by Lulu Pratt
I shove my chair back from the table and throw on my jacket. “I don’t need your shit. Not from either of you. You don’t know what it’s like.”
“We hear you bitching enough to know.”
“Whatever. I don’t have to explain myself.” I throw down two twenties on the bar and storm off without another word.
CHAPTER THIRTY
KATE
The toilet is my new best friend. Fifteen minutes after my last round of hurling, my cheek is still glued to the cool porcelain seat. I’ve never in my life been more grateful for a housekeeper than today.
Clean toilets are the best toilets.
I don’t even know what day it is. What time of day it is. Wonderland has officially chewed me up and spit me out. For what I can only assume has been the last four days, I’ve completely lost a sense of reality.
I’m caught up in the current of karmic bullshit and spiraling into oblivion. Also, maybe I’ve watched too many soap operas lately and the drama is now infused in my soul. That happens when you’ve done nothing but eat club crackers and puke everything else up.
“Kate?” Lily calls from the front of my apartment. “Where are you?”
I left the top latch undone so she could find me. So I could stay on my porcelain pillow and not move. Moving is terrible. I’m not even certain what is making me so sick at this point. It could honestly be a dozen different things. Or all of them at once.
“Oh, honey.” Lily says, trying to keep the pity out of her voice and failing. She sits next to me and feels my forehead. “You look miserable.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” I groan. “It’s so much worse than it looks.”
“Maybe it’s not? Okay, shit right now is really bad, but it could always be worse, right? Give me a minute, I’ll think of something.”
“Don’t bother. I’ve spent all day brainstorming. It’s still shit.”
“I brought wine. It might settle your stomach?” Lily sets the bottle next to me on the floor. My favorite Pinot Grigio. “I can get one of those super long crazy straws so you can drink it from right here.”
I shake my head slowly, in case I upset anything left in my stomach. “Can’t.”
“I can stash it in the fridge until you’re back on your feet. There’s nothing wine can’t cure.”
“Oh.” I draw the word out with a shaky breath. “I’ve found something.”
“Did you already have too much?”
I unfurl my fist braced against the floor and hold the pregnancy tests out for Lily to see. Her face cycles rapidly from confusion to horror. She takes them from me and studies each one for an eternity. Turns them upside, flips them over, looks again. Repeats the process for each.
“Oh, shit.”
“Ta-da.” I groan again.
“What can I get you?” Lily dumps them in the sink and grabs a washcloth from the sink. “Club soda? Crackers?”
“Nothing works. I don’t know.”
She places the cold cloth against my forehead and I want to cry from relief. Not only is it cool, but to have someone take care of me in the throes of the worst few days of my life is enough to make me cry. I’m not alone. It feels like it a lot, but at this very second there is someone here to take off some of the load.
I cry because I don’t know what else to do. I didn’t think I had any more tears, but there they are, spilling down my cheeks. Lily dabs them gently with a crumpled piece of toilet paper and kisses my forehead.
“Let’s get you out of the bathroom. Are you up for walking?”
“Maybe?”
Lily helps me up and slowly, patiently, walks me to the living room and sets me up on the couch. She runs to the kitchen and returns with iced club soda and a massive empty pot for puking. Guess I won’t be making spaghetti again for a while.
“Talk to me. How long have you known? Just today?” She tucks me into the couch with a soft blanket and places the damp cloth back on my head.
“I think I’ve known for a while. I haven’t been feeling well and always chalked it up to stress.” I spit out a hollow laugh. “Nope. There’s just a human growing inside my body. One I’m supposed to take care of.”
I cry again. It bubbles out of me in sharp bursts because the dam has been shattered and nothing is left to protect me from the thoughts spiraling in my brain.
Life is so cruel.
“Do you…” Lily’s face contorts. “Do you know whose it is?”
I nod slowly. I haven’t been able to speak the words since I found out. Saying it is too terrible. Saying it out loud makes it real.
This can’t be real.
“Dammit.” Lily breathes. “It’s David’s, isn’t it?”
Sobs erupt from me as I nod, once. Lily hugs me tight and kisses my forehead, and I cry into her shoulder. My head throbs and my throat screams and my heart feels like it’s going to shatter.
“Are you certain?”
“Date of last missed period.” I take a shaky breath to calm down. “I haven’t had one in two months. I thought it was stress at first, right? Totally normal. But…”
“The night before mediation.” Lily murmurs and shakes her head. “The drunken goodbye fuck made a baby.”
“And I’ve been a raging alcoholic. I’m killing this baby before it even has a chance, Lily.”
“Stop that.” Lily says kindly and wipes my cheeks. “Plenty of women get knocked up by accident while they are out partying. Shit, my mom was on a vodka diet when she conceived me in the back of my dad’s Volvo in the eighties, okay? You are going to be okay.”
“I don’t think so.” My lip quivers and my head feels like it’s caving in. “I really don’t. And every time I think about going to a… clinic… I start to have a panic attack. I can’t do that, Lily. I can’t. I can’t.”
“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” Lily soothes. I don’t believe her, but her voice is low and calm, so I try to focus on that.
“But—”
“Baby girl, this will be glorious, okay? I will be with you the whole time. I will hold your hair when you puke and I will rub your feet and I will hold your hand for every doctor’s appointment. Fuck all the men in the world. Aunt Lily will be here for every second.”
“Promise?”
“On my life.” Lily hooks her pinkie around mine. “You’d be here to do the same for me. Maybe we can move in together and I’ll be there to help with whatever you need.”
“I can’t ask you to do that. I can’t ask you to change your whole life for me.”
“Kate Lilliana Monroe McArthur. You listen to me right now. You are my best friend in the whole world. I would have died from alcohol poisoning twice if it wasn’t for you in college. I’d be trapped in a dead-end job forever if it wasn’t for you. I’d be friendless on my own if it wasn’t for you.”
“Whatever. You’d do the same for me.” I try to wipe away the tears that keep falling.
“Exactly. So here I am. And we’ll get through this together. We don’t need David.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
ERIC
“Mr. Evans is here to see you.” Sophie steps into my office. “Do you want me to tell him it’ll be a few minutes?”
“Two minutes and send him in. I’ll deal with the rest of this later.” I don’t look up from my laptop, still transcribing notes from the last meeting I had with David. His evidence of Kate’s infidelity was nothing more than feelings, but it was still something I could leverage against her.
Funny how the priorities change when you find someone’s been screwing you over. I can almost empathize with some of my clients. Almost. The difference is I don’t cry over anyone. I either get even or pretend they don’t exist.
In the meantime, I’m going to hammer her to a wall. In the least sexual way possible. And then walk away from this shitshow as light as a feather.
“Eric? Ronnie Evans. Pleasure to meet you.” A jolly bearded guy in a cheap sports coat walks into my office with a briefcase under one arm and
the other extended for a handshake. “I was very excited to get your call.”
“Ronnie! The pleasure is mine.” I take his hand. “Please, have a seat. Forgive me if this goes a little wonky. I usually have Sophie handle this, but given the context, I thought it best to meet in person.”
“Absolutely.” Ronnie nods. “This is sensitive material and it’s important to know who you are dealing with. I don’t work with anyone I can’t meet face-to-face. My job is information, not falsehoods or assumptions.”
“Understood. This is a large reason why I wanted to meet with you. While I need this small leak to turn into a flood, I want to be sure I trust who is going to handle it.”
Ronnie nods and launches into several anecdotes to emphasize the effectiveness of his approach. I nod politely like I’m listening, but I’m not. Truth is, I don’t give a shit about anyone else’s story. He’s been research thoroughly and I know he’s the guy to handle this.
Yes, I could have just slipped several copies of these photos of Kate and me under the doors of a dozen tabloid offices, but I want to make sure this is handled properly. It needs to be definitive, not something that can be argued haphazardly in court to draw it out.
Every day I’m attached to David is one more day I’d rather shoot a nail in my eye. As for Kate, I’ll be happy to have this entire thing finished so I can go fuck a whole line of chorus girls. Whatever needs to be done to get the imprint of her body against mine eradicated.
If there’s one thing I’m exceptional at, it’s finding a new girl. I need to cut her out of my brain and heart as soon as possible. That means lots and lots of girls. Maybe an orgy. Maybe I’ll find one of those secret underground sex clubs. Maybe I’ll walk down Rodeo Drive stark naked.
The world is my oyster.
“What’s the weirdest case you’ve handled?” Ronnie asks. His tone changes and pulls me from my daydreams of Kate. I never know how to respond to those dreams anymore aside from drinking heavily, so I’m glad for the pull. “I’ve always found your job so interesting.”
“A few years ago, my client accused his wife of catfishing. It sounded insane at first, because they were married for a decade, you know? Turns out she lied about being an immigrant bride. The whole thing was an act. She didn’t come from the Ukraine, she came from Minnesota of all fucking places.”
“From Minnesota to the Ukraine, eh?”
“She nailed that fucking accent, Ronnie. That was definitely one of the weirder cases I’ve handled. Not going to lie, though, it was fun as hell. Discovering her secret identity was the most fun I’d had researching in ages.”
“I bet the reveal was even better.” Ronnie grins.
“I wish the damn thing was televised. It was the most beautiful fall from grace I’d ever seen. Top-five moment, hands down.” I say. “The husband was so grateful I got to the bottom of everything, he gave me a massive bonus.”
“Wait, wait.” Ronnie shakes his head. “Was the bonus like a hundred grand and a trip to Paris on his private jet?”
“That’s the one!” I nod. “God, that was a great trip, too. Took my boys with me and we tore up the town. Of course, I blew most of the money on that trip. Gambling, top-shelf booze, Amsterdam. We lived it up. The rest went to student loans. Should have dumped the whole thing in, I suppose, but fuck, it was a great trip.”
“I remember reading about that. Had no idea it was you. Well done, Eric. I’m impressed.”
“Thank you.” I extend my fingers out a bit in a show of humility, even though I bask in the complement. “What about you? Surely you’ve seen a ton of crazy doing what you do.”
“Name it, I’ve seen it.” Ronnie nods. “Actually, the weirdest shit is usually from people trying to make something out of nothing. When they try to stack situations against their ex, you know?”
“People do that?” I ask. Guilty as charged, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Given your industry, are you really surprised?” Ronnie cocks an eyebrow. “There was a high-profile divorce going on a few years back that we got pulled into. The husband tried to frame the wife for having an affair. Except the dumbass had pictures taken of himself. He paid me, so I circulated them, but it became very clear very fast he was the guy in the pictures.”
“Allen Rodgers. I remember that.”
“Yeah. Our staff PI actually catches a lot of spouses sneaking around with each other. They try to get in one last fuck before the papers are signed. Far as I understand it, the other spouse lets them in to try to settle, but it never works out that way. I don’t know how you deal with this industry, man.”
“I don’t either.” I offer a thin smile, but the wheels in my brain started wheeling. Tension was always tight between Kate and David, and I confirmed with her doorman he’d been over to her place with a bouquet of roses. It was the nail in the coffin for me. Could I fault Kate for sleeping with her ex to make the process less chaotic?
I shake it out of my head while Ronnie outlines his contract. I can’t slide back to Kate. I’m so close to being done with them forever. But if she was put in a position where she felt like she had to sleep with him…
“As you can see, it’s pretty air tight. We are successful at what we do for this reason. We don’t reveal sources and sources don’t reveal us.”
“Yet people still find you.”
“Only when we want to be found.” Ronnie offers a toothy grin. “I’m not going to lie, I’ve wanted some McArthur dirt.”
I look at the contract, but all I can see is Kate’s distressed face. David taking advantage of her so she won’t lose her livelihood. There’s always more to the story… isn’t there?
“I’ll look this over and get back to you.” I extend my hand. “Thank you for your time.”
“Look forward to hearing from you soon. Time is running out.”
It is. Which means I’ve got to figure this shit out fast.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
KATE
It’s shocking how quickly life can change. People walk across the street and end up dead every day. Someone comes home from work and finds their spouse cleaned out the apartment. Someone goes to sleep and wakes up a million miles away from home.
I take a pregnancy test and Lily moves into my apartment, short-term until we decide something better. What was once an amazing bachelorette pad with booze and frozen quiches turns into a den covered in baby magazines and formula samples.
“You should pull a Paltrow and name the baby after the food you eat the most during the pregnancy.” Lily says from behind a celebrity mama magazine. “Like Blueberry or Kumquat or something.”
“Kumquat?” I stare at her over my copy of Parenting. “I’m not a monster, Lily.”
“If someone names their kid Apple, you can go with Kumquat.”
“Yeah, but Apple doesn’t sound like postsex jizz.”
“What the hell is postsex jizz?”
“You know, after you have sex and it just keeps gushing?”
“I think that means there’s a problem.” Lily laughs. “Who the hell does that?”
“David.” I shrug. “He should probably see a doctor then, I don’t know. I don’t have a dick so I thought it was normal.”
“Nothing about him is normal.”
“Preach.” Lily pauses. “Actually. I’ve been meaning to ask you.”
I tense, trying to force up walls before she says anything. None of these conversations that start with “I’ve been meaning to ask” end with something pleasant. Like “do you like chocolate-covered almonds, because I have some” or “do you want this free-massage coupon at Rainfall?” No, it’s always terrible.
“It’s been a few days. Have you considered talking to David?”
“No.” I hide behind the magazine so she doesn’t see the look of hurt-filled terror on my face.
As if I’d do anything with that asshole ever again. He complicated my life in one-hundred different ways before this even happened. I was finally starting t
o feel relaxed. I got to taste freedom. And then he roped me back in with a freaking fetus.
“Give it a few days and see if you have a change of heart. This is a big deal.”
“No David ever again.” I swallow down a sharp lump in my throat. “I guess I haven’t told you about the most recent messages, then.”
“No.” Lily smacks her magazine on the couch. “What did he do now?”
“Oh, usual David shit.” I try to sound airy about it, like it doesn’t bother me. The complete opposite is true, but there’s that saying about faking it until you make it, right? “He’s threatening me with more bad press if I don’t agree to settle outside of court.”
“With what? Stories about how you wouldn’t suck his microscopic dick?” Lily snorts. “What an ass.”
“I guess? He doesn’t stop though, Lily. I swear, every time I set down my phone, he sends me another message. Tells me I belong to him. Tells me he’ll ruin me. Tells me he’ll follow me if he has to.”
“Kate.” Lily turns serious. “Report his ass. Call the cops.”
“He’s just trying to bully me.” I shrug even though my stomach clenches. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s very much a big fucking deal. Call the cops. At the very least call Vivian so she can document this shit.”
“You’re probably right. I’ll send her screenshots.”
We fall into silence. The worst part of all this is I feel I have no excuse. Sure, I should have reported him… but I didn’t. I should have kept him outside my apartment every time he came over… but I didn’t.
I should have remained celibate and never fallen for his lawyer… but I didn’t.
Tears prick at my eyes and I brush them away before they can form. I’m done with crying. I’m done with worrying over a stupid man. God help me if this baby is a boy.
“Have you talked to Eric since you found out?”
“No. He was very clear about never hearing from me again.” I turn the page so hard I get a paper cut. As much as it hurts, it’s almost a relief to feel pain somewhere else besides in my head and my heart.
