapped over my body. “So, I’m tyin’ you up and I’m goin’ to teach you how to climb this as though it had a more intermediate rating.”
As I listened to his curt directions and stepped into a harness that went around my legs and waist, I scanned the obstacle I was about to tackle. Now that we stood closer, I noticed that every couple of feet up the wall stuck out little metal hooks all the way to the top.
“Alright, you ready to learn?” His hands gripped my hips, and I met his gaze that was equal parts wanting to share this with me and wanting to strip my clothes and climb me instead of the rock.
Miles took a solid fifteen minutes explaining the different tools at my disposal from the carabiners, to the wedges—what the hooks in the rocks were called, to my rope and belay. Then, he took me up to the wall and explained what to look for and the best grips to use.
And then before I had time to really wonder if I knew what I was doing, I reached up and sunk my fingers into a crevasse in the rock and began to hoist myself up.
“Perfect,” Miles encouraged me from below.
I moved with the confidence of his words. Each time I paused it was like holding a yoga pose—the difference was that my life depended on it.
“And people do this without a rope?” I squeaked.
I was all for adventure and pushing the limits but safely.
His laughter rumbled up to me on the breeze. “Yup. I could climb up next to you if you want.”
“No!” I practically yelled.
Unless he had another harness, my heart was pounding enough right now, the last thing it needed was to worry about Miles climbing and falling all fifteen feet to his death.
Alright, so I really wasn’t that far up.
“Okay, Evie.” I loved when he called me Evie. It did things to my body it really, really shouldn’t when I was suspended on the side of a rock, clinging for dear life. “Now, try to get your right hand over a little farther onto that ledge.”
I gripped harder and slid my hand where he instructed, relaxing as soon as it sunk into a worn ledge in the rock.
“Great, now push up with your left
foot so you can move your left hand up by the next wedge.”
I took a deep breath. I was only a few feet off the ground, but it was still unnerving to push off from the stability of the face to move up higher. My muscles engaging, I lifted my foot higher. Pressing it against the spot I reached, I was just about to push up when my foot slipped and sent me crashing into the rock with a cry, my arms screaming as they went into panic mode and held on with all their might.
“Eve, you okay?” Miles yelled and I couldn’t answer right away because I was taking stock of my body.
My left foot found its initial resting place, taking some of the tension off my arms.
“Eve, talk to me, baby. Are you okay?” It was the fear in his voice that pulled my eyes open. And when they did, I made the mistake of looking down.
Never. Look. Down.
The perspective of clinging like a crab to a vertical drop picked up the pace of my heart until I saw Miles standing underneath me, worry etched into every handsome line of his face, his hands gripping the side of his head as though he was wondering what the hell he’d done.
“I’m okay,” I replied, my pitch betraying my statement. “My foot slipped, and it scared me, but I’m okay.”
His eyes wouldn’t let me go; they bored into mine deeper than the wedges that were locked into the rock.
“You want to come down?” he rasped. I knew he’d never make me continue if I didn’t want to. And I did.
“No,” I answered quietly but resolutely.
“Okay.” I could hear his sigh from up here.
I didn’t want to come down, but that didn’t stop me from asking, “Miles… what if I fall?”
The shift in his eyes was subtle, like the wind through the tops of the trees—seemingly inconsequential, but carried in the breeze was the spores that would allow something new to grow where it landed.
“Then I’ll catch you,” he promised hoarsely, and I knew we were no longer talking about this moment or rock climbing. “I’ll always catch you, Evie.”
Strengthened with hope, I moved my foot again to a different spot on the rock, testing its stability first before shoving up and locking my left hand on the grip by the next wedge.
“Awesome,” Miles cheered from below, and I couldn’t contain my smile and laugh.
Whatever this was between us, it was worth the risk.
I whimpered as we climbed back into the Jeep, my back muscles already protesting from the crazy climbing workout.
“Yeah, you’re going to be pretty sore tomorrow.” Miles chuckled.
I gave him a side-eye. “In more ways than one,” I grumbled, my hand catching over my mouth too late when I realized what I said.
His eyes flared with desire before he broke away with a soft shake of his head. “You’re somethin’ else, Eve Williams.”
He shut the door behind Kona and climbed in the driver’s seat, roaring the lifted Wrangler back to life.
“So, why two jobs?” he asked a few minutes into the drive. “I know you need to move out, but Laurel can’t be paying you that little that you can’t afford an apartment.”
“I can afford one, and I did find one. But the apartment isn’t a goal, it’s a side step,” I confessed. “Even though it’s temporary and cheap, I don’t want it to draw down my savings.” I slid him a look. “Hence the second job.”
“Savings for what?”
I straightened in my seat, surprised by the question.
“I want to open my own yoga studio,” I began, trying to temper my excitement at his interest. “At first, I was going to rent a space which would’ve been fine, but I wanted to wait until I felt trained enough to do that. Then, last year, when I started looking for a place, I came across this house—which was completely not on my radar at all.”
I laughed at the memory of how I’d made Addy pull off to the side of the road so I could walk up closer.
“My sister and I were driving on Sunflower Lane, and I saw this sunny yellow, old Victorian that I’d never noticed before and it had a ‘for sale’ out front. I think she thought I was dying the way I frantically made her stop so I could get out of the car. And then I saw it. The big bay windows for different studio rooms. The upper floor I could turn into an apartment and live in…” I trailed off, wistfully. “It was everything I didn’t know I always wanted.”
I paused and glanced at Miles, my smile faltering with the way he was looking at me—like I was everything he didn’t know he always wanted.
Clearing my throat, I continued, “Anyway, it’s in complete shambles. Of course, I’d be the one to fall in love with the house that needs to be completely gutted.” I sighed. “The good news is the price is super cheap which means I can afford it on my modest salaries. The bad news is, the down payment is still a lot that I’ve been saving for. But, on top of that, I need to also have money saved for renovations, to have an architect work up drawings and pay to have you guys and who knows who else come and basically rebuild the place from the inside out. It’s not livable in the state it’s in now.”
When he didn’t respond, I looked over at him again.
“You sound happy about all of that,” he said, his confusion tinting every inch of his face.
My smile grew until my cheeks hurt. “I am. I mean, it’s a lot. But I can see the end of it, you know? I can see how amazing it’s going to be when it’s all done.”
“You always seem to be able to do that, don’t you?” Miles asked quietly.
I turned toward him, unsure what he meant until I saw the resolved look on his face.
Was he talking about him? About us?
The more I thought about it, maybe I did just have a sense about certain things. Maybe it was from the yoga and meditation, or maybe it was just my personality. But sometimes, I just felt something so strongly that I knew as surely as the sky was blue that, in the end, it was worth every trial and tribulation.
In the end, if he’d let us make it there, we would be worth so much more than the security of his solitude.
At that moment, before I could say anything else, Kona jumped onto the center armrest and began panting and licking my face, enjoying the breeze from the windows and effectively ending our conversation that had quickly drifted away from the shallows.
Miles
“You alright?” I tensed at the first two words out of my brother’s mouth when he picked up, but I knew my past behavior deserved them.
“Yeah. Fine, little brother,” I rasped, whipping a stick of driftwood back into the ocean and watching as Kona barreled after it.
“Sorry.” He chuckled with a hoarse voice. For the first time since we’d moved here, it seemed I was the one up and awake before he was. “Just don’t normally hear from you this early.”
I wished I could say that I’d woken up with the sun, but really, I hadn’t fucking slept at all. I tossed and turned, grabbing an hour of rest here and there because I kept waking up to the empty space beside me.
One night.
One. Fucking. Night was all it had taken for Eve to rewire the circuits I’d worked so hard to fry, and reconstruct my body to not know how to function without her.
“I wanted to talk to you about the apartment,” I grunted, tugging the stick from Kona’s mouth and shaking off the slobber and sea as he pranced next to me, panting for more. “I… ahh… had to end my lease at the other one because of the dog. But I know they allow pets in your old building, so I was—”
“It’s yours,” he cut me off before I even had to ask.
I whipped the stick again, not knowing how I’d ever repay Mick for everything he’d done for me. Moving from Texas. Keeping my drunk ass mostly out of trouble. Building this business with me. Giving me his condo.
“Thank you.” The words seemed too paltry compared to how much I meant them.
“Don’t thank me, Miles. I’d do anything to help you.” And that was my brother—the knight in shining armor. Too bad Eve hadn’t set her sights on him, Mick would’ve made
perfect Prince Charming material.
The thought had barely whispered from one side of my skull to the other before my body was hard as a rock, my pulse thudding like I was gearing for a fight. Brother or not—charming or not—the only person Eve belonged with was me.
“Fuck…” My fingers pinched against my temples.
“Are you really living out of your car, Miles?” Mick wondered.
I huffed through tight lips, glancing back at my tented car. “Did Eve call you?”
“She talked to Jules,” he confessed, and when I didn’t respond, continued, “Why, Miles?”
This time when Kona returned, he set the stick at my feet and plopped down into the sand next to me. “I don’t know,” I admitted honestly. “You left and it felt like the only thing I had to stick around for in this town was gone. Ironic, since I was the one who made us move here.” I reached out and scratched between Kona’s ears. “And now, I have a dog and…”
He waited for a second before saying the name I wished he would’ve kept to himself. “And Eve?”
“I can’t do this again, Mick. I won’t,” I swore raggedly. “I barely had enough to get me out of Texas when Amanda—” I broke off and swallowed down the rising acid in my throat. “I just…” I trailed off, hoping he would take the opportunity to finish this statement too. “Waitin’ on you to finish my sentence, little brother.”
He laughed. “Why would I do that when I’m much more interested in you finishin’ it.”
“I don’t know how to finish it.” I stared off at the shore. It was cloudy, so the rising sun didn’t offer too much in the way of color, instead only shedding a pale gray light over the sea and horizon. “I want her…” A strained, ironic laugh escaped me. “Wantin’ her was never the problem. Hell, havin’ her isn’t even the problem anymore.”
Besotted: An Enemies-to-Lovers Small-town Romance (Carmel Cove Book 3) Page 16
