by Renee Field
“Some days it’s so hard to realize how much my life has changed.”
I wait but she doesn’t say more. As much as I long to push, to make her open up, I’m also not willing to have her pry into my life.
“We should get going.”
“Thanks,” she says, going to her toes to kiss my lips and just like that we’re wrapped in a heated embrace. With more will-power than I knew I had, I release her. “Can we continue that later at my place?”
Taking my hand in hers she says, “That sounds like a good plan,” and I finally release the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
We make our way down the mountain and it takes twice as long. Alyssa had pointed out places on the way up she’d want to stop on the way back and I let her snap her fill. It’s so cute to watch her work. She gets real quiet and pulls her bottom lip in when she’s concentrating.
Only once we’re back on Stone Cliff property does she stop holding my hand and I hate that I miss her warmth.
I see Amy walking toward us and wonder for a second what Alyssa will say.
“Mr. Samson I have an urgent message for you from the front desk,” she says, handing me a slip of white paper.
“Thanks,” I say, waiting until she walks away to open it.
I read it and feel my world tilt.
“Everything okay?” asks Alyssa.
“Nope. My father’s in the hospital. Again. Christ, just once I’d like for him to get his shit together and leave me alone.”
“Oh my god, I hope he’s okay.”
“Oh, trust me he’s okay. Just drunk. This has happened before and it’s nothing new for me to deal with. I’m going to call the hospital number and check in on him,” I say, almost marching toward my cabin and just like that I feel her slip her hand into mine. I grasp onto it like a lifeline I shouldn’t crave, but I do.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Alyssa
Missing Blake should not bother me. But Christ, it does. He’s been gone for two weeks. He’s called me twice weekly and texts me daily. I can’t believe his father’s dead. For a second longing to reach out to my own father hits me. It’s not like I haven’t wondered about him but the death of Blake’s father has made me question how I’d feel if he died. I find out about it through the media and god that’s a sad thought. My father when I was young was a little girl’s dream. I never went without but he often wasn’t there because of business commitments. All that changed when I became a woman and he realized he could use me to get what he wanted. Maybe we all change. Hell, I know I’ve transformed myself and I’d like to think I’m a better person but maybe I’m not. Maybe I use people just like my father. Thinking of the simple proposal to have a summer fling with Blake does make me wonder if I’m the one using him.
I know Blake was pissed at the message but no way did he expect his father to die on him. I almost wish I could be there with him, but I can’t leave my job. Part of me also wishes I could forget him or that he’d forget me, but that’s not what seems to have happened.
Our texting has gotten longer and I even look forward to his calls.
I’ve been working my ass off, taking every extra shift I can get. In my spare time I’ve been taking pictures and tonight I developed my first batch. The ten by eight sheets of paper hang on the clothesline—testimonials to my works of love.
A knock on my door reminds me I’ve been sharing the building with Kat and Noah.
I open the door and let Noah into my space. He’s a good looking guy who seems to only have eyes for Kat. That certainly wasn’t the rumor floating around when I arrived. A few of the staffers had pointed him out to me, saying that he was a lady’s man. It was a warning I heeded and I wonder if Kat knows.
He steps inside my space and I try hard not to cringe. “These are amazing, Alyssa. Wow.”
“Thanks,” I say, wishing he’d go away. I’m not comfortable showing off my work.
“Listen, will you do me a favor?”
“That depends.”
He blushes, which makes him look slightly younger
I raise my eyebrow, urging him on. I’m hoping he’ll get the hint I want him to leave.
“Don’t touch that,” I say, slapping away his hand which was about to dip into my solution.
“Okay, okay. Listen Kat’s totally stressed about this big anniversary party she’s having to throw for a client who is a royal pain in the ass. Will you help her out?”
“Yeah, sure. What can I do?”
He grins and I realize I spoke too soon.
“Simple. This person wants us to transform the party room into a classy joint and she’s asked for us to showcase some scenery pictures. I’m thinking yours are perfect.”
“Mine?”
“Yeah, yours. They’re breathtaking. I’m not just saying that. They’re really good, Alyssa.”
“No they’re not. There just photos of things I like.”
Noah moves into my space and I pull him back from touching a photo drying on the line. “Alyssa they’re great. Do this for me and if not for me for Kat. It’s killing me to see her so stressed out. What have you got to lose?”
My dignity. “I’ll think about it,” I say and like I’ve just promised him the world he turns all charming.
“Perfect. You coming to the Cave tonight?”
How could I forget it’s another Saturday night? “Naw, probably not.”
“Come on. You’re all work and no play. It’ll be fun. Kat, Amy and most of the staff are coming. You don’t have to stay late, just come for a bit.”
“I’ll think about it. Now, get. Time to lock up.”
He’s right behind me as we move out of my lab and I make sure to lock up.
Noah walks me back to my building. He comes in and knocks on Kat’s door. I don’t stick around. I’m locked tightly in my room thinking about Blake when I get a text from him.
He’s asking what I’m doing so I text him the usual, nothing.
A minute later another knock interrupts me. Why can’t I just be alone?
“Answer it, Alyssa.”
There are days I hate my fake name. I groan and get up and open it to find Kat and Becca, the waitress who’s become a good friend over the weeks, standing there with drinks in their hands.
“Get ready. We’re going to the Cave.”
I flop back down on my bed as they step into my room to shut the door behind them. Technically we’re not allowed to drink in our rooms and like all good rules, we ignore it.
“Not tonight.”
“That’s what you said last Saturday,” says Kat.
“And the Saturday before that,” pipes in Becca, with a knowing grin. Turns out when I thought I had sneaked out of Blake’s cabin that first night, Becca had been out for a stroll. She was still suffering from jet lag and couldn’t sleep. I tried to ignore her questions all week, but when Blake left and I sort of fell apart with missing him so much and I sort of spilled the beans.
I sense the blackmail behind her knowing look. I flop back to my bed and groan loudly. “Seriously, I just got home. I haven’t even eaten anything in hours and I’m not ready.”
Becca and Kat share a conspiratorial look and I get the distinct impression my night of leisure isn’t going to fly with them.
Twenty minutes later I’ve been talked into my clean jeans, a fancy, off-the-shoulder shirt that’s Becca’s and they’re handing me the other half of a sandwich swiped from the kitchen.
All three of us saunter out of the room and I find their infectious laughter and banter contagious. Maybe this is exactly what I need. Escape from my own thoughts.
My cell gives off a ping, letting me know I’ve got a new text. My heart speeds up and I’m about to dig it out of my pant pockets when Becca says, “Ignore it.”
I really wish I could, but this intense longing has me quickly fishing out my cell to read it and I can’t help grin.
I MISS you.
Three simple words that make me feel all special inside
.
I quickly fire off, SAME and am forced to put my cell away when Kat grabs my arm.
“Tonight it’s about having fun.”
“Great,” I say. Another ping from my cell has me feeling antsy and I’m thinking of ways to ditch the girls so I can spend my night texting Blake.
“Seriously, Alyssa. He’s not here. We are and you’re going to enjoy yourself. Text him later or call him. When’s he coming back?”
There’s the million dollar question. “Not sure.”
“Not sure or he hasn’t told you?” asks Becca.
Kat takes a drink of her cooler. “He’ll be back, don’t you worry.”
I accept the beer Becca hands me and force myself to take a drink. “What makes you so sure?”
“Alyssa, get real. The guy’s totally into you. Plus he’s paid up-front for the entire summer,” says Kat, which thrills me to know.
I take another long drink, hoping the alcohol will help mellow my mood. “I’m not so sure.”
“Listen, the only reason he went away was because of his father. God that must have been a shock for him. I feel so bad for him,” says Becca. “I know he’ll be back as soon as he can.”
Soon isn’t soon enough. I hate that I miss the feel of his arms wrapped around my waist as he hauls me to him. I hate that I’m seeking out that leather, cedar smell of him. I hate that I’ve tucked his black briefs I stole under my pillow like a silly girl wishing for the Tooth Fairy to leave her something good—like Blake—in my bed.
“You’re right. He’ll be here when he gets here and if not it’s his loss.”
Becca links her arm in mine. “Now that’s the spirit.”
I fall into the easy laughter and try not to think about the times with my old friends when we did things like this. Funny how when I left my family, I gave up my friends too, but those BFFs turned out not to be the best. I even contacted two of them early on but all they urged me to do was return home. They didn’t care why I’d left. I look back on the two girls in my life and wonder if they hung with me for my money or my dad’s connections and hate myself for thinking that. But those were the words my father threw at me when I told him in no uncertain terms I wouldn’t be a marriage pawn for his business schemes.
By the time we’re at the Cave I’ve finished my beer. We move toward the large bonfire and instantly Noah yanks Kat into his arms.
“Glad you came, Alyssa,” says Noah.
I nod and accept another bottle of beer.
Becca moves to a boulder so she can sit closer to a guy I’ve never seen before. I get the distinct impression they know each other, but I don’t want to intrude. The sweet scent of grass and tobacco smoke fills the air. I claim a spot on a makeshift wooden bench and instantly a guy I don’t know sits beside me.
“I’m Colton.”
“Alyssa,” I mumble, quickly taking a swig of my beer and hoping he’ll get the hint that I’m not in the mood for a hook-up.
He doesn’t speak for a long time so I think I’m off the hook when he says, “You must work at the resort. I’d remember if I saw you in town.” I glance at him, and notice he’s not really looking at me while he takes a large gulp of his own beer.
“Yup.”
“You know, I don’t remember seeing you around the Cave before.”
“It’s not really my thing.” I eye Becca like she’s nuts. She giving me the thumbs up and I simply shake my head.
“She your friend?” asks Colton.
“Yeah.”
He turns and finally looks at me. “That’s my twin brother she’s with.”
I look at him again and can’t help laugh. “Seriously, he’s your twin?” The guy he’s pointing to is a three inches shorter and a skinner.
“Yup. We’re fraternal twins and I’m older by about four minutes.”
“I can’t really see him but from here you don’t look much alike.”
He downs the rest of his beer and answers, “Trust me we’re not. I take it she’s from the resort also?”
“Yeah,” I answer, realizing I’ve finished my drink.
“You want another beer?” he asks.
“No, I’m good.”
“You sure? I’ve got some coolers over there.”
“Thanks, but I’m okay.”
A squeal from Becca draws my attention. Colton’s twin has hauled her onto his lap and I’m not sure if she’s happy about it. I stand and I’m about to go over there when Colton says, “I’ll handle it. And I’m getting you another drink.”
Without waiting for my answer he saunters over to Becca and his brother and within seconds he’s hauled his brother off the boulder. Becca quickly makes her way to me.
“Well, that was interesting,” she says.
“Is that Colton’s twin?”
“Yeah. His name is Connor. I met him last week when he and his family came into the restaurant to celebrate their birthday.”
“And just how old are they?”
“Twenty-two. Colton looks a lot older.”
“Honestly, they don’t even look that much alike for brothers. Colton’s a good two inches taller and they have totally different builds.” It had been on the tip of my tongue to tell Becca I thought Connor was skinny as a rat but I’m thinking she might not appreciate my observation.
“Yeah, it’s sort of weird and I think Connor hates it, but he’s nice.”
“Seemed to me you two were getting a little too chummy.”
Becca takes a long drink from the cooler she’s now nursing. “Maybe I want that.”
I push my hair off my face. “Seriously, Becca? We’re not supposed to.”
She turns and gives me a what-the-hell-are-you-talking about look. “Is that like the kettle calling me black, or something? Plus, screw that rule. He’s real cute and his family is loaded. They own the logging mill in town. I heard from Connor that his father’s going to give it to one of them soon and according to Connor he’s the one with the brains.”
Why does money have to rule the heart? “Becca, don’t go for him just for his money. If you like him that’s one thing…”
I stop speaking when Becca jumps up like she hasn’t heard a word I’m saying and it’s only then I see why. The twins are fighting. A real knock-em down fight which of course immediately has the throng of people around us cheering them on. Totally sick.
Becca dashes off and I’m finally left alone. I dig out my cell and see I’ve somehow missed five texts from Blake.
What r u doing?
Did I mention how much I miss you?
Where r u?
Getting worried. Call!
U ok?
I fire off a quick text. I’m fine. Missing u. Can’t call. I’m at the Cave.
I`m so engrossed in my texting I don’t realize the fight’s over until Colton comes back and thrusts a cooler practically in my face. His face is red and he’s going to have a bruise on his right cheek by morning.
“No thanks.”
“Take it.”
“I think the lady said no.”
I whip around on the bench so fast I knock Colton’s drink out of his arm. “Blake.”
Blake doesn’t hesitate. In seconds I’m engulfed in his arms and I cling to the scent of him.
“No hard feelings, man,” says Colton, drawing me back to reality.
“None yet,” says Blake, eyeing Colton with a hard look on his face. It’s a look I’ve never seen him wear before and I feel my stomach dip.
Blake lets go of me and takes a menacing step forward and it’s only then I realize what’s different. It’s the smell of booze rolling off him. Shit, what the fuck happened?
“I’ll leave you two alone,” says Colton and I realize I’ve judged him wrong. He’s one of the good guys and I wonder what the fight was all about with his twin, but my heart’s beating a mile a minute and I’m just so damn happy to have Blake back that I’m almost giddy with relief.
“That’s right. Leave,” says Blake.
His voice is full of sarcastic taunt. If I didn’t know him better I’d swear he wanted a fight. In my experience, running is always better.
Colton stands up and nods but there’s this weird tension in the air.
I snuggle more into Blake and the smell of rum hits me more and I want to ask him what’s up, but now this is not the time.
“Why didn’t you text me you were coming? I would have waited for you.”
“I don’t know why I came back,” he says, turning away from me.
The breeze has picked up. I grab his arm, attempting to lighten the mood. “Listen, Blake, what’s wrong?”
He shakes out of my hold and I try not to feel hurt but fail.
“Nothing. You stay here and have some fun. Thought I was up for some company, but turns out I’m not. That guy can probably give you what you’re looking for. Sorry I came.”
I reclaim his arm. “What are you talking about? I was just chatting with him. I don’t even know him.”
“That hasn’t stopped you before.”
What’s that supposed to mean? Now I’m spitting mad and I’m wondering if this guy knows me at all or even if he cares. Sad that I care what he thinks about me “I thought I wanted to be with you, but I’m not going with you if you’re going to be an asshole.”
“You don’t really mean that?”
“Mean you’re being an ass? You bet I do. I’ve spent enough of my life with that type and never again.”
He shakes his head and just like that I get it. He’s hurting over the death of his father and being angry at the world is easier than dealing with your own personal grief.
I haul him closer, feeling how stiff his body is but within seconds he’s engulfed in a hug. With the bonfire at our back, I notice how red his eyes look. God, I can’t imagine how he’s handling things. I pull him in for a solid hug, trying to let him feel with my body that I’m here for him “Let’s go to your cabin.”
There’s a questioning look in his eyes for a second and then he says, “I’m not good company. You really should stay. I think I might be really be an ass tonight.”
“I’m a big girl and can make my own decisions. I want to go to your place.”
