“Now how about you?” Starcross asked. “You’re . . . interesting. So were you exaggerating out of desperation, or do you really have, as you put it, the ‘secrets the universe’? Be honest with me. I know a lie when I hear it being told.”
‘Why doesn’t she assume it’s an outright lie? Why go straight to exaggeration or truth?’
“Because you were desperate enough to trust him,” Starcross replied, as if she’d heard Ember’s thoughts. “Eclan gets his claws dirtier than the most filthy of colony cats. ‘Trustworthy’ is not what comes to mind when anyone meets him. Yet here you are, following him through a blizzard. No one that desperate would risk their lives telling a lie that can easily be disproven. No one smart, at least. No, someone in your position would offer something real. Or at least something you think is real.”
She stepped back. “H-how did you—”
“Know what you were thinking? Your expressions said everything. Now tell me: do you really have the secrets of the universe, or are you wasting my time?”
“Well,” Ember said. “It depends on the questions you ask. This thing, uh, around my neck, it, uhm, gives me access to a collection of pretty much all human knowledge. I can use it to teach you how to do anything, or give you information on whatever you want. Here, ask me a question. I’ll ask Thai, and you’ll probably get your answer.”
“The secrets of the universe you said?” Starcross closed her eyes. “Tell me then, who touched the valley first?”
‘Oh no. One of those questions. Of course it wouldn’t be something practical. Just have to make me look like a fluffhead, huh?’
Ember swallowed. “Ah, uhm, Thai, who touched the valley first?”
“I’ve been through all my main databases, and I’m still not sure what you mean. Would you like me to do a web search? Maybe my search engine can get you the answer you’re looking for,” Thai replied.
“I’ve heard enough,” Starcross said. She turned around and walked away through the parted crowd. “Give them to the storm. Colony cats. They never do change, do they?”
The cats gathered around them laughed. The laughter rose a roar that stabbed her ears. Ember flattened them against neck and tucked her tail tighter. Another surge of adrenaline rushed through her system, making her heart leap to her throat. Eclan shoved her and Hyrees toward the doorframe and the deadly blizzard beyond it. Cyan flooded her head, washing away all other emotion. ‘No, no, no, no! Not now! Come on, Ember. Think! Think! Think! First to the valley.’
“A bug! An insect! Some kind of insect!” she called.
The laughing reduced itself to a series of chuckles. Starcross stopped. She turned to face them again, smiling. “An insect?”
“You, uhm, you just asked me to tell you. You didn’t say i-it had to be from Thai. So I told you. Or at least I, uh, think it was most likely an insect. It’s the most logical thing to pick. Or I could say grass, or moss, or a mushroom, if you want to include plant-type things. Though mushrooms are actually something else entirely from—”
Starcross chuckled. “It’s a question without a deducible answer, coggy. You’re calling out guesses, not facts. For all any of us know, a blue moose with one antler and five legs might have been the first. Even before the mushrooms. Now scram.”
“Wait.” An older, tanish-grey tabby pushed his way through the gathering of felines. His tail twitched, almost frantically, in rhythm. “Don’t send them out yet. I need to have a word with Eclan and would prefer these two stay. They might be more useful than you think. I’ll be certain to pay you for the trouble of keeping them the night.”
His soft green eyes and expressionless face made Ember shiver, and his accent, a gruff-yet-bouncy mixture of Lowland and Eastern, did nothing to ease the sinking feeling in her chest. Yet somewhere in the silver anxiousness of her thoughts, speckles of black flickered into existence. Comfort.
‘Why do I feel like this all of a sudden? I don’t even know him,’ she wondered. ‘Oh, come on, Ember; he’s offering to pay for your stay. He’s helping us. Though I guess he does business with Eclan, so just keep your guard up. You’ll be fine.’
Starcross stepped back, eyes narrowed. “Bracken? I hardly expected you, of all cats, to come standing up for a couple of newcomers. Though I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised at this point. So, what are you planning to pay? It had better be good. I don’t need much right now. Each winter every mangy moggy in walking distance comes to me begging. You know, that’s one of the advantages of being on top. I can turn down who I like. I only get the best.” She chuckled. “At least here; don’t tell Cass I said that.”
Bracken sighed. He sat down and bent over sideways. Ember let herself examine him more closely. Her ears perked up again. Two rough leather straps attached a bag to his side. Unlike Starcross’s earring, it looked like it was made for a cat, by a cat. A large, nasty-looking scar ran along his flank, partially concealed by the satchel. It, however, looked too big to have been made by a cat.
“What are you looking at, coggy? My pouch?” he asked.
His piercing eyes stared directly at her, but his voice didn’t sound annoyed or fierce. It sounded genuinely curious, if past experiences were anything to go by. She looked at her paws again. “Y-yes, sir. It’s, uh, made of leather. Where did you get it? Did you make it?”
He went back to searching through his satchel. “More along the lines of had it made, but yes. I designed it, and a friend—excellent with stone claws—made my design a reality. Ah, and I believe this should be enough to cover their stay.”
Bracken pawed out a clay bijou in the shape of a blackberry blossom. A sparkling, creamy green gemstone rested in its center. A thin strip of leather attached to the back made it wearable. He pushed it across the floor to Starcross’s paws. Starcross examined it for a few seconds.
Ember bit her tongue. As she did, the black grew stronger, eating away at the silvery mind storm. ‘Please accept it. Tahg, it’s beautiful. It must be worth so much. Why is he giving it away for us? We don’t even know each other.’
“Hmm. Bracken, would you put it on me, please?” Starcross asked.
Bracken picked it up by the leather and slid it around her neck. It dangled against her chest, complementing her earring and her namesake marking. Ember tilted her head once again as the brown and white fluttered back.
Starcross smiled. “Yes, I guess this will do.” She turned to Ember and Hyrees. “Looks like you two got lucky. The freak got you in. For now. Moment this storm clears, though, you’d better prove yourselves useful, or both of you will be running out of here with your tails tucked.”
‘Freak? But he doesn’t look like a freak, just a kind, scruffy old tomcat.’ A faint sinking feeling tugged at her insides. ‘Kind. Hum. That’s not even how I’d describe most colony cats.’
Starcross looked around the room at the staring cats. She growled. “What’re y’all looking at?”
The cats went back to doing whatever they’d been doing before. She walked away through the still-parted crowd, new bijou resting elegantly against her fur.
Ember straightened herself up and untucked her tail but kept her ears pinned. “Er, thank you,” she said.
Bracken smiled. “I hope you two enjoy your stay. Come along, Eclan. How have you been doing? Tell me your stories.”
Eclan chuffed and walked into the crowd. “Been doing a lot more than you realize.”
The two toms padded side by side into the next room over. Ember and Hyrees watched in silence.
“We’re here; we’re surrounded by outsiders and rogues and all their stink and filth. Are you happy?” Hyrees asked.
Ember tried to ignore the voices by turning them into one collective sound. One loud, painful, collective sound. “Uh, well, at least we aren’t freezing to death in a blizzard anymore. We might be able to stay here until m—” The pleasantly forgotten events of that morning came flooding back in. “Mom and . . .”
Whitehaze and Farlight’s dead bodies flared in he
r mind’s eye. Every time she blinked, the images got clearer, more painful until they became tinted with sky blue. She shivered uncontrollably. She wanted to disappear. No, she wanted to curl up in a ball and make the world disappear, to make it stop attacking her. But it kept coming.
“I don’t think your parents will be able to find this place,” Hyrees said.
‘Parents? Mom and Dad. Kivy. Oh no, oh no, oh no. What did I do? What did I do?’
“Ember, hey, are you okay? Wait, that was a stupid question. Neither of us are okay,” he growled.
‘Be quiet. Please. Be quiet.’
“My brother just died, and you just killed some—”
“Hyrees, stop!” she yowled.
He stared at her in unreadable silence. The gazes of those around them burned into her head, causing it to throb. She cowered beneath it all, fighting back the tears threatening to form.
“Don’t talk about it,” she whispered. “Please. Just stop. I don’t want to think about it.”
“Sorry. I know what you mean. I don’t really want to think about it either. I’m just so . . . furious that that wildcat would kill my brother. He did it, he did. I know it was him; I know it was,” he said, tail twitching. He sighed. “Sorry again. Did you want to find somewhere quiet?”
“Yes,” she mewled.
“Alright. Let’s go, then.” He nudged her deeper into the building and farther away from the deadly chill of the storm.
Ember took deep, raspy breaths as she crept onward through the crowd. Twitching tails smacked her as cats walked past. They brushed against her sides, their oily fur making her feel more nauseous with every step. Each of her legs felt like it was dragging a boulder behind it.
‘Do this. Come on, Ember, you can do this. You have to; you have to. There’s nowhere to hide—nowhere to go to make it stop. Agh, go away, grey. Stop. Please make it stop.’
She closed her eyes and froze.
“We have to keep moving, Ember,” Hyrees said. “I’m sorry, I can’t deal with one of your episodes right now. In fact, I think I’m on the verge of panicking myself. You have got to calm down.”
Ember tucked her head closer to her body, willing herself to quit shaking and obey. It refused to listen. Hyrees sighed; she didn’t have to look to know he was getting exasperated.
‘I don’t blame you. I’m aggravating myself, Hyrees. I’m stuck, and it hurts. It hurts. Everything hurts. Please, get me out of here. Get me out of here.’
“Come on. We can do this. Walking. One paw in front of the other, remember? Look, that corner over there is empty. Let’s go over there.”
She opened her eyes. Hyrees head-butted her forward.
‘He’s talking to me like a kitten,’ she thought as they slunk through the building. ‘Why is he talking to me like a kitten? He’s never done that before. I wish Eclan was here. Never thought I’d think that. Or Bracken. He seemed nice, even if he ends up wanting something from us in return. They know this place. They could help. They could show you all the rooms, and then at least you wouldn’t be lost. Tahg, there are too many cats here. It smells so bad. Why does it smell so bad? Do I even want to know?’
When they reached the corner, Ember pressed her forehead against the walls and closed her eyes. She went back through her memories to the mental image she’d created of Michelle’s home and imagined being there instead. She stopped shivering. After exploring the well-preserved halls and rooms, she recalled what she knew about the interior of Starcross’s house. Based on the two and a half rooms she’d seen, she concluded that there were no less than three left to be discovered and mapped out, possibly more.
“Musta found the good stuff, eh?” someone said.
“Good stuff?” Hyrees asked.
“You know—the good mint.”
“Uh, yeah, no,” he growled. “Go bite a fox.”
“Yikes. The newcomers are touchy, ain’t they? Sensitive little colony-moggie-coggies. Hah! Whatcha doin’ in that corner then, missy?”
She started shivering again. ‘Oh, he’s talking to me.’ She turned around to find a small, grey-patched cat standing across from them. An ornate band of clay encircled the lower part of his tail. “Uh, I was, er, calculating roughly how many rooms here has. This place has. Are in this place. Sorry, I can’t speak because you make me nervous.”
He laughed. “Definitely found the good stuff. You got any more? I’ll give ya my tail band.”
“Please just go,” Hyrees said. “You do not want to make her nervous. Tahg, I don’t want you to make her nervous. It never ends well.”
The patched tom meandered closer. “Ah, come on, let the molly speak. If she wants to share, let ’er share.”
Bracken and Eclan padded into the room. “Don’t you have anything better to do?” Bracken asked.
The cat lowered himself into a submissive pose, belly against the floor and ears back. “Sorry, there. Had no idea these two fine colony moggies were with you. I uh, better get to goin’.”
He scampered away into the main room and vanished in the crowd. Ember stared after him, confused. ‘Well, that was odd. Should I be scared of him too?’
Eclan chuckled as he watched the cat go. “Desperate fluffhead. I like my mint as much as any other moggie, but that tom’s got himself a problem. Fought with him a few times in combat matches. Never makes for much of an opponent without the stuff, so I’ll admit I’ve bribed him into a good share of chancy spars with it.”
Bracken moved closer to her. “Eclan tells me you were both colony cats very recently. Might I ask why you’re now in the sludge-hole of the valley? This is hardly a place for such . . . interesting individuals as yourselves.”
“We don’t want to talk about it. It might make her panic, and I don’t have the energy to deal with that,” Hyrees replied.
Ember licked her lips nervously. ‘Deal with what? Deal with me? Hyrees you know I don’t want it anymore than you do. In fact, I hate it even more because I’m the one who has to figure out how to make it stop. You don’t have to deal with it. You don’t have to do anything.’
“Understandable,” Bracken said. “So what do you plan to do now? Live out the rest of your days in the Lowlands? Or do you plan to switch colonies? I’ve met cats who’ve done that.”
“What about an Easterner named Wren?” Hyrees asked.
“Yes, I knew him; I met him many winters ago. Actually, that was the very tom I was thinking of. Are you related? You look a lot like him.”
Hyrees hesitated a moment. “He was my father.”
“Was? As in, he’s gone?”
“He died in a fight with the East. They killed their own kin. But then again, after what they’ve been doing, and with what happened today, I wouldn’t put anything past them. Not even murdering a kitten. They’re ripping our colony apart from the inside out. No, we can’t switch colonies. I never want to see those . . . those monsters again.”
Bracken froze for a split moment, eyes wide, and muttered something under his breath. He snapped out of his daze and grimaced. “Well, I’m sorry to hear about your father, and it saddens me to know that a youth has died.” A tiny sigh left his throat. He shook his head, as if trying to jostle away whatever emotions he was feeling.
Ember sucked in a noseful of freezing air and pinned back her ears. ‘Stop. Please stop. Shouldn’t be saying this to him. You’re making us vulnerable. You’re making me vulnerable. You’d better not mention Whitehaze. Whitehaze?’ Her lower jaw trembled with anxiety. ‘Oh no, oh no, oh no.’
“You know, if you ever need an extra bit of security, I know a sizable group of outsiders you can join,” Bracken offered after a few moments of silence. “It’s no colony, but they provide for each other, and new ideas are never discouraged. It’s where I got my pouch, actually. Most intuitive group in the valley. Smart young newcomers like yourselves are always welcome, and all members are free to come and go as they please.”
“That’s, uh, something to consider, I guess,” Hyrees s
aid softly.
He looked over his shoulder at her. Ember stared at him, willing for him to read her mind. He focused his attention back on Bracken. “But right now we need some time to rest. It’s been a long, upsetting day. So if you don’t mind, sir, maybe we can talk some more tomorrow.”
Bracken smiled. “Of course. I’ll be here until the storm clears. Take all the time you need to recover. Eclan, we’d best be going.”
Eclan snorted. “Don’t forget our deal, kitten. You owe me answers. I’ll be collecting them tomorrow.”
Ember realized he was talking to her. “Oh, uhm, yeah. Of-of course.”
Bracken and Eclan started off in the same direction they’d come from. “Sleep well, my coggy friends,” Bracken called over his shoulder. “Though I must warn you that this place does not.”
She gulped as they disappeared once again into the gathering of cats. ‘Doesn’t what? Doesn’t sleep? I hope it sleeps. I need sleep. I can’t sleep with cats moving around. But then again, am I even going to be able to sleep after all this? Probably not.’
She leaned against the corner and let herself slide to the floor. The moment her chin hit the cold, hard ground, another round of tears broke free. She covered her eyes and cried all over again. Hyrees curled up next to her, burying his face in her side.
Ember chewed on her tongue, then transitioned to her toes. She forced herself to stop chewing altogether. ‘Why am I doing this? Why can’t I just stop? Why can’t I start being okay? What is wrong with me?’
She lifted her head to stare at her paws. The heating grid was off, but she couldn’t stop shaking. ‘I’m the problem. What if Dark was right? Maybe I’m not fit to live.’
Somewhere nearby, someone laughed. She wrapped her paws over her face and tried to shut out the world. ‘But I told Dad I’d try. Guess I’m stuck here now. Stuck. I’m stuck.’
Chapter 23
Ember
As Bracken had foretold, even with the light fading away, nothing in Starcross’s Gorge seemed to stop. Cats talked, and yowled, and jumped, and walked around. The wind moaned and whistled through each little crevice in the building like a relentless pack of wolves, howling over their captured prey. Every now and then the ambience faded and Ember drifted off. Each time, nightmares attacked her within moments, sending her back into reality with a pounding heart and dampened eyes.
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