by Molly McLain
“Perfect,” he muttered against her lips. “All mine and absolutely fucking perfect.”
She closed her eyes and sighed. She was his and that little piece of herself she’d leave behind with him? It just got a heck of a lot bigger.
Chapter Twenty-two
Two nights later, Tony pulled into Shannon’s mother’s driveway just before seven o’clock. Usually, leaving Brianna with Marcy left him feeling bittersweet. He hated the distance between River Bend and Hastings, and ultimately between Bri and the rest of her family, his own mother included.
Leaving his daughter always made him feel guilty too, because it meant he could finally sleep in and then get things done around the house. Tonight was different. For the first time, he was dropping Bri off without a single ounce of remorse.
All because Nicole waited back in River Bend for him.
Nicole. His first selfish indulgence in far too long. One he intended to enjoy the hell out of while he could.
“We’re here, Brianna Bell.” Of course, his little girl had dozed on the way over which meant she’d be up later than usual tonight. Hopefully she’d go easy on Marcy, who’d just started to feel better after her breast cancer treatment earlier in the summer.
Kissing Bri’s fuzzy purple hat, he snuggled close and rang the doorbell. When the door swung open, he smiled, expecting Marcy to appear.
Only it wasn’t Mrs. Hammond’s frail framed that filled the open space—it was her daughter’s. Her daughter’s very unincarcerated frame.
His boots felt like they’d been suddenly filled with concrete. And his life—at least the last four months of it—flashed before his eyes.
“What are you doing here?” he asked as calmly as possible, because he refused to let Shannon see just how instantaneously riled he was. Was this really happening? “I thought you were in for another six weeks.”
“I behaved myself so they decreased the sentence. I thought my mom told you.” She glanced at Bri, her bottom lip quivering.
“No, she definitely didn’t tell me.” If she had, there was no way he would’ve come this weekend. No way he would’ve even considered allowing Bri to have a visit.
“Can I hold her?” Shannon held out her arms, tears glistening in her eyes.
He took a step backward.
“Come on, Tony, don’t be an ass. She’s my daughter too.”
An unfortunate fact he’d have to deal with for the rest of his life. “You should’ve told me you’d be here.”
“I just got out yesterday.”
“Yeah, well I have a hard time believing you didn’t know when you called last week.”
She rolled her eyes and stepped onto the porch, closing the door behind her. Her auburn hair floated around her face and she pushed it back with a sniffle. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I knew you’d freak out.”
“That’s one way of putting it.” Brianna looked up at him, hiccupped and smiled. He clenched his jaw and cursed beneath his breath, because, dammit, he thought there’d be time for this. “Are you living here now?” he asked. If she was, this changed everything.
“For the time being, yes. Until Wes and I find a place of our own. I refused to move in with him and his roommate.” She reached out and touched a strand of hair poking out from beneath Bri’s hat. “Hey, sugar plum. It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?”
“Wes?” he asked tightly.
“You know who Wes is.”
Sure did. Just didn’t expect to hear his name in the context of “Wes and I” after all the crying on his shoulder Shannon did about their break-up. “Didn’t you know two were together again.”
“Should’ve never split up.” She lifted a shoulder and twisted her lips like it was nothing.
It didn’t bug him that she was more or less saying the time they’d spent together was a mistake, because he agreed. Every last bit of it, except for Bri.
Never Bri.
“Tony, can I please hold my daughter?” Shannon asked again. “It’s not like I’m going to run off with her or anything. It’s just...it’s been a really long time.” Those last words were a whisper as she fought to contain her emotion.
And being the sucker he was, he fell for it. Swallowing hard, he handed Bri over. Just about killed him when his little girl arched her back and began to fuss.
Shannon bounced her on her hip and shushed her, speaking in a low, sing-song tone that did nothing to soothe Brianna’s reluctance. “Maybe she’s hungry.”
“She doesn’t know you, Shannon.”
“But she will. I’m her mother. You’ll see. She’ll be totally different Sunday when you come and get her.”
A bitter laugh boiled up from his chest. “There’s no way I’m leaving her here.”
Shannon’s head jerked up. “What? Why not? It’s Mom’s weekend.”
“I have full custody. I say when visits take place. Up until now, I’ve had no problem with your mom having Bri. But you being here changes things. I have no idea if you’re sober or if—”
“I’ve been in jail for five fucking months, Tony! Of course, I’m sober! Jesus!”
He ground his jaw and spoke slowly. “Do not yell when you’re holding my daughter.”
“Our daughter,” she corrected and he flinched. Brianna looked at him, with her bottom lip trembling and his heart damn near broke.
He wasn’t ready for this and neither was Bri. “We’ll arrange some supervised visits. After we talk about your sobriety and recovery.” He held out his hands to take Bri back.
“Screw you,” Shannon snarled. “You might have custody, but my rights haven’t been terminated.”
“Shannon, stop.” Marcy stepped out onto the porch and took Bri from between them. “You’re upsetting the baby.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.” Shannon pushed her hands into her hair and shook her head. “I carried her for more than nine months. I gave birth to her. And then you show up and act like some freaking knight in shining armor and that trumps everything I did?”
He counted to ten for good measure. “I’ve never endangered her safety. And excuse me for not having more involvement in the months prior to her coming into this world. Seems to be a consequence of not knowing I’d fathered a child,” he sneered.
“I thought she was Wes’s!”
No, she didn’t, but he didn’t bother calling her on her bullshit.
“This is not the time or the place for any of this,” Marcy interjected, her tone calm and easy. “Tony, I’m sorry I didn’t let you know. I didn’t expect Shannon to need a place to stay, otherwise I would have let you know before you drove all this way. I understand if you’ve changed your mind about the visit.”
“I have.” He adjusted the diaper bag on his shoulder and took Bri back into his arms. “I’ll call next week after I’ve talked to my lawyer.”
“Your lawyer?” Shannon spat. “Is that really necessary? I’m not going to hurt her, for God’s sake.”
“Let’s hope that’s true.” He kissed Brianna’s forehead and dipped his chin toward Marcy. “We’ll be in touch.”
“You’re really doing this? You’re really going to keep her from me?” Shannon followed him to his truck and he held his response until Bri was buckled back in her seat and he closed the door.
“You’ve given me no reason to trust you.”
“How’s she going to get to know me if you keep her from me, huh?” She grasped at his arm when he opened the driver’s door, but he shook her off.
“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you landed yourself in jail. Or better—before you drove drunk with her in the vehicle.”
“I know I fucked up! I’ve lived with it for the last five months! Five months with my little girl I’ll never get back!”
He lifted a shoulder. He wasn’t a cold-hearted bastard by nature, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to feel one ounce of sympathy for this woman. “We’ll talk next week.” And then he climbed into his truck, wishing it didn�
��t have to be true.
***
Nicole rejected the third call from Derek in the last two hours. He’d left a message four days ago—and each day since, with increasing urgency—about needing to meet up with her so she could sign off on some life insurance forms he had. Forms that would remove her as his beneficiary. Something he should’ve done years ago. Something he was only doing now because it meant she’d have to see him.
Of course, he’d use the opportunity to dangle that little carrot in front of her face again. Come back to me and all your financial woes will go away.
Yeah, well so would her dreams. And her dignity.
Her phone rang again and she groaned, her finger hovering over the decline button once again. Then she registered Tony’s name on the caller ID.
It was after 10 pm and since Brianna was in Hastings with her grandma, it wasn’t hard to figure out why he was calling. The question was: his place or hers?
“Hey you,” she purred.
“Hi. I wasn’t sure you’d answer.” A heavy exhale crackled through the line and she frowned. Not a booty call?
She cleared her throat and tried to keep the disappointment from her voice. “Why? It’s not that late.”
“No, but you’re probably tired. We didn’t sleep much last night.”
“I am so not complaining about that.”
He chuckled softly. “Good. I’m glad.”
“But you sound stressed. What can I do?”
He hesitated, and then, “I didn’t leave Bri with Marcy tonight. She’s here with me.”
“Oh.” He’d gone all the way to Hastings only to turn around and come back home?
“Can you just...” He broke off with another sigh. “Can you just come over?”
In a heartbeat. “Of course, I can.”
“Thank you. And babe? Bring your toothbrush.”
***
“Be warned,” Tony said, putting the bottle of Jack straight to his lips, when Nicole came through the door. “I’m irrational as fuck right now.”
She only smiled, dropped her bag on the kitchen table, and moved up behind him, her arms going around his waist. “What happened?”
He was silent for several long beats, letting himself absorb the gentle kisses she peppered over his shoulders and down his spine.
“Shannon’s out,” he finally muttered and she stilled.
“How is that possible?”
“Hell if I know.” He tossed back another swig and slammed the bottle on the counter, his temper rising. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me. I showed up at Marcy’s and she answered the door. Like she expected I’d just hand Bri over and go on my merry fucking way. Like she didn’t jeopardize my daughter’s life. Like she didn’t lie to me about getting fucking pregnant either!” His fist followed the bottle, but Nicole only held on tighter.
How was it that she never judged him? He was unloading his disdain for a woman who’d come before her, and she held him like it didn’t even matter. Like he wasn’t a walking mess.
“You have Brianna now. She’s safe with you,” she said against his shirt. Her breath was warm, pushing through the fabric to his skin.
“Until Shannon takes me to court and fights for custody.” He lifted the bottle to his mouth again.
“You’re not going to lose Brianna. No judge in their right mind would take her away from you.”
He spun around, shaking his head. “Shannon’s her mother. Her fucking mother.” During the initial custody proceedings, his lawyer had been confident the Adams County judge would see Tony’s side of things. The judge, himself, was a single dad. But Shannon was also behind bars then, and it was no secret that the legal system tended to favor placement with the mother when she was available. .
“I get it,” Nicole said calmly. “But you’ve done more for Bri over the past few months than Shannon ever has. No one can argue that.”
“Even if she does get to stay with me, I’ll have to allow visitation. I’ll have to co-parent with her.” He grimaced, because, no matter how much time he’d had to digest the reality of being a father, he’d never quite been able to swallow having to be a parent with Shannon. He locked his eyes on Nicole’s and swallowed hard. “You know what I wish? You know what twisted thought I can’t seem to shake?”
She shook her head.
“I wish it was you.”
She sucked in a breath and he watched his words sink in.
“I know you’re not her mother. I know it makes me an ass to even say those words out loud. But I’m tied to a woman I hate for the rest of my life. And the woman I love? She’s not sticking around.” He lifted a hand, then dropped it hard, emotion churning in his gut.
He didn’t expect to feel this way about Nicole and, though he knew better than to ask her right now, and risk her confusing his frustration with desperation, he wanted her to stay. He wanted to see what it would take to change her mind about Chicago.
Cuddled up beside her in his bed last night—not having sex, because she’d crashed as soon as her head hit the pillow—all he’d thought about was them. Them, in a real relationship. Them, never sleeping apart again. Them, with a future together.
She’d whispered his name in her sleep and that had to fucking mean something, didn’t it? She’d come to him tonight, too. Hadn’t even hesitated. Just let him drop his fucked-up life before her and she took it all on, like it weighed nothing at all. Just like she’d done from the very start.
He’d fallen in love with her. And losing her scared him just as much as sharing Brianna with Shannon.
“And here I was worried about whether not you could handle this,” he admitted quietly, capping the bottle and putting it back on the shelf. “You’re stronger than I’ll ever be.”
She was behind him again, her hands smoothing around his waist and up his chest. “That’s not true,” she whispered. “Because if I was so strong, I wouldn’t be running.”
“Not your fault that some men are pricks.” He turned and slid his fingers along her jaw. “I’m not one of those guys, Nicole. That’s why I’m not gonna ask you to stay.”
Tears seeped into her eyes, glistening beneath the lights, and she nodded. “I gotta do me.”
He smiled. “You gotta do you.”
“But I’m not gone yet.”
And then she took his hand and led him to bed.
Chapter Twenty-three
“Mmm, that’s good ice cream, isn’t it, Miss Brianna?”
Nicole glanced up from the dish of vanilla custard she was sharing with Bri to see Carissa standing near their park bench on the next afternoon—one of the last nice Saturdays of the fall, most likely. “If you tell her father you saw me feeding her this, I’ll totally deny it.”
Carissa laughed and took a seat on the other end of the picnic table. “Mums the word, believe me. We may or may not have had chocolate pudding a few weeks ago.”
Nicole grinned. “She’s teething and she likes the cold on her gums.”
“Ah.” Carissa narrowed her eyes and studied Nicole. “So how are things going with the house?”
“They’re good. Beatrice from the Historical Society came over last week.”
“And how’d that go?”
“Okay, I guess.” She shrugged. “It was Tony’s idea, but I doubt anything will come of it. Beatrice wasn’t exactly tearing down the door to get inside.”
“Bea is a hard one to read, though. Was she quiet?”
About as quiet as she’d expect someone she didn’t really know to be. “I guess. Maybe?”
Carissa grinned. “You’ll hear back from her. Josh said something about the house being the old River Bend Hotel back in the day.”
“Yeah, Beatrice mentioned that.” But it would take a lot of work to transform the home back to that design. “Hey, I’m glad I ran into you. I was thinking about having a little something for Tony’s birthday on Friday night. Maybe some drinks and snacks at McCauley’s. What do you think?”
Carissa sm
iled as a woman called her over to a picnic table near the veterans’ memorial. “He’d like that. Can I help?” she asked as she stood.
“That’d be great. How about I call you later?”
“Absolutely. You two have a good day.” Carissa winked as she walked away and Nicole smiled down at Brianna, whose eyelids began to flutter. She was so pretty when she slept. So peaceful.
And just like that, tears prickled in Nicole’s eyes. All Tony’s fault, of course, because since he’d opened up about his regrets, all she could think about was not only how much she’d miss them, but how much she’d also miss out on after she left.
Bri would crawl any day now, and in a few more months, she’d walk. She was already babbling and it was a no brainer that her first word would be ‘Dada’. And, come December, little Bri would sit in front of her first Christmas tree, eating the wrapping paper off her presents.
Ha! Nicole laughed and sniffed back her unshed tears.
Whether he wanted to accept it now or not, Tony would share all of those experiences with Shannon. Maybe not directly, but he was too good of a man to keep Bri from Shannon for too long. He’d watch her like a hawk, yes, but the hard reality was that nothing could change Shannon being in Bri’s life. Tony’s life either, for that matter.
Did she wish things could be different for Tony? Of course she did. Did she envy his forever-tie to Shannon? Yep.
He’d said the l-word last night. Just the one time, so she wasn’t entirely sure he meant it like he said it. But when he held her in his arms, stroking her hair after they’d made love, it was hard not to believe it was true. Mostly, because she wanted it to be true.
Her phone vibrated in her purse as she tossed the last of the ice cream into the trash, and she hurried to answer it. “Hello?”
“Nicole? This is Beatrice from the Historical Society. Do you have you a minute?”
***
“I’m glad you came out tonight,” Nicole said to Ally, who situated a small crockpot of dip next to a bowl of pretzels at McCauley’s on Friday night.
“Me too, but hopefully things don’t go to Shit City like they did last time we were here.” Ally shuddered. “Definitely sticking to the non-alcoholic beverages tonight.”
