Jessica shook her head. They made love so often she lost count.
Her friend set her glass down. “Okay, wait, so you made love, more than once, and neither of you talked about what it means?”
Jessica shook her head again. “We’re friends.”
Maggie rolled her eyes, “Um, you know, I get that you’ve been out of the game for some time, but spending a couple of days making love isn’t something buddies do.” She winked at her friend, and Jessica tried to smile, but suspected it was a complete failure.
“Wait, did you intentionally not discuss this with him? I mean did you just keep changing the subject or something?” Maggie wagged a finger at her. “I’ve seen you do that. You’re the master of subject-changing.”
Maggie was spot on. Jessica had avoided anything even remotely like having a talk about what was going to happen next. She was certain there was no next, at least not for her. Matt was leaving again and she’d be here, doing the work she loved. Someday they’d be able to be friends again without it being screamingly awkward between them, and without her wanting to tear his clothes off, or remembering his hot, naked body.
Jessica felt her cheeks flush.
“Jessica,” Maggie grabbed her arm, “you listen to me. You and Matt are perfect for each other. I don’t know what cockamamie idea got into your head about dating his brother, but anyone with even half a brain could see even back then that you and Matt were better suited for each other than you and Will ever were. Now you have the chance. I mean, he’s an amazing guy, and you’d be an idiot if you don’t tell him how you really feel.”
Jessica took a long, deep breath. “I can’t,” she said simply, and took another sip of wine. “I just can’t.”
“Why?” Maggie asked softly.
And, in a voice that was so quiet Maggie had to strain to hear, Jessica said, “Because I’m terrified.”
16
Three days passed. Three long and agonizing days alone, with just himself, his memories of the cabin, and his thoughts of Jessica to keep him company.
There’d been no call, no texts, no emails, just a deafening silence.
He went on his usual morning runs, but it was often very early, before anyone else was out. He would jog by Ever After, hoping to see Jessica through the window. An accidental meeting could be…convenient. But he never did see her, not at that hour anyway.
When Matt could no longer stand his own company, he stepped out of his apartment and into the cold sunlight. There was still snow everywhere, but gradually it was starting to melt. Soon enough spring would settle into Harper’s Corner, and he’d be long gone.
Matt knew he didn’t have to be. He could be here, with Jessica, living a life with her. He also was convinced it would never be possible. Whatever she’d suffered, wounded her so deeply that she struggled to let anyone in. Now they were stuck, after endless hours of love-making, wondering who would make the first move, if at all.
Matt walked down the main street, and as he did, he got several waves from passersby and a few “welcome homes.” In a town were very little happened, he was certain the story of the two of them trapped in a blizzard would remain a part of Harper’s Corner’s small-town legends for a long time.
He spotted Brew-haha, their local coffee house, which was owned by Jessica’s friend Adelaide, and went in. The Christmas decorations had come down to make way for Valentine’s Day décor. The café buzzed with conversation and smelled of warm, delicious coffee.
“I’ll have your New Year’s blend,” he gave a friendly nod to Adelaide who, of course, blushed. The girl was terminally shy.
“Matt, so good to see you, and welcome home. We had Jessica over the other evening to tell us all the details of…” she slapped a hand over her mouth.
Matt suppressed the urge to snicker while she muttered, “I’ll get your coffee.”
Matt took it as a good sign. Jessica had seen her girlfriends, and they’d talked, which meant she wasn’t totally mortified that they had sex. He decided to make the leap and take a chance. What the hell did he have to lose at this point?
He wandered up the street and spotted Jessica as she approached the door of Ever After. She dug in her purse for her keys, and as she slipped them in the lock he said,
“Hello, Jess.”
The keys hit the ground with a clank, and he noticed her hand shook. This wasn’t going well. He reached down to pick up the keys at the same time she did, and their faces came within inches of each other.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, figuring he might as well just put it all out there.
“H-hi, I-I…”
“Come on, let’s get you inside. It’s too cold out here.” He took the keys from her, touching her hand briefly, but long enough to give her a tingle, and then opened the door. He held it for her while she stepped inside.
Taking a deep breath, she asked, “What…are you doing here?” that was better, though not the nicest thing she could say.
While Matt walked into the dark store, she reached over to flip on the lights, but he covered her hand with his.
“Don’t. Not just yet.” He leaned in and kissed her gently. “Was that okay?” he asked softly.
She could only nod, because speaking at this juncture didn’t seem possible.
“I’d love to see you, maybe tonight, if you’re free. Dinner, my place?”
“Ummm—oh, uh.” What the hell is wrong with me? Get it together, she scolded herself. “S-sure, that would be nice.”
“Good,” he smiled, and his smile made her lady parts sing, and the devil on her shoulder perked up. Oh, can we have him one more time, please, please, pretty pleeeeese, her devil begged.
Then he leaned in and kissed her again, soft, warm, and gentle, and all she could think about was ripping his shirt off.
“I’ll see you tonight,” he called over his shoulder on his way out the door, leaving her to wonder what the hell she was getting herself into.
. . . .
The day wore on endlessly. And it wasn’t that Ever After wasn’t busy. It was insanely busy, in fact. She also spoke to the New York boutique, and they were quite understanding about the whole snowed-in thing. The meeting was rescheduled for two days later, and she was taking a train. With no snow in sight, she should be safe this time.
Jessica sent a quick text to Maggie: I’m seeing him tonight, for dinner.
That’s excellent, go for it.
I’m scared.
Scared is good. Tell him you’re scared.
Jessica didn’t respond. She had no intention of telling Matt how scared she was, because that would just bring the conversation around to why she was scared. The conversation would ultimately bring it back to his brother and reveal the evil loop they’d always be stuck in.
It was also the biggest reason why tonight she’d tell him this wasn’t going to work out. That they could just be friends, and that she’d cherish their days in the cabin.
Well, no, she couldn’t say that. Maybe she just wouldn’t mention the cabin. Maybe the elephant in the room would just go away.
Yes, and maybe the elephant would also learn to fly.
17
Matt was nervous, which was not a feeling he was used to.
Except of course when it came to Jess.
Considering he had been in Afghanistan in some pretty damned scary situations, he found the whole nervous thing ironic. None of the things he experienced made him nervous. Okay, maybe a little, but then it was more anxiety over the unknown. Was there some radicalized twelve-year-old out there with bombs strapped to himself, waiting to blow them up? Every corner he turned opened the door to a whole lot of unknown, but it was nothing like this.
It wasn’t personal, like a relationship was. Life or death, it still was just business, the business of war. Cold as it sounded, it was how M
att had come to think of it. It was easier that way, providing a much-needed veneer to help him get through it with his sanity intact.
Still, there had been days when the terrible trials suffered by the Afghani population threatened to undo any walls he’d built up, threatened to tear them all down. Especially the children, who’d been born into that life, and would probably die without ever knowing the kinds of joy every child should know. Having plenty to eat. Parents who weren’t too frightened and exhausted to help them enjoy the little things. Spending a lighthearted day playing with friends, chasing balls, and yelling and digging in the sand without losing a limb or their lives.
He stirred the risotto, which he knew was Jess’s favorite, and then checked the wine, which had been open and breathing for a good half hour. He had a roasted rosemary chicken in the oven, and a salad waiting to be tossed. He checked his watch again for the tenth time that hour, and cursed himself for doing it.
When the doorbell rang, he tried to ignore the way his heart thudded against his chest.
He took a deep breath and said aloud, “Get it together!”, and then walked to the door and opened it. What he saw made his heart speed up again. Jessica wore a simple off-white dress, off the shoulders, with a skirt that swirled around her when she walked. She had on high black pumps, and her hair fell in waves around her shoulders.
“Hi,” she said meekly, holding out a bottle of wine. When he didn’t respond, she nudged the wine at him and said, “May I come in?”
Flustered, and feeling like an idiot, Matt said: “Y-yes, of course. Sorry, I was just, ahhh, taken aback.” Jessica walked past him and twirled in the middle of his living room. “You like? It was Maggie’s idea to get dressed up. I hope it’s okay.”
She looked at his jeans and light blue shirt and realized she was seriously overdressed for a simple dinner at his home. She vowed to never listen to Mags again when it came to dating.
She quickly corrected herself. They weren’t dating! Oh, hell no. This is…just…dinner.
“It’s more than okay,” he said, taking the bottle of wine from her and scooping her up mid-twirl, his arm curled around her narrow waist while he pulled her in for a kiss. Just a simple, sweet, easy kiss. Despite the fact that his body was demanding something more. He knew he needed to take it easy, but with her in that dress, it wasn’t going to be easy.
Jessica paused when he kissed her. It was unexpected, but nice, and still a little strange to be kissed by her best friend. And she felt it again, that seed of desire, expanding and spreading through her like warm honey. Her arms went around his neck, and she found herself pulling him closer. Well, so much for a friendly dinner between friends.
When Matt pulled back, she felt a stab of disappointment pierce her heart. To cover it, she sniffed the air and said, “Something smells really good.”
He dropped his arm, and there it was, that stab again. She cursed it.
“I made risotto, your favorite.” He walked ahead of her to the kitchen. “Wine?”
“Yes, please.” She dropped her purse on a chair in the kitchen and leaned against the counter while she watched him pour a glass and hand it to her before pouring one for himself.
“To surviving the storm of the century.” He smiled, and her insides lit up.
He had a such great smile. No one should have a smile that great, she thought. She kept forgetting that his smile might appear guileless and effortlessly easy, but he was no pushover. He was one of those sneak-up-on-you alphas—all charm and charisma, so you barely noticed that you were doing exactly what he wanted, giving him whatever he wanted… and all because of that sexy smile.
He nudged his glass to hers, hoping for a clink, which shook her from her thoughts about how irresistible he looked when he was naked and grinning at her.
“The town has made our adventure quite ‘the thing,’” she added, with air quotes.
Matt smiled again, which almost made her knees buckle. Time to sit down.
“Did you see the paper?” He set his glass down and went back into the living room, returning with the newspaper. Its headline was about the two of them surviving the storm together.
Jess took the paper from him. Despite Maggie’s efforts to show her, she just wanted to focus on work.
She nodded while she read about their experiences. How Matt found the cabin, and how the snow almost completely covered the windows. She tried to suppress a giggle because they forgot to mention the true secret of staying warm in a blizzard—having marathon sex.
“What’s so funny?” He raised an eyebrow.
Crap.
“Oh, um, nothing, I just, it was…” Christ, stroke time. “Nothing,” she said finally, and he winked and leaned into her.
When he spoke, his voice was low and sexy, “I bet you were thinking they forgot to mention how making love is a great way to prevent hypothermia.”
Um, yes, that.
She could only look at him. He held her gaze for a long, hot heartbeat, and then leaned closer and kissed her. This time he licked her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth to let him in. She set her glass down with a shaky hand, and reached up to stroke the back of his neck, drawing him closer. He slowed his kiss and pulled back slightly:
“Let’s save the rest of this till after dinner.” His voice rumbled through her, igniting everything. The devil on her shoulder jumped up and down and cheered.
18
Dinner was amazing. It was almost criminal that someone who was as handsome as Matt was good at so many things.
They kept the conversation light. She told him about the new designs she was working on for her fall collection and how she would need to show the stores at least six months prior, which he was having a hard time wrapping his head around.
“It seems,” she said, setting down her fork, “that I’m always a season ahead.”
“Must make it hard to live in the moment.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I learned that the moment is all you have. There is nothing beyond the here and now.” His eyes held hers, and there was something in them, something she hadn’t seen before. Appreciation, gratitude.
He took her hand. “This moment, Jess, may be all we have. I know it sounds morbid, but you come to realize that unexpected things happen all the time. While I don’t want to live my life with the idea that it could end without a moment’s notice, sometimes it’s true.”
“How does that change you? I mean, your perspective?” she asked quietly.
He shrugged, “You become much more aware of things, like what you want in your life versus what you don’t. Like people, and places. And you start to think about what is important, like having a family.”
The words hit her in the gut. Having a family. While she had done her best to avoid that kind of entanglement, if she was truly honest with herself, she’d have to admit that, somewhere buried deep beneath the hurt and scars, she wanted a family, too.
“I’m sorry,” he stood up, taking her plate. “I didn’t mean to get so deep. I just,” he paused and set her plate back down, “there’s a lot of things that the Army has taught me, most of which have been unexpected. I have a deep appreciation for life, deeper than I ever had before, and I don’t want to take a single moment for granted.”
She stared at him, standing there, towering over her. His words washed over her, like the truth she’d known but hadn’t been willing to face.
Her hardened heart rolled over in her chest and exposed its tender underbelly, and she was shocked at the way her throat tightened so she couldn’t speak. She was an inch from breaking down, and she had no idea why.
Oh, wait, maybe it was because this man saved her life, putting her well-being before his own. And now he made her dinner, and for some reason it moved her to tears. That’s how sad and pathetic her life was, and how unaccustomed she was to basic kindness, especially from a man.
Matt’s eyes were on her, steady and sure in a way that made her feel safe.
“You could teach me a lot,” was all she said before she touched his arm, dropped her forehead against his wonderful chest, and sighed. He clasped her in his arms around her and lifted her off the ground.
Bending to kiss her, he whispered, “I love you. I know I said it in the cabin, and I’m sorry if you aren’t ready to hear it, but I do, and I’m not going to hide from it.”
His words rocked her to her core, but she didn’t want to run. She just wanted to be here, with this man, and show him how she felt until she was brave enough to tell him.
19
When they made love, Matt noticed immediately that Jess was different. Less tentative, and more giving of herself in a way that was hard to explain, like a wall had come down.
They were in his bedroom, lying on the bed, her head on his chest, while he listened to her breathe.
“You’re an incredible woman, Jessica Wade.”
Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her, singing. How long had it been since a man told her she was incredible? And how long had it been since she actually believed it?
“Matt,” she began tentatively, “I’m not sure how…I mean, this is so new to me, I’m—”
“Afraid,” he finished for her, the low timbre of his voice resonating in her core, shifting her reality.
Her head was still on his chest when she nodded. He couldn’t see her expression, but felt her tension.
“Terrified, actually,” she whispered.
“But you’re here. That’s step one. And we’re here together. That’s step two.”
“It’s a bit overwhelming.” She willed her voice not to shake, but the emotion of the moment made her eyes burn. Damn it, what was happening to her?
He kissed the top of her head. “Jess, I have loved you for twenty years. I can wait a little longer.”
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