by Kitty Berry
I don’t know what to say. Do I tell him how much I love him too? That I think he’s my soul mate and we’re destined to be together forever? That it doesn’t matter what ideas other boys have in their heads about me because I don’t even know they exist, all I can see is him, Tate Taylor, the love of my life? Instead I opt for “I am not beautiful and guys don’t look at me, Tate.”
A sigh comes over the phone and I know I’ve gotten it all wrong somehow so I try again.
“Tate, you know I love you too, right? I think you’re my soul mate. You can finish my sentences; you know what I’m going to say next. You know me better than anyone, you’re my best friend. I would never do anything to hurt you or make you not love me anymore. I spent the whole night crying because I thought we were over.”
I can almost hear his smile over the phone when I finish. Tate’s response is to turn up his radio and hold the phone to it so I hear “Faithfully” as I fall asleep with the phone by my ear knowing that Tate will be sleeping on the other end of the line. That night began a pattern for us and we spent many future nights sleeping together on the phone.
Summer was a blast! I went to a dance workshop for a week. It was really intense but I loved every minute of it. I got to work with amazing choreographers and I learned so much. I think that’s what I want to do when I grow up, be a choreographer and create pieces of work on the screen and on stage.
Tate and I get to talk to each other every night that I am in New York and we sleep together on the phone because by that time my mom is out cold snoring in the bed next to me. I tell him how much I love dancing and my dreams for the future but most of all how much I miss him.
“You can do anything, you will be amazing when you grow up, I just know it” Tate tells me sincerely.
When I get back from the workshop we have two weeks before I go to cheer camp and Tate goes to basketball camp. We spend those two weeks at the town pool every day even though we both have our own pools in our backyards. We want to hang out with our friends and not have our parents breathing down our throats or my siblings. I have this super cool pink with black polka dotted bikini with a ruffle on the top and the bottom. It is so cute and Tate says I look “kick ass” in it.
Tate leaves for basketball camp and I leave for cheer camp the next day. We don’t get to talk to each other for five days and I miss sleeping on the phone with him. Cheer camp is great but my favorite part of the day is when we get mail because I know Tate has already written and asked Booby to send me a letter every day with his for Asia.
The last month of summer flies by ending with a sleepover at Annie’s house. She has apparently been up to no good before we arrived. Annie has really gone over the deep end with the boys. When we get there she rushes us up to her bedroom and tells us not to get changed into our pajamas.
“Keep your clothes on girls; we are sneaking out to meet Dan, Joe and some of their friends. It’ll be fine; my parents will never come looking for us. Let’s go” she says as she opens her window and motions for us to climb down. Before I know what’s happening I am being pushed out the window with Asia behind me. I have no idea what the hell I am going to do; Tate is going to flip out if he finds out. We start walking and I realize we’re on Tate’s street. I know which window is his so when I see his house I tell my friends that I am going to go see Tate and they can go on without me. Missy and Annie go without missing a step but Asia stays with me.
“What the hell is going on?” she asks.
“I don’t know but Tate would kill me if he found out I was hanging out in the middle of the night with some guys, I saw his house and figured it was a perfect way out.”
I decide to throw rocks at his window to see if he’s in his room. When I see the light go on I don’t know if I should be happy or scared. He is not going to like these turn of events. Tate comes to the window looking very confused but his face changes when he sees me. First I think he might be excited, no maybe pissed off but when he opens the window I realize he’s worried.
“Brook, what the hell? What are you doing? Are you alright? Why are you throwing shit at my window? I thought you were at Annie’s.”
I ask Tate to come outside so I can explain. He does wearing torn in the knees grey sweatpants and a worn red t-shirt. His black silky hair is all messy and I don’t think I have ever seen him look better. I explain what happened and he gets quiet. I know he wants to explode but is trying not to do so in front of Asia.
“Does Bobby know about this?” he asks her and Asia just shakes her head. As Tate takes my hand and leads us back in the direction we came he barks through gritted teeth, “Come on, I’ll walk you guys back to Annie’s house, you should not be out walking the streets alone late at night. When we get back there you call your parent’s and have them pick you up. Tell them you’re sick or make up some shit, I don’t give a fuck what you tell them but you go home and call me when you get there. Understand?”
I nod, not knowing what else to do and we walk back to Annie’s the rest of the way in silence, Tate and I holding hands and Asia next to me. When we get to Annie’s Tate whispers, “Good girl” into my ear then says, “Call me when you get home, I don’t care what time it is I will turn the ringers off on all the phones except the one in my room.”
He looks at Asia and says, “You did the right thing staying with Brook, you’re a good friend.” Then he turns and leaves us as we are climbing up the ladder into Annie’s bedroom. I call my house and tell my parents that I’m sick and ask to come home. Asia calls her parents and says the same. We both wait outside until we see Asia’s mom and then my dad. Neither one asks us why the other is leaving and we’re both glad we don’t have to explain.
I call Tate the minute I get in my room and he picks up on the first ring.
“Do you believe me now about them, Brook?” is how he answers and I start to cry. I tell Tate I was scared walking around at night going to meet strange guys to do God knows what with and he says that rumor has it Annie and Missy have been drinking and sleeping with the guys they went to meet all summer. We talk for a while about nothing and after he tells me he was glad that I didn’t try to hide what was going on from him he chuckles and says, “I’m glad you were a good girl and didn’t go hang out with those guys but I wish you’d be naughty for me. Good night baby, sleep with me.” And as Chicago’s “Hard Habit to Break” comes on I close my eyes and fall asleep safe in my bed on the phone with Tate.
At the start of summer Brook and I have been going out for nine months and I hate when she does things without me. When I get this phone call from Jeff I know why. He tells me that Missy broke up with him because she met some guy at the carnival. I know she was at the carnival with Brook and I am out of my mind thinking that Brook fucked some guy too and she’s going to call and dump me next.
“Jeff man, screw her, she’s nothing. I don’t even think she’s that hot. I know she’s cool and all but really you can do much better than her. I’m sorry man, I got to go and call Brook. I’ll call you back if I can get anything out of her.”
I call Brook and I want to reach through the phone and strangle her when she acts dumb about what went down at the carnival. I’m scared and angry all rolled up together and it comes out in my words and I hang up on her and take my phone off the hook. I feel better knowing that I am the one in control now. I know she’ll be trying to call me and won’t be able to get through. She’ll have to wait till I call her back. That should show her who has the power in this relationship unless of course she won’t take my call. Or if she’s just been waiting for an excuse to break up with me, if she is I just gave it to her.
When I finally call her she answers on the first ring and I don’t recognize her voice. She sounds like she’s been crying for hours. If anyone else made her cry I would kill them but because I know she’s been crying over me I kind of like it. It lets me know that she does care. But Brook continues to try to test my limits, see how far she can push me with shit. It would be so much eas
ier if she would just do what I ask and not hang out with Missy and Annie. I know they’re trying to get her to hook up with other guys and I have to find a way to get her away from them.
I finally get my chance when she shows up at my house one night. I hear rocks hitting my window and when I look out I find Brook standing there. I’m wearing torn sweatpants and a worn t-shirt, my hair is messy and I could kill her for making me come out like this. And Asia is with her to boot!
She tells me what happened and I can feel the blood in my body start to overheat. I have the urge to punch something but I manage to keep myself under control. I take her hand and lead us back in the direction she came from. I never let the death grip on her hand go. I think she’s finally seeing the light and I sense things between us are changing for the better. I don’t want to control her for my own good, I want to keep her safe and with me. I think she sees that now. Her friends were bringing her into God only knows what and she came to me to keep her safe. That’s progress and it shows great promise.
She calls me when she gets home and I try my best to reiterate my point about her friends. She starts crying because she was scared so I use this as the perfect opportunity to tell her that Missy and Annie have been fucking these guys. I figure that will really scare her away from those dudes and their friends, she’s like a deer in headlights when I kiss her, I can only imagine what she’d be like if some dude tried to fuck her.
Jeff moved on to another girl at school quickly after his break up, David started going out with a girl who worships the ground he walks on and they forgot all about Missy and Annie. Missy and Annie moved on from the carnival guys to some other guys. Bobby finally got the courage to ask Asia out and they hang out with Tate and me a lot. We go to the movies and the mall together every weekend. Sometimes Jeff and David come too either alone or with their girlfriends.
We take a trip to New York City with the theater club. Every day we go to attractions like the musical Cats or the Empire State Building but at night we find a way to be together. I room with Asia and Tate rooms with Bobby. The first night there we are too afraid to try to sneak into each other’s rooms but after that we figured out it won’t be a problem.
The second night Tate and Bobby wait until midnight to come to our room. They can be so funny sometimes; they come in wearing sunglasses like they were in disguise. Tate pops a tape into our boom box and “Sunglasses At Night” by Corey Hart comes on while they dance around the room. Tate has become a great dancer and I love when he dances for me. He moves so smoothly now and he says he has learned all his moves from me. We hang out together listening to music, dancing and talking. After an hour or so the guys thought they should get back to their room just in case anyone came looking for them so we kiss good night and they go back to their rooms.
I lay awake in bed just thinking about Tate’s lips and how soft they felt. Tate has full pink lips that just make me want to kiss him, I mean really kiss him.
My hotel room phone rings and I jump to pick it up before Asia wakes up. I’m convinced it’s my parents calling to yell at me because they know Tate and Bobby were just here. I’m relieved when I hear Tate’s voice.
“Hey, Brook. Were you sleeping yet?” This has become our little joke from that first night he called me and so I respond as I always do, “No, were you?”
He laughs at me as always, “No, want to listen to music together? I left you a tape in the boom box that I made for you. Press play.”
“I’ll have to put it on really soft, Asia’s asleep and I don’t want to wake her up” I tell him.
“Yeah, Bobby fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow too but I couldn’t fall asleep without talking to you. Press play” he demands.
I get up out of bed and hit the play button.
We stay on the phone together listening to the mixed tape he made me with songs that remind him of us. We talk about our day at the Museum of Natural History and how excited I am about going to see Cats tomorrow. Tate tells me I will be a “cat” one day and he can’t wait to come and watch me on Broadway.
The next night Asia and I sneak into Tate and Bobby’s room and we lay on their beds with them and listen to music together. Bobby and Asia are under the covers on Bobby’s bed and I cannot believe my eyes but they are making out right in front of us while Pat Benatar is singing about love being a battlefield.
Tate is on his side facing me and he pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear and asks me how I got so pretty. He does this to me all the time, embarrasses me with talk like that. Tate sees me completely different then I see myself, I guess that’s what they mean when they say love is blind. I mean don’t get me wrong I know I’m not ugly but Tate seems to think I could have a career as a model. I tell him he’s prettier than I am and it’s true. Tate has this perfect black silky hair that flops into his face at just the right angle. He has these piercing blue eyes and if you look really closely into them you’ll see that his right eye has a little slice of gray in it. Even at fifteen you can tell he’s going to have a body to die for. He has a long torso and flat stomach with the beginnings of a six pack. He has broad shoulders and a slim waist. His arms are beginning to have a hard round muscle in them and when he tickles me on the bed I can tell how strong he’s getting. If he wanted to hold me down there would be nothing I could do about it.
“Tate, stop! Bobby and Asia are right there and they’ll hear us” I plead as I playfully smack his bicep.
Tate stops and looks deep into my eyes and before I know what’s about to happen he takes my face in his hands and kisses me right on the mouth with those soft pink lips of his and I turn to liquid right there on that bed. My stomach feels like I have just been basket tossed into the air by my cheer team but so high that I am turning around and around over and over again before I start my decent. And just as I think I am descending, Tate’s tongue gently eases my lips open and it’s in my mouth searching for mine.
It makes me think of the video from school where the baby giraffe is born and somehow just knows how to stand up and walk. I don’t know how but I am like that baby giraffe and I just know what to do. I meet his tongue with mine and we simultaneously moan quietly into each other’s mouths. Tate takes one of his hands from my face and wraps it into my hair and I do the same in his with both of my hands. His hair is so soft I could run my hands through it all day but as fast as we started Tate pulls away and looks into my eyes again.
“I love you, Brooklynn. I love you like no one else ever can or ever will. You will always be mine and if the day ever comes that I can’t have you, know that no one else can either. Remember that, Brook, no one else can ever have you.”
Tate is so serious that it takes my breath away to hear him say these words and it scares me a little if truth be told. He must see the fear in my eyes and a smile slowly crosses his face and it makes me smile.
“Did you like doing that?” Tate shyly asks. “Can we do it again?”
I nod yes and once again his lips are like magnets drawn to mine, his right hand is on my face and this time his left hand is around my back pulling me closer to him. I lose myself in the contact from his body, I feel the warmth of him pressed against me and it’s soothing. His kisses taste like the minty gum he is always chewing, that I think he must have swallowed before kissing me and now I’m pissed that I wasn’t chewing gum too. What do my kisses taste like? I’m trying to remember what I ate or drank last, and did I brush my teeth before I went to his room? Yes, now I remember I did brush my teeth... good… my breath must be minty fresh too. Then another thought comes to mind, thank God I got my braces off last month or this could be ugly.
After I don’t know how long Tate and I are interrupted by Asia who says that it’s late and we better hurry back to our room so with one last kiss on the lips, without tongues this time, Asia and Bobby are watching, Asia and I head back to our room where I find the phone already ringing and I know that it’s Tate.
“My lips are swollen and red, how are yo
urs?” is what Tate says instead of hello when I answer the phone.
“Ah, I don’t know, I just walked in” I honestly tell him. “Let me get into my pajamas and I’ll call your room when I get into bed.”
I hear a moan from deep in Tate’s throat, different from the way he usually moans.
“Do you have any idea what you’re putting me through? Call me back when you’re in bed and make sure you have the tape on I made you” Tate says in his breathy voice before he hangs up.
I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and get on my pajamas. Asia “the rock of a sleeper” is already out cold and snoring again when I press play on my boom box and climb into bed dialing Tate’s room.
“All Night Long” comes on and Tate picks up on the first ring.
“Is Asia asleep yet?” Tate asks.
“Yes and snoring so loud I can’t believe you don’t hear her from your room” I respond.
