by Beck, Jamie
His large frame dwarfed hers when she went in for the hug. Kevin looked at me over her shoulder, his brows gathered low. “You two asked me to come out to talk.” He eased away to look her in the eye, but she avoided his gaze.
“Oh yes. That.”
When she frowned, my heart ached anew. Losing my dad so soon after she’d retired had been enough of a blow. They’d been planning a series of trips—an Alaskan cruise, a vacation in Florence—and looking into renting a condo in Sarasota each winter. Like me, Mom didn’t adapt quickly to change, so it had taken her weeks to leave the house after his funeral, and months to come to grips with the fact that her husband was gone. My pregnancy had been a catalyst for her turning the corner, by giving her something to look forward to. She hadn’t needed me to complicate her life with my mess now.
“Mom, take Kevin to the living room and catch up on Billy’s latest antics. I’ll fix some tea and meet you in two minutes.”
Kevin nodded before guiding her to the other room while chatting. His proud tone as he spoke about his family contrasted mightily with Lyle’s. Given how devastated my husband had been by his own mother’s abandonment, I couldn’t comprehend the way lust was affecting Lyle’s thinking—until I recalled the zeal with which he’d once pursued me. Imagining that gleam in his eye aimed at another woman hardened my stomach.
I snatched the turquoise-colored teakettle that had sat on Mom’s stove since the ’80s and filled it with water. A frying pan with the remnants of a melted spatula stuck to its center lay in the sink. Was my mom losing it? I couldn’t handle that right now. Please, God, let it be nothing more than stress.
While the water heated, I scraped at the melted bits of plastic, but it was useless. Another thing I couldn’t fix. Setting the ruined pan aside, I gazed at the Turner family memory jar. Same aging label. Fewer scrolls for this time of year because, with us kids all gone, only the biggest celebrations made it in there now.
My dad had once suggested we put bad memories in there, too, because at the end of the year you could look back and see how far you’d come. Mom had rejected that outright, preferring to gloss over hardships and unpleasantries. Since the memory jar had been Mom’s idea, no one but Erin ever put negative memories in there. Today would be no exception.
When I brought a tray with the teacups into the living room, my brother and mom had seated themselves on the sofa. I moved the stray newspaper and took the chair. No one reached for a teacup.
Having not rehearsed how to begin, I ripped off the proverbial Band-Aid. “Kevin, Lyle is having an affair—”
“We don’t know that,” my mom interjected, although her vehemence had lessened in the past forty-eight hours.
“It’s a fact.” I averted my eyes to avoid the flash of disappointment that would flicker through hers. “He confirmed it, but I needed time to process everything before sharing it with you.”
Her shoulders collapsed, and she covered her face with her hands. When pity lit Kevin’s eyes, I dropped my chin.
“I’m sorry, sis. Did you want help finding a good divorce lawyer? We’ve got some excellent ones in my firm.”
My head snapped up. “No! We’re not there yet.”
“Why the hell not?” Kevin barked like our dad occasionally had when we’d done something stupid—or, rather, like he had when Kevin or I had messed up. Dad had gotten a kick out of Erin’s rambunctious attitude and impulsiveness, so he’d met her mistakes with tempered disappointment mixed with a twinkle in his eye. I’d spent my youth working hard for that twinkle—routinely instigating surprise cleanups and doing the laundry for Mom, or making high honors at school—but Erin had earned them simply by breathing.
“Divorce is so final . . . It’s too soon for that.” I rubbed my stomach. “Lyle’s asked for a little time to sort through his feelings and figure things out. I’m not making excuses, but people have affairs—they get bewitched and make mistakes. Sometimes they learn that they had what they needed all along. We have a baby coming. I think he’ll come home.”
“A little time?” Kevin cursed Lyle’s name, earning himself a slap on the arm from our mom.
“Language!” Mom frowned.
“Sorry.” He squeezed her hand, then looked at me. “Let’s say he deigns to return. Can you be happy with him—or trust him—ever again?”
Before I replied, Mom jumped in. “If Amanda wants to save her marriage, she needs support, not ridicule.”
Her attitude didn’t surprise me, even if Kevin seemed taken aback. I’d been her golden girl, and golden girls didn’t get dumped for bimbos and end up as single moms, especially not if Madeline Turner could help it.
Kevin blew out a breath.
“It bothers me to think of Amanda staying married to a disloyal liar.” When he glanced at me, I had to look away. “He’s lucky he’s not here. I honestly think I’d rip his head off.”
He might, too. He’d always been protective of Erin and me.
Now Kevin was already furious, and he didn’t even know the full scope of the situation. My stomach cramped again. I must’ve winced, because my mother’s expression pinched.
“What’s wrong, Amanda?” she asked.
“I’m stressed out.” My voice faltered as I massaged my belly with both hands.
Kevin dialed back his anger. “That’s not good for the baby.”
“I know!” Another round of tears clogged my throat, but I fought them.
Kevin rubbed his thighs while taking a deep breath. “If you don’t need a divorce lawyer, why am I here?”
“Well . . . ,” I began. My mom pressed her palms to her cheeks, and the position Lyle had put us in crushed me. “Partly I wanted advice about what I should do in case Lyle asks for a divorce—I mean, mostly I’m concerned about custody, but I also wanted to get an idea about child support and alimony, although . . .” I hesitated, bracing myself. “That might be complicated by the fact that Lyle borrowed money from Mom for this deal in Florida.”
“What?” Kevin sat up, spine erect, eyes wide. “When?”
“Soon after Lyle started his own business two months ago, he got an inside line on the condo development deal in Florida, but he didn’t want to touch his 401(k) because of penalties, and we’d used a bunch of our savings to buy the house. He was scrambling to raise funds in time to scoop the deal. Mom overheard us talking and offered to lend him Dad’s death benefit money.”
Kev whipped his head in her direction, making her start in her seat. “How much?”
She flinched, and I shuddered along with her. “Most of it.”
“You gave Lyle half a million dollars?” Kevin pretty much sprang off the sofa, arms raised before they slapped his sides.
“Not all . . .” Mom’s voice rose, unaccustomed to having to answer to her children.
I pressed my body into my chair as if it could hide me. Bile filled my throat when I thought about the four hundred thousand dollars she’d lent my husband. We’d both put our faith in him without a second thought, but Mom never would’ve bankrolled him if she’d suspected he’d been sleeping with another woman.
Kevin ran a hand through his hair, then glared at me. “Was it his idea to keep this from me . . . and I assume from Erin as well?”
“We weren’t hiding it,” Mom insisted. “It was my money. I didn’t need anyone’s permission.”
I looked away because, while neither of us had ever spoken of it, we’d tacitly agreed to keep the loan quiet to avoid the appearance of playing favorites. Truthfully, while Erin had been Dad’s pet, I’d been Mom’s. Maybe that was because I was her first daughter, or because I’d been willing to meet her high expectations. I don’t know. I never wanted to question it.
Kevin shook his head. “I’m a lawyer, Mom. You didn’t think it might be a good idea to let me structure the loan?”
“I didn’t want a lot of guff.” Despite her firm voice, my mom’s shoulders curled over her chest.
“Stop it, Kevin,” I said. “If you’ve got
to yell at someone, yell at me.”
His glower’s sharp edge slipped beneath my skin like a splinter. He opened his mouth but then, after a quick glimpse of my stomach, clamped it shut. The living room pulsed with tension. With his eyes now closed, he drew another long breath. “Tell me there are loan documents and a bank account we can access.”
Now I really and truly wished to disappear.
“Lyle printed a form off the internet—a promissory note. It seemed good enough to cover a family loan. He’s meeting with potential investors in Florida now. As soon as they kick in, he’ll pay her back . . . probably by the end of this year even.”
That’s what he’d promised, and despite everything, I believed that much.
“If he gets investors. Real estate deals are risky as hell.” Kevin pounded the heels of his palms against his forehead. “How could you two be so reckless?”
“I’m sorry!” I croaked. “At the time I had no reason not to trust my husband. He’s always been hardworking and successful, kept his promises, been good to our parents. Mom offered. I saw no harm. We thought this deal would be a game changer for our future.”
“And now?” Kevin spoke through gritted teeth.
“In hindsight, we could’ve been smarter. But he signed the loan papers. Lyle always pays his debts, but until those investors come through, it might be hard to make both the loan payments and pay child support. That’s why I need your advice.”
“Amanda, if he only signed a note, then it’s an unsecured loan. What happens if he isn’t married to you anymore and his big deal flops? He won’t be very motivated to figure out how to repay Mom then, will he?” Kevin scrubbed his face with one hand, while my stomach turned at the wrinkle I’d never considered. “Given what he’s putting you through, he should return whatever he hasn’t already spent on this deal.” Kev turned to Mom. “Where’s that promissory note?”
“It’s in the office, I think.” Visibly shaken, she stared at the ground. The thousands of kids she’d intimidated as the school librarian would be shocked to see her humbled.
My skin was now cold and damp. “Mom, look at me. This is not your fault. You were only being supportive and trusting. I should’ve insisted we involve Kevin.”
“Call Lyle and tell him if he doesn’t call you back today to discuss the money, we’re calling the cops.” Kev stared at me, arms crossed.
“The cops?” My brows rose. “What are you talking about?”
Kev raised his hands above his head. “What if he makes off with the money?”
My mouth fell open. “Mom lent him the money. He didn’t steal it. The whole reason he’s in Florida is to tie up that deal. He said he’d repay it, and he will.”
“He also said till death do you part.” Kevin speared me with that look that made me feel idiotic.
Lyle had broken promises. I couldn’t deny that, nor could I fully shake the concern that my mom would be left holding the bag if the deal crumbled. But the leap from bad business judgment to criminal behavior spanned the Chesapeake Bay Bridge.
“Just because he’s having an affair doesn’t mean he’s also a thief. Lyle is my baby’s father, Kevin, not a felon.” The idea of it! “If he planned to steal the money, why would he suggest and sign that note? There’s no need to panic unless he doesn’t pay Mom back under its terms, not yours.”
Kevin glared at me, nostrils flaring. His pacing the floor suggested he’d moved on to playing out scenarios in his head. “I don’t have a good feeling. Did you check your bank balances?”
“Yes . . . nothing abnormal.” I glared, although the fact that I’d checked hardly proved my confidence in Lyle.
“I’ll get the note.” Ashen-faced, Mom wandered off toward Kevin’s old bedroom, which my parents had turned into a home office years ago.
“Amanda, you know the optics are pretty bad, right?” Kevin cracked his knuckles, a habit I’d always found disgusting.
“Jumping to the worst conclusions isn’t helping anyone’s stress levels. If you’re so worried, surely you know private investigators who can track down more details about the deal.” I ran my hands through my hair, hoping to somehow stimulate my brain. “He betrayed me, but he’s also come clean about it. I’m not happy, but that’s not illegal. Please give me a little time to get my arms around what’s happening in my marriage before you sound every alarm. This is a private family matter, and we should handle it that way.”
He cocked his head, a single brow raised. “You’re serious?”
“For God’s sake, Kevin. He’s my husband. We created a home and have a baby on the way. He’s messed up, but he hasn’t said he doesn’t still love me. And I love him. I know you think that makes me stupid, but there it is. I love my husband even though he’s hurt me. That’s what I know right now. Maybe that will change, but this is my life—” I shut up as soon as our mom returned with the signed document.
“Here, honey. See?” She waved the pages at Kevin. “We weren’t foolish. I made a loan, and I can enforce it.”
Kevin took the document from her without reading it. “Amanda, what’s the name of Lyle’s company? And what bank is he using?”
“I assume he’s using Wells Bank, like we do.” To be honest, I’d been puking, sleeping, nesting, and working these past couple of months. And like Erin, Lyle often mistook my suggestions as criticism or doubts in his ability to manage his own affairs, so he’d rarely shared the details of his plans with me anyway. Why would he? I was a teacher, not a real estate magnate. “The company is Somniator Syndicate, or maybe Partners . . . He was going back and forth, so I’m actually not sure what he decided on.”
“Latin?” Kevin shook his head again, and I could practically hear Erin’s voice in my head saying, “He’s kind of pretentious, isn’t he?” Kev speared me with an incredulous look. “What a pompous piece of—”
“Kevin!” Mom said.
I’d always thought Kev respected Lyle, but his intense disdain today made me question whether he’d hidden his feelings from the beginning.
I buckled from a wave of self-recriminating exhaustion. “Should I lie at your feet and apologize for trusting my husband? Do you feel better saying hateful things about him and shaming me for even considering saving my marriage? It might seem weak to you, but it takes strength to forgive and live by the ‘for better or worse’ part of the vow. Granted, this is definitely a worse part. I’m plenty devastated, angry, and humiliated without reminders from you. But we were happy until this, so maybe counseling can fix whatever broke. I don’t know, but my daughter deserves a chance at a whole family. And I deserve the chance to decide whether my marriage is salvageable.”
Stubborn as ever, Kev groused, “If Marcy cheated or stole my mom’s money, I doubt I’d still love her much.”
“Stop saying Lyle stole money. He borrowed it.” I shook my head. “And you have no idea what you might be able to forgive until you’re faced with it, so don’t judge me.”
Normally I wouldn’t be so defensive, but each attack on Lyle also felt like an attack on me. I wasn’t accustomed to Kevin questioning my judgment.
He waved the note in the air. “Without collateral, this isn’t worth much more than toilet paper, but I’ll look at it at home. Meanwhile, I’ll hire an investigator to track down Lyle. Erin should know about all of this, too. We’ll all need to band together if the worst comes to pass. In fact, why isn’t she here?”
“She’s at a yoga camp or something,” Mom muttered, mouth pinched, eyes cool. I never wanted her to look at me that way.
“When she gets back, you’ll tell her?” Kevin crossed his arms for the umpteenth time since this conversation had started.
“Obviously.” Although I’d prefer more time to adjust to my new reality before sharing the embarrassing details with her. If I hadn’t needed Kevin’s legal expertise, I probably wouldn’t have told him yet, either.
Mom went to the bookshelf that displayed decades of family photos and traced a frame with one finger
. “I wish your father were here. He’d know what to do.”
There wouldn’t have been funds to lend if Dad were still alive, but I kept quiet. He’d been so careful planning for retirement and protecting Mom with those policy proceeds. He’d be heartsick that we had handed them over for a deal we knew so little about. All my life I’d followed rules and weighed my decisions precisely to avoid this kind of situation. The one time I acted like my sister, this was the result?
I wouldn’t let this be the way our story ended. And I wouldn’t let Lyle ruin my mother’s future, either. I had no idea how I’d fix this, but I wouldn’t rest until I did.
Kevin sighed, studying our mom. “I’m sorry I lost my temper. You’re right, it shouldn’t be a mistake to trust family. I’m cynical because of the stories I hear at work. Try to relax while we sort it out, okay? I promise I’ll do everything I can to get answers quickly.”
“Okay.” I probably should’ve felt better about his apology than I did.
Kevin strode over to hug me, speaking softly right in my ear. “Sorry my reaction made this harder. I didn’t mean to do that. I love you, sis. I only want what’s best for you.”
“Thanks.” I eased away, having nothing more to say. Kevin hadn’t been all wrong. If Marcy hurt him, I’d be equally mistrustful of her.
“I’ll call later with a name and number, and we’ll get answers as soon as possible.”
I nodded with my eyes closed.
Kevin hugged our mom and then saw himself out of her house. Once he left, I slung my arm around her shoulders. “Mom, I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to worry. Lyle has loved you from the start because you made him so welcome. You know how much that meant, given his family history. No matter what happens between him and me, he’ll pay you back. Hang in there until we get some answers. I swear I’ll put things right. You still trust me, don’t you?”
“Everything will work out. Your dad is watching over us.” She fell silent for a second, having not answered my question.
Last year his unexpected heart attack had rocked our family. I’ll never unhear the hollow anguish in my mother’s keening when she called me with the news. That anniversary was coming up quickly and weighing on us all, especially Mom, who wanted us to gather together that day. My new circumstances made me dread the occasion all the more.
