by Unknown
"Yeah, well, that's all changed now."
She waited expectantly for him to go on, but he didn't.
"That's it?" Her voice squeaked into the upper registers and she made an effort to control it. "Perchinsky turns into an addict, and because you do something about it, you have to give up your job?"
"Turning in a fellow member isn't the way to win a popularity contest in the force, Alex."
"But I still don't get this, Cam. You went through the whole thing without saying a word to me. You—you applied for a posting to some town I've barely heard of. You start work there the second of July, and you only get around to mentioning it now?" Her head felt as though it were swelling. She felt worse and worse as all the ramifications sunk in. "This is— My God, Cam, it's already the middle of June. You'll be leaving in—in what, a week? Two?"
He nodded. "I put the request in a couple of weeks ago, but I just found out this morning that my transfer came through."
And she hadn't even known he'd asked for one. A new, inconceivable thought came to her. "Were you—are you—planning to... to—just leave me, Cameron? Walk out on our marriage?" The emptiness in her stomach extended into her chest, and an awful abyss yawned before her.
From the moment they'd met, she'd known she wanted to spend her life with this man. He'd said it was the same with him. God, had that changed when she wasn't looking? Had she been so self-absorbed she'd missed all the warning signs?
"Is that it, Cam? I—I know things have been less than ideal lately. We're both so busy—" Her voice quavered, and he swore viciously. He moved toward her and caught her in his arms, a brutal embrace that was like balm to her soul.
"I'd never, never do that." His voice was raw and shaking. "You must know I'd never leave you. How can you even think that? You're my wife! I love you with all my heart, Alex."
For an instant, it was enough. But then the other words he'd said came back to her, and she stiffened in his embrace, icy cold, unbending. "But you've taken this other job, without even asking me. And that affects my job as well as our life together."
His voice was harsh again. "I explained why. My reasons for that have nothing to do with you and I."
She pulled away enough to look up into his face. "But—but they have everything to do with us, Cameron. If I want to live with you, I'll have to move to this—this place, this Korbin Lake."
She felt him draw in a breath. "I'm afraid so. I'm really sorry, Alex. What more can I say? I know it's unfair." She could feel the sigh shudder through him. She could still smell the musk of their loving on his skin.
The muscles in his arms were locked tight against her sides and back. She was pressed hard against his chest. His shoulder bore the scar of her scalpel, and she knew without looking exactly how many moles he had on his back and what the nape of his neck looked like under his clump of silky hair.
She'd thought she knew him, inside as well as out, but obviously she'd been wrong.
"I can't turn the clock back and undo whaf s been done." He sounded as if his throat were raw, and the words hurt him. "All I can tell you is that I love you and I want you with me.''
She started to shiver, even though it was warm in the room. She pushed against his arms until he released her. She stepped back and gave him a level look, and this time her voice was steady. "You love me, but not enough to discuss a major decision with me, a move away from Vancouver, a transfer that means I'll have to leave my job and my family. With Wade the way he is—"
It felt as if a stone was lodged just behind her breastbone. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "How could you do this without even asking me?"
His shoulders lifted and dropped. His eyes gave nothing away. "I apologize. I should have told you, but I didn't. I can't change this. I can't reverse my decision now."
"Can't?" She drew in a shaky breath and released it. "Or won't? Cameron?
"What's the difference, for God's sake?" For the first time, his temper flared, but in an instant all traces of it
were gone. Part of her marveled, as always, at his extreme self-control.
"The transfer's been approved, I have to go. I explained to you a long time ago that the RCMP moves its members around, that there was always a chance that we'd have to move out of the lower mainland. You said you understood that. You seemed to accept it."
She shook her head. "C'mon, Cameron. Being transferred is one thing. Asking to be transferred is another."
He nodded, and again he was silent.
She put every ounce of entreaty she could muster into her voice, into her expression. "Can't you change your mind, Cam? Can't you go to your OC or—or CO, or whoever, and just tell them we need to stay here? Surely they'd understand if you explained about Wade. Please, Cam?"
But he shook his head slowly. "I can't." Beneath the tan, his face was chalky, and now she could see the lines of strain, the tautness of the muscles around his narrow mouth, the weariness in his eyes. He looked older, as if he hadn't been sleeping or eating well, and she felt a quick stab of guilt.
Was this new, or had he looked like this for weeks and she just hadn't noticed? Her every waking thought for so long now had been for and about Wade. She hadn't really paid much attention at all to Cameron. Her emotions hopelessly tangled, she asked, "Exactly how long ago did you ask for a transfer?" She knew nothing happened overnight.
He shrugged. "Like I told you, a couple of weeks. Around the time Wade got hurt." He made a sad attempt at a smile. "I'm truly sorry, Alex, if that means anything. I seem to remember something about better and worse when we got married. I guess this is definitely worse." His deep brown gaze met and held hers, and now there was fear there, stark and open. "So what do you think you'll do? Will you come with me, Alex?"
It was totally unfair. It was outrageous of him to expect her to quit her job, abandon her injured brother, leave her friends and family, pack up everything she owned and follow him to some hole-in-the-wall place when he wouldn't even explain why it was necessary. She told herself she really wasn't sure what she'd decide to do. It gave her an illusion of control to pretend she had any choice.
"I don't know, Cam. It's a major decision. There's my career to consider. I'll have to think about it." She was terribly hurt. She felt betrayed. She wanted in some childish fashion to hurt him as much as she'd been hurt, to make him suffer the way she was suffering at this moment.
FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS, Alex felt as if she were split in half. One part of her went about her usual routine at work, doing her job, gossiping with her co-workers, dealing with her family, acting as if nothing had changed.
The other part went over and over the scene with Cameron, reviewing each little detail, every single word he'd said, searching for the part she must have missed. There had to be more to their conversation than she remembered. He must have explained it more clearly than she thought.
Twice, she tried to talk to him about it. Both times he repeated what he'd already said. He loved her, he wanted her with him, but he couldn't change bis decision. He was going and that was that.
Thursday came, Wade's birthday. He'd insisted he didn't want this fuss made over his birthday, and Alex had relayed the message to her mother, but Eleanor was adamant. She had this thing about family birthdays, she repeated, and this birthday in particular should be celebrated—after all, she'd said, her eyes filling up with tears, she'd come so close to losing her baby. There was so much to celebrate.
"But maybe Wade doesn't feel that way, Mom," Alex had persisted. As usual, her mother overrode her.
For a psychotherapist in high demand for her ability to solve other people's problems, Alex often marveled at how blind Eleanor was to the real needs of her own family.
The party was to begin at five o'clock. Alex was on afternoon shift, and a man with a severe gunshot wound was admitted at 4:37, so she was half an hour late by the time she hurried off the elevator on Wade's floor. She could hear loud voices and laughter coming from her brother's room, and when she rounded a c
orner she saw that Cameron was lounging against the wall outside Wade's door.
He straightened when he saw her, and she noted that he'd dressed for this occasion. He was heart-stoppingly handsome, wearing tailored gray slacks and a patterned gray silk shirt she'd bought him. It was obvious he'd been waiting for her.
"Wow, look at you. I'm feeling seriously under-dressed here." She'd taken off her lab coat, but the simple shirtwaist she'd worn beneath had gotten stained and crumpled during the hectic morning.
"You're gorgeous, Alex." He fell into step beside her and their eyes met, but he didn't automatically take her hand the way he always had. The strain of the past few days was a huge wall between them.
In Wade's room, Eleanor had strung ribbons from the light fixture, and there were dozens of helium balloons floating near the ceiling. An immense square cake on a tea trolley stood near the bed, and a stack of gaily wrapped gifts were heaped on a table.
Alex's parents and Thea were grouped around Wade's bed, holding glasses of champagne. There was music, Wade's favorite recording of Rod Stewart, coming from a portable stereo.
Alex looked at her brother. He lay unmoving at the epicenter of the scene, and he wasn't smiling. Alex wished again she'd been able to convince her mother this party wasn't a good idea.
"Well, here she is at last. Hello there, dear." Eleanor came over and kissed Alex's cheek. Perfectly groomed, wearing a flame-colored silk tunic with matching slacks, she was petite, slender, very blond, very beautiful, and as usual, Alex felt large, awkward and dowdy beside her.
Eleanor looked years younger than fifty-nine, and she never tired of having everyone tell her so. She was delighted that people often thought she was Alex's sister instead of her mother, and she never seemed to realize how uncomfortable that made her daughter feel.
"Hi, Mom. Sorry I'm late. Hello, Dad." She held up a cheek for a perfunctory kiss. Bruce Keenan was tall and distinguished-looking, with a thick head of silver hair and tanned skin. As always at family gatherings, he stayed in the background, letting Eleanor run the show. Her father's docility in domestic situations always amazed Alex, because Doctor Keenan had earned a well-deserved reputation as a tyrant amongst the staff at St. Joe's before he'd retired.
"Hiya, Thea." Alex smiled warmly and gave the other woman a quick hug as she slid past to her brother's bedside, bending to kiss him. "Happy birthday, kid."
"Yeah. Thanks." Wade's voice was tense, but Eleanor joined them, oblivious to his despondency.
"I suppose you can't have champagne, dear? You have to go back to work?" Eleanor was handing Cameron a stemmed glassful, and she raised a well-plucked eyebrow at Alex.
"Yup, I sure do, and I can't head back down there smelling like a souse."
"You'll have a glass, though, won't you, Cameron? Are you on days off? I can't keep track of you two. Your schedules are so confusing. I suppose as usual you'll start back just when Alex gets her days off?''
Cam didn't reply, and it seemed that everyone stopped talking at that exact moment. To Alex, the silence stretched on and on. Cameron was looking at her instead of at Eleanor, and Alex suddenly couldn't bear the strain any longer.
"Actually, Cam and I have something to tell you all." Her voice was too loud, falsely cheerful. Her hands curled into fists at her sides, and she tried to draw a deep breath, but found that her chest felt paralyzed.
Her eyes fixed on the unbandaged portion of Wade's face. He couldn't look at her, she knew that, and yet at this instant she longed for the comfort of his glance. But he was staring expressionlessly up at the ceiling, and his indifference somehow made it harder for her to say what had to be said.
"We're moving," she blurted out in a phony, chirpy voice that appalled her. "It's all quite sudden. Cam's been transferred to the town of Korbin Lake, in the East Kootenays. He's leaving next weekend, and I'll follow as soon as I can."
Again, there was silence, this time a charged, breathless silence.
"What's going on, sis? You didn't say anything about moving." Wade's voice was puzzled. She wished she'd found a moment to prepare him for this, but she just hadn't been able to talk about it. The hurt and confusion were too new, too raw.
She looked from Wade to her father. Bruce was staring at her, his brow furrowed, his displeasure evident. It wasn't the fact of her leaving Vancouver that would bother him most, Alex knew. It was leaving St. Joe's that he'd see as a monumental betrayal—he'd spent most of his career here, and he'd always made it plain he wanted her to do so as well.
"Korbin Lake?" Eleanor recovered first, and she made the name sound preposterous. "Korbin Lake, for heaven's sake, Alex. Isn't that some godforsaken little coalmining town up in the Rockies? Why on earth would anyone go to Korbin Lake?" She was frowning, building steam. "Cameron, didn't you say that being on the drug squad at least guaranteed that you'd stay in Vancouver?"
"I'm not on Drug Squad anymore, Eleanor. I'll be in uniform again. It's time for a change." Cam sounded easy and relaxed, and Alex could only admire his acting ability.
"Is there even a hospital in Korbin Lake, Alexandra? Will you be going into private practice there? Have you already given notice here at St. Joe's?" Brace's questions were rapid-fire. He set his glass down and studied his daughter, disapproval evident in his stern expression.
"We only found out ourselves about the move, so I haven't looked into anything yet, Dad." Her father could still make her feel like an irresponsible child—a child who was a disappointment to him, no matter how hard she tried. "I'll be handing in my resignation tomorrow." Alex was aware that Cameron had moved to her side, and his physical presence was comforting, because now her mother took over the interrogation, her tone deceptively warm and affectionate.
"Surely you must have had some forewarning of this, Cameron? It would have made it easier on all of us if you'd mentioned that moving was a possibility, dear." Gently spoken, but the reprimand was clear. "You'll have to forgive us for being distressed by this. We've all been under enormous strain lately. It does lower one's ability to cope with change. Perhaps you should have explained the circumstances to management, Cameron? Even an organization as—" she waved a hand as if searching for a word "—as antediluvian as the RCMP must have allowances for family crisis?"
Alex knew her mother was seething, in spite of her calm, reasonable tone. It showed in the glitter in Eleanor's hazel eyes, the set of her carefully made-up mouth, the way the tendons stood out in her neck.
Cameron knew it, too. He took Alex's icy hand in his, sliding his fingers between hers and cupping their palms, squeezing reassuringly. "Ideally, that would work. In this particular instance, it wasn't an option." His tone made it plain he wasn't about to elaborate.
Thea had been silent until now, sitting close to Wade, one graceful, beringed hand always touching him. "It's sort of exciting, though, isn't it?" Her husky voice was like a deep-toned bell in the strained silence. She shook her mane of hair back over her shoulders. "Making a new start in a strange place is an adventure. And I've always thought Drug Squad wouldn't be the most pleasant place to work."
Bruce and Eleanor both turned to glare at her, outrage evident on their faces. Alex knew they considered Thea an outsider who had no business voicing an opinion when it came to family business.
"That's certainly a commendable way of looking at it, Thea," Eleanor said, making it sound as though she were addressing a child who required humoring. "However, I would suppose Alex feels as I do—that her place, at least for the time being, ought to be here with her brother."
"Bull." For the first time, Wade sounded the way he always had, strong and decisive... and furious. "That's utter bull, Mom, so can it, okay?"
Eleanor gasped and moved closer to the bed.
"Wade, you mustn't let yourself become agitated." She reached out a restraining hand and put it on his arm, but he shook it off.
"You're not going to use what's happened to me as a tool to help you make Alex feel rotten, Mom, so forget it. The truth is,
I'm sick of having all of you hovering over me anyway. If s about time you got on with your own lives and let me alone for a while." He was breathing hard, and the visible portion of his face was scarlet. "Thea's right. This is a good move for Cam and Alex. He's been chasing drugged-up maniacs long enough, and Alex needs a break from the ER."
He coughed and recovered, his voice husky now. "Lay off them, Mom. And lay off me, too. Get these stupid bloody balloons and that cake and stuff out of here. I always hated birthday parties, and being trapped flat on my back doesn't change that." His voice became still more agitated. "I need some privacy, I'm sick of having you all hanging around me all the time like this. I need to be by myself. I need to get out of this damn bed—"
He reached up with his bandaged hands and tried to grip the tongs attached to his head, struggling to free himself.
Eleanor screamed, and Bruce and Cameron moved swiftly to restrain Wade's arms. A dreadful, forlorn cry escaped from his throat, and after a moment of struggling, he collapsed and began to cough, deep, shuddering coughs that racked his body.
"Damn it! Trapped. I'm trapped!" he gasped, teeth gritted against the pain. It was evident that the outburst had taken all his energy. He was panting, and there was a sheen of sweat on his skin. He was also having trouble breathing.
Alex moved swiftly, pushing the button to summon the nurse, hurrying everyone out of the room. Bruce refused to go, and there was chaos at first as nurses hurried in and he issued peremptory orders. Following Alex's lead, however, they quietly ignored Bruce and worked around him, clearing Wade's breathing passages and administering the pain medication ordered by Wade's own doctor. When he realized no one was paying the slightest attention to him, Bruce finally stormed out the door.
In a few moments Wade was quiet once again. Alex smoothed a hand down her brother's cheek. "You okay now, kid?"
His good eye was trickling tears, and she wiped it with a swab.
