by Chloe Plume
My mother held her head in her hands as she hunched over the kitchen table. “Oh, I knew this would happen… Once I knew you two were together, I tried to fix this…”
I was taken aback, to say the least. “What?”
“Oh, it was obvious. I saw you run out of her room, and she came out a minute later, her hair a mess… You know I’m always looking out for you. I talked to Starla about it. She tried to get you back. And there’s still time Zayde. You can turn this around, get back with Starla, and get on the PR circuit—”
“Mom.”
“—Yes?”
“Listen. I owe you. But that’s it. Anything you need now, the condo, some money, it’s yours. But I’m gone. Goodbye.”
Chapter 43
Madison
The earthquakes had wrought savage destruction in the country. The government was incapable of responding adequately to the disaster and several international aid encampments sprung up around the ravaged towns and destroyed villages.
I was assigned to a medical aid group headed by a young Doctor who’d actually gone to Stanford and given up a lucrative position at an elite hospital in favor of traveling the world with emergency public health groups.
His name was Eric. He was tall, thin, meticulously bearded in consummate hipster fashion, and had the most piercing blue eyes I’d ever laid eyes on. Needless to say the nurses, and every single female volunteer, were constantly talking about him. Dr. Eric, as people called him, was the toast of our little encampment.
He asked me out. I wasn’t ready. I said no. But what surprised me was that his interest didn’t wane when I told him we could just be friends. We’d talked about Stanford and my interest in public health policy. He’d told me that I might want to consider pre-med at Stanford since they had a public health major and I could easily utilize a medical degree in a health policy career. We discussed my interests and his, found common ground, and bonded.
When I told him I’d just come out of a relationship with a pop star and wasn’t ready, I expected him to move on, spend more time with one of the nurses that absolutely worshipped his complete package of good looks, professional competence, and altruistic passion. Instead, he asked more questions, spent more time with me, and seemed even more interested in my search for a meaningful direction.
“You wouldn’t even fit into a life like that, I can tell,” he’d said, when I told him about the worries I had dating the anonymous pop star.
I thought I found a true friend. Eric and I talked often and at length, and time passed quickly as I found my work gratifying and the company supportive and reassuring. I’d be starting Stanford next fall. I had Zayde to thank for that.
Zayde.
Things had changed for him too. I read online about the label dropping him. For a time, he was consistently referred to as “the disgraced popstar.” I felt bad, but I knew better. I kept my distance. As Eric pointed out, that wasn’t my world. I found something that made me happy, and it was best to stay away from things that I knew didn’t.
Apparently Zayde had gone indie, which surprised me. The most recent article I read indicated he had dropped of the radar but was popping up in the underground scene, playing with musicians in small venues all over West Hollywood and even some really unknown places in Downtown L.A. He seemed like he was on a more meaningful path, and I was happy for him. But that was it.
We’re on different paths, and it’s the best thing for us both.
Even though I often thought about falling asleep with his arms around me, fucking into sweet exhaustion like we did at the hotel the last night I’d been with him—I stopped myself. I knew better.
That’s all over now.
Chapter 44
Zayde
Like this shit would ever stop me.
I looked down at the ankle bracelet choking off the circulation to my foot. I wasn’t allowed to leave Los Angeles, which wasn’t such a bad deal—thanks be to my overpaid lawyers—except for Madison being in a different continent. Of course, I could probably get on a private jet out of Santa Monica airport before the LAPD cut through traffic to stop me. Which is exactly what I’d normally do.
Except, this whole thing standing in between Madison and me—well, it wasn’t about some huge, crazy, stupid, gesture. I’d done some thinking and I’d realized that, while both of us needed to change where out lives were headed, only one of us had actually done that.
I mean, shit, she’d gone off to Massachusetts to get away from everyone, hadn’t taken a cent of her dad’s money—or mine, for that matter—and now she was committed to something that actually mattered to her, far away past Mexico somewhere. She’d set her life straight. And what had I done?
Yeah, there was the whole calling the cops thing, but only after she’d taken the fall in the first place. I couldn’t face her until I’d taken a completely different direction, like she’d done. I had to show her that I’d changed just as much as she had, if not more.
So between community service announcements and some token court ordered volunteer work, I was learning the basics again, getting some pointers from the indie scene. And boy did I need them. I’d coasted on synthesized, heavily post-produced dance beats for so long, it’s a wonder I could still work a guitar or sing worth a shit.
Barely…
Well, things were coming along at least. I had some new material in the works, and a friend who’d expressed interest in helping me release a new album in a couple weeks.
The red light on the prompter blinked. “Zayde, you’re on in five, four, three…”
I cleared my throat. “Music is my anti-drug…”
Gotta do what you gotta do.
Chapter 45
Madison
The Rolling Stones Zayde Knight interview loaded on my netbook screen. I’d heard it would come out today and curiosity got the better of me, so I’d taken the shuttle back to the base camp to access the Wifi. I scanned over the lines of the transcript and tried to read between them, searching for some kind of insight into Zayde’s mind:
I: So, Zayde Knight and Indie Music. Kind of suprising. I mean a year ago people were forking over $300 bucks a ticket to see you at these massive arenas and now, well, I think I stumbled into some dive bar the other day and you were there.
Z: (laughs) Yeah. Well, that’s how it goes when your label, manager, and agent leave you pretty much at the same time.
I: Okay. But you know, it seems like there’s more to it. I mean this isn’t like the usual story, you know, a big-time popstar fading from glory and all that.
Z: (interrupting) You sure? Seems like that.
I: Alright. I got you, it’s an adjustment. But let’s do some real talk here. The stuffs pretty good Zayde. I mean, what brings about a change like this. Some people are saying—you know down the grapevine—that it’s a girl. Will we be seeing the Zayde-Starla dynamic duo back in action; maybe a joint tour is in the works?
Z: Nothing like that.
I: So there’s no girl?
Z: No, there’s a girl.
I: Yeah. I mean, no shit. Let me just read off a couple lines here from your new album, which by the way, congratulations… I mean, critically acclaimed and, I’m looking over the digital purchase statistics right now, I mean you’re right up there. So it’s popular too. How does that feel, to have both?
Z: You know, honestly I’m never going to be as financially successful, but I started this because I love music. So, getting back to that has been…well, honestly it’s the most meaningful thing I’ve done in my career so far.
I: (nodding) Well, let me just get back to these lines, because it seems to me like, yeah it’s the music, but there might be something else really personal driving all of this. I’m not going to say anymore. We’re going to wrap this up. But let me just read off this (shuffles paper) okay, so this is in the middle of the album, it’s a real acoustic track, floating vocals, light on the instrumentals:
I don’t fear the abyss of night,
&n
bsp; But an ocean of crowded lights.
Drinking high on the hills of L.A.,
Only way I could live my life.
A whole other world I couldn’t recognize,
Until I saw it in her bright green eyes.
What should I do?
Assumptions and concerns flooded my mind, clashing over whether I should get in touch with Zayde or not. Part of me thought maybe too much time had passed. Too much had happened between us, and even if he had transitioned to a simpler life, he most likely moved on to someone else, out of the lime light. The song was most likely about her, whoever she was.
But part of me felt regret, seeing now how much he’d changed, for not making that phone call at the airport before I left. I owed him that. If anything, I needed to see if he missed me as much as I’d been missing him. If I didn’t make a call, I’d never know if he wanted to give us another chance.
And so, I let myself believe the song was about me and let myself consider the possibility, which I’d repressed for the better part of a year, that we could have an actual relationship and be happy together for more than just a moment.
I swung my legs off the bed and walked nervously to the main office where I could use the satellite phone.
Chapter 46
Zayde
Finally, the trial concluded and I was free to go. I’d taken the first plane out of LAX and had just landed near the international disaster relief encampment. It was only a short truck ride away to the medical center where I’d found out Madison was working.
Of course, upon landing I was swarmed by fans, mostly vivacious, ebullient girls going absolutely ecstatic as I walked through the airport. Funny how there’s this international tail to fame, like even when they move on to something else stateside, you still get a couple solid years with your fans in Latin America.
Man, the old me would be all over this!
Except, I didn’t have eyes for anyone but Madison. I hurried through the crowd, eager to find her as soon as possible.
“Where’s Madison?” I asked again, slightly irked by the doctor’s obvious attitude.
“Why?”
I’d been directed over to this Dr. Eric guy, some asshole who headed up the team Madison worked with. He had a stupid Civil War era beard that was either the result of a lack of razors in the disaster zone, or—what I suspected—was a carry-over from his hipster days, a flagrantly overdone attempt to look cool.
“None of your fucking business,” I snapped. I didn’t have time for this shit.
Dr. Eric scratched his beard—it did look like it got scratchy—and shrugged before rebuffing me again. “I know who you are. She doesn’t want to see you again.”
I tilted my head, puzzled. “And how the hell do you know?”
Dr. Eric smiled, the Red Sea of his almost ginger beard parting to reveal a row of chemically whitened teeth that I desperately wanted to punch in. “We’ve become real”—he emphasized “real”—“good friends. She’s moved on.”
Now I really want to punch him.
I turned away. I felt like I’d wasted my time with unrealistic expectations.
Why did I even come here? What was I expecting?
My mind shut off. I got back into the jeep and was driven to the hotel. The whole way, I didn’t think a single thing. Just a depressing blankness. It was over. It had been over for a while. I was just the dumbass who didn’t get it.
I arranged for the next flight back to Los Angeles and packed my bag.
So much for that.
But then the phone rang. I picked it up, expecting it was the hotel front desk informing me they couldn’t refund the rest of my stay or something. It was Madison.
“I read your interview”
“Oh,” I said, not really knowing which way the conversation would go.
“I listened to the song.”
“Don’t read anything into it. It’s just a song.”
“I really missed you this whole time.”
Her voice took hold of me and her words began to sink in. Still, I wasn’t sure she meant what I hoped she did. “Yeah, well, your doctor friend must have kept you company.”
She exhaled heavily. “Ugh…I don’t know what he told you. Nothing happened between us. He’s just a friend.”
I slapped my forehead and shook my head. As usual, I jumped to conclusions. First with David, now with this guy. I knew Maddy well enough to assume better.
“Listen,” I said. “I came by to find you. You weren’t there or Dr. Eric the bearded asshole was hiding you, whatever. But I’m still here. Please come by, we’ll talk.”
The phone rasped with static. “Okay.”
“I’ll text you the address.”
Chapter 47
Madison
When I passed through the hotel room door, he was sitting at a round table, looking out at the mountains through the floor to ceiling window.
“Pretty cool, huh?” he said, pointing to the remote with which he’d buzzed me in.
I shrugged.
“Just trying to break the ice.” He pressed a button on the remote and the sunshades slowly slid together.
“You know, there are a lot of girl down there in the lobby with signs that say ‘We love you Zayde.’ Sure that’s not more your speed.”
Zayde approached me and laughed. “No, I’m good right here.”
He looked gorgeous as always, his sharp features focused and something open and at ease in his demeanor. He looked more grown-up, like he’d gone through a series of meaningful experiences. There was less of a smirk and more of a smile on his handsome face.
He stood in front of me, leaned in, and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. “You got a nice tan,” he noted.
“Well, I’ve been outside a lot. You know, a little less reading and a little more doing.”
His hands slid down past my waist just as the shades finally touched closed. “You look beautiful,” he whispered.
The feeling of his hard body against mine sent my heart racing. I pressed into him and let his hand slide under my panties and take a firm handful of my ass.
He groaned. “Madison, I’ve missed this so much.”
“I’m yours Zayde.”
He kissed me and pulled me over to the bed. I stepped out of my jeans and pulled off my shirt as quickly as I could. He fumbled with his belt and slid his pants down. I wanted him in my mouth.
“Fuck, Madison.” He slipped past my lips and owned my mouth, pushing his entire length deep inside until I struggled to take him in. I felt his fingers grip my hair and pull at the roots. My hands went to his hips, resting on the indentations of his chiseled ass.
He pumped into my mouth, grunting with pleasure. I watched him pull of his shirt and expose his perfect abs, which tensed aggressively with each thrust.
Suddenly he stopped. “Fuck, you almost made me cum Madison.”
I smiled. “Not yet.”
He lifted me up and positioned me on the bed. Stepping out of his boxer-briefs and jeans, he watched me, stroking his dick. “You turn me on so much, Madison. Just looking at you.”
“Don’t just look at me.”
“Don’t worry, I’m going to fuck you senseless.” His hands spread my legs.
“That sounds—”
I exhaled abruptly and then moaned as his mouth engulfed my moist entrance. His tongue teased me to the point of madness and I begged for relief. His fingers slid into me, massaging me from the inside, until I started to shake.
“Did you miss my cock?” He asked.
I nodded. I missed his cock more than anything.
“It’s been such a long time. You’re going to take it hard and deep for me.”
Yes. Yes. Yes!
He pulled my leg over his muscular shoulder and rubbed the glistening head of his cock over the wet slit between my legs. I stretched more and more as inch after inch of him eased into me. It was exquisite agony, waiting for him to fill me and fuck me.
“Yes…Zayde. It’s s
o good.”
He grunted and exhaled. “That pussy.”
I watched his hips and abs flex as he pulled back to drive the first stroke into me.
Fuck yes. Oh yes.
I couldn’t believe I’d missed this for so long.
That perfect, beautiful cock.
He buried himself balls deep into me and leaned in to kiss my lips and down my neck to the tops of my breasts. Then, with a firm hold on my calves, he lifted both my legs over his shoulders. With his muscular arms on either side of me, he pressed against me until my knees were all but touching my ears. And then he fucked me harder and deeper than I thought possible.
Chapter 48
Zayde
Madison had the most beautiful pussy I’d ever seen.
Holy shit. That pussy.
I saw her watch my cock pump in and out of her as I pounded it. I folded her legs back over her plump breasts so I could go deeper.
I fucked her hard because I knew she wanted it as much as I did. I could tell her heart was racing the moment she walked through the door and we kissed.
Now she moaned and yelped as I slammed into her. Her pretty head tilted back, exposing her delicate neck, which I assaulted with my mouth as I leaned in to go even deeper.
Fuck, I can’t hold it much longer.
My balls tightened and I drove home, tensing my hips violently as I gave her everything I had. My mind went blank.
“Fuck Maddy!”
“Zayde! Yes!”
My eyes closed and my face tensed with excruciating pleasure. My whole body erupted through my cock. I tensed, throbbed, and exploded, filling her with my load.
Best orgasm I’ve ever had.
I withdrew and collapsed. Madison was still shaking, her arms stretched out in back of her, hair spilling everywhere. I was too exhausted to speak, but soon I’d tell her.
For the first time in my life, I knew exactly what I wanted. For the first time, I was truly happy. All doubt and regret dissipated, there was a future in front of me, and I knew, once and for all, this is where I belonged.
