Sarah looked down at her hands. “Do you think I triggered her sudden insecurity?”
Justin sighed. “It’s possible. You knew Amy. Mickie has really been missing her mom lately. Maybe she just needs to be reassured that some things will stay the same.”
“You know, I think I need to mention I hurt her last night leaving without waking her up. She said her mom did the same thing.”
A spasm of pain crossed his face. “Yeah. Amy and I had a fight. When she left, she flew out of the house. Mickie was asleep.”
“She also asked if I could cook like Amy.”
Justin dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. Finally, he said, “I’m sorry, Sarah. Mickie doesn’t understand other people’s pain. She’s only a child.”
Sarah bristled. “I know that. I just thought maybe, well…to me, I guessed that she was missing her mom. I told her I’d try to make homemade meals like Amy, though I’m not as good a cook.”
Justin nodded. “Thank you.”
He turned and started up the stairs. Sarah stared after him, noting how wide his shoulders were. Wide enough to have carried the burden of losing his wife and being a single parent alone? Or had he depended on God to help him?
Sarah remembered his confessions of salvation and that was why he had changed his tune about so many things he’d always considered woman things. Her mother had insisted Justin had never been underhanded in business, but that after he’d been saved, Justin had felt the need to make restitution for things that had happened during the takeover, things Justin hadn’t known about.
Justin disappeared from sight and she sighed. She really didn’t want to remember how her parents had insisted Justin was a nice guy. She only wanted to be friends, make up for her past; not continue to feel guilty as more and more facets of his giving personality revealed themselves to show him as a truly caring man and loving father.
She went to the kitchen and brought out the food. Just as she carried in the glasses of iced tea, Justin and Mickie appeared. Mickie wore pink leggings and a sweatshirt with Daisy Duck on the front. Her outfit not only matched, but it suited the nippy weather outside.
Once seated, they offered thanks for the meal, then passed the food around the table. “So, Sarah, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”
Sarah flushed and paused only a moment before passing the potatoes to Justin. When he took them from her, she reluctantly met his eyes. She saw in his gaze that he knew she had no family and he’d hurt her by asking. But what could she say? Her fiancé had planned for her to spend Thanksgiving at his house. But that was before he’d told her he was taking a couple of months off to think, before the letter from Watson and Watson had made it clear she was fired—because André hadn’t had the guts to tell her himself. “I don’t know. Maybe—”
“How about you spend it here,” Justin interrupted, dishing some potatoes up for Mickie. “We don’t have anyone else coming. Bill usually stops by. I don’t know what he’ll do now that he’s married. But we’d love to have you.”
Mickie, ever tuned in to any conversation around her, piped up, “Please, Aunt Sarah. And this year we could have a real turkey instead of the one Daddy buys at the store. It was too chewy,” she added, making a face.
It was Justin’s turn to flush. “Hey, kiddo,” he warned good-naturedly, “it was either chewy turkey or going out to a restaurant. And I happen to like eating at home on a holiday, so we just might order chewy turkey again this year.”
“But you got cherry pie for dessert.”
Sarah chuckled. “Well, maybe I could make up a pumpkin.”
Mickie wrinkled her nose in disgust.
“Or chocolate?”
Mickie grinned.
“Does that mean I’ve convinced you?” Justin asked, smiling.
She grinned. “Someone has convinced me…I think the part about picking up the meal held sway.”
Justin’s smile deepened and Sarah suddenly felt awkward. Clearing her throat, she began to eat.
After a few minutes of silence, Justin asked, “What are your plans for today?”
Sarah shrugged. “I definitely need to go shopping. I thought I’d get some boxes from storage.” She sipped her tea, then plunged ahead. “You won’t mind watching Mickie the rest of today, will you? I’ll be back by dinner.”
Sarah wanted time away from the domestic scene so she could come to grips with all the changes since arriving at the house. It seemed that her whole life had been turned upside down in one short day.
Sarah looked up, expecting a frown. After all, Justin had promised her Sunday to herself if she wanted it, not Saturday, and she wasn’t even sure he was done with all his work. Instead, a knowing smile met her.
“I don’t mind spending the day with Mickie for a minute. But if you think I’m going to let you work all day while we play…” He tsked. “I suggest we go with you so I can help load those boxes, then we’ll all grab something for supper on the way home.”
“No, really,” she started to protest.
Justin stopped her by shaking his head. “I insist. Besides, it’s Saturday. Saturday is supposed to be a fun day, isn’t it, Mickie?”
Mickie squealed and immediately launched into what their Saturdays were usually like.
As Mickie rambled on, Justin smiled tenderly. Sarah, however, didn’t hear what Mickie was saying.
Because when Justin turned that smile on her, she realized with a sinking heart that his smile was the true reason she wanted out of there for a while.
Chapter Five
“I have to say, this is the most interesting supper I’ve ever had.”
Justin laughed and leaned his forearms on the picnic table at the local park where he’d taken Sarah and Mickie.
Sarah marveled at how comfortable he looked in his jeans and flax-colored blazer. She imagined he could wear a three-piece suit out here and still look just as relaxed as long as Mickie was around.
Glancing to the slide, she heard Mickie’s squeal just as she came into view again. Ruefully, she shook her head. “I don’t know how she can twist around in that thing right after eating and not get sick.”
“She’s always had that ability. I, on the other hand,” Justin said, “feel queasy just watching her.”
Sarah gathered up the plastic containers that had held their salads and sandwiches and took them over to the trash can.
When she was again seated by Justin, she noted his smile was pensive, possibly wistful. “There’re not many warm days left for her to enjoy.”
She was amazed, actually, that Justin had taken time to stop at a playground and allow Mickie to play. Of course, she shouldn’t be surprised. He was so different from the man she remembered. “Has it been hard?” she asked, voicing her thoughts. As soon as she realized what she’d said she wanted to grab the words back, but it was too late. She swallowed. “I’m sorry, Justin. I have no right—”
“No, it’s okay.” He watched Mickie climb up the slide and come swirling down again before he answered. “Yeah, in many ways it has been, I suppose. It took some adjusting to being the only one for her to run to when she was hurt or excited or just wanted to talk. One of the most memorable adjustments was in buying her clothes and teaching her so many things.”
He sighed, and Sarah could see how serious his eyes were as he looked into himself.
“I guess that has actually been the hardest—those things we traditionally think of as mother-daughter things. You know, the playing in the kitchen as she would have while watching her mom cook. Or even the special Mother Day’s activities and school functions where the mothers are asked to attend. And the little everyday messes kids get into that moms handle.”
“Like what?”
He smiled. “I can remember some of the messes my sister, Diode, got into. Though she’s a missionary overseas now and I haven’t seen her in four years I think about her a lot because of Mickie. I see Mickie and realize she’ll never have the fun of playing dress-up in her
mom’s clothes the way Diode did or the forays into Mom’s makeup or her perfumes. Then, of course, fixing Mom her Mother’s Day breakfast.”
He had a wistful smile as he spoke of those times, Sarah noted, smiling herself.
Mickie squealed. Both Sarah and Justin glanced up to see if she was okay. When they were assured she was safe, Justin continued. “I think the hardest is knowing she misses Amy. She’ll be fine some days. Then there are times when I see her playing and I can tell she’s thinking about her mommy.”
“Does she talk about Amy a lot?”
Justin shook his head. “Only occasionally.”
He lapsed into silence. The sound of the oak trees echoed loudly in the silence, as did the rumble of an occasional car on the nearby highway. Several mothers with their children sat around at other picnic tables and a sporadic laugh could be heard. But since the three of them were on the other side of the park, an air of isolation permeated their table.
“I miss her,” he finally said.
She felt Justin studying her but wouldn’t meet his eyes. “At first I was angry that she left, but now there’s only sadness and good memories. I guess we just have to let go and get on with our lives.”
Coming to terms had been hard for Justin. She remembered the grief he’d experienced when she’d finally decided to take Mickie away from him.
“Where was she going that night?” Sarah asked. It was the first time they’d ever really talked about Amy’s death. It felt so good, a cleansing of her soul, to at last be able to ask the questions she had wanted to ask for years.
Justin stiffened. His face turned dark. “I suppose you have a right to know. She was coming to see you. You see, she had decided to leave me.”
“Divorce?” Amy almost fell off the bench. Her family hadn’t believed in divorce. Amy had always been the perfect one, the one to follow all the rules set by her parents. “But why?”
He shrugged as though it didn’t matter. But Sarah had a feeling it mattered very much if the way his features had gone so blank was any indication. “I’m sure you know your parents pushed the match.”
Sarah glanced down, embarrassed. Oh, yes, she’d known that. “She came to love you.”
“I don’t think so. You see, the night she left me, she told me she was tired of living a sham her parents had forced her into. She couldn’t handle the unreality of what we had and she was tired of not having a sister or experiencing any of the things she’d one day hoped to experience when she was out of her family’s house. So she left, telling me we would talk about custody later.”
Sarah was dizzy. Amy had said that? Her sister, Amy?
“Maybe it was just a remark in the heat of the moment,” Sarah offered weakly.
Again, Justin shook his head. “I should have realized she was unhappy. It’s just that I’d become settled in the relationship and loved her, and was certain her love would grow. I hoped she was just shy, then maybe undemonstrative. Finally, I decided she just didn’t like to show emotion.”
He stretched as if he didn’t have a care in the world, but Sarah knew different. Justin was still hurting over the pain her sister had inflicted the night before she’d run from him. How she knew that, she wasn’t sure. But she knew Justin blamed himself for Amy’s death as much as for marrying Amy when she hadn’t really loved him. His next words confirmed her fears.
“You know, I sometimes wonder if there was something I could have done differently—”
“No, Justin. Don’t ever second-guess the past.”
“Why not?” he asked, bitterness in his voice.
Turning her face toward Mickie, she said, “Because if we’re going to second-guess, then we’ll need to remember that I was her sister and I’m the one who acted like a spoiled child and broke off contact with the family. Had I been there for Amy to talk to, she might not have buried so many unresolved things inside her until she felt she had to leave to solve them.”
Though she said it, she wondered why her sister hadn’t poured her heart out to God and allowed God to help her through her struggle. Of course, Amy had never liked confrontation of any sort. That was why she’d always done what her mother and father had told her to—unlike Sarah. “If I hadn’t been so filled with bitterness and anger…” She shrugged.
Justin suddenly deflated. “That’s how I felt about my partner. He’d been like a brother to me. I couldn’t believe it when I found out all the underhanded things he was into. It took God’s infinite patience to teach me to forgive and let go of my bitterness. Actually, through that fiasco He taught me just how important forgiveness is.”
Yes, he’d asked Jesus into his heart just after that, Sarah mused. She wondered if he’d forgiven her as easily, or if he still harbored pain and bitterness.
But instead of asking, she offered, “I learned that problems with work or other earthly matters seem unimportant compared with relationships like family. There are always going to be problems, but not always family. I just wish it hadn’t taken so long for me to learn after I’d lost all my family.”
Justin finally turned to her and she saw compassion in his eyes.
“But you didn’t, Sarah. You still have Mickie.”
Her heart flipped over at his words and the tenderness in his eyes. What could she say to that? Or to the very warm look he was giving her?
“Daddy, come push me!”
Relieved that she didn’t have to reply, Sarah turned her attention to Mickie, who was climbing onto one of the swings near their table.
Justin stood, obviously as relieved to have the dark discussion over as she was. “Okay, pumpkin, hang on tight,” he warned, and strolled to where Mickie was already giggling and kicking her legs back and forth in excitement.
“High, Daddy, high!”
Justin grabbed the swing and pushed, sending her into a slow arc. “Higher, higher!” she cried, swinging her legs and laughing.
Sarah couldn’t resist walking closer. Their laughter was infectious. She watched Justin, enthralled by how handsome he looked as he threw back his head and laughed.
Sarah wasn’t prepared for when his gaze met hers, or for the gleam in his eye. “You know, Mickie, I think Aunt Sarah would enjoy being pushed, too. What do you think?”
“Oh, no, I don’t think—”
“Yes! Oh, yes, Daddy. Push Sarah, too.” Mickie looked from where she was still swinging. “He won’t let you fall.”
“Come on, Sarah,” Justin entreated, smiling. He motioned to the swing. “Trust me.”
With both of them encouraging her, how could she refuse? Wary, she approached the other swing. The sand shifted under her flats and she walked carefully, attempting to keep her balance on the shifting surface. “It’s been years since I’ve been in a swing,” she warned.
“Years?” Mickie asked in obvious horror.
“That’s too long,” Justin said.
Sarah felt him approaching. “Oh, I don’t need to be pushed, too,” she objected.
Then his hands closed over the chains on each side of her waist. His warm breath tickled her neck and his musky aftershave filled her senses. Sarah shivered in reaction and was appalled. She’d just been engaged. She could not be enjoying how close he stood to her. She wasn’t even sure he had forgiven her!
She had no more time to think, as suddenly he pulled back her swing, then let loose. She gasped in dismay, then delight She’d forgotten how free swinging felt, the weightless quality, the air rushing through her hair.
Then she was back, and Justin’s strong hands pushed again, sending her even higher.
Sarah shrieked. His low laugh joined Mickie’s as he alternated pushing them. “Stop that, Justin,” she warned, when he again gave her swing a hard push. But there was no heat in her words. Indeed, laughter bubbled out.
“Stop what?” he asked innocently, and continued right along.
“You know very well what,” she said, casting a glance at Mickie, who was high in the air, her eyes closed, her squeals peal
ing out over the area.
“Get off if you don’t like it,” he taunted, chuckling.
The sound sent warm tingles over her nerves.
“I don’t remember how to stop it!” she cried, but there was pleasure in her voice and she knew he heard it in the way his laugh rumbled again.
Sarah quickly relearned how to use her legs to propel herself forward. Justin climbed into another swing and swung, too, making outrageous faces at Mickie and Sarah as he passed them.
She thoroughly enjoyed herself. No man had ever teased or played with her the way Justin did. It was a new and delightful experience. It’d been years since she’d acted like a kid. But she found she loved it.
Was that something Justin had learned since Amy’s death? How to enjoy his daughter and have fun? Or had he been like that before and she’d just never known?
She knew Justin certainly had a way of making a woman feel feminine. Whether he realized it or not, the looks he’d given her today and the way he was so careful as he pushed her even when he was playing made her feel womanly, cherished and treated with regard. It was a nice feeling. One she really enjoyed. How long had it been since she’d enjoyed life? Since her fiancé? Or before?
“How do I stop this thing?” Sarah asked, deciding it was time to get off.
Justin jumped from his swing. “Right here,” he said, and held out his arms.
“Oh, yeah, sure,” she replied, and rolled her eyes.
He raised an eyebrow arrogantly. Turning toward Mickie, he held out his arms. “Let’s show her, Mickie,” he said, then broke eye contact and met his daughter’s gleeful gaze.
“Here I come, Daddy!” She flew off the swing. Before Sarah could scream in fear, Mickie landed safely in his arms.
“Your turn,” he said, and held out his arms.
“You’re crazy,” she replied, and kicked again, thinking to plant her feet in the sand and stop herself. So what if she would probably go face first into the dirt. She wasn’t ready to jump into someone’s arms.
“Chicken?” he taunted, his arms folded across his chest.
Her chin jutted out. Had he figured her out so quickly? Did he know that she wanted to trust him but feared it? She stared at him.
The Best Christmas Ever Page 5
