by Kathy Kacer
Her heart began to pound uncontrollably once more. This was all the evidence the Nazi soldiers would need to expose Henry and perhaps all of the others at the convent as Jewish children in hiding. She looked up at her brother, and then back down at the book, desperately trying to come up with a plan.
“What are we going to do?” Henry asked.
It was still so strange to hear his voice, but Helen needed to focus and figure out their next move.
“We need to find a place to hide this—somewhere that isn’t here in your room.”
“I know,” Henry replied. “Where?”
Helen’s mind was racing. The mop closet downstairs? The pantry? The courtyard? The garden? She quickly ran through all those possibilities, not sure which might be a safe hiding place and not knowing how they would get to any of them. “I don’t know, Henry, but we have to get out of here before someone finds us.”
With no plan in mind, Helen grabbed Henry’s arm, and together, they ran for the door. As they headed out into the hallway, they nearly plowed headlong into Albert.
“What are the two of you doing up here?” he whispered, glancing behind him. “I came to look for you when I saw that you weren’t downstairs.” Albert’s face was flushed.
“We need to hide my code book,” Henry replied, pointing to the notebook that Helen held tightly underneath her arm.
Albert’s eyes widened as he looked at Henry and then glanced at Helen.
“I know,” she replied. Albert looked as startled to hear Henry’s voice as she had been. “We don’t have much time.” She quickly opened the notebook and showed it to Albert.
He took one look and shook his head, whistling softly under his breath. “This is bad,” he said.
“We’ve got to find a place to put it,” Helen said. “Somewhere the soldiers won’t search.”
She and Henry both looked at Albert, eyes pleading for help. Finally, he nodded.
“Okay, give it to me.”
“What are you going to do?” Henry asked.
Albert lifted his shirt and placed the notebook against his chest. Then he lowered his shirt and tucked the ends securely into his trousers. “One step at a time. We need to get downstairs. Once we’re in the hall with the others, I’ll figure out what to do with this.”
It wasn’t a great plan, Helen reasoned. And it would put Albert in greater danger if the soldiers stopped him. But Helen had nothing more to offer. And Albert was right: the most important thing for now was to rejoin the others. Perhaps they could lose themselves in the crowd of children assembled downstairs and avoid the soldiers. With any luck, the Nazis would search the rooms and not the children themselves. She grabbed Henry’s arm once more and followed Albert down the hallway. They were just beginning to head downstairs when a loud cry from down below brought the three of them to an abrupt stop.
CHAPTER 22
Helen
Someone was screaming, and it wasn’t one of the other children. This was the voice of a grown-up. Then other voices joined in; Helen thought she could hear Mère Supérieure and even Sister Agnes shouting, “No! No! No!” Each cry grew louder than the one before. The sounds were coming from the great hall.
Helen locked eyes with Albert and Henry. Albert instinctively reached up to touch the front of his shirt. What to do now? Helen looked over her shoulder, wondering if they should retreat upstairs.
“We can’t go back up.” Albert was reading her mind. Another cry echoed up the staircase. Helen thought it sounded like Sister Cecile.
“What’s happening?” she whispered.
Henry moved closer to her. Albert shook his head. “I have no idea. But we’ve got to try and sneak back in.”
Albert led the way, with Helen and Henry following close behind. The cries grew louder as they approached the door to the great hall. Helen could still not make out what was happening. Between the pounding in her chest and the rain on the convent roof, the sounds up ahead were muffled and hollow, as if she were standing in an empty drum, listening to noises echo around her. Henry winced. She realized she was clutching his arm so hard, she was hurting him. She softened her grip.
They kept their heads low as they crept into the back of the great hall. But no heads turned back to note their arrival. All eyes were focused on what was happening at the front of the room. Helen stretched her neck above and around the other children, who had gone silent, staring straight ahead of them, frozen and completely mesmerized by something. But what? And then she saw it. There at the front stood Sister Cecile. She was flanked on either side by two Nazi soldiers, each one holding her arms in a tight grip. Her head was down, her body crumpling forward. The sharp screams Helen had heard moments earlier were coming from Sister Cecile. She moaned and cried and gasped for air. Mère Supérieure and Sister Agnes and all the other nuns stood close by, their faces ghostly white. And then, another Nazi soldier stepped forward—a terrifying and familiar face! He was the same one who had confronted her and Henry in the store weeks earlier. Henry sucked in his breath and then clapped his hand over his mouth. The soldier began talking to Mère Supérieure.
“Did you realize that you have a Jew hiding here in the convent?”
Helen was confused. There were dozens of Jewish children hiding here. But that wasn’t what he was talking about, she realized. As he spoke, he was pointing at Sister Cecile!
Helen’s mind was racing a mile a minute. Sister Cecile? Kind Sister Cecile? Was it possible that she wasn’t a nun? That she was also Jewish? That she was hiding here, just like all the children? The Nazi soldier was still talking.
“Someone spotted her in town. They recognized her from somewhere else.”
“We … I … we didn’t—” Mère Supérieure stammered a reply.
“We’ll take over from here, Sister,” the soldier continued. “No need to search the rooms for now. We’re rooting out Jews who are hiding all over the countryside. But they won’t stay hidden for long. We’ll find them, and when we do …”
He didn’t finish the sentence. He motioned for the other soldiers to take Sister Cecile away. They marched her—her head still down and moaning softly—through the great hall and past the children who watched in silent disbelief with mouths open, stepping aside to clear a path for the nun and her captors.
Helen still stood at the back of the hall, and still held on to Henry. Sister Cecile raised her head as she passed Helen. The nun who had been so kind to her from the moment she had arrived here met Helen’s eyes with her own. And then she lowered her head once more and was led from the room. The Nazi soldier who had stopped them in town paused in front of Helen.
“Ah, it’s the young girl and her shy brother. We meet again,” the soldier said. Then he leaned forward and added, “I told you the Jews were everywhere.” He stood back up and peered at them. “What did you say your names were?”
Helen couldn’t breathe. It felt as if there was a rope around her neck, getting tighter and tighter. She opened her mouth, struggled for air. And then Henry stepped forward.
“I’m Andre. And this is my sister, Claire.” He said this clearly, almost defiantly.
The soldier laughed. “So, the shy one has a voice after all,” he said. And then he continued out the door.
CHAPTER 23
Helen
In the days since the Nazis had come and taken away Sister Cecile, everyone walked around the convent in silence. The children looked afraid and uncertain. And the nuns looked dazed. Mère Supérieure had said that a search like this had never happened before. Why now? Helen wondered. Would the soldiers be back? And next time, would they come looking for the children?
“Did you have any idea about Sister Cecile?” Michelle asked, as she and Helen sat in the dining hall following lunch. They couldn’t seem to get up from the table; a kind of despair was weighing over them like a heavy coat. It was hard to move. It was hard to do anything.
“N
ot really,” Helen said. But there had been signs, she realized, things about Sister Cecile that Helen had ignored or skirted past with hardly a second thought. There was her deep empathy, as if she really understood what it was like for Helen and the others to have been left here; her desire to reach out to the children as they adjusted to life at the convent; even her reluctance to confront Sister Agnes after Helen had spoken to her about the nun’s constant punishments. From the start, Sister Cecile had been different from all the other nuns. She was one of us. All along, she was one of us.
As she shared these thoughts with Michelle, something else occurred to her. “I wonder if Cecile is even her real name.”
“You’re right!” Michelle sat upright, eyes wide. “I’m sure she changed it just like the rest of us. We have no idea who she really was.”
Helen slumped forward and lowered her head on her hand. “Can you imagine how alone she must have felt? I mean, at least we get to talk to each other. Sister Cecile … or whoever she is … had no one.”
“Where do you think they’ve taken her?”
Helen squeezed her eyes shut. “I don’t want to think about it. It scares me too much.”
The girls sat in silence. As much as she wanted to push the thoughts away, terrible images bombarded Helen’s mind, like a persistent ghost hovering above her head. Maman and others had spoken of prisons where Jews were being tortured and killed. Is that where Sister Cecile had been taken? Is that where Papa was?
“I have a headache. I need to get some air.” Helen pushed her chair back from the table and stood. “Will you let Sister Agnes know that I’ve gone to the infirmary?” She paused. “Have you noticed the change in Sister Agnes?” she asked.
The punishments from Sister Agnes had stopped completely in the days following the search of the convent. The nun who had always looked sour and stern had become quiet and almost meek. The other morning, Sister Agnes had passed Helen on her way to the dining hall. There had been a button missing from the top of her blouse and her hair had been messy and falling in her eyes; she had not slept well in days—another leftover from the search. Sister Agnes had stopped her at the bottom of the staircase and looked Helen up and down. The nun’s eyes had zoomed in on Helen’s hair and missing button. Normally, there would have been a long lecture on obeying the rules and being grateful for the generosity of the nuns. And then she would have told Helen to do the dishes or mop the floors. But not this time. This time, the nun who always yelled hadn’t raise her voice at all. She had just told Helen to go back to her room and clean herself up. She had even patted her on the arm!
“I’ve wanted her to stop picking on me since the day I arrived here,” Helen said. “And now that she has, I almost wish she’d start again.”
On the way out of the dining hall, Helen bumped into Albert. Although they had talked briefly since the search, she hadn’t had a chance to thank him properly for everything he’d done to help with Henry’s code book. To be honest, it was hard for her to find the words to express how grateful she felt. If it hadn’t been for Albert, she wasn’t sure what she would have done. She told Albert all of this and his face reddened.
“I didn’t really know what to do with the book either,” Albert replied. “Sticking it under my shirt wasn’t a very good plan. But it was the only one I had. We were just lucky that the Nazis didn’t search us.”
“What do you think is going to happen now?”
“I’ve heard that Mère Supérieure wants to meet with all of us. There’s something going on—I’m not sure what. But I think the Nazis may come back. We’re not out of the woods.”
Helen’s stomach was sinking faster and deeper than she had imagined was possible. It didn’t surprise her to hear Albert say this. She knew in her heart that things were escalating and not in a good way: first, the confrontation in town, and now, the search of the convent. The dangers out there felt as if they were drawing nearer and nearer.
“I gave Henry back his code book,” Albert added. “But it’s not safe with him. We’re going to have to do something about that.”
CHAPTER 24
Helen
Just as Albert had said, all the children were asked to meet with Mère Supérieure, one by one. Helen was summoned just after breakfast the next day. When she arrived at Mère Supérieure’s office, Marcel was just coming out.
“Marcel!” she exclaimed, as he shut the door behind him. She hadn’t seen him in such a long time, not since before the raid by the Nazi soldiers. “Are you here to give us a show?” Everyone was in desperate need of something to take their minds off of recent events.
Marcel shook his head. “I’m afraid not. I know this has been a tough time for everyone. But I hear that your brother has begun to talk,” he said with a smile. “That’s good news.”
Helen nodded. “Everyone kept telling me it would take time for him to adjust. But I don’t think that had anything to do with him talking. He needed my help and had to ask for it.” She didn’t tell Marcel about Henry’s code book.
“Your brother is strong,” he replied. “And you are, too. Don’t forget that.”
Just then, the door to Mère Supérieure’s office opened. The head nun stood on the other side. “Claire,” she said. “Please come in.”
Helen gulped, said good-bye to Marcel, and entered. Once Helen was seated in front of her, Mère Supérieure wasted no time.
“We’ve been having many discussions—the other sisters and I—since … since … since …” She hesitated, as if she couldn’t even say the words Sister Cecile’s arrest. Finally, she breathed out what sounded like a painful sigh. “At any rate, the protection of all the children here at the convent is our most important concern. And I’m afraid we may no longer be able to keep you safe.”
“Did you know?” Helen asked hesitantly. “Did you know about Sister Cecile?”
Mère Supérieure looked away and then back at Helen. “Of course,” she replied. “But I was the only one. The other sisters knew nothing.” Mère Supérieure looked away again, her voice sounding wistful. “She played her part so beautifully—Sister Cecile. I really thought we were in the clear.” Then she coughed, clearing her throat. “I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before the Nazis put two and two together—before they realize that the rest of you …” She didn’t finish that sentence.
Helen lowered her head. Lately, all anyone talked about was how dangerous everything was: dangerous to be here, dangerous to be out there, dangerous to talk to anyone, dangerous to be Jewish. She was so sick of it all. Why were people so hateful and intent on hurting her and others like her? Why couldn’t everything just go back to the way it had been before all these troubles began? She could feel angry tears stinging her eyes and blinked them away.
“I’m making arrangements to move you and all of the children.”
Helen lifted her head. “Move us where?”
“Switzerland,” Mère Supérieure replied. “It’s safer than Germany or Austria, or even France.”
Helen gulped. Her first thought, as always, was about her mother. How would Maman ever be able to find her if she and Henry were moved away? But it was the first time she had heard any mention of that small country to the east.
“Switzerland has resisted Adolf Hitler as much as it can,” Mère Supérieure continued. “For now.”
For now? “What do you mean that you’re going to move us there?” Helen asked.
“There are some people who will help get you to the border—hiking through the forest and across the hills that separate us from Switzerland.”
It reminded Helen of the journey they had made from Kronberg to the convent here in France. She hadn’t imagined that she would be on the run again.
“You’ll be leaving in groups—three or four of you at a time.”
“Why such a small group?” Helen asked. If they needed to leave, then perhaps they should all leave together!
There were so many questions running through Helen’s mind. Who were these people who would take them to the border? What would this difficult journey really be like? How long would they be traveling? When would they leave? Mère Supérieure held up her hand as if she anticipated the barrage of questions.
“There are still many details to be worked out. As soon as everything is in place, I’ll let you know when it’s your time to go.”
A sudden, horrifying thought stabbed at Helen. “Excuse me, Mère Supérieure, but what about my brother? Am I going without him?”
For a moment, the head nun looked startled. “Oh my goodness, no. Of course he’ll go with you. I would never think of separating the two of you. I had hoped that you would explain all of this to him. I think he’ll accept it better coming from you rather than me. I know he’s had a more difficult time being here.”
In the chaos following the raid on the convent, Helen didn’t even know if Mère Supérieure realized that Henry was talking again. She appeared to be so preoccupied with other things.
