“An understatement,” she muttered.
“And my instincts are a little rusty but…” he glanced into the side mirror, “if I had to guess, I would say that you think we’re being followed.”
“I thought you weren’t trying to start a fight.”
“Is it true? C’mon, babe.” His hand moved to her thigh. “Tell me.”
“You have no idea how tired I am. I probably shouldn’t even be driving.” She exhaled long and hard. “Okay, so maybe I think we’re being followed. That same black Mercedes has been behind us the entire drive from New Horizons. And, yes, I do feel safer with you, okay? Happy now? I’ll feel much safer with you next to me tonight. Satisfied? Is that what you want to hear? Yes, I’m happy you’re coming home with me even if it does feel like an ambush.”
He squeezed her legs and wanted to shout with joy for the first time in months. She needed him. She truly did.
“Jerk.” She smiled but didn’t look at him.
He could never explain to her what it was like to simply ride in this vehicle with her, to know he was going to a place that didn’t have a hospital bed or a nurse checking on him every few hours, to know that she would wake up with him in the morning. He could barely believe it. Freedom...at last. Home in the good ol’ USA.
She slid her parking pass into the card reader before driving into the underground garage. Her hands lingered on the steering wheel long after turning off the engine.
“Scared?” he asked when she failed to move.
“Maybe a little, but not because of the wheelchair.” She twisted in the seat and looked him in the eye. “Colonel Michael Cedars is here in Denver with me and I want…”
“What do you want?”
“I want to get it right. No more fighting. I want my husband back.” She slipped her hand into his. “At the end of the day, I’m just a girl with a crush on a guy.”
“Lucky guy.” He squeezed her hand.
Their gaze locked, bonded by history.
Dude whined, reminding them both that puppies waited for no one and had zero respect for romance. Hope sighed, opened the door to her car and scanned the lot with her gaze, the nervous energy returning as if it had never left.
As she removed his wheelchair from the back of the jeep, he wondered what other secrets she kept and if either of them would ever get a chance to heal each other. He wondered if the pain would ever go away or if they’d simply learn to live with it.
Chapter Seventeen
Oh, she needed him. No question. Her thighs throbbed at the sight of his bent head as he petted Dude. She shifted her weight from foot to foot. Do not rush him to the bedroom, she cautioned herself. Feed the man. Give him a beer. Take care of him. Act like you have some sense. Do not jump his bones as soon as he sets foot inside the loft. Do. Not.
“This is bad,” she whispered aloud in the elevator without noticing.
“What is? Bringing me here permanently?” He angled his head to look up at her.
“You’re not the only one of us who’s screwed up, let’s leave it at that.”
Her panties melted to her skin at the thought of him lying beneath her in that king size bed again. She shook her head and gulped down the extra saliva that seemed to be accumulating in her mouth.
“Hope, you—”
“Oh, please, shut-up, Michael.” She closed her door, punched the alarm code in to the pad on the wall. “If you must know, I’m trying to convince myself to keep my hands off of you at least until you’re settled because Becky is right, you’ve been through a lot in the past few days, not to mention a traumatic past few months. And the last two times I’ve jumped your bones, I’ve hurt you. And I’m tired...so tired...I can’t even concentrate. I need to show some kind of self-control.” She relocked the deadbolt on her door before facing him. “When it comes to you, I have zero restraint.”
“You’re trying to control yourself? Why?” His grin turned wicked as his gaze raked over her. “Want a repeat of last night? Only this time you get to scream my name.”
“That’s not helping.” She walked to the windows overlooking the street.
The black Mercedes had parked on the opposite side of the street. Bastards. She fought the urge to call Devon and demand to know what was going on with Gannon. He’d left in his jag from the strip club....where had he gone? To check on his property? Her lips curled at the idea of calling another human being property. She pressed her forehead against the glass and closed her eyes for just a minute.
“I’m glad you chose a place downtown. It suits us, I think. You’re always thinking ahead, aren’t you? I never actually realized that about you.”
“Yeah, well, I guess we have a lot to rediscover about each other, don’t we?” She opened her eyes and looked at the street one last time before closing the blinds.
Dude’s nails pit-pattered along the hard wood floors as he wandered to his dog bed with a squirrel chew-toy hanging from his mouth.
Michael had already moved from the doorway toward the living area, his gaze taking in everything from the curving kitchen to the immense television. “I didn’t take the time yesterday to really let this sink in. I’ve never in my life lived in place like this.”
“It’s close to the institute, close to work and there’s a great private school less than fifteen minutes from here,” she said as she kicked off her shoes. “And we’re right on the river that has great trails for walking or biking, a park, skate park. Does Dalton have a skateboard? I thought I could teach him.” She leaned her hip against the wall and looked down at her feet, wondering if she should have said that or not, wondering if things would ever be easy between them again. “I used to be pretty good that’s all.”
When he said nothing, she looked up to see where he’d gone. He watched her from the edge of the living room near the fireplace with an odd look on his face. Great. She’d broken him again.
“What’s wrong? Do you need your medication?” she asked.
“Don’t move. Just stand right where you are in that light. I want to always remember what you looked like on the day you brought me home for good.”
“Michael.” Tears lodged in her throat. So many tears for this man.
“You thought of schools, parks, my therapy…and the whole time I behaved like a gigantic jerk. You humble me, Mrs. Cedars. What’d I ever do to deserve a woman like you?”
Uncomfortable, she rubbed the back of her neck. She wanted to bottle this moment up, lock the doors, destroy her cell phone and pretend no one else existed outside this room.
“I would love to see you teach Dalton how to skateboard.” His grin reminded her of why she fell in love with him. “I can’t wait to see that.”
“You think I’m lying when I say I’m good.” She walked toward the kitchen. “But I’m not exaggerating. I rock.”
“Oh, I’m sure you do.” He stayed where he was, his gaze taking in the television. “You remembered the details we talked about. You were always good with details.”
“Yep.” She grabbed two beers from the refrigerator. Dude nipped at her heels, his speckled face buried in the hem of her jeans. She shook him loose and tossed his chew-toy. “Your dog, too, so you need to help me train the beast. He’s destroyed my running shoes. I’m buying a new pair every week.”
“The Mercedes is outside, isn’t it? That’s why you closed the blinds?”
She had forgotten how annoying his observation skills were. Without answering, she handed him a beer and sank onto the sofa.
“Want to tell me more about this custody battle of yours?” she asked.
“Later.” He winked at her, his sudden perpetual grin unnerving.
Later. Right. Make conversation. Chill. She gulped back the urge to take him straight to bed, have her way with him and sleep for the next twelve hours. She drank her beer and averted her gaze.
“Do you want kids of your own?”
She froze with the beer bottle against her lips. “Kids of our own?”
“I’m making progress, Hope. I just didn’t want to hear it before now…or accept it. The past few months...all the surgeries...it’s been harder than I wanted to admit. It was hard thinking about the future, which probably makes me sound foolish, but whatever. We’re being honest with each other, right? We never talked about kids.”
“No, we never did.” More tired than she had ever been, she sat the beer on the table, leaned her elbows on her knees and stared at the floor between her feet. “Can we talk about it later? I’m ready to drop. It’s been a ridiculously long day.”
“How long had you known about the pregnancy?” he asked.
She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing. She’d always prided herself on her stamina, but she’d been pushing it too far and stress was taking its toll. “A day, only a day.”
“You wanted the baby?”
His question stung, reinforced the image everyone had of her. It sucked having a reflection tossed back of you that you never saw yourself.
“Of course I did. Your baby. Can we talk about this another time? I can’t think about it right now...brutal day,” she whispered.
She walked to the terrace door and preoccupied herself with checking the lock. At eight stories up, it wasn’t like someone could break in but she needed to fidget. Kids. Home. Reality. Too much to handle right now. She gazed beyond the terrace toward the city that sprawled to the south. Maybe she could finally stop moving from story to story and place to place. Perhaps she could finally unpack all of those boxes.
His arms snaked around her hips from behind. He leaned his chin against the curve of her butt. “Are the doors locked?”
“The doors?” She held her breath when his fingers slid down the zipper of her jeans.
“Yeah, are they dead bolted? I noticed you had four of them.” His fingers pulled at the waist of her jeans. “Are we secure in our private home, Mrs. Cedars?”
She turned within the circle of his arms. “We are, Colonel Cedars. Completely secure.”
“Then will you please get naked so I can show you just how much I love the fact that you’ve been making plans and bullying people and waiting for me. Please.” His eyes smiled up at her as he kissed her abdomen. “Or are you going to make me beg?”
“I should make you beg,” she shoved her hands through his hair, “but I’ve been fantasizing about sharing that big bed with you for far too long.”
His palms flattened against her abdomen and pushed up her shirt. “We’re gonna be on a steep learning curve here.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve always been good on the fly.” More saliva. She gulped.
“I want you naked.” His fingertips touched the bottom of her breasts beneath her bra.
“We can get loud.” She grinned down at him, combed his hair from his eyes, and traced the scar on his forehead with her thumb. “No thin hotel walls or hospital rules. No more secrets to keep.”
“I love you. I’m really sorry, you need to know that.”
“So am I...for so many things.” Tears blurred her vision.
He kissed the inside of her wrist without breaking eye contact.
“I missed you.” Her heart expanded and contracted with the words. “So much.”
She walked toward the bedroom, knowing he followed closely. She yanked the comforter down, slid the sheets aside. Without facing him, she undid her blouse and tossed it aside. Grinning because she could hear his rapid breathing behind her, she undid her bra and let it slide slowly down her arms before letting it drop to her feet. Laughing a little when he moaned, she slid her hands over her hips and wiggled slowly from her jeans. Tease.
His hands slid up the side of her thighs. He nipped the side of her hip as he pulled her panties down her legs. “You wreck me, baby, do you know that?”
Gravity yanked at her knees at the sight of his muscled chest. “When did you lose the shirt?”
“Want me to put it back on?”
“No. Not at all.” She loved his naked chest and the tattoo that covered the upper left side. Always had, always would. “Know what I told Devon when she asked if you were hot? I said, yes. Lava hot.”
“Lava hot, hm? I want to be inside you, on top of you. Think we can get that done?”
Gaze locked together.
“Yes, sir, I do.”
“We’re going to need to figure something easier for me getting into the bed with some dignity.” He gestured toward the bed with a self-conscious smile.
“You’ll figure it out. You’re the engineer.” She leaned her hands against the arms of the wheelchair.
“You keep reminding me of that.” His hands curved over her breasts. “You’re not going to let me wallow, are you?”
“Nope.” She pressed her forehead against his. “I feel like this is our wedding night, kind of like we’re finally starting our life together.”
“We are.” His hands moved over her bruised body. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a bastard.”
“It’s over now. In the past.” She knelt in front of him and pulled his legs free of his jeans. Her hands curved over the calves that no longer supported him like they used to do. White scars marred the once tanned and muscled skin. She kissed each one, needing to love him like this.
“Hope,” his voice hitched.
She rested her chin against his thigh and let the tears flow quietly down her face. “I am so damn thankful that you’re alive.”
Fists wrapped in her hair. “I’m sorry for all I’ve done, for the stuff I’ll probably still do.”
“Just love me.”
“I love you, Hope.”
“Keep telling me that.”
“Every day. I promise.”
Without looking away from his face, she eased his boxer briefs over his hips and slid them down his legs. She licked the erection, her tongue flicked over the tip. “Can you feel this?”
“Oh God, yes.” Eyes closed, he tipped his head back.
She kissed his abdomen, his chest and finally his mouth. Their mouths clung to one another in an intricate tango of emotion. Regret. Love. Longing. Need.
“On the bed.” Hands at her waist, he urged her backward.
Saying nothing, she sat on the edge of the mattress and watched him lock the chair in place. Without looking at her, he sighed, braced himself between the chair and nightstand and slid himself onto the edge beside her.
He looked at her and laughed. “Making love didn’t used to be so damn challenging.”
“Yeah, well, we’re both getting older.”
“You say all the right things.”
“Really? It feels like I say all the wrong things with you.”
He flattened his palm against the side of her face and shook his head. “I’ve always liked you with no censor. Don’t change for me, for anyone. Promise?”
She laced her fingers with his and held his hand against her cheek. “I love you so much. I’ll take time off, I promise. We’ll figure all this out together, with Dalton, too. Just us three.”
“Just us three.” He kissed her with a tenderness that broke her heart wide open after months of being locked away. “I’ll probably have some kind of spasm, don’t freak out that you’ve broken me, okay?”
“I’ll try.” She scooted away from him toward the middle of the bed. “Just tell me what you need. It’s just you and me.”
He shoved his hands through his hair before scooting himself backward toward at her side. He stared at his legs. “I didn’t think I would feel like this, not after the other night with you.”
“Feel like what?”
He shook his head and tilted his face toward the skylight.
“You know what I’ve missed the most?” She kissed his shoulder, flattened herself against his back, wrapped her legs around him from behind and slid her arms around to the front of his chest. “The feel of you against me, the sound of your voice, the weight of you pressing me down, the havoc your hands played with my body, the way you kiss me, the way you make me feel safe.” She kissed his
neck, felt him relax. “Here, like this, right now, you’re all I want, all I need. I’ve missed you so damn much.”
He turned his head and looked into her eyes. “I need you, too, more than you know, more than I ever wanted to need anyone. I never should have kept you away...I needed you to remind me of who I am.”
“Who is that?” She slid her hands over the muscles of his chest, unable to stop touching him.
“Your husband.”
She framed his face between her hands and kissed him with all of the promise in her heart, with every ounce of love she had ever felt for another human being, with all the thankfulness she could offer to the Universe for sparing his life.
“Work with me here,” he muttered against her mouth. “Lie next to me.”
Now in the center of the bed, she laid flat and waited as he adjusted himself next to her. In one move, he leaned over her, pressed his chest against hers and grinned. “I needed to be over you again. I missed being on top of you.”
She curled her fingers into his hair and fought back tears. “You have no idea how much I missed having you on top of me. No idea.”
Propped on his elbows, he kissed her as if they had nothing but time to simply savor one another. His thumb slipped into her mouth when his lips moved on to her neck.
She loved being pressed into the mattress by his big body again, having his mouth on her, his erection pressing into the side of her hip, his thumb in her mouth. Her hands moved over his back, loving the sinewy muscles she felt beneath her fingers.
His tongue filled the space where his thumb had been, mouth hot on hers. Her entire being liquefied and burned beneath his hands. She needed him inside her. Now.
Without breaking the kiss, she urged him onto his back. Carefully. Slowly. Hands smoothed over his shoulders. His hands grabbed her hips and moved her against him.
“Are you sure your doctor said this is okay, to go all the way?” she whispered against his mouth. Eye-to-eye, she leaned over him, poised to go down on him. “I don’t want to hurt you. Please tell me the truth.”
“You sound like a teenager talking about going all the way.” With one hand fisted in her hair, he used the other to guide her hips onto the tip of his penis. “Stop talking.”
Reckless Endangerment Page 21
