Later when she woke, Rhona felt rested. It had been months since she slept so well. Glancing at Edan, he had moved in his sleep, but had placed Ailene next to him in the bed. Cadell was awake. On his hands and knees, he was rocking back and forth.
Having watched Rut's lads, Tavin and Tavis, Rhona knew what was coming next. Cadell would soon be crawling. It seemed to Rhona, Ailene was watching Cadell's progress. Bending her elbow, Rhona cradled her head on her hand and watched Cadell practice.
Looking over at Ailene, with a laugh, Rhona found herself gazing into Edan's two color eyes. For the first time in her life, Rhona really looked into his face. Angular now, all softness was gone. One green and one blue eye stared back at her. She watched his pupils expand before he broke eye contact.
"Tonight, I'll sleep in tha old box bed below. 'Tis nae right. We're nae married." He turned away and swung his legs off the bed. "I dinnae feel comfortable."
"Aye? Well an good, Edan. But, what happens when tha bairn gets fussy 'cause ye're nae here? What then?" Careful to keep her tone soft, Rhona wanted him to know how she felt without driving him away.
"Ye've dealt with her for ....Och! Sorry, sorry, Rhona. I ken naught's been easy. But, this isnae right. I cannae do it."
Deciding she had said enough, Rhona changed the subject. "Ye're ah fine looking mess, Edan. Were ye thinking of shaving?" Rising, she walked around to his side of the bed. Rhona lifted a hand to his head. "Yur hair looks more like ah bird's nest than ah head of hair. It needs tae be combed out an washed."
Keeping her eyes from looking directly into Edan's face, she clucked over his general appearance. "Ah good scrubbing is in order."
"'Tis, agreed. But, as tae shaving, I'm nae wanting tae."
Reaching out, Rhona placed her hand along the side of his jaw. "It needs trimmed. It's tae long an one of tha bairns is likely tae pull out ah handful. Let me trim it for ye with tha scissors"
"I'd welcome tha help. Mayhap, ye could get dressed first?" he asked quite hesitantly.
"Certainly. Sorry, Edan. In five months, I'm afraid I've become quite used tae being in here by myself. I didnae mean tae embarrass ye." Embarrass, nae, interest, aye. She thought as she went to find clothing for the day.
Chapter Forty - Nine
Feeling like an animal licking its wounds, Edan sat in the Pict cave for several days. He did nothing but sleep and eat occasionally. Bearing no wounds, it did not make sense. From his viewpoint, nothing made sense, beginning with Culloden and the death of his brother.
Having to leave the glen, take the gold and move to the lowlands, was the most impossible situation Edan could think of.
Daracha dying, even while the child lived was so horrid he did not want to remember that day again, ever. Rhona's forcing him to give Ailene to her to nurse, was so far out of character for the Rhona he knew, Edan was not able to come to terms with it.
The picture of Rhona holding his child, his daughter, by the rowan tree was almost like a fantasy conjured by a fairy or some such. Rhona's lips had been moving as she comforted Ailene while gently swaying.
Even the killings were like someone else had done them. Some other Edan had risen up inside him and taken control.
The furniture he made, the lumber yard and the market garden were another set of things he looked at in his mind. Edan did not comprehend the man who did those things. Who was he?
Daracha was gone, he was no longer her husband and lover. The odd night he spent in the glen, near the old rock quarry when he buried his wife had taken on nightmare status in his brain.
Killing four men in cold blood...was his blood cold? On reflection, he thought his blood might have nearly been boiling out of his body with the fury that propelled him on. Each time he tried to settle on who he was and what he might do, one picture came to mind, the naked infant in his hands.
Whatever else he might or might not be, he was Ailene's father. That fact alone overrode any thoughts he might have of never going back to the cottage on Wood Lane. Rhona was taking care of Ailene, but he had a duty to Daracha and the infant.
Cadell and the clan were the other fact in his life. His brother had given the task of caring for Cadell and what was left of the clan, to him. Lying here, wallowing in uncertainly was not doing his duty. Not now. Those who threatened them, in particular, Tally Smith, could not rise from their graves and exact revenge.
The threat was removed. It was time for him to resurrect his purpose, his courage and go home. What he did not want, was to be looked at like a victor. The men he dispatched were not killed on the battlefield. No, he had butchered them here and in town. There was nothing honorable or redeeming about the manner in which he had gone about the killing.
At long last, he was able to ask God to forgive him for these sins. Edan could not swear he would never kill again. If his family was threatened, he would defend them by any means he possessed. But he would leave that alone, as all he could deal with was now. For now, he was finished.
On the fourth day, he rose and saddled the horses. It was time to go home. He slept on the horse, not bothering to camp. The animal knew where its stable was, it would take him home.
Late in the morning of the second day, Edan hobbled the horses and turned them loose in the backland of the cottage. He still had his key for the shop and let himself in. Opening the connecting door, Edan slipped up the stairs as quietly as he could.
The moon was waning, but still had sufficient light to show him someone was lying in the bed. Parting the curtains slightly, Edan walked back to the foot of the bed. Rhona was lying there.
Apparently she sensed his presence. Waking, she explained why she was now in the bed, Ailene did not sleep well in the middle bedroom with the other mothers and children. They talked for a moment. His intent was to go down to sleep in the box bed downstairs. Rhona kept telling him to get into bed with her and the children. Finally, too tired to argue, he did as she insisted.
The entire night possessed a dreamlike quality for Edan. Working on a chest to sell at market, he tried to put it all aside. He was standing in his shop, the three apprentices were eagerly working on the tasks Edan had assigned them.
Once Rhona was properly clothed, she combed out the worst tangles in his hair. What refused to be untangled, yielded to the scissors, as had his too long beard. After dressing in clothing, quite obviously too loose, Edan reluctantly went downstairs.
Not sure what he expected, Edan was content to be greeted as if he had never left. Not one of the women hung on him, or cried over him. Jamie seated himself next to Edan with a cup of tea. After a quick "good morn", he told Edan how well the boys had worked. They talked of the growing market for vegetables in town.
The only real show of emotion from Jamie came when he gripped Edan's shoulder tightly for a moment. Jumping up from the chair, Jamie went in search of Rut to give her a kiss before leaving.
Edan's nervousness ebbed. Returning to the cottage was like slipping on an old, worn glove. It surrounded him gently, protecting his fingers from sharp things. Everything felt right. It was almost as if he had never left.
The children were the ones who affected him the most. Lilas, Isa and even little Sim, came over to him after they had eaten. They told him good morning, then Isa looked at Lilas. Taking a deep breath, Lilas looked up at him.
"Ye're home tae stay?" she asked quietly.
Edan looked around the room. Rut was doing something with the twins. Nairna was bouncing her baby girl, Aili on her lap. Nessa and Evina were sewing by the fire. He heard the regular clack and thump of the loom in the weaving room. Cadha was at work. Looking in that direction, Edan noted Jean was spinning yarn. Glynis sat next to Cadha on the bench, carding wool.
It was not the glen, but it was home. Rhona was upstairs with Ailene. Ailene, his child. Holding her close to him last night was a sweet pain. He missed Daracha so much, it was an ache, much like the one in his leg.
Putting a hand on Lilas' head, he stroked the bright red hair. "A
ye, lass. Tae stay." All three children smiled at him before going off to do their chores.
Finding Rhona in his bed, caring for his nephew and his daughter had been a bit of a shock. The three of them had looked so content. The peace he sensed in Rhona was something he wanted, needed. How to secure it and make it his own, was another matter.
Perhaps the rhythm of everyday life would restore him. Edan sighed, as he rose from the table. It was time to go to work. He had a clientele to rebuild, and a life to pick his way through.
Here, in the shop, the tools felt good in his hands. Making things, useful things, had always brought him pleasure. Edan wondered if he could recapture the sense of wholeness, working with wood had once brought him.
Finding he was not sure if anything would ever be the same, Edan sighed heavily as he picked up a gouge. Testing its sharpness with his thumb, he stared at the blood that oozed from the cut he made by pressing too hard. Thrusting his injured thumb into his mouth, Edan sucked on it. He would need to be more careful.
Before the evening meal, Edan went up to the bedroom to collect some of his clothing. This night he would sleep in the box bed downstairs. Rhona entered and quietly shut the door behind her.
"Gathering clothes for tha morning?" Rhona asked.
"Aye. I'll be below if ye need me." He did not turn around as he rolled two shirts into a pair of trousers.
"It may come tae that. If Ailene willnae settle after tha late feeding, ye'll find yurself with an infant in bed. I'd advise ye get as much rest as ye can."
Rhona was close behind him. Taking a step to the side, Edan turned. "I'm sorry she's been so difficult for ye tae care for."
Throwing her hands in the air, Rhona closed the distance between them. "Ailene needs rest tae grow. 'Tis nae only nourishment tha wee bairn needs. I've nae quarrel with keeping here with me, but she doesnae sleep well. Edan, ye dinnae ken, I love her as my own."
"Sorry, Rhona. I...I'm havin difficulty here." He took another side step away from her.
Following him, Rhona placed a hand on his shoulder. "Edan, please understand. I mean ye an Ailene nae harm. Try tae keep it in mind, if ye would."
Dropping her hand, Rhona turned back to the chest where his clothing was. "Would ye care for ah hand moving things? Are ye planning tae put yur things on top of tha box bed? I've ah spare basket should ye need it."
It took him a moment to regroup. Rhona was truly concerned for Ailene's welfare. "I didnae mean tae question yur ..."
When she turned back to him, there was a frown on her pale forehead. Waving him into silence, she looked down between them. "Edan, I ken ye've nae reason tae trust me. All tha while we, Hamish, myself an ye, were growing, Hamish told me I was wrong. I hurt ye any way I could. I ken. Truth is I didnae want tae share Hamish."
Rhona glanced up at him through lowered lashes. "I'd my reasons. Nae good ones, but reasons none tha less. I ken ye still hold me responsible for Daracha's death. Tha reason is quite clear tae me. Shall we leave it there for now? Come, I'll help ye get settled. Do ye want tha basket or nae?"
Stunned, Edan watched her take a basket from the corner. Rhona took the clothing from his grasp and placed it in the basket. Adding a second pair of trousers to the pile, she dug further into the interior of the chest. Finding a comb and the box that held the old Bible, she put them in the basket.
Rhona smoothed a hand over the top of the box. "Ye ken so well what tha book says, ye could probably leave it here. But ye may have need of it. At least ye can read it, which is more than I can do." Picking up the basket, she started out the door.
"Rhona!" He started after her. "I can carry tha thing."
Already out in the hall, she called back to him. "Aye. But, I want tae help ye. See if there's aught else ye may want, while I take this down."
Closing his eyes, Edan stood there, near the doorway she had cheerfully gone through. Something had surely happened to Rhona in the five months he had been gone. Edan didn't understand what.
Chapter Fifty
Carrying the basket down the stairs, she turned sideways to get through the door with Edan's things. The man's reactions were worrisome. He had always been shy, hiding in the shadows, existing on the fringe of things.
Rocking up onto her toes, Rhona placed the basket on top of the box. Now, it was as if he was half asleep. Since moving to Glasgow, he had changed into a man. Before Daracha's death, Edan had possessed a solid confidence in himself, in his ability to cope. This Edan appeared to be even more tentative and uncertain than the lad had been.
Not sure if she could do anything to help him, Rhona checked the bed to see if there was enough bedding to keep him warm when the fire died down. Daracha would be heart sick to see Edan, as he was now.
Helping Edan was probably something she would not be able to do directly. After all, he suspected her motives and Rhona could not blame him. She did try to explain as best she could. But their shared history did not foster trust. A thing, which was her fault without question.
Somehow, they would need to rebuild their relationship. Rhona wanted the old Edan back and she wanted him for herself. There were similarities between Edan and Hamish, mostly of a physical nature having to do with width of shoulder, length of arms and legs.
In looks, they were like night and day. Hamish, dark as night, had been cheerful and outgoing. Edan, with brown hair and those odd colored eyes, was the withdrawn one, the quiet brother. It was possible things could have been different if he had not been permanently injured. It was something Hamish occasionally speculated on. In the end, Hamish did all he could to prepare Edan for whatever might befall him.
Another matter which bothered Rhona greatly, was the possibility of one of the other women attracting Edan. The one who worried her most was Nairna. Nairna was quite beautiful. She was also distant enough kin to Edan to be considered eligible for him. How was she going to go about staking a claim to Edan, without his discovering what she had done?
Perhaps she would talk with Nairna, to see exactly how the other woman regarded the laird. Then again, if the thought had not occurred to the other woman, Rhona did not want to put it into her mind.
Hearing his distinctive gait on the stairs, Rhona hurried out of the narrow doorway from the cubby hole under the stairs. She had given him more than enough to consider for the moment. It would not be good for him to feel cornered.
Meeting him at the foot of the stairs, Rhona smiled at him. "Ye've enough bedding in there. 'Tis nearly time tae eat. Lara has Cadell an Cadha has Ailene in tha weaving room. Ye might go sit with them. I'm going tae call tha others in."
With a sharp nod of his head, Edan crossed the room toward the entrance to the weaving room. Rhona watched as he seated himself on Cadha's weaving bench next to his grandmother-in-law. Cadha would take care of both of them. Crossing to the front door, the tall woman went out to call in the other children.
The evening meal was over and Rhona was readying Cadell and Ailene for bed. The first evening meal at home had gone well, she thought. Edan had not retreated to the small room and his bed immediately.
Jamie had engaged him in conversation for a while. She was too busy helping Nessa prepare for the morning to pay any real attention to what they were talking about. But, she was glad to see Edan and Jamie relaxing together.
Her mother was sitting on a stool near the fireplace. Cadell was holding onto his grandmother's hands while bouncing up and down on chubby legs. Evina was encouraging the boy, telling him what a braw lad he was.
Everyone watched the young children. The twins were walking. Aili, Nairna's little girl was crawling, as was Cadell. Ailene would soon be rolling around and crawling was not far off. The children were kept away from the hearth by whoever happened to be available at the time. The system worked well.
Looking up, Rhona saw Ailene. The child was in the crook of her grandmother's arm. Cadha was dangling a bright piece of ribbon in front of the child's face. Ailene was making little noises as she watched the ribb
on in front of her.
Edan's eyes often turned toward his daughter. Once, the ghost of a smile lifted one corner of his mouth. Rhona realized she possessed the one edge no other woman had, she was nursing his child. But it was something she could not take for granted.
As wary as an animal in the forest, Edan was not going to be easily trapped. The two of them were engaged in something much like the siege of a castle. She must tread carefully with this man. He needed time to get over Daracha's death, but she must entice him in at the same time.
A tug here, a loosening there. A bit of bait, a loose rein. The delicate balance must be maintained. Noticing his head turning in her direction, Rhona lowered her gaze and turned away slightly. Let him watch her all he wished.
On the morrow, there was business to be done at the lumber yard. She would get Edan to help her take the children down to the office. Surely, he would be happy to carry Ailene for her.
With a slight smile of her own, Rhona began to map out her strategy.
After the late night feeding, Ailene was fussy. Sitting on a stool by the window, Rhona rocked the infant in her arms. As much as she wanted to have a reason to go downstairs and give the child to Edan, she also wanted him to rest.
The dark circles beneath his eyes and sunken cheeks, spoke of many nights without rest. Ailene refused to settle. Not even nursing again helped. Every one needed rest. If Ailene continued to fuss, she would eventually wake the entire household.
It was possible, even Edan would not be able to calm her. Placing the infant in a basket, Rhona took a blanket and rolled it tightly. It must be placed across the entrance to the box bed to keep Ailene from rolling out onto the floor.
A glance at Cadell told her the boy was still sleeping. Tucking the rolled blanket under her arm, Rhona picked up the infant and went out into the hall. From all the nights she had quietly crept down the stairs with Cadell and Ailene, she was able to find her way down in the dark without light.
The Twisted Laird Page 34
