by David Jason
I’m then taken backstage to have some more photographs done – though this time the pictures are of me holding the award, which is a bit easier and more purposeful than the earlier situation, with me simply standing there holding myself, as it were. However, these duties mean that when Nick goes up for his award, I’m still out of the room and miss it. Apparently he had prepared a speech, though, which is more than I had. Black mark for me; shown up again. Still, I’m sure Nick covered everything. [Author clears throat; moves on to next paragraph.]
By the time I head back across the floor to the table, a musical interlude is under way, featuring a twenty-voice choir, amplified at a volume which is almost sufficient to chip the plaster off the ceiling. The level of the sound has two consequences. Firstly, when I am taken aside, along the way, by a producer who wants to press a business card into my hand (and who tells me, above the music, that he thinks he has a project in development that is just right for me), he has to lean in so close to introduce himself that I can feel his lips against my ear. Very intimate – as intimate as I have ever been, I can confidently say, with a film producer at an awards ceremony. Secondly, as I pass in front of the stage in order to reach our table, I end up jamming the flat of my hand against my head to protect my eardrum from the PA system which, I belatedly realise, might have looked a bit rude to the singers in question. So let me just be clear: the choir was great. It was only the volume of it.
Soon we will skip the after-party and head to our respective homes, going out the back door this time, to avoid the fuss at the front of the venue – although, actually, when we stick our heads out of the door and look up the side street for our cars, a crowd of autograph hunters appears out of nowhere and forms a thick knot, having got wise to the plan somehow. As Nick and I stand and sign pictures of ourselves from 1983 and other eras, there it is – that question again, the question that both of us get asked pretty much every time we raise our heads in public: ‘Will there be any more Only Fools and Horses?’
It is, at least, an easy one to answer. There would be more episodes of Only Fools and Horses if there was anyone alive who could write them. But there isn’t, and nor will there be for as long as John Sullivan is no longer with us. John was one of the greatest scriptwriters I have ever had the pleasure to know – and, among other things, he was a supreme improviser, an utterly brilliant solver of problems that arose along the way. He was always open to any of my thoughts and ideas, which made the process doubly rewarding, but this turns out to be a problem there is no getting around. Making a further contribution since his sad departure has thus far proved beyond even John Sullivan’s wildly abundant gifts. I guess everybody meets their limits in the end.
So, no. No, there won’t be any more Only Fools and Horses. Yet Only Fools and Horses carries on – unstoppable, it would appear. And Nick and I each have a 2017 National Film Award to prove it.
1. How can you not respect the amazing work of the Counter IED Task Force? It was an honour to meet them at Camp Bastion (later Camp Shorabak) in Afghanistan in October 2010.
Receiving some TLC when I was out of my comfort zone.
Swapping the Reliant Robin for a Harrier jet and BBMF Spitfire. Do you think Del Boy would approve?
2. Playing the old boy Blanco in Porridge was such a joy as working with Ronnie Barker was always a laugh.
3. I spent many of those early years of Only Fools sitting in a room with Nick Lyndhurst and Lennard Pearce, reading a script and trying not to laugh.
4. Of course, Del would disport himself in Spain in leopard-print budgie smugglers – except BBC budgets meant ‘Spain’ was actually Bournemouth – ‘It Never Rains …’, Season 2, 1982.
‘Which way to Holland?’ – ‘To Hull and Back’, Christmas special, 1985.
5. It wasn’t Christmas without an Only Fools special, with over 20 million viewers tuning in by the end.
6.
7. Hitting the streets to film became increasingly difficult as public affection for Only Fools grew and we tried to keep the punchlines under wraps from the paparazzi – ‘The Jolly Boys Outing’, Christmas special, 1989.
8. Filming with Nick in Miami, seemingly recovered from meeting Al the Gater – ‘Miami Twice’, Christmas special, 1991.
9.
10. Del Boy and Rodney’s adventures in Monaco is the only show from the twenty-first century in the top 12 most watched programmes in British television history. Cheers to that! – ‘If They Could See Us Now’, Christmas special, 2001.
11. The Darling Buds of May had such a strong effect on the people who saw it that it seems to have remained in their minds ever since.
12. Pop Larkin’s yellow Rolls Royce – both achingly straightforward and devilishly complicated at the same time.
Always one for realism, no empty wheelbarrow for this actor.
13. For all of us, The Darling Buds of May had been something unique in our careers, a special time.
14. A Touch of Frost was the start of a whole new chapter for me – forty-two episodes which kept me busy and in demand over eighteen years. I was even an executive producer. What a turn-up: proper employment at last.
15.
16.
17. Ronnie Barker: my hero and mentor.
18. ‘We’re lucky, aren’t we? We’re getting paid to make ourselves laugh.’ Lucky indeed. Beyond lucky.
Back then, when Ronnie wrote me this note, Open All Hours without him would have seemed implausible.
19. I never suspected that Granville would serve me so loyally all this time, though I suppose Arkwright, in his own curmudgeonly way, was always suggesting it would be thus.
9.5 million watched ‘Beckham in Peckham’. Not too shabby, Dave. Not too shabby, my son.
20. A rare-red carpet moment of me with my daughter Sophie and my wife Gill.
21. Left to face the flashbulbs alone at the National Film Awards 2017.
POST-SCRIPT
AS I PREPARE to lay down my clammy pen, the film producer who so warmly caressed my earlobes when I crossed the room on my way back to the table that night at the Porchester Hall has yet to call for a second date. Trust me, though, I’ll be waiting by the phone. Indeed, be assured that all plausible job offers will receive due consideration. Of course, you have to be reasonable. My days of diving into a sofa are probably over – though I reckon I could still drop sideways through a bar-flap if called upon to do so. One thing I do know, is that retirement doesn’t yet seem to feature in the game-plan. Indeed, if I could be shot back right now through time’s misty envelope to my humble beginnings, would I do it all again? As Rowan & Martin used to say, you bet your sweet bippy I would. The whole journey. Point me at it. The paths taken, the paths untaken, the rough, the smooth, and all stations in between. The love of the job is still in there, firing away – the same idiotic determination to succeed. Indeed, I’ve got this feeling that, even as they’re easing my coffin lid into place, if I were to hear a phone ring, I know I’d pop up and say, ‘If that’s my agent, tell them I’ll do it.’ I don’t seem to be able to stop. Why should that be? No idea. But a very wise man once said it better than I can:
‘Where it all comes from is a mystery
Like the changing of the seasons
And the tides of the sea
But here’s the one that’s driving me berserk:
Why do only fools and horses work?’
What more can I say?
PHOTOGRAPHIC ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
In order of appearance:
1. © Mirrorpix
2. © BBC
3. © Mirrorpix
4. © BBC
5. © MirrorPix
6. © BBC
7. © Mirrorpix
8. © Rex/Shutterstock
9. © Mirrorpix
10. © BBC
11. © Mirrorpix
12. © Rex/Shutterstock
13. © Mirrorpix
14. © Rex/Shutterstock
15. © Rex/Shutterstock
1
6. © Rex/Shutterstock
17. © Dave Bennett/Getty Images
18. © BBC
19. © Rex/Shutterstock
20. © Desmond O’Neill Features Ltd.
21. © Rex/Shutterstock
All other photographs are author’s own.
Every reasonable effort has been made to contact all copyright holders, but if there are any errors or omissions, we will insert the appropriate acknowledgement in subsequent printings of this book.
INDEX
The page references in this index correspond to the printed edition from which this ebook was created. To find a specific word or phrase from the index, please use the search feature of your ebook reader.
acting: building characters, 69–85, 88–94, 223–5, 234–6; pratfalls, 264–70; with sofas, 267–9
adverts, 79–82, 301
Afghanistan, 1–12
Aghajanoff, Perry, 28–9, 32, 36
Alexander, Bruce, 229, 245
All the King’s Men, 202–3
Allen, Billy, 59
Allen, Dave, 105
alligators, 165–7
Andrews, Julie, 291, 311
Anholt, Tony, 136
Are You Being Served?, 108
Atkinson, Rowan, 299–300
The Avengers, 237
awards: BAFTAs, 290, 298–300; DJ as presenter, 1–12; Golden Sausage, 282–3; National Film Awards, 285–315; others, 290–1
BAFTAs, 290, 298–300
Barber, Paul, 100
Barclay, Humphrey, 46
Barker, Joy, 279–80
Barker, Ronnie: character, 277–8; and food, 88; ‘get well’ letter to DJ, 147; getting into character, 84–5; and Open All Hours, 46–7, 271, 277–80; and Porridge, 44–5, 278; and The Two Ronnies, 46
Baron, Lynda, 274, 275, 280
Baxter, James, 280, 281
BBC: attitude to Only Fools and Horses, 104–8, 111–12; Television Rehearsal Rooms (TRR), 87, 94; working with, 226
Beckham, David, 253, 259–70
Bevil, Bob, 51–2, 255–6
Blackadder, 299
Bowles, Peter, 105
Branagh, Kenneth, 201
Branson, Richard, 31
Brexit, 308–10
Broadbent, Jim, 55–8, 136
bulletproof vests, 8
The Bullion Boys, 82–3
Burt, Guy, 248
Bush, George, Sr, 156
Butt, Ray: background, 47–8; and Pearce’s death, 113, 114
AND ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES: at awards ceremony, 296–7; casting, 55, 59–68, 99, 118; creation, 48–9, 51; leaves, 142; Series 3, 111–12; slipped disc means temporary withdrawal from producing, 101; ‘To Hull and Back’, 136, 138–9
Cambridge Arts Theatre, 17, 18, 22
Camp Shorabak (formerly Bastion), 6, 10–12
Carry On films, 160–1
cars, 211–16
celebrity perks, 242–3
Challis, John, 100, 102, 141–2, 207, 258–9
character building, 69–85, 88–94, 223–5, 234–6
Charles, Prince of Wales, 184–93
Charley’s Aunt, 90
Chas & Dave, 109
Cinecittà, 248–9
Citizen Smith, 47, 109
Clarke, Roy, 65, 272–5, 279, 280
Clement, Dick, 45
cockney rhyming slang, 58, 138, 149–51
Coffey, Denise, 179
Cole, Stephanie, 274, 275, 280
Collins, Joan, 291, 311
Comic Relief, 254–6, 270; see also Sport Relief
Corbett, Ronnie, 62, 105, 183
Coronation Street, 197
Cotton, Bill, 106–7
Cranham, Kenneth, 99–100
Crosby, Bing, 299–300
Crossroads, 196–7
Dad’s Army, 54–5, 197, 288
The Darling Buds of May: Buss Farm, 217–18; casting, 220; overview, 211–28; Pop, 223–5, 230–1; Pop’s car, 211–16, 218–20; Series 3, 226–7; shooting, 222–3, 227; strawberry-picking scene, 227; viewing figures, 218
Darling Mr London, 267–8
David Brent: Life on the Road, 311
Davies, John Howard, 111–12
Davis, Lt Col. Mark, 12
The Day of the Triffids, 95–6
De Gaye, Phoebe, 70–3, 75
Dear John, 204
Depp, Johnny, 245
Do Not Adjust Your Set, 179
dolls, blow-up, 145–6, 151–5, 157–8
Dow, Tony, 142, 143, 164, 171
Dunn, Clive, 54
Edwards, Gareth, 275
Everett, Kenny, 105
farces, 178–9, 266–9
Ferris, Pam, 211, 213, 216, 220, 221–2
Fletcher, Mandie, 124–5
Foster, Richard, 154–5
Franks, Philip, 211, 213, 216, 220, 221
Freeland, Mark, 271–3
French, Dawn, 299
Galton, Ray, 42
The Generation Game, 108
Gervais, Ricky, 311
Ghostboat, 246–9
Gibb, Barry, 170–2
Gilbert, Jimmy, 49
Golden Sausage award, 282–3
Grant, Hugh, 291, 311
‘grass’ expression, 58
Gwenlan, Gareth, 101, 114, 164, 165, 205, 207
Hark at Barker, 46, 61, 70
Harris, Richard, 234
Harry, Prince, 189–90
Hawthorne, Nigel, 299–300
Hazlehurst, Ronnie, 108
Hercules aircraft, 10
Highgrove, 188–93
Hinchcliffe, Gill see White, Gill
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 105
Hockley, Derek, 51–2, 76
Holderness, Sue, 100, 167
Hopkins, Anthony, 158–60
Hordern, Michael, 80
Humphreys, Dewi, 275
Humphries, Barry, 299–300
I, Claudius, 237
Idle, Eric, 179
improvised explosive devices (IEDs), 2
Iris, 56
It’s Only Me, Whoever I Am, 62
Jackson, Peter, 227, 236–7
Jameson, Louise, 20
Jason, David (DJ; born David White): and alcohol, 295–8; attractiveness to women, 260–1; and awards ceremonies, 292–300; background and childhood, 9, 24, 41–2, 51–5, 62–3; early TV work, 46, 61, 70, 179–80; fame and recognition, 176–81; favourite sort of TV, 227–8; height, 9; interests, 121–2; lawnmower accident, 147–8; love of accents and voices, 79; and practical jokes, 122–36; in rep and farces, 17–24, 17, 90–3, 178–9, 266–9; and retirement, 289, 317–18; and stunts, 167–70; and swearing, 146–8; and typecasting, 195–8; voice-over work, 79–82; waxwork model, 249–51; see also individual productions and TV programmes by name
Jason, Gill see White, Gill
Jason, Sophie see White, Sophie
Jones, Terry, 179
Keating, Ronan, 309
Keith, Penelope, 105
Kennedy, Sarah, 188
La Frenais, Ian, 45
Lawrence, Vernon, 225–6
learning lines, 246
Leaver, Don, 237
Levin, Ira, 258
Lindsay, Robert, 47, 48
Lloyd Pack, Roger, 99–100, 210, 287
Lotterby, Syd, 45, 59–63, 275–6
Lucky Feller, 66
Lyndhurst, Archie, 310
Lyndhurst, Lucy, 259, 310
Lyndhurst, Nicholas: awards, 285–92, 296–7, 299, 302, 310–15; and Gibb, 172; interests, 121–2; at Lloyd Pack’s funeral, 100; and Merryfield, 119–20; and Only Fools and Horses, 65–8, 106, 111–12, 137, 144, 154, 157, 165; and Pearce’s death, 113–14; and practical jokes, 122–32; public recognition, 107; relationship with DJ, 121–33, 257–9; Shakespeare roles, 258; and Sport Relief sketch, 253, 257–9, 263; and Sullivan’s death, 207
Lynn, Jonathan, 19
Lyons, John, 229, 242
MacDonald, Kenneth, 288
McGregor, Ewan, 291, 311
Main Wilson, Dennis, 43–4
make-up, 17, 22
market trader banter, 255–6
Meg (agent), 3–4
Merryfield, Buster, 118–20, 137, 287–8
Miami, 163–72
Mitchell, Bill, 80–1
Monty Python’s Flying Circus, 179
Morecambe, Eric, 74–5
Moving, 99
Murray, Billy, 99
Murray, Patrick, 100
‘nark’ expression, 58
National Film Awards, 285–315
Nedwell, Robin, 59, 74–5
Nicholls, Sue, 197
Nicholson, Jack, 177–8
No Sex Please – We’re British, 243
The Norman Conquests, 90–2
Ollerenshaw, Maggie, 274, 275, 280
Only Fools and Horses: appreciation society and annual convention, 28; awards, 285–315; BBC attitude, 104–8, 111–12; cardboard boxes, 37–9; cast deaths, 113–18, 287–8; casting, 49–68; celebrity guest actors, 158–61, 170–2; Del Comic Relief statue, 270; Del’s clothes, 34–5, 69–76; Del’s hair, 76–7; Del’s physical gestures, 77–8; Del’s voice, 79–85; DJ’s favourite episode, 30; DJ’s feelings about now, 209–10, 287–8; eating during scenes, 88–90; end of, 203–10; fan and paparazzi attention, 140–4; Grandad, 61, 65–7, 77, 113–18; language and morality, 145–58, 255–6; longevity, 285–6; memorabilia, 25–6, 29–40; neologisms, 149; overview, 26–40, 49–181; rehearsals, 87–95; Rodney, 65–8, 77; running jokes, 97; scripts, 39–40; Series 1, 100–4; Series 2, 108–11, 126–31; Series 3, 111–12; Series 4, 112, 113–18; Series 5, 112; Series 6, 112; Series 7, 203–4; shooting and practical jokes, 122–44, 163–72; Sport and Comic Relief sketches, 253–70; success, 173–81; theme song, 108–9, 318; title, 50–1, 108; Trigger, 96–100; UKTV documentary about, 26–40, 207–9; Uncle Albert, 118–20; viewing figures, 104, 110–11, 112, 173–5, 204
