She had him there. Studying her face became difficult with her hand on his groin. "Fine. But keep your head about you and stay back. I don't need anything to happen to you."
Kissa frowned, putting her hands on her hips. "Nothing’s going to happen to me.
He laughed and reached out to brush the strands behind her ears. How could he forget her age? Her body was lithe and tight and…those thoughts would distract him and drive him into her arms again. Before his responsibilities, she would always come, literally.
Definitely later.
Now isn't the time to doubt yourself, Joe. Leaders can have self-doubt, but not in front of the masses. Never in front of the pack.
Istvan. He'd been reading things from afar.
"Goddamnit, get out of my head!"
Kissa giggled. "The pack line is like a party line, unless you learn to shield. The confidence you've displayed is betrayed by your inability to guard your thoughts from the others. Except when your Livía and Isabella talk with you. They can’t hear that. But I can help you with your shielding while we take a dip in the lake.” She took his hands in hers and tugged him.
After half an hour of swimming to stretch and warm up the muscles, Joséf leaned back against a tree while Kissa lay on her side, her head resting in his lap. She looked up at him, those round, green eyes full of love for him.
He hated it but was beginning to accept it, despite the reservations screaming at him from his monkey mind.
“You need to learn to either stop the wheels from spinning,”
He snorted.
“Or shut us out when required. The biggest thing you’re doing is broadcasting all those fears and doubts to the pack, and that’s why they hesitate to follow.”
He looked down at her. “So, how do we do this?” Stroking her hair, he felt the warmth from slow energy feed into him, then pull back out in a gentle release. It was her cleansing, and he’d grown to enjoy it.
“You’re going to have to learn to use visualization until we can find more than a few hours of peace amidst the chaos, szeretõm. Close your eyes. Listen only to the sound of my voice, because it’s the only thing that will guide you.”
Joséf did as she asked.
“Take a deep breath and let go, szeretõm. Then you’re going to imagine those thoughts as words. Take another deep breath.”
Joséf filled his lungs with air, then released it just as slowly, feeling another source of energy build around him. He couldn’t identify it just yet, but it wasn’t harmful. It felt tranquil, protective.
“The Moon, she gives energy to the wolves. Let her feed you as she is me.”
He nodded, still allowing the energy to surround him.
“Something you want to shut out, you envision as letters, words in your mind. Grab the image.”
All that self-hatred, all the loathing, He pictured the words as images, centering all his thoughts on them.
“Now, put them in a steel container and slam the door shut. Make it so tight that no light or air can get in. No darkness can escape. Then, blow it up.”
He stroked her hair still, grabbing strands of hair. Her soothing voice made it easier for him to envision the words he’d focused on being trapped in this box. The explosion he’d envisioned obliterated everything inside, and he saw pieces of steel and letters flying everywhere. The words vanished. “What the hell?”
Kissa sniffled. “I couldn’t help it. Those thoughts are gone.”
“Kissa.” His grip in her hair tightened.
She snorted now. “You needed it. Now, find another sentence or set of words you wish to hide.”
Joséf focused, trying to find that pit of self-loathing, but it was absent. Completely vanished, the space it left remained empty until the healing energy from the Lunar Goddess replaced it, calming Joséf. Seeing that as pointless, he switched gears. The biggest threat to his goal now was his uncertainty about moving forward with this pack. He struggled to come up with words or phrases, but found nothing. “What did you do, Kissa? I can’t think of the words to see for the thoughts I’m hiding.”
“Try something more mundane then. Try too hard and it won’t work. Magic, especially lupine magic, is a satin blanket, a cool hand on a hot summer’s night. Not a hammer or fist, szeretõm.”
Joséf refocused his efforts and thought about something lesser than himself. Closing his eyes tighter; drew in another deep breath and felt his aura center. The energy from the moon helped steady the myriad of emotions swirling around so he could concentrate.
He thought back on the lesser issues they faced. His trip back to America was something he wanted to avoid; the discussion with Kissa about how it would work. That, he could frame in his mind.
“Still your mind again and instead of the steel box, envision your mind as a large brick structure with a large steel door and the words are still in the room. Now, you’re shutting the door on the outside world.”
He got that. Slamming the door shut, he opened his eyes and looked at Kissa. Her lips curled up in a half smile, half frown.
“You did it, my prince.”
“Then why the frown?”
Her voice became a harsh whisper. “Because you’ve shut even me out.”
“Good.”
Kissa frowned harder.
“Don’t worry about it for now Kissa.” He looked off in the distance, staring at the trees, the lake. Then he looked back at Kissa. “Is it always like that?”
She nodded. “Depending on how focused you are, it can shut down the thoughts and block out anyone but the tightest bonds. Wolf magic is higher than human magic. And after practice, it’ll become second nature, like everything else.”
Joséf shifted against the tree, settling Kissa’s head better over his lap. “We need to get going soon.”
“Can we just rest here a few? It’s peaceful, szeretõm.”
The idea had merit but they had to get back. Or at least, they should. They needed to plan their next move more thoroughly. Joséf didn’t really know what peace was anymore. It had been so long since he’d found any sort of complacency with life that this quiet, minus the winds and animals actually seemed to bother him.
Kissa turned her head to look up at Joséf. “I see the wheels in your mind spinning, but you’ve shut me out.”
He nodded.
“What’s wrong, my love?”
He cocked a brow and tilted his head to the side. “You called me love.”
“I always do.” She shifted and held herself up on an elbow. “You know that.”
“Yes, but normally you speak in Hungarian. Why the English all of the sudden?”
She shook her head, blinked and looked down, then back into his eyes.
He felt the heat of her stare, but it wasn’t lust, it was intrigue, inquisitive and almost impairing.
“The last thought I caught before you blocked me out was of your self-doubt. I guess if I could do something familiar to you, you might come back to me.”
Joséf leaned back against the tree, stroking Kissa’s beautiful hair. “I don’t know where I am or where I ever was to begin with. So, I’m not sure I can ever be found.”
She sniffled and tears formed in her eyes. He wanted to do something to ease her pain, but this was his truth. His reality had always been harsh.
“You have been found, szeretõm. Your place is here. With me. With the pack.”
His free hand clenched into a fist but he remained silent.
Kissa sat up, her serious stare pinning him against the tree. “This isn’t just about you and your pity anymore. I want to be with you. Do you love me?”
Joséf let out a long sigh, rubbed his cheeks and eyes. That was a hell of a question. He’d been intimate with her numerous times, she’d nursed his wounds, he’d let her. He’d listened to Livía but women had a tendency to be fickle. At least if Isabella and Livía had shown him anything, that was how he perceived things.
She leaned forward, now fully sitting, her hands on either side
of his legs. “Do you?”
He couldn’t determine the answer without having to justify how it was possible to be with Livía at the same time. His heart wasn’t sure it could cope or deal with letting not one, but two women down.
“I do.” His voice barely broke a whisper, but at least he looked her in the eyes and didn’t lie.
“Then let me love you. Talk to me.”
“Nothing I need to do is of your concern.”
“Aren’t I your queen?”
“Look,” something popped in his mind. “We can’t do this right now. I just felt something.” By the look on her face, she felt it too.
Kissa snorted, her nostrils flaring. “Fine. But this isn’t over yet.”
We're heading back. Something's up, Joe. I've already sent the signal to Dave to come back to camp. Lot of action with heavy armed trucks coming down the road.
Just great. "We gotta go."
She frowned. "Fine.”
They both shifted forms and raced back to the encampment, disappointment weighing down with the other emotions that swirled in his head. Kissa’s feelings were made clear and she’d declared them plainly to him, but right now he had more important issues to deal with.
A few minutes later, he and Kissa had returned to their human forms and walked into camp. Those who were milling about, stopped to look at Joséf and Kissa but a moment later, Istvan and Dave returned with the rest of the search party. "It's big, Cap'n."
Joséf didn't like the somberness of Dave’s voice. He studied the man's face; saw the kindness in his eyes, along with worry. Exhaustion had a way of showing up when not wanted. He switched his attention to Istvan, whose eyes gleamed bright with passion, but anger flowed there, too.
"It's bad. Too many Soviet-style military trucks gathered around the lake. I'd guess this Syndicate is planning something huge. Humans with guns, heavy firepower. Vampires were nowhere around."
Joséf swore silently.
Beef up your shield, my prince. I’ll help as I can.
He looked at Kissa, nodded then returned his gaze to Istvan and Dave. "Not good."
"No, but I left two men watching the outposts at Balatonberérny. They'll report back to us in the morning."
"Good idea."
Istvan took a perch by the fire, sitting on one of the huge logs. His stone-faced expression reflected what everyone seemed to think right now. Shit was about to get serious.
"Let's get some rest, then."
The others nodded.
Joséf looked at the sky, saw the rising moon and wondered where he'd find the strength to maneuver through the mire of this mess.
Dawn came, along with a hint of winter. The stiffness of sleeping on the ground for the last three weeks caused much of his soreness. At least cuddling with Kissa provided some level of warmth and comfort.
Standing, stretching, Joséf shoved the aches and pains of his body from his mind and prepared himself for the news he'd receive shortly. Two other pack mates, Karl and Janos, were on their way back and had informed him that indeed, the vampire menace, as they called it, had been present and on guard duty. Too many young vampires with firepower were dangerous.
It took him some time, but Joséf had started learning the names of his various pack members. He had refused on principle at first, but as this drew out, it became more necessary for him to stop being such a fucking dick, and take an active leadership role.
Kissa stirred the others and gathered them around the smoldering campfire. Mikhail stirred the coals and put new logs down. The remaining few had returned from Budapest, coming from the dense trees and into the clearing. None of them looked happy.
"Tough crowd.” Istvan smirked, moving to Joséf’s side.
"Do they all have to look like I'm asking for their blood?” Joséf murmured.
Dave fell in line on the other side of Joséf. "They want their mates back as badly as we want the pack solidified.” Dave looked grimly at the gathering. “Make it a good speech, now.”
Joséf gave him a look before turning to the group.
What he wouldn’t give for a damn bottle of vodka. Meeting the stares of so many faces, eager for his help, put him at odds with his desire.
None of that mattered though. He had a job to do. “This is not going to be easy. But you’re either in, or you’re out. If you’re out, you’re out of the pack. I don’t need weakness when we need to show strength. Not only to the enemy, but to ourselves. Sapporo has let things dwindle to a state of desperation and while I cannot promise to be your savior, I can promise that we will actually do. This is brutal retaliation. No mistakes. Understood?”
A number of faces nodded back at him. Some crossed their arms, others slid hands in their pockets.
“Now go. We’ll be behind you shortly.”
As the pack shifted, Dave stepped up beside Joséf and set an arm on his shoulder. “They believe you can help them, but you will always be a foreigner."
"I know. I don't give a good goddamn, either. I have only one reason I'm here.” He’d whispered the words for only Dave to hear. “I didn’t sign up for this.”
“But you did. We told you this wouldn’t be easy.” Dave patted Joséf on the back, then fell in line with Istvan.
“We’re going.” Istvan stepped back, changing into a large brown wolf. His eyes gleamed with fire, anger. Dave changed too, his mane a lighter shade of grey. Motioning with his head, Dave turned around and loped away, Istvan following.
Kissa’s voice reached him. "But you have gained a second reason that's more important, my prince."
His heart swelled in pride at being called her prince. It wasn't the royalty he cared for, just the seductive, sleepy tone she always used that tugged at something beyond the physical.
Shrugging, Josef tried to break free of Kissa's grasp. "It's time."
Kissa tightened her hand on his. He studied her expression; saw the blatant fear in her eyes. He hadn’t wanted her to come along, they had fought about it the previous night. If he left her behind, he’d break concentration worrying about her. If she went along with him, she would break his concentration, worrying about her. In the end, as she advised, he had to believe she could handle herself.
Her expression was calm. Only her eyes showed her fear for him. Somehow, he'd done a number on her without even trying. Somehow she’d fallen in love with him. Now she was his mate.
The rest of the year would hopefully pass without incident once they solved their little infestation issue, but who the hell knew. Joséf still had an Ancient to deal with.
Kissa turned her head into his chest, her tears soaking his shirt.
"It'll be okay, Kissa.” She shivered in his arms. "What's wrong?"
She sniffled. He tugged gently at her curls, tilting her face up to his. "This isn't the best time, you know. The men have left."
"They’ll wait for you down the way. You're still thinking you'll have to leave me behind, like a coward.”
He growled at her. "When did I drop my shield? Goddamnit, stay the fuck out of my head.” Quickly, Joséf envisioned that brick room and shut the steel door down hard.
Kissa gasped, but glared at him. “You’re going to have to learn to hold multiple powers in your mind at the same time. It takes practice.”
“I am not a damn coward. I’m doing what’s best for this pack and that’s for me to fix shit here and then return back to the States.”
“And you need to take me with you. Or we remain here.”
The thought of remaining another minute on this Godforsaken land with these assholes made his skin itch, but she wasn’t wrong, entirely. He had to see shit through. "Okay, fine.” He sighed. She crossed her arms over her chest and the look in her eyes could kill a bear. Her point came through without her saying a word. They were lovers, after all. "Okay, okay. I’ll take you with me when I go back to America."
"You alone control me, drágám."
He snorted. "Will you continue to drill me to shield my thoughts so only
those who need to hear them, can?”
She cocked her head. "Will you promise not to die?"
Despite her stare boring into him, Joséf couldn't make that promise. Even as a police officer, death could have been around the corner from any stray bullet.
The stubbornness in Kissa's eyes let him know she wasn't about to beg. Not in hearing of Dave or Istvan. He hugged her tighter as his only reassurance.
Come on, you two. The others are waiting to get into position.
Joséf and Kissa ran to catch up to where Istvan and Dave waited. Once they were all together again, Joséf ran behind his leaders since they knew where they were going, with Kissa keeping pace. The rest of the pack ran behind them. The further they got from the heart of the forest, the more Joséf saw the tourist attractions and realized the area had a resort-like feel to it. Odd, he didn't remember any of this before.
We never go this way. It's full of too many people who would rather hunt us.
So Kissa, why this route now?
Ask your two co-captains…
Dave barked. We're veering along the forested region of the coast to maintain cover. I think the tactical advantage is ours if we swim, masking our scent.
Joséf snuffled in acknowledgement.
Seeing more humans in his wolf form made him a little paranoid, but Kissa's reassurance of his abilities helped.
Branching off Balanton Street, they dug deeper into the forest until they reached the shore of the lake. Dave and Istvan signaled them to stop.
"We're near. Go in on foot as humans. Blend in, Joe. Right?” He nodded.
Istvan pointed toward the square bluff not more than a few hundred yards away. "There.” Before them a large castle loomed, with high walls of stone. From the road in the distance, they could see trucks being stopped, then entering the castle gates. No doubt supplying an army with weapons, or God only knows what.
Joséf hoped and prayed to whatever deity did exist that Sapporo wasn't involved. He'd have to try taking the bastard out, and that'd be one more Ancient lost. Not that the vampires needed them, they held their own traditions based on family lore and movement. But Joséf felt sure attacking Sapporo would result in his certain death.
An Alpha Torn (Nights Of Lust Book 1) Page 12
