The answer to that was very nearly yes. But it was so much more complicated than that. How could she even begin to explain? Having to talk about it at all was bringing on one of her headaches. She rubbed her temple and tried to concentrate. ‘At first, I did not know what to do. I barely understood what was happening to me, much less what to do about it. The longer I did nothing, the easier it became to go on as I had started.’
‘How well does it work for you now?’ he asked, staring at her as though she had confirmed his low opinion of her. ‘And do not apologise to me again. There is no apologising for what you have done.’
There was an explanation. But it had been years since that night. What proof could she offer him that she spoke true? She took a breath and squared her shoulders. ‘At least the waiting is finally over. You will do what you will do. I do not have to imagine what that might be. My only request—’
‘You have no right to request anything of me.’ Once again, she heard the command in the voice and understood how the boy she had married had become a hero.
‘I will do so, all the same. My son is not at fault. If there is kindness in your heart at all, do not let the punishment fall on him.’
‘You mean, on your bastard?’
She had been foolish to hope for better. ‘My son,’ she repeated softly. ‘If you cannot mete out both shares of the punishment to me, then give me time to tell him the truth before he hears it from another.’
‘He does not know?’ For a moment, his anger was replaced by surprise.
‘No one knows,’ she said. ‘A few people closest to me might guess. But no one is sure, other than you and me.’
‘Not even...’ He was wondering about Stewart’s father.
He had been so drunk that night she doubted he even remembered what he had done. She shook her head. ‘No one knows. And Stewart is far too young to understand. All his life, he has been fed on stories of the heroic father he has never met. To find that it is a lie... It will come as a shock.’ This was not true. It would be utterly devastating to him.
‘His heroic father,’ the captain said with bitterness. ‘And who is that man? I wish to congratulate him and make him aware of his responsibility. Or are your affairs so numerous that you cannot fix on a single name?’
She did not think he had the power to hurt her with mere words, but the question stung like a slap to the face. ‘There was but one man and one night. I could point to it on a calendar, if you wish.’ Not that she needed a paper record. The date and time, down to the minute, had been burned into her memory. The clock in the hall had been striking twelve as her life was ruined.
She shook her head, which was still ringing. ‘I will not tell you his name. Nor will I tell Stewart. You are the only father he has ever known. He had been learning to read by following the news of your battles. His first toy was a wooden sword. He has entire battalions of tin soldiers and sets them to fighting each other at every opportunity. His only ambition is to grow to be as brave as you have been.’
‘That is no doing of mine,’ he insisted. But there was a gruffness in his voice that hinted at emotions other than anger. And then the brief flicker of sympathy vanished. ‘You should not have lied to him.’
‘Nor could I have told him the truth.’ It was an awful enough story to carry on her own. She had no desire to taint the boy’s life with it. ‘I told him a partial truth at least. You are brave and worthy of his admiration. If he meant to create an idol, he could do much worse than you.’
‘Do not think to flatter me,’ the captain said. ‘It will not work.’
But neither did it seem to be doing her any harm. This time, he had been the one to look away, as though her praise made him uncomfortable. ‘It is not flattery if the statement is truth.’
‘I didn’t return to this house seeking your approval,’ he snapped. The tenuous connection she’d created was gone. His gaze locked on hers again as his suspicion returned.
‘I know that,’ she said quickly. ‘You owe me nothing and you need nothing from me.’ But she could not believe it was in his nature to be cruel, even to an enemy. And certainly not to a child.
Suddenly, his look held speculation. ‘On the contrary. I owe you much. I vowed before God to protect you. I do not like to break my word.’ His voice did not sound kind. But neither was it as sharp as it had been.
Had she said something to change his mind? What had it been? She grasped at the opportunity. ‘I made promises to you, as well,’ she said, softly. ‘And I have broken them. You deserved to find a virtuous wife waiting for your return. I failed you. I have failed Stewart, as well. If you could help me in any way...’
It had been too much to ask. He’d flinched at the mention of the boy’s name.
She tried another way. ‘If, once you have decided my fate, you could at least allow me enough time to speak to him, to try to tell him the truth gently, before...’ Before they were turned out of the house, as he had threatened before. It was no less than she deserved. The only consolation she might find in it was that her brother and father would follow her in banishment. After seven years, this charade would finally be at an end.
Captain Wiscombe did not answer. He was staring at her in a way that made her even more nervous than before. His eyes held the same curious intensity that her father’s sometimes did when he found a pigeon ripe for plucking.
Since she had no choice in the matter, she stood his scrutiny in mute embarrassment.
At last, he spoke. ‘There is another possibility.’
She fought down the urge to agree without waiting for an explanation. Sometimes, she suspected she was far too obedient for her own good. It was quite possible that what he planned for her might be even worse than the humiliation she would experience when the truth about Stewart was revealed.
‘You said I needed nothing from you.’ His hand reached out to her, his fingers brushing her cheek. ‘That is not precisely true.’
She could not help it. She shuddered. Part of it was nerves. But there was something else, something about the look in his eyes that raised other, more pleasant feelings in her. She was being touched by the dashing hero whose exploits she had followed for years. In person, he was even more handsome than she had imagined him. And he wanted her help. ‘What do you wish from me?’
He smiled. ‘What does any man wish from the woman he has married? Loyalty, my dear. Thus far, you have given me every reason to doubt that I have yours.’
Loyalty? That was disappointingly mundane. But it was also easily accomplished. According to The Times, Captain Gerald Wiscombe inspired devotion in all who knew him. She would much rather obey him than her less-than-honourable father. She dipped her head in consent. ‘Despite appearances, you have my complete allegiance, sir. Let me prove it to you.’
‘You will have to,’ he said, ‘if you wish to remain in the house even one more night.’
‘Anything you want, I will get for you,’ she said. ‘What do you require?’
He was still looking at her with an intensity that sent chills down her spine. ‘What do I want? Satisfaction. Reparation. Revenge. I have done my duty, in service of my king. I have seen things that no man should see and done things I would never have thought myself capable of. But I survived, madam. Though your father and brother thought they were sending me to my death, I survived. Now I mean to make them pay for what they have done. Are you with me, or against me?’
‘With you, of course,’ she replied without hesitation. Hadn’t this been exactly what she had longed for? Someone to come and make her family regret its selfishness? It would be her pleasure to help him.
‘You answered very quickly. It is as if you didn’t think about it at all.’ He nodded in mocking approval. ‘Do you expect me to believe you without question?’
‘You are my husband,’ she said. ‘By the laws of man an
d church, I must answer to you in all things. My father and brother have no say in the matter.’
‘Just as you no longer have a say in what will happen to my son,’ he said, with a wicked smile. ‘The fact that you bore him does not give you the right to decide his future. You are but a woman and I am the head of the house.’
‘Your son?’ Her heart stuttered eagerly. Did he mean to claim the boy?
‘You have declared him so,’ the captain reminded her. ‘If you did not wish me to have power over him, you should have told the truth.’
‘What do you mean to do with him?’ she said, suddenly afraid.
He fixed her with an insincere smile. ‘If you do as I say? Nothing so terrible. When we have cleared this house of your family and their accompanying friends, I will find a school for the boy. He will start as soon as it can be arranged and will remain there over summer and for holidays as well. He will be perfectly safe, fed, clothed and cared for. But he will no longer live in my house, pretending to be my blood. Until the time comes for him to go, you will keep him out of my sight. I do not wish to be reminded of his presence.’
She had known that school was in Stewart’s future, but not for a few years, at least. He was still so young. This was not education, it was banishment. Stewart would be crushed when he realised that the father he worshipped could not bear the sight of him. And when he was gone, she would lose the only unsullied love she had ever known.
He had noticed her silence. ‘It will not be so different from my own childhood,’ he said, with a shrug. ‘My father sent me to Eton when I was eight. I stayed between terms when he was away from the house. I grew to prefer it to home.’
‘Stewart is much younger than that,’ she said in a whisper.
He gave her a pitying look. ‘Surely you did not expect that we would remain together as a happy family.’
‘Of course not,’ she lied. But he was the hero of Salamanca. She had been hoping for a miracle.
‘Well, then you understand that I am being more generous than most men in this position.’
She nodded, for it was true. But she did not care. She needed more than this. Boarding school was an improvement over the immediate exile he had been threatening less than an hour ago. If he was given time to get to know the boy, she must trust that his mood would soften even more.
‘Will you stand with me, or against me?’ he said.
‘With you, of course,’ she said, eager for the chance to prove her worth to him. ‘I am yours to command.’
‘Very good,’ he said with a nod. ‘I am glad we have an understanding.’
He stood and walked towards the door. Then he stopped and turned back to her again, placing his index finger against his chin as though there was some point they had forgotten to discuss. Then he smiled, as if the idea had suddenly come back to him. ‘We have not yet discussed what is to become of you, after all is settled.’
‘Me?’ The word came out in a squeak, like a mouse that had just been caught in a trap.
‘There is more to being a wife then parroting “yes” each time I ask a question. I expect you to share my bed, as well.’ He’d added it in an offhand manner, as though it was a minor consideration, hardly worth mentioning. ‘You will submit to me whenever I request it. I will use you as I please, when I please. If I tire of you, I will abide no fussing or tears. Under no circumstances will you be taking admirers of your own. I said I wanted loyalty, my dear, and in the bedroom it will be absolute.’
His eyes narrowed in satisfaction at her look of shock. ‘The alternative is that I turn you from the house this very day. There will be no time for niceties. You will leave with your whelp and the clothes on your back, and the devil take you both.’
The fear of that was clearer and more immediate than anything that might happen in the captain’s bed. She gave a hesitant nod.
He nodded back at her, the old, harmless smile returning. ‘Very good. I knew we could come to an understanding, if we had a few moments alone to talk.’
She fought against another shiver. If she thought about it, she would realise that this meeting had gone better than she could have hoped. Stewart would be safe. She would be rid of her family. And as long as he had a use for her, she might keep her place as lady of the house. It was not the stuff of fairy tales, but it never had been.
More importantly, this was Gerald Wiscombe ordering her to his bed. If she searched, she might still find traces of the gentle, awkward boy who had postponed the consummation of their marriage to spare her feelings. At the very least, he was an officer and a gentleman, not some uncaring brute. If she did what he asked of her, he would not hurt her just for the sport of seeing her suffer.
He was also the hero of Salamanca.
Half the women in England swooned at the mention of his name. In their midnight fantasies, they offered themselves to the gallant and heroic Captain Wiscombe, thanking him for his service with their bodies.
Would it surprise him to discover that his wife was no different? That she felt a dark thrill at his command to submit to his desires? If he had meant it as a punishment, he would be just as likely to reject her again, should she seem too eager for his attention.
She stood so that she might look him in the eye and pretend that it did not matter to her if he wanted her or not.
Then, as if to prove just how false her bravery was, he pulled her forward into his arms and kissed her hard upon the lips.
It was over just as quickly. But fantasy paled in comparison. He had told her with a single kiss that he was her lord and master and she had responded as if she longed to be ruled by him. When he released her, she fell back into the cushions of the divan, weak from the sudden loss of control over her body and her future. Before she could comment, he rose, walked out of the room and left her alone.
Chapter Four
In Belgium, when they’d all thought the war was over, there had been far too much time to drink and reminisce with other officers. Gerry had noticed a certain arrogance on the part of the infantry commanders towards their counterparts in the cavalry. Given any excuse, they would insist that fighting from horseback was not real fighting at all.
To be above the action and looking down upon it was, in their opinion, to cheat. Not only did it give the rider a tactical advantage, but it removed the need to face the enemy eye to eye. Bravery, to an infantryman, was to see all of the common thoughts and emotions that rendered one man equal to another reflected in an enemy’s face, and to attack in spite of them.
Today he wondered if there might be truth in that. When he’d imagined himself coming home, it had been in a metaphorical galloping charge. It would be the work of an instant to vanquish the interlopers who had claimed his home. He would take special pleasure in seeing his wife wailing and gnashing her teeth as he put her out and slammed the door in her face.
In his imagination, it was always raining the kind of cold drizzle that one got in the north. It added an extra air of pitifulness to her entreaties and those of the rat-faced whelp clinging to her skirts.
The actual meeting had been quite different. Evidence still proved she was a cheating whore. But he’d thought she would make some effort to deny the obvious. Perhaps she would try to hide the child. At the very least, she would have some tragic story to explain it.
Instead, she had offered complete surrender before he could strike a metaphorical blow. Even worse, she had displayed her greatest weakness. She wished to protect her son even if it meant sacrificing herself. She had not even resorted to the weapon all women seemed to use against men. Not a single tear had been shed as she’d awaited his judgement.
These were not the actions of a worthy opponent. She was behaving like a martyr. Even worse, the boy showed no mark of his mother’s perfidy. Because of Lillian’s lies, the child seemed illogically eager to see him. To send him away
would be like kicking a puppy because it had wagged its tail.
After the interview, he’d felt dirtied by more than the grime of travel. There was no fault in expecting fidelity and no villainy in being angry when one did not receive it. There was no sin in demanding that one’s wife behave like a wife, in bed and out, if she wished to remain under one’s roof. But if all that was true, then why did staring into those sad brown eyes make him feel like a lecherous cad?
And what had the kiss meant to either of them? Compared to his plans to take her to bed, it had seemed almost chaste. But at the end of it, she had been shaking in his arms and he had been left unsettled, ready to saddle his horse and go before closer contact with her made him forget her unfaithfulness.
He would feel better after a drink and a wash. But apparently, that was too much to ask. ‘Aston! Mrs Fitz!’ He roared for the servants in his best battlefield voice and was satisfied to hear doors opening and closing up and down the guest-room corridors. His unwanted visitors had learned the master of the house was home and was not happy.
The servants appeared, out of breath and in unison, before he had to call a second time.
He pointed to the door to his room. ‘What is the meaning of this?’ There was a shiny brass lock on the door of the master bedroom, where none had been before.
‘Oh. Oh, sir. I mean, Captain, I am so sorry.’ His poor housekeeper was devastated that their first meeting after his return was because of an error in her management. ‘When the maid aired the room and lit the fire, she locked it after. It is always locked. The mistress’s room, as well.’
‘I see that.’ He had tried the door just down the hall from his, thinking he could enter his own room through the connecting door. He had been blocked there, as well. ‘Am I expected to break down the benighted doors to gain admittance, then?’
‘No, sir.’ Aston was fishing on his ring for a key. He turned it in the lock and then placed it in his master’s hand. Gerry’s single glance down the hall to his wife’s room had the servant relinquishing that key as well.
The Secrets of Wiscombe Chase Page 4
