If You Must Know

by Beck, Jamie

  “I hope so.”

  “You did the right thing.” Erin rubbed my leg. “Mom can’t stay mad forever.”

  I cocked a brow because our mom could hold a world-record grudge. “I’ll never stop kicking myself for being so gullible. You saw Lyle clearly. I’d been too busy soaking up his flattery to see the signs. I’ve been reading up on narcissism. It would seem I’m the attractive, affable type who nurses a narcissist’s sense of self-importance. At least until Lyle traded up for Ebba—whose sex appeal and bankbook and ambition would’ve better fed his own sense of grandiosity.” I sighed. “All this time, I thought him a charming, loving man who could be oversensitive and pouty at times. Not at all someone capable of devastating me, my child, and Mom. You’ve been dragged into this, too, and poor Kevin’s working on my divorce for free. This isn’t who I want to be—a burden on my family.”

  “This is not all on you, and you’re not a burden.” She grabbed my hand and squeezed, her expression oddly pained. “No wife should have to keep her guard up with her husband. That’s on Lyle, not you.” She released my hand and swallowed hard. “It’s been a rough year because of Dad’s death. Even six months ago, we were more like acquaintances than sisters. But now look at us—united. Willa gives us something to look forward to, and something to fight for, too. Things look bleak right now, but we’ve got each other and our health. Together we’ll make it through, so keep the faith.”

  Erin’s confidence—the source of much of my envy—today inspired hope.

  Mom peeked back into the room. “I’m too tired to cook, so I’ll run to the diner to grab soup and salads.”

  “I can do that, Mom.” Erin moved to stand.

  “Keep your sister company. I’ll be back soon.” She disappeared.

  “Any excuse to run away from me.” I sighed, discouraged by the distance between my mom and me. “My head hurts from this topic. Let’s talk about something fun. Tell me about your date.”

  “Not a ‘date.’” Despite those words, Erin’s face brightened. A wisp of a smile—like she knew a juicy secret—tugged at her mouth. “We’re getting to know each other as friends. I’m trying not to push like I usually do. He’s sweet and wonderful and maybe too good to be true.”

  She’d used those “too good to be true” words about Lyle years ago, though in a derogatory manner.

  “It’s unlike you to be moony.”

  She nodded. “Please don’t take this wrong, but I understand you better now. It wouldn’t be hard for Eli to take advantage of me while I’m in thrall. The fact that he still loves his wife so much should make me wary, but I can’t control my feelings. I love and hate this goofy grin in my heart.”

  “It’s nice to see you swept away, but now my experience makes me wary for you.” Cynicism—yet another change Lyle had forced on me. “Learn from my mistakes and maybe pump the brakes.”

  “Eli’s got his foot on those, so this engine can’t run off the tracks.” The dreamy look returned to her face, belying the truth. “I did make him laugh, which he really needed. And I got him to start writing a song today—granted, it was a silly one about Mo, but maybe it’ll help him break through whatever’s been holding him back. There was a moment there . . .” Her gaze turned hazy, as if she were picturing the scene again.

  “If anyone can pull him out of a funk, it’s you. You’ve got a gift for making people smile.” People always laughed with Erin, another trait I’d envied for most of our lives.

  “Maybe, but you make people happy in a different way.”

  I’d never looked at it that way, but my sister had a point. Both ways mattered, and neither one was better than the other. They could coexist without competing, like my sister and me. “Maybe you should write Max a thank-you note for the accidental introduction.”

  “Right? It’s crazy how well that theft turned out.” She laughed, but I frowned at the reminder of thievery. “I’m sorry, Amanda. I didn’t mean—”

  “Don’t apologize for being happy. I want that for you.”

  “I want that for you, too.” She then laid a hand on my belly. “And for Willa.”

  “Maybe my silver lining is this . . . the way that you and I finally have the relationship we avoided for so long.” For a change, my intimate remark didn’t make either of us shy away.

  “Definitely.” Erin smiled. “Let’s get your nose pierced to seal the bond.”

  “Ha!” I laughed just as my phone rang. “Saved by the bell! Ooh, it’s Kevin.”

  “Answer it.” Her expression turned serious.

  Once again, an otherwise relaxed moment got cut short, but Kevin needed to know I couldn’t travel. “Hi, Kev.”

  “Hey, I wanted to give you the heads-up. Agent Crowley already sent the Puerto Rican office copies of the evidence Stan collected so they can coordinate quickly. They’ll need to verify it, but I’m optimistic things will come together. You need to be ready to fly out on short notice.”

  “I’m sorry, but now I can’t go. I ended up in the ER with a mild pregnancy scare this afternoon. Everything’s fine, but my doctor warned me not to travel, especially to the Caribbean, where there are higher rates of Zika, among other concerns.” I pictured his frustrated expression and felt sick all over again.

  “Oh my God. Are you and the baby really okay?” His concern alleviated some of my guilt.

  “Yes, thank you. I got home an hour ago.”

  “I’ll let you rest and call Stan, but there’s got to be a solution. Maybe I could go in your stead . . .”

  “Lyle won’t talk to you. He hates lawyers and would be suspicious from the start. The only reason he would’ve talked to me was to further manipulate me.” I twisted a handful of the sheets in one hand until my fingers turned white.

  “I’m sorry. I know your worst fear was getting caught up in all the red tape . . .”

  “Things look pretty grim for Mom and me now, but I have to put Willa’s safety first.” Today’s scare had put everything in perspective. Even if Mom and I end up broke and estranged, Willa was my priority.

  “Absolutely, sis. I’ll talk to Stan and see if we can brainstorm any Hail Marys. You rest up.”

  “Thanks.” I hit “End,” tossed the phone on the bed, and shrugged when I met Erin’s gaze, worn out from the long day of scares and disappointments.

  “This effing blows.” Her brows were pulled so tight, and the way the light caught that nose ring, it looked like a tiny bolt of lightning struck. She jumped off the mattress, hands on her hips. “What if I go?”

  “What?”

  Erin paced in the space between the bed and dresser while she formulated her plan. “You know he’d love a chance to throw everything in my face and prove his superiority.”

  “Erin, this isn’t about your ego and his.”

  “I know. I only mean that, unlike with Kevin, he’d never suspect me of anything other than wanting to fight with him, like usual.” She grinned, a gleam in her eye. “He’ll never see it coming.”

  “Maybe, but it’s too much to ask.” I loved her for offering. Erin had the balls for the job, but did she have the patience? I wasn’t sure she’d come that far yet. “Plus you couldn’t go in half-cocked. You’d need to get screened and prepped by the FBI, follow protocol, and keep your temper in check. Do you even own an updated passport?”

  “Yes. You know I like to be ready for anything.” Her hands waved about. “Look, I know you and Mom think I’m immature, but I can do this. You can trust me. I’ll get Lyle to confess.”

  The way she’d always baited him used to make me nervous, but now the talent could come in handy. Still, I’d already disrupted her life too much to ask this, too. “What about Give Me Strength? Will they let you call off?”

  “Let me worry about all that. This may be the most important thing I can ever do for our family. I know I haven’t given you many reasons to be proud of me, but give me this one chance. I can make this right . . . I need to do this.”

  “You’re serious?
”

  “Yes. I love you and Mom, and Kev. We’ve only got each other now. And this will let me make up for everything . . .” She trailed off.

  I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts—the misplaced pop of disappointment that my confident sister would be the one on the front line while I remained on the sidelines—to question what she’d meant by that. “Erin, you don’t have to make up for anything. I do for making you feel like I’m ashamed of you. That’s never been true. I’ve only ever worried because the way you live without a plan makes me nervous.”

  She sank back onto the mattress and rubbed my thigh. “Don’t be nervous. I’m good. Better than good, and ready to do this. Call Kev and Stan. Tell them I’ll go.” She nodded toward my phone. “Come on. Do it.”

  “Okay.” My heart raced. Our shot at Lyle was back on. My thirst for revenge didn’t feel good—it felt great. I picked the phone up and hit “Redial.” “Kev, Erin is willing to go in my place. Unlike with you, Lyle would welcome sparring with her. Will the FBI accept her as a substitute?”

  “I’ll check. Agent Crowley may want to meet with her before he decides.”

  I covered the phone. “Can you meet with Agent Crowley?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “Okay, go for it. Now we have to pray we catch a break with Lyle’s travel plans.” My heart pumped faster, so I took a breath. As exciting as this was, I had to keep calm for Willa.

  “I’ll circle back with you once I speak with Crowley and Stan,” Kev promised.

  After we hung up, I reached out to bear-hug my sister. “This is above and beyond anything I would’ve asked or expected, Erin.”

  “It’s not a big deal.” She patted my back and pulled away. “Hey, are you crying?”

  I dashed a stray tear away. “My hormones have been on a wild ride today. Thank you for being here for me. For letting me lean on you. I’ve never felt closer.”

  Erin’s guilt-ridden expression upset me.

  I grabbed her hand. “I’m not blaming you for our past. I played an equal role in our dysfunction. So did Mom. I shouldn’t have looked the other way when she took hurtful potshots at you over the years.”

  She waved me off, pausing to chew on her lip before echoing my earlier statement. “Eyes forward, remember?”

  “Deal, as long as I’m not required to get a tattoo or nose ring.”

  Erin pointed a finger at me, teasing, “Look at you, making jokes. This is a turning point.”

  Mom poked her head in the door. “Food’s on the table.” She twitched her head side to side like a bird, observing us closely. “What did I miss?”

  “Erin’s going to Puerto Rico in my place, so everything might actually turn out okay.”

  “Is that a good idea?” Mom’s skeptical expression threatened to undo the nascent connection between my sister and me. “Erin hates rules, but you can’t go rogue with the FBI.”

  “Most ‘rules’ are BS, but I can follow ones that matter.” Erin crossed her arms.

  “Mom, please stop treating her like she’s eight and jumping off roofs.”

  “Hey, I could still do that,” Erin joked.

  I stroked her back and speared Mom with a serious look. “I trust her. Truthfully, Lyle is more likely to believe she’ll make good on the threat of prosecution than he would’ve with me.”

  “That’s true,” Mom agreed, making a face that didn’t much flatter me.

  Unable to argue against my own logic, I vowed to Willa that I’d never, ever roll over again. Not for anyone.

  “Now that that’s settled, let’s eat.” I pushed my huge body out of the bed. “I’m starving.”

  “Finally,” Mom said before heading to the dining room.

  Erin and I exchanged a glance.

  “Do you think she might change if we wore mirrors on our foreheads so she could see her expressions when she spoke to us?” Erin tittered.

  “She means well.” I walked with my sister, rubbing my stomach, certain that my mother did, in fact, love us both. “For the first time in weeks, I feel hopeful. Willa and I have you and Mom, Kevin and his family, and now Richard Foster, too.”

  “Which do you think will spark more fireworks, my confrontation with Lyle or Mom meeting Richard?” Erin smirked.

  I grabbed her shoulder. “Oh jeez. Don’t put that in my head.”

  “Forewarned is forearmed.”

  The day when my life would no longer be summed up by battle metaphors could not come soon enough.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ERIN

  “I’m psyched that we sold out of the products so quickly.” I set another jar of lemon-thyme sugar scrub on the counter at Castille’s, thinking about the special line for expectant mothers that my sister had suggested because certain oils weren’t safe during pregnancy. It had merit. Between that and Mom enjoying the production side of things, Shakti Suds had become a sort of family affair lately. That made it pretty easy to ask Kevin to draw up some papers to formalize a partnership. I couldn’t wait to hand Amanda that surprise after I nabbed Lyle.

  “Your soaps have been a hit.” Nalini, the shop’s gorgeous—if a tad uptight—owner, flashed a tight smile. “Your being a local artisan helps me hand-sell them. And it’s nice that you can restock quickly.”

  “Local artisan” sounded swanky.

  “Absolutely, but I’m heading out of town for a few days. Let’s hope there aren’t any soap emergencies while I’m gone.”

  No matter what I said or did, I could not crack this woman’s professional armor, which came wrapped in some Chanel-inspired designer duds, if I had to guess. Pity. Life must be boring for those without any sense of humor.

  “I’ll manage until you return. Have a safe trip.” She tossed her silky, dark hair over her shoulder and went to the stockroom without another word.

  I’d take those well-wishes for a safe journey, considering mine was not a pleasure trip. I expected to hit some road bumps—literally and figuratively—in my quest to trap Lyle.

  A tropical depression forming a few hundred miles southeast of the island should keep them docked there for a few extra days. Stan was certain Lyle and Ebba wouldn’t risk rough seas, especially when they weren’t expecting me to show up.

  Then again, Stan hadn’t had years to watch Lyle operate, as I had. That guy’s ego would not be easily intimidated by a little thing like God. But this window of opportunity was our best shot, so we were taking it.

  After breaking down the old cardboard box and tossing it in the trash, I jogged down the street to Sugar Momma’s to meet up with Eli. My local-tour-guide idea had been pure genius. There was an endless list of places to show him.

  The bells jingled above my head as I entered Hannah’s store and heard Rhys Lewis’s “No Right to Love You” playing.

  I waved, calling out, “Hannah Banana, two masala chais with an extra dash of cinnamon, please.”

  “Two?” She chuckled. “You’ve got an addiction.”

  “I’m expecting a friend. He’s never been here before, which is a crime.”

  “Yes, it is.” She waved me to the tables, a few of which were empty. “Grab a seat and I’ll get those set for you.”

  “Thanks!” I sauntered to the small yellow table in the corner for a little privacy. Hannah brought me two steaming mugs seconds before Eli wandered inside. I waved him over. “Perfect timing.”

  He’d cocked an ear to listen to the music, even as his gaze scanned the unfamiliar, colorful surroundings. My heart stopped when he planted a quick peck on my temple before taking a seat. “This place looks great.”

  “You’ll learn to trust my recommendations. Potomac Point might be a gentrifying village, but there are little pockets of hipness hidden in the ‘new and improved’ side of town.”

  He sipped his tea, brows rising with an approving nod. “This is good.”

  I raised my hands in an “I rest my case” manner.

  “You look upbeat.” He stretched his legs out. “Does this mean
your sister is doing better?”

  “Yes, no contractions these past few days. She’s been resting, and my mom makes sure there’s always a glass of water nearby.”

  “I’m glad to hear it.” Only the barest shadow of sadness passed over his face, vanishing quickly yet reminding me of his broken heart.

  Today was not a day for second-guessing, so I changed the subject. “I also took your advice, sort of. My sister isn’t going to Puerto Rico to confront her ex.”

  “Great news. He sounds too unpredictable—exactly the kind of guy who could be dangerous if backed into a corner. I’m glad she’s not taking unnecessary chances.” He raised his mug and blew on the surface before taking another sip.

  “I volunteered to take her place in the sting operation.” I still felt the flutter of pride for being trusted to do it.

  Eli choked down his tea. “What?”

  “I leave tonight, and you can bet I won’t leave Puerto Rico without getting Lyle’s confession on tape. He’s easy to bait because his giant ego cracks in a flash. In one swoop, I’ll save my family and make up for keeping quiet back in February.”

  Eli shook his head. “From what you’ve described, no one would’ve listened to you in February, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. Certainly not enough to justify taking this kind of risk. You’ve got a history of animosity with this guy, who’s now committed a couple of felonies. He’s got to anticipate that, sooner or later, people will be after him, so he’s probably prepared to defend himself. What if he pulls a gun or worse?”

  I closed my eyes to picture Lyle pointing a gun at me. Nope. Couldn’t see it. “Lyle’s an obnoxious ass, but he’s not a killer. And not for nothing, but I can take him in a fight. He’s fit, but he’s not much bigger than me, and I’m wily.” I winked to loosen Eli up.

  No dice. His chilly expression gave me goose bumps. “This isn’t funny, Erin. You’re putting your safety in jeopardy for what . . . money? Money won’t mean much if you’re dead or seriously injured.”

  I leaned across the table, patting his hand. “Thanks for caring, but you’re overreacting. The FBI will be nearby if anything goes awry.”