by Molly McLain
“Good! That’s great. You’ve wanted to get her in there for a long time.” So why did he look so pissed off about it?
“Exactly. Funny thing though...” His mouth turned up into an uneasy, humorless smile. “I almost told them no.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I’m a fucking idiot, that’s why. A fucking idiot who thought maybe I could talk you into sticking around.”
Nooo!
“Right?” He laughed. “I mean, I’m really glad I didn’t jump the gun on that, because a few minutes later I got that second call. From the Historical Society. I think you know Bea, right?”
Bea had called him? Why?
“Seems you spoke pretty highly of me when you showed her the house. She said you told her all about the ideas I had for the place. Ideas they wanted to know if I’d be interested in helping them implement, seeing as you apparently accepted their very generous purchase offer. Last week. Now, I didn’t bring it up earlier, because I thought maybe you wanted it to be a surprise, but the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced you weren’t going to tell me at all.”
“I was going to tell you. I just wanted it to be the right time and...” She trailed off and he shook his head.
“Don’t try to soften the blow, babe. I know you’ve got this thing about coddling me and, at the beginning, I loved it. I needed a break and you were right there to hold my hand and do shit for me and Bri that I was too much of a pussy to do myself.”
Tears seeped into her eyes, but she couldn’t look away. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t know exactly where this was going.
“You and me, Nic, we’re not all that different. You’ve had shit luck, I’ve had shit luck. You wanna help me, I wanna help you. The difference is that I let you in when I should’ve manned up and you...you stuck to your guns and you held me at bay.” He flipped his phone onto the dash and covered his face with his hands, frustration rolling off him in waves.
“I need you to be real with me right now, Nicole. Fuck, I need you to be real with yourself.” He looked at her again, his brow creased, his eyes pleading. “I love you. And you leaving? It’s not weeks down the road anymore. It’s here. Now.”
Silent tears spilled down her cheeks and, dammit, her heart hurt so bad.
“I still want to ask you to stay, but the truth is—you sticking around River Bend isn’t what either of us needs. I’ve gotta learn to do this shit on my own and you’ve gotta find the balance between independence and letting someone love you.” He reached across the console to swipe away a tear. “Maybe that someone isn’t me, babe. I don’t know. Not my call. But I do know that the only way you’ll ever know for sure is if you go.”
Damn him for being right and damn him for getting it.
“I love you, too,” she whispered and he leaned over the console and placed a single kiss on her lips.
“You’ve made me a better man, city girl. A better father.”
And that was all she could ask for.
Chapter Twenty-five
He stood just inside the hospital’s entrance with Bri sleeping soundly on his shoulder. Anne had offered to keep her at home, so he could sit with his mom as the staff buzzed around, prepping her for surgery. But then Jimbo showed up and things got all kinds of awkward, fast.
So Tony told Anne to come on in. Better she sit with his mother and her boyfriend—shudder—than him anyhow. It wasn’t just disturbing to see a guy who’d been like an uncle since he was a kid kissing on his mom, it just sucked knowing that when he went back home in a few days, there’d be no loving woman to welcome him, like his mom had welcomed Jim, even from her hospital bed.
Mark was already on his way to Hastings when Tony called him to pick up Nicole. All there’d been time for was a quick check-in with the nurses’ station, a quick peek in at his mother, and then a cup of really shitty hospital coffee.
Nicole had asked if she could go by Anne’s to say goodbye to Bri and, of course, he agreed. He was damn glad, however, that he hadn’t been there to witness that parting. It was bad enough having to say goodbye himself and even then he’d barely kept it together.
It wasn’t often—or ever—that a woman told him she loved him. So hearing those words, only to have them followed by goodbye, totally fucking sucked.
But that was life. And so was what he was about to do.
Marci’s car pulled up in the drop-off lane and he squeezed Bri a little harder, nuzzling her temple. Shannon stepped from the car, giving him a wave and a shaky but hopeful smile.
“Hey,” she greeted him as the sliding doors opened.
“Hey. Thanks for coming.” A cool gust of air rushed around them and it eased his mind to see that Marci had gotten a bigger car seat. One that she was currently adjusting to accommodate Bri’s winter gear.
“Thank you for changing your mind and giving me this chance,” Shannon said humbly. “I know it’s not easy...”
Nope, it wasn’t. But it would be selfish—not to mention unhealthy and hectic—to keep Brianna at the hospital with him when Shannon and Marci were just miles away.
He dipped his chin toward the bench, where the diaper bag sat beside a pile of miscellaneous things he’d sent for Bri’s long weekend with his mom. “There’s a second can of formula tucked in the box of diapers. And she just started stage three food, so don’t be surprised if she makes faces at the turkey and rice.”
“We’ll figure it out, I’m sure.” Shannon laughed, though there was no mistaking her nerves. She kept looking between him and Bri, like he was gonna yell psych at any second.
He wasn’t, of course. But he’d probably call fifty times between now and when he picked her up in a couple days.
“She’s teething too, so there’s some of that gel in there somewhere. And Tylenol. Wait, no. Shit, I forgot the Tylenol.”
“Tony, seriously...” Shannon put a hand on his arm. “I got this. It’s been a month since Mom saw her, so you know she’s not going to leave us alone anyhow. We’ll be fine.”
Thank God for that, but, aside from supervising the visit himself, nothing was gonna ease his mind one hundred percent about handing over Brianna.
But he did just that and something cracked in his chest when Shannon leaned down and kissed her hair.
All he saw was Nicole. Kissing on his little girl and telling her how pretty she was. Telling her she should give Daddy hugs because it looked like he’d had a rough day. Telling Bri she loved her...
Dammit.
He shook it off and busied himself by carrying Bri’s loot to the car, double checking she was buckled in the right way, and programming Shannon’s new number into his phone.
He couldn’t watch them drive away, though, because seeing both Bri and Nicole leave him in the same day, while his mother lay in a hospital bed upstairs?
He knuckled his nose and sniffed.
Best to not think too hard on that.
***
“You’ve had quite the week, ladybug,” Tony told Brianna the following Friday night. “You got to meet your mom all over again, see both grandmas, and meet some new friends at daycare.”
Bri’s response? She spit her peas at him and laughed about it.
“Not nice.” He pointed a finger at her and covered up the next spoonful of green goo with a swipe of peach cobbler. “So Grandma Grace says we need to pierce your ears. What do you think about that? Yay or nay?”
“Dada. Dadadadada.”
He blinked at his little girl, spoon suspended in the air. “Did you just say what I think you said?”
Pplltt. Out came the peas again and another round of giggles.
He laughed too and snapped a picture of Bri’s messy little face, because, if she really did just call him Dada, this moment needed capturing. He swiped into his photo gallery to tag a message on the image and his fingers faltered when Nicole’s face filled the screen.
Bri should’ve been in the picture too, since she was the reason they’d taken so many
that day at the pumpkin farm. And she was in all the others, but this one... This one he’d taken just for himself.
“Damn, girl,” he muttered under his breath, because, just like the first time, laying eyes on her took his breath away. Her smiling like this? A million times better than seeing her cry.
She’d texted when she got to Chicago last Sunday, with a quick note that she was also staying with Rachel while she shopped for an apartment of her own. He’d replied with a simple Glad you made it safely, thinking she’d say something more, but nothing came. He hadn’t been ballsy enough to try and nudge the conversation along, because this whole Chicago thing was about her taking the lead. That dude in Nowhere, Nebraska who threw a kink into her plans? He’d have to wait.
But maybe Bri wouldn’t.
He glanced up at his daughter, who’d taken to playing peek-a-boo behind her bib, and quickly forwarded the pea face picture to Nicole. Guess what she said tonight?
Ten seconds later... She wants a pony for Christmas?
No, but if she asked, I’d probably get her one.
Of course, you would.
She said Dada. Think she meant it?
And...crickets.
He checked the phone every five minutes until he put Bri to bed a couple hours later, but...nothing. And finally, because his blood pressure was gonna blow his ears off, he shut the text chime off.
It was better this way. He couldn’t sit around and wait for her next move or he’d drive himself insane. Bri didn’t need a dad who’d gone off the deep end.
Pissed at himself for thinking she’d leave and realize what she was walking away from, he took on the laundry in his bedroom and stumbled into a box of unopened birthday gifts in the closet.
Having been in Hastings for most of the week, he’d completely forgotten he’d shoved them in there. And he grimaced, because he was pretty sure there was a plate of cookies in the mix.
Dropping the clothes basket to the floor, he carried the box to the bed and, yep, there were cookies. Nicole’s grandma’s double chocolate chip ones to be exact.
He tore the plastic off the plate and, week-old or not, shoved one in his mouth. He was a lot of things, but he was not a waster of baked goods.
When all was said and done, he came away with a bottle of Jack from Josh and Carissa, a Cedar Street gift card from Ally, a box of rifle ammo from Luke, and an opened box of condoms from Brody. There was a Post-it stuck to the package and Tony guessed what it would say before he even read it.
He was right.
Used the first two with your girl. Hope you don’t mind.
Fucker.
He banked the box off the edge of the trash in the bathroom across the room and debated whether or not he needed hand sanitizer.
But another gift, wrapped in shiny red paper, snagged his attention from the bottom of the box. It was heavy for its small size and oddly shaped, so he carefully unwrapped it, not sure what to expect. Looked like...a heart maybe? With a red ribbon looped through the top?
He turned it over and every bit of air escaped his lungs.
Brianna’s little handprint was molded in dried clay, her name and the date carefully engraved along the edges.
He traced his thumb over the etching and, though there’d been no accompanying tag or note, there was only one person who would’ve taken the time to do this for him.
His first instinct was to shoot off another text, maybe even a phone call, to thank her properly for giving him the most thoughtful birthday gift he’d ever received.
But the ball was still in Nicole’s court. If she wanted to remain in his life—in their life—than it was up to her to make that move.
Chapter Twenty-six
Three weeks later...
“Guess who came into the hospital today?”
“Who?” Nicole slurped her caramel macchiato and tapped to the next page on her e-reader. On the screen, sexy SEAL Jared was headed downtown on his neighbor, Cassie, so she only half-registered Rachel’s presence.
“Channing Tatum.”
“Yeah? That’s cool.” Tap. “Oh, Jared. You and your virgin tongue. God, I love you.”
“He asked me to marry him. Actually, that’s not true. He just wanted to fuck. So I took him to an empty patient room and let him take me up the ass.”
Whoa. She blinked up at her best friend, who sat on the coffee table in front of the couch, still in scrubs. “You did...who?”
“Channing.”
“From Surgical?”
“Oh, my God!” Rachel grabbed a throw pillow and biffed her in the head. “Stop this madness! Put that damn thing down and live in the real world! It’s been a month! Tomorrow’s Thanksgiving! There will be pie!”
Nicole laughed, but truthfully there was nothing funny about the funk she’d fallen into. Not even one-clicking into fantasyland could shake the discontent she felt every morning when she woke up, still in Rachel’s apartment.
“I love you dearly and you clean the bathroom like a boss, but I’m going to kick you out if you don’t get it together. Seriously, Nic, you weren’t even this messed up when you left my stupid brother and you were with him for years.” Rachel pointed at her. “Don’t make me invite over Sean from Radiology. I will if I have to, but he’s doing that November beard thing right now and I’m not convinced he doesn’t have trolls living in his face.”
Crap. Rachel was right. Nicole put the Kindle down and sighed. “The trolls might eat our pie.”
“Exactly!” Rachel threw her hands in the air. “I’m gonna go wash off these hospital germs, and then we’re going shopping. I have a date with Blake tomorrow night. I need new undies.”
“A fifth date? This is unlike you.”
“Eh, he just makes me horny.”
“I think he makes you happy.”
“Truth.” Rachel started toward the hall. “Oh, and Nic? This full circle thing you’re trying to do... It’s never gonna connect if you’re not happy.”
***
Tony woke to the chirp of his phone. After missing too many frantic texts from Beatrice about the Keller home turned soon-to-be River Bend Bed & Breakfast, he gave in and turned the sound back on. Better to deal with Bea before she went into a full-blown panic than after.
But Bea wouldn’t be texting him at one o’clock in the morning.
Nicole might though.
Launching upright and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he flipped on the bedside lamp and swiped to the text. Or rather, the picture.
Of Nicole.
With a single tear sliding down her cheek.
“Aw, baby...” His heart clenched so friggin’ hard in his chest, he couldn’t breathe.
It took every ounce of self-control he had not to call her and tell her he’d drive to Chicago right then and there. He’d pack up Bri and they’d drive through the night and they’d bring her home.
But he didn’t. He sent four simple words instead: Come home, city girl.
To which she promptly replied...
I can’t.
***
Two more weeks and nothing.
Earlier in the day, in a moment of sleep-deprived insanity, he’d tried to bribe Ally for an update with the promise of a bigger tip. She took his twenty bucks, shoved it in the jar, and shook her head. “If she wanted you to know how miserable she was, she’d tell you herself.”
What the hell was that? A hint? Or was it just wishful thinking?
Somehow, he managed to slog through the final approval meeting with the county board and a walk-through of the Keller home with Beatrice. At the end, she handed him the keys, a check to get started and went on her way.
He stuck around.
With the exception of the antique furniture that would be reused in the new B&B, the house had been cleared out. No personal belongings remained, save a couple old quilts that Bea wanted to try and refurbish, and it was strange to see the home so empty and lifeless after having spent time there with Nicole.
Even more distu
rbing was walking into the bedroom Nicole had moved to after the window break—the room they’d made love in—and smelling her as vividly as if she were still there.
He closed his eyes and sucked in a long, body-saturating breath.
He fucking missed her, and he hated feeling so damn powerless. Everything lay in her hands now and that scared the shit out of him.
She might not come back. Hell, she might never even call again.
He couldn’t wait her out anymore. He couldn’t continue waking up every morning, wondering if today would be the day she put them out of their misery. This restlessness was eating him alive and pretty soon, his discomposure would impact Brianna, too.
Before he could talk himself out of it, he lifted his phone, snapped a picture, and hit send.
No words, no explanation. Only hope.
***
He’d cut his hair.
Nicole stared at the shadowy image, her heart hammering against her ribs. The curls she’d loved feathering her fingertips through had been replaced by a short, military cut that gave his handsome features a suddenly dangerous, almost jaded edge. It was the hunger and intensity in his eyes that sent the real message though, and she felt it like a sharp, one-two punch to the ribs.
“Hey, Denver, I need a hand with the new arrival in 223. A seven-month-old. Bad flu bug. Needs a PIV.”
Poor baby. Perfect distraction.
She gave the third shift ER charge nurse the best smile she could muster and dropped her phone into her bag. “Absolutely. I love the little ones.”
“I know.” Rita grinned. “Figured you’d wanna cut your break short for this one. Cutie too. Full head of dark hair. Dad’s not bad looking either.”
“Dad?” Her pulse kicked up and logic quickly tamped it down. He was twelve hours away, not two rooms down.
“Uh-huh. But Mom’s with too, so...”
See? Stupid heart.
Rita leaned into the room, brows pinched. “You okay?”
Not even a little. “Yeah, of course.”
“Hmm...” The charge nurse gave her a suspicious once-over. “Something’s off with you tonight, Denver.”
