"I'm not just offering, I'm telling you I want to do it. I'm telling you I want you to do what you feel is best for your life, your art, but if there's even a little inkling telling you that you don't want to go to S&S, I will be happy to make good on Theo's sponsorship right here in this apartment. You could just stay here." The corners of his mouth turned upward in a sweet smile as he rubbed my shoulders. "I know it's a lot to think about, but I just wanted you to know you have options."
"They've probably never had anybody say they're not gonna take their spot before," I said.
"So?"
"So, it's awkward to say you'll do something and then decide you won't."
He shrugged again. "Life's awkward sometimes. You just talk to them and make it unawkward. Tell them the truth… that you don't need the room anymore."
I smiled against his chest, wondering if it could possibly be as easy as he made it seem. Joe made everything seem easy.
"I think I might have said a bunch of stuff to you when I was out of it," I said. "I don't want you to think I don't want to go to S&S."
He smiled. "You don't."
"Yeah, but it's an honor," I said.
"So is the Joe Spicer Accounts Liable Apartment Act for Artists."
I cracked up in his arms, letting my forehead rub against his chest as I shook my head at him.
"You said Liable Apartment Act," I said, giggling.
"That's what it is," Joe defended. "And you're trying to tell me you'd rather take that other offer from across town." He paused, but then continued. "No, seriously, baby, I'm sure you can work something out where you still get to put your stuff in the gallery. Talk to Lane. I bet you can even work there part time instead of the coffee shop. If not, and they tell you to go take a hike, we'll find another gallery."
Lane was the manager of S&S and Theo's right hand. He would be the first person I'd call if I were to think about backing out. I kept my head on Joe's chest, feeling overwhelmed with the changing feelings brought on by his proposal. I let out a long sigh before stepping back so I could stare at him.
"There's nothing to be sad about," he said. "It's a good thing that you have options."
"I know it is, but I just never thought I'd even be thinking about this. I didn't think everything would play out like this. I thought the whole thing would revolve around this place called S&S, and that my story would be there, you know? I thought that's how it would play out."
"But that's not how it played out, is it?" he asked.
I stared at him, wanting whatever option he was a part of.
"Joe, I can't let you foot the bill for this apartment," I said.
"Don't worry, I won't be doing it for the whole two years," he said.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm gonna get fed up and kick you out by then," he said.
We both knew he was kidding, but we also knew he was making a vague reference to marrying me somewhere in there. Neither of us mentioned it.
"I'm not asking you to quit making art, Lu. I'm not trying to make you barefoot and pregnant or anything. Not yet at least. I want you to do what you need to do artistically—set your goals and go for them. I just think it makes as much sense for you to take a sponsorship from someone who loves you as it does from a random French-Canadian."
"If I had to draw you right now, Mr. Spicer, I would make you a fierce warrior sitting on a horse. One who was capable of the slaying dragons and rescuing me from lava pits and sea serpents."
"If I were to draw you right now, it would be terrible because I can't draw," he said, making me giggle.
"And if you could?" I asked.
"I'd draw you believing me when I say that renting this apartment is the very least of things I'd be willing to do for you, Lu."
"I don't know how I'd draw believing."
"I don't want you to draw it, I just want you to do it."
"Do what?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.
"Believe me when I say I want to make you happy. I want you to choose exactly what would make you happy. Lu, I'm capable of providing this place for you. If you would rather stay here than at S&S for the next two years, then please do it—I want you to."
"Do you think I really could back out?" I asked, feeling like I could breathe for the first time in months.
"Yes," he said with a smile in his voice as if he really couldn't fathom I had a hard time believing it. "And you can probably work something out where you still work with the gallery. I'm sure you could talk to Lane about it."
I gave him a smile that reflected what a surreal situation I found myself in. "I know I said something about not wanting to go there when I was sick," I said, feeling frustrated with myself for letting my insecurities show.
"I can't believe you didn't say that to me sooner," Joe said. "I can't believe it took you being out of your mind with dehydration to tell me the truth. You know I have money, Lu."
"Yeah, but I'm not your responsibility."
"You're more my responsibility than you are Theo Duval's."
I smiled. "Touché, I guess."
"Listen, I know you're capable of making it on your own, Lu. You could make it without me or Theo. You're a hustler and you would make it happen, that's all there is to it. But I'd love to be a part of your journey—part of your story. I want you to stay here and make art, and be my girlfriend. I'll take care of you, and you'll take care of me, and neither of us have to worry about doing a documentary about it."
"I really don't want to do that documentary," I said. It felt so good to be in complete control of all my senses and still be admitting that. "I'm crazy for not wanting to do it with all of the exposure it would provide."
"Maybe you are. Maybe I'm wrong for telling you not to do it. Just know that you have options, Lu, and that if it was up to me, you'd sign up for the Joe Spicer Scholarship Act."
"That's not what you called it a minute ago." I said, smiling.
"Oh yeah? What'd I call it?"
"The Joe Spicer Liability something or other."
"I think the Scholarship Act is better," he said.
I grinned. "The other one had the word apartment in it, which I liked."
He widened his eyes at me. "You must be considering signing up for it if you're so obsessed with the name, little lady."
I laughed. "I have to know the name of it if I'm gonna apply."
He shrugged casually. "Just because you apply doesn't mean you'll get in," he said. "I have a ton of applicants. I've got more than I can handle... eligible female artists lining up down the block to apply for this." He was kidding, but I knew it would be the truth if this scholarship, or whatever it was, actually existed.
"Wait a minute!" I said, pretending to be confused. "I thought you said that spot was definitely mine. You just told me to quit my other thing so that I could come here."
"Did you quit that other thing?" he asked.
"Is there a spot for me if I did?" I asked, looking cautious and skeptical.
"Yes," he said with no hesitation. "I'll throw away all those other applications right now—put them through the shredder. Consider them gone."
"Well, consider your spot filled," I said, even though it made my stomach flip to say it.
"Really?" he asked, staring down at me. We had been joking around with each other a little bit but he smiled at me sincerely. "You can take a day to think about it," he said.
I smiled and shook my head. "No thanks, I'll take it."
Chapter 20
I found myself on the wooden gymnasium bleachers where I first met Josh. Sarah was there with me because Collin had been roped into playing again. Josh was meeting us there, and we would go for pizza and ice cream afterward, which had become a bi-weekly tradition.
It had only been a few days since I made the decision not to go to S&S, and it still seemed a little unreal. Although the option I chose was better, it was still hard for me to believe I was passing up an opportunity like that. Even after I made up my mind, it took me t
wo days to go see Lane and tell him.
In fact, neither Joe nor I had told anyone until this morning, simply because I was working up the nerve. It wasn't really the type of news Joe needed to share with anyone anyway, except for maybe his dad when they worked out the lease situation.
As of this afternoon, Sarah knew about it, but she didn't know all the details. I told her I'd tell her everything at the gym, so it didn't surprise me when I walked in to find her staring at me with a curious smile.
"What happened?" she asked, before I even sat down next to her.
We hugged as I got settled in the stands.
"I'm not going to live at the collective," I said.
"You told me that, but how did this come about?"
I sighed, not knowing where to begin. "I know it must seem ridiculous from the outside looking in, but it's actually good for me."
"It's not ridiculous," she said with a smile.
Her reaction surprised me because I assumed everyone would think I was nuts for passing up the opportunity.
She leaned into me with her shoulder. "I see you and Joe together, Lu. I knew it would be hard on you guys to have you up there with those showers and everything."
I giggled at Sarah, who had always been hung up on the communal showers since day one.
"He did it for me, actually," I said. "He knew I was terrified of doing that documentary."
"You were terrified?" she asked, looking shocked.
I smiled. "So terrified. But I was terrified to apply for S&S, and I was terrified at Columbia. I'm pretty much terrified to do everything with art, but I suck it up because that's just part of it. I was gonna do the film and be happy about it. But, yes, I was terrified, and I'm so relieved about backing out. I seriously could breathe better after I decided not to do it."
She reached out and ran her hand down my back, shaking her head as we watched the guys warming up. "I wouldn’t want to do it either, if you want to know the truth. That's not my thing."
"Most people would think I'm nuts," I said.
"Yeah, but you got something even better," she said.
I nodded, knowing it was the truth, and feeling glad she could see it, too. Sarah smiled at me like she knew how good this was and she was truly happy for me. I could hear the screeching of sneakers and the dribbling of the ball, and I had the warmest and fuzziest of feelings.
"And I have two sets of good news from S&S," I said. "You'll never believe how it worked out with my spot."
"How?"
"I went to see Lane this morning to tell him about backing out, and…" I paused and stared at the gymnasium floor with a smile, remembering how the whole thing went down.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Okay, so last week Lane gets this call from a girl. She was on a greyhound, headed for New York. She thought S&S was a homeless shelter for artists."
"It sort of is," Sarah said, grinning at the irony.
I smiled. "Yeah, but you know what I mean. She thought she could just call up and stay there because she was homeless and she described herself as an artist. So anyway, she cried when Lane told her that wasn't how it worked—that it was a highly competitive program, and many of the tenants had art degrees from Ivy League schools. And, being that she was from Texas and not quite used to Lane's matter-of-fact, New York way of handling business, she busted out crying right there on the phone."
"You're kidding," Sarah said.
"What'd Lane do?"
"He felt bad. He listened to her story. She was raised in rural Texas by her grandparents. She's 25 and she's been working as a cashier at a grocery store since she graduated from high school. She said she's a painter, but she has absolutely no credentials whatsoever. No school, no portfolio, nothing."
"So what happened?"
I held out a finger, telling her to be patient. "So she promises Lane on the phone that she's a real natural who just never had the chance to show the world what she can do. Lane said that she was so tenacious that he had no other choice but to meet her. He had three spots coming open in six months, and he figured he could keep her in mind for those if she was as good as she claimed to be."
"Is she getting your spot?" Sarah asked, with wide eyes, making all the correct assumptions.
I smiled and nodded.
"No way! I thought there were like ten other girls in the running with you."
I shrugged. "Long story short is that Lane met with her, and he said she's legit. He said she doesn't know a thing about art—that it just pours out of her with no technique or training or effort. She's been in town for three days, staying in some run-down old place. Lane was trying to hook up a place for her at a women's shelter for six months until those other spots came open. He couldn’t believe I was backing out. He laughed and said God must have been looking out for Zoe Etheridge when he made me change my mind, but I told him it was me God was looking after."
"Oh, my gosh, so that girl's moving in your spot?"
I nodded. "Can you believe it? He called her when I was up there. She's working at a convenience store, and she gave Lane the name of the place in case he needed to reach her. I was there when he called her. She cried on the phone, which made me cry, too."
"Oh my gosh, are you serious?"
I nodded. "And I saw the painting she did when she met with Lane the other day," I added.
"What was the subject matter?"
"It was a toy," I said. "Just a little toy that was sitting on the desk in Lane's office. It was obvious that she just looked at it and replicated it when he asked her to show him what she could do. She has this unusual style that gave the toy a personality. It was a painting of a little desk toy, and I seriously wanted to buy it from him. It was just amazing. She's one of those people who has a gift."
"You have a gift," Sarah said.
I smiled. "So do you," I said since it was the truth.
"I can't believe it worked out that she got to take your spot," she said. "And she wasn't even in the running for it. Someone from out of town just came in and swiped it right up."
"My timing couldn't have been more perfect for her," I said.
"Do you think she'll do the documentary?" she asked.
"I just talked to the producers before I came here. They asked me about the girl who's taking my place, and I told them she was amazing."
"How do you feel about the whole thing?" she asked.
"Amazing. I'm so thankful that my spot got filled in a cool way like that. It makes me feel so much better about backing out. I mean, I felt great about it anyway, but that's just the icing on the cake."
Sarah reached out and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "What's the other thing?" she asked.
"What other thing?"
"You said you had two things to say about S&S."
"Oh yeah, Lane said he could use some help at the gallery. So I'll still get to sell my art there and everything."
"Oh my gosh, he really hated to see you go, huh?"
I smiled. "I'm the one who asked about the job. It was Joe's idea so that I could still be tied in with them."
"And Lane just said, sure you're hired?"
"Pretty much," I said with a shy grin. "It might not be glamorous. He said something about helping with paperwork and phone calls."
"So? At least you're still connected with all those guys," she said.
"I know."
Sarah turned to stare at me with a look of utter confusion.
"What?" I asked.
"This is like the world's most perfect outcome," she said dazedly.
I laughed. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. I honestly thought you would think I was insane for not doing that documentary."
"I think it worked out perfectly," she said. "And if you hadn't quit, just imagine what would have happened to that girl. She might have given up and gone back to Texas."
"What girl might go to Texas?" Josh asked.
I looked around and didn't see him, but it was obvious by
the muffled sound of his voice that he was under the bleachers spying on us.
"What are you doing under there?" I asked, peering at him through the crack in the bench that was right above us.
He giggled at being spotted, and we giggled at his giggling.
"Get up here, you little rascal," I said, wiggling my finger in the crack.
Sarah and I watched as Josh appeared from the end of the bleachers and then crossed over to meet us, wearing a huge satisfied grin on his face because he had tricked us.
"I got y'all," he said sitting down.
"You sure did," Sarah said. "I thought we had a bleacher monster under there."
"What happened to that girl in Texas?" he asked, still curious about what he overheard.
"She might have moved back to Texas if I hadn't quit," I said.
"What'd you quit?" he asked.
"My new apartment," I said.
"So, you're just gonna stay at your old one?"
I nodded.
"That'll be good," Josh said. "I think sometimes it's better to stay at your old one, anyway."
With that, we all turned to watch the guys who were in full action on the court. Joe was going toe to toe with one of the players on the other team, and I watched as the player tried to dribble around Joe for a layup, and Joe took the ball from him.
"Yesssss!" I yelled really loudly. Josh broke out clapping in support of my exclamation even though it probably wasn't the most notable play of the game. I didn't care. Joe smiled at me after his team made the basket, and his swoon-worthy expression aimed at me was well worth any humiliation associated with my outburst. I let out another whoop, clapping for the basket. Josh and Sarah clapped, too, and I watched Joe's smile broaden as he shook his head at me. He gave me an almost imperceptible wink right before the guy on the other team threw the ball in and he had to once again, focus on the game.
"He winked up here, did you see that?" Josh asked, pushing at my leg excitedly. It might as well have been Derrick Rose out there with how excited the boy was.
I loved the fact that Josh looked up to Joe, and most of all I loved that Joe was worthy of being looked-up-to.
I loved him all the way around, and that's all there was to it.
Not Your Average Joe (Shower & Shelter Artist Collective Book 2) Page 13
