by JA Huss
No. No, he really doesn’t. And I don’t need to talk about it either. I came to terms with it a long time ago. No amount of talking can change the past.
“Where did you really go when you left me?” He asks the question with fear in his voice.
“I lived at Lucio’s house. But it didn’t matter. Lily was here at the Parson School for Girls. Far, far away. Just like I planned.”
I wait for the next question. Why did you come back? But he is silent for a very long time after that. Ten minutes. Fifteen, maybe.
He leans in and kisses my neck. The place he likes to start. Right where the scar begins. I have always wondered how he knew. The cut goes from ear to ear. How did he know that the starting point was on my left side instead of the right?
I don’t know.
“We better take those pictures. It would be a shame to waste the moment.” Oliver slips his arm out from under me and swings his legs over the side of the bed.
I sit up in bed but don’t make to get out. “Do you really think we need to keep this moment?”
Oliver is pulling a pair of jeans on. I stare at his tattoos while he does this. The ravens. The words. The wings. The bike. More words. “Fuck, yes,” he says in a low, deep voice. “Fuck, yes, we need to keep this moment.” And then he looks at me.
His eyes are no longer rain showers, but a tornado of hate, and anger, and fear.
“Because this is the moment that changes everything.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine - OLIVER
My hands tremble with anger as I adjust the aperture setting on the camera so we can take advantage of the low, early-morning light streaming through the garage bay windows down on the far wall.
“Are you going to be in the pictures?” Katya asks, self-consciously pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts.
“Sure,” I say, smiling at her to hide the violence thundering inside me. “But let me get you first. Turn over.”
She does. I walk over to her once the camera is set, and start arranging the white sheets into a sexy puddle. Drape it here and there. Cover her pussy that peeks out at me from between her ass cheeks. But just enough to hide what’s mine and not enough to hide what’s her. I want to see her curves. I position her hip this way. Her arm that way. Prop her up on one elbow, tip her neck back so I can see that scar. That fucking scar. All the scars will be in this image. It will be a tribute to her journey.
Maybe she started life with those fucked-up assholes. But she’s gonna end her life with me, so help me God.
I am going to kill someone over those scars.
Maybe a lot of someones.
Who cares anyway? I already killed that driver of Claudette’s. Nolan already killed Boring Richard. Paxton already killed Claudette. If Victoria had her way, she’d have been the one to kill Gori Junior.
What’s a few more kill shots on the score card?
“Oliver?” Katya says, breaking my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I say, smiling at her as I pretend to adjust the sheet one more time.
“Do you think this will turn out OK?”
I grin. Kinda big to ease her mind. The last thing I want is to make her worry. “I’m an excellent photographer, Kat. Trust me.”
She shakes her head. But she’s laughing. “You know what I mean.”
“I know,” I say, a lift in my voice. “Nothing’s gonna happen. It’s all just bullshit under the bridge as far as I’m concerned.”
She bites her lip. Wrong answer. I can’t lie to a girl like her. And she’s not really the girl I thought she was, is she? I knew something happened. I knew she wasn’t in school these past four years. But I realize now that the reason I didn’t look too closely was because I was afraid of the answer.
No. Lucio Gori—Jesus fucking Christ. I didn’t even know the guy existed until Tori told us about him. So no, it’s not like I didn’t want to see that. I just—fuck.
“Oliver,” Kat says.
“It’s fine,” I say. My smile is strained this time. “I mean, I know it’s not really fine, Kat. But it’s going to be fine. OK?”
“How do you know?”
I walk back to the camera and set the timer to take a picture every thirty seconds. I can sort the good ones out later. The digital beeps begin as I stare at the only girl I’ve ever loved. “I know because we have a whole team of people on our side, Katya.”
“They have two organized crime families.”
I think about that for a second. “So the Bratva wants you dead?”
“Why wouldn’t they?”
Another beep. Another moment captured.
She turns and strikes a new pose. I’d forgotten. She does this for a living.
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“I’m not one of them anymore. I was given to Gori.”
“Maybe,” I say. “Maybe not.”
Another beep.
“Come get in bed with me,” she says. “I’m tired of being the only person in the picture.”
I can do that. It’s not even a sacrifice. “Scoot down this way. On your stomach, head towards the camera.”
“Sounds kinky.” She laughs.
How can she laugh? Unless it’s fake. Like my smile.
She repositions herself the way I ask. And I drop my pants and get back into bed. I arrange my legs on either side of her ass, then give her a nice slap that leaves a bright red handprint.
“Mmm,” she murmurs.
“Open your legs,” I say.
She can’t open them wide. I’ve got her caged in with my thighs. But it’s enough room to slide my cock into her pink opening.
“Mmmm,” she moans again.
The shutter is beeping away every thirty seconds. I grab her hair and pull, making her arch her back, and when I don’t ease up, lift herself up onto her hands. Breasts forward. My written art on her front ready for its close-up with the camera.
I let go of her hair and grab both wrists, gently twisting her arms behind her back so I can hold them there. I sit back so she can rearrange herself. So she can sit back and kneel in front of me. She leans into my chest. The back of her head resting on my shoulder. And she sighs.
“Don’t worry,” I say, trying to make it better. “I can fix this.”
I think I can. I really do. I think I can fix her problems. Victoria and West will be happy to help. Pax would never say no to me if I asked for a favor. Mac and Nolan, well… I think we can keep them out of it and still get the job done.
We fuck for the camera like that. My mouth on her neck. Whispering all the things she needs to hear. But it all comes down to this. “I love you,” I say, closing my eyes and burying my face in her hair.
I know I can fix her problems. Her problems don’t really worry me.
My problems though?
That’s a whole other matter. And it would really suck to save her and leave her alone in the end. It would really, really suck to lose in order for her to win.
But I don’t care. It has to be done. I will go down fighting and I will be OK with it as long as I know she’s safe when it’s over.
Chapter Thirty - KATYA
I can feel the tension in Oliver’s body as we make love and take pictures together. But the lovemaking is soft and slow. More tender than we usually do it. And after we climax, and after we take about a hundred pictures to commemorate the occasion, we are right back where we started this day. In bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms.
“We’re not making much progress,” I say, smiling even though it’s not a light moment. The sex started out filled with apprehension and uneasiness but I’m relaxed now. It’s funny, knowing what I do. What’s coming in the next day or two.
But Oliver always did that for me. Life was so complicated back when I first came to this town. I was a bundle of nerves. Scared and on the verge of panic at almost every turn.
And then I sat on that bench. And Oliver Shrike came walking across the street to save me from a would-be predator.
I smile
.
“What are you thinking about?” Oliver says, his voice thrumming against my back.
I wonder if I could possibly put it in words. I don’t know, but I try anyway. “You know, like… there’s usually a moment.”
“A moment?” he asks, playing with my hair.
“In an action movie or a thriller book.” I turn my whole body so I can look at him while I talk.
“Go on,” he says, smiling without the tension.
“So in those kinds of movies or books it’s all go, go, go action. The stakes just keep getting higher and higher. And luck keeps running out. But then there’s this break, right? A slowdown of sorts. And people can relax for a second and catch their breath.”
“Right,” he says. “I’m with you.”
“And everyone starts thinking, We can beat this thing. It doesn’t matter what the thing is. Alien invasion, or imminent terrorist attack. or something stupid, like getting caught in a lie. Whatever. There is always this moment that tricks them into feeling good. I feel like I’m that moment with you.”
“Kat,” Oliver says. “It’s gonna be fine. I promise.”
“I know. I believe you.” And I do. So my smile isn’t even fake. “But that’s my point. The characters always believe it. They have that one night together where they get a good meal, or fuck like bunnies, or get away with the lie. And they know that nothing can beat them in that moment. Nothing. They hold all the power. They have all the answers. They are the good guys and even though they are out-weaponed, or out-financed, or ill-prepared and things look like this is for sure gonna be the end—they have all the heart it takes to fight that one last battle and win.”
He leans in and kisses me. And I know he does this because he understands the moment I’m talking about. It’s the moment right before the shit hits the fan.
The moment when the aliens kill one of them and leave the other one alone to finish the job and live on forever and ever knowing they won and they failed at the same goddamned time.
It’s that moment when one of the good guys is about to disarm that terrorist bomb but instead it goes off in his hands. So the partner has to go on. Get that last bomb. Save the world… alone.
It’s that moment, after the ship sinks and there’s just two people in that lifeboat. They are out of water and food. Have been for too many days to get through another one. And then they see land is just up ahead. They are saved.
But there is another moment in those movies or books. A moment when the boss alien captures the last hero and no one else has a chance. Or the moment when the terrorist figures out where the lone partner will be and meets them there to make damn sure that bomb goes off. Or the sharks come and now the two survivors understand what fear really is. What failure really looks like. They can’t both make it to land. There must be a sacrifice.
“The hopeless hope moment,” I say. “When the sharks come and you know you’re done for.”
“Real life isn’t a movie.”
“I know.” I sigh. “Believe me, I know. If this was a movie someone would’ve saved me. Even if Gori Senior had his fucking cock out, ready to rape me. In a movie someone would’ve stopped him at the last second and made it all OK.”
“Fuck. Kat—”
“No,” I say, putting a hand on his chest and looking him in the eyes. “I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. I guess if I wanted you to save me I’d have been honest with you from the start. But instead I’ve been lying about everything.”
“Kat, listen to me, OK?” His eyes track back and forth between both of mine. “I know more than you think.”
I snort out a laugh. “No. Oliver. You don’t.”
“Trust me, Kat. I can handle this.”
But isn’t that what they all say? And the one left over to save the day falls for it every single time. “I know better, Oliver. I know better.”
“Well,” he says, still looking at me with that intense stare. “You might know more about me than most. I’ll give you that. But you know a whole lot less than you should.”
“They’re coming for us.”
“I know.”
But I shake my head. He can’t know. I don’t even know what’s really happening. And I have a hell of a lot more information than he does.
“I got this, Kat. I promise. I swear. And I would not just say these things to you if I didn’t mean it, OK?” He cups his hands to my face to make me look at him. Take him seriously. Believe him.
I nod.
“OK?” he asks again.
I nod bigger this time. “Yeah, OK.”
But I don’t believe it for a second. Because that’s what they all say in the movie. They make promises. And they make plans. And then all those plans go to shit, someone dies, and then even if they pull off a win in the end… it’s not sweet anymore. There is no true win, is there?
“This isn’t that moment, Kat. We’re not there yet. I swear. We’re not even close.”
I sigh and give in. That’s my role in this scene, right? Give in to his promises of salvation and let my guard down.
“OK. I guess you’re right.”
He doesn’t believe me either. He knows we’re there. Hell, our deadline ran out a while back, I think. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if I never see him again after we leave this house this morning and go our separate ways.
“You wanna have lunch with me today?” Oliver says. “We could look at all the pictures we just took.”
“Well.” I smile. “I have a date with your sister today at lunch time. She and the rest of the girls want to ‘get to know me better.’” I make air quotes for that last part.
“Shit,” Oliver says, giving me a squeeze. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I like them. I’m happy to get to know them better. I could use some friends.”
“Well, watch out for Ariel. And Tori,” he adds quickly. “They are trouble.”
“Yeah.” I laugh for real. “I can totally see that. But it’s just lunch. What do you have on your schedule?”
“It’s just another day, Katya. Just another day. But I’ll see you tonight. In fact, don’t be on that bench when I get off work. Just come back to the office with Ariel when you’re done with lunch. Or I’ll come up to your apartment.”
I want to say, Nope. Sorry. You can’t come up to my place because the Silver Society has it bugged and they would like nothing more than to have more dirt on you so they can rip your world apart before the end of the week.
But I don’t say that. Because we’re not in that moment. He said so. And if Oliver Shrike says I’m safe and he’s got things under control, well, who am I to argue?
I’m just the scared girl in the lifeboat for this scene. Surrounded by hungry sharks. Dying of thirst even though land and safety are in full view. And my hero says it’s all gonna be OK.
I am just the girl who wants to believe.
The girl who needs to believe.
So I believe.
Oliver and I get up after that. We shower, and he’s right. His markers don’t wash off. But I like that. It’s fitting. That all this will end with his words the last thing I remember about him.
He takes me to his work and walks me down the alley to my building. We kiss in front of the doorman. And I refuse the elevator when I get inside and take the stairs down to the storage units.
I dial the combination, go inside, pick up my phone, and press the contact I’ve been keeping secret all these years.
“Yes,” she says after two rings.
“I think I need you today.”
She hesitates. And for several painful seconds there is nothing but dead air. I even take the phone away from my ear and look at it to see if I lost the call.
“Are you sure?” she finally asks.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
“We’re a day early, Katya. You know timing is everything.”
A day early. Her words send a chill through my entire body. Why didn’t
I see it before? Jesus fucking Christ. I walked right into it. “I know,” I say, swallowing hard. “I understand. But I have a very bad feeling, Mariel.”
More silence. “What happened?”
“Nothing. But that’s the problem. They are too patient.”
“Katya, you of all people should understand that what they are after has been decades in the making.”
That brings me back to the conversation I had with Oliver. About the eleven-year anniversary. “Did you know that Claudette tried to take Cindy on the eleventh anniversary of the rape accusation?”
“Of course. Why do think I got involved?”
“OK. But do you know what tomorrow is?”
Silence for seven whole seconds. “What is tomorrow?” she asks, a hint of worry in her voice.
“My sister’s eighteenth birthday.”
Mariel sighs. “Kat, I’ve told you before. They do not recruit out of high school.”
“They recruited me out of high school.”
“You’re different.”
“Yeah. And she’s my sister. So how is she not different?”
“She is not you.”
It’s my turn to be silent. For eleven whole seconds. The number of years I’ve gone to bed hoping I might die before I wake up.
“I want you here. And I want you with her all day tomorrow, Mariel. You promised me she would be safe if I helped you. You promised me you’d take care of her if anything happened to me. Well, either they are going to grab her tomorrow or they are going to do something to me. And I need you to make good on that promise. I need you here, Mariel. Today. Or I quit and I won’t do it. I’m dead fucking serious. Today.”
Mariel sucks in a deep breath and holds it. She exhales. Loudly. Like she’s pissed off but doesn’t want me to know. “OK. I’ll come today and we’ll do it your way. But you need to stick to the plan, Katya. No more deviations.”
“Agreed,” I say, relief flooding through me. And then the line goes silent for too long and I know she’s ended the call.
I’m in that blissful moment again. The moment when I think I have all the answers and it’s gonna be just fine.
