Lussuria (New Version)

by SJ Molloy

  I need to stay strong for Lucca, for us. It’s the right thing to do, but God, I feel so jealous. I mentally kick myself at these thoughts.

  Lucca looks back at me and puts his hand out for me to come over to the bed. I sit the flowers and treats on the bedside cabinet, then kiss Fran on both cheeks and hug her.

  “Lexi, you didn’t need to come and visit me, but it’s generous of you to care, and lovely that you came.”

  Lucca smiles sympathetically at her as he sits on the bed next to her and I take a seat next to the bed. “You look a little better today. How are you feeling?” he asks.

  “Tired. My mother has just left with Freddo and Julietta. My Aunt Luisa and Uncle Alonzo were here until late last night.”

  “I must call Freddo and Julietta. I’d love to see them, it’s been so long. How are they?”

  “Very well. She’s seven months pregnant already…” her voice trails off while she looks at the ceiling.

  Lucca slumps his shoulders. “You gave everyone such a fright, please don’t ever do that again. I mean it, Fran. Don’t fight this on your own. We’re all here to help you.” He holds her hand and a tear falls down her face.

  “Do you want me to go and give you a minute?” I say. I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this.

  “No, stay. I don’t want you to go,” Lucca panics.

  Fran closes her eyes. “Please stay, Lexi, it’s okay. It’s just been too much. I’m finding it hard being back at home, and I shouldn’t have come. When I’m working, I’m busy and distracted. It keeps me focused,” she confesses.

  “Hey, stop being so hard on yourself. You’ve had to deal with so much, and maybe seeing me has brought it all back. No one is judging you. We just want to help,” he reassures her.

  She sobs. “I’m happy for you, I am truly, but it was just hard seeing you move on, seeing you so happy. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn’t think I’d react like that.” Her voice breaks and she gives me a warm smile through her tears.

  I drop my head in shame, feeling like I’ve stabbed her in the gut, stolen the love of her life, then driven her to an attempted suicide. I shouldn’t be here; maybe I shouldn’t have come after all. I twiddle my fingers sitting on my lap, realizing she’s had a full lifetime with Lucca and I’ve had two minutes.

  Lucca breathes heavily into the silence. “Fran, I’m sorry if seeing Lexi and me is hurting you. We’d never intentionally want to hurt you ever, but I need to move on, and we’ve talked about this. I love Lexi, and want very much to have a future with her, but I will always have a place for you in my heart. I will help you anyway I can, but we can’t turn back the clock, Fran.”

  My heart beats in a tribal drumming conga like a traveling expedition to the Amazon, which is my stomach right now. “Fran, I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you, and I never meant to step on your toes. I know it’s no consolation but I…I…I care for you, and I’d love to help in any way I can.” I drop my head again feeling a little shivery. Creating friction to radiate some heat, I rub my hands up and down my arms, even in the hot temperate of the hospital room.

  “Lexi, I’m glad Lucca has you. I like you, and you’re good for him. Please don’t think any of this is your fault. If anything, I should feel content and happy knowing Lucca’s happy with someone else.” She looks at him and gazes into his eyes with regret. He inhales slowly and drops his head distressed, then cocks it to the side to smile at me. Its unpleasant being in this situation, but the fact that he’s staring at me with love makes my heart skip a beat.

  After a few moments, Fran asks for water, so Lucca leaves the room to get a fresh jug. I sit on his spot on the bed next to her, and rub my fingers over her knuckles ever softly. “Fran, please tell me if you think it may be inappropriate, or if you will find it too hard, but I’d like to keep in touch with you. I really am sorry for what you have endured, and I do know what it’s like to keep your emotions and heartache locked up. I’ve been doing it since I was a child and it has worn me out over the years, so I can understand a little.”

  “Thank you, Lexi. Yes, I’d like that. It would mean a lot to me. Will you hug me?”

  I’m relieved. Yes, of course I can do this. It’s what I do best…care. I lean over and hug her delicate frame, closing my eyes and pressing my face into her hair. She cries unconditionally, and I can’t help but silently sob along with her.

  I’m learning to move towards his light, and she’s moved back to the dark.

  Lucca comes back into the room, but I stay close to Fran’s chest as she wraps her fingers in and around my soft curls. Lucca is quiet; it’s a surreal moment and I don’t want to let her go, but the nurse interrupts us to check on Fran’s stats. I break from her embrace and feel a surge of heaviness rush from my head through my body. My mouth is dry and my eyes are sticky.

  After the nurse leaves, we sit and talk some more Lucca walks over to sit behind me and places his hand discreetly on my waist. Lucca strokes the bottom of my back with his thumb as Fran yawns. “We should get going and let you rest some,” Lucca says.

  I lean over and kiss her. As I stand, I hold her hand momentarily and she sticks onto it, like I’m her only way now to Lucca. While edging away, her grasp softly slips down to my fingertips like a petal dropping from a bud in slow motion. I turn around and smile sympathetically at her, there was definitely no sting in that touch.

  Lucca kisses her on the forehead and tells her we will check in on her again. She converses in Italian, and he replies in Italian, then hugs her and takes my hand. We walk down the corridor and I tighten my hand on Lucca’s, curling into his side. He puts his muscular arms around me and pulls me in tight to him, but remains quiet until we reach the car park. When we’re in front of the car, he stops and presses into me, leaning his head into my neck.

  “Are you okay? You know, with seeing Fran and everything that has happened? Will you talk to me? Please, Lucca.”

  He wraps one hand around my lower back and the other on my nape, then lifts his head and kisses me. Our noses touch as we press foreheads, trying to figure it out. “I’m okay. I promise, I’ll be fine. I’m just amazed at how well you handled it, It was so surreal, watching both of you embrace like that. I thought I would be hopeless, but all I could do was admire how strong you were. I feel even more love and want for you if that’s possible.”

  I blush and lower my gaze. “I was worried it may drive you to binge drink again...you know, like the last time, and I don’t want to go through that again. I’m sorry.”

  “Baby, no, I learned my lesson. I can’t—won’t lose you, and I don’t want to hurt you again. Do you believe me?”

  “Yes, Lucca. I love you.” He smiles and inhales with relief, then holds me tightly, kissing my ear...my neck...traveling kisses down towards my cleavage. “Lucca, people are watching.” I wriggle to pull away.

  He lifts me up and twirls me round. “Get used to it because there will be lots of this.”

  I slide down his body and wrap my arms around his neck, giggling. “So you promise me you won’t suffer on your own or keep things bottled up, and I’ll promise I’ll confide in you and let you into my past and my head when I’m ready. I want you to read some of my journal when you’re not worrying so much about Fran. I mean, when your minds clear and want to read it. Do you promise?” I wait for his response nervously.

  “Promise.”

  “Lucca, a promise is a promise,” I sing nonchalantly.

  “I promise, dolcezza. God, I love you. You’re going to make me the luckiest husband ever.”

  “Hold up, lover boy. Stop with the marriage chat. Let’s just live together first, that’s a good start.”

  “We will be married, I promise you that. Come on, we’re going to visit my parents, and then we’ll get organized to go out for dinner tonight with the others.” There’s the persistence again.

  We spend a few hours at his parents Villa; they are delighted to see us. Marissa clips Lucca over the
shoulder a few times when she sees the state of his face and rants on in Italian, and Antonio shakes his head, commending him for protecting his bella ragazza. They take some time out from work and have some late snacks with us,

  Lucca inspects the extension with his dad while Marissa shows me around their home at the back of the villa. I’m privileged to get the viewing of all the baby pictures of her children and grandchildren.

  “I do hope you and Lucca will have a family, Lexi sweetheart.” Not her as well.

  I smile as she shows me Lucca’s first Holy Communion pictures and his baby shots. He looks adorable; a happy, beautiful baby with jet black curly locks, big blue eyes and the obvious cheeky dimple. I trail my finger over the old photograph. He’s a beautiful baby and I’m sure his kids will be attractive like him.

  Fuck!

  File under J for Jealous. Jealous to think of Lucca having kids with someone other than me.

  While saying our goodbyes, Marissa hands me a little red velvet pouch. “This was attached to Lucca’s crib when he was a baby. Mamma and Papa gave it to him. I want you two to have it and keep it for your own baby someday.”

  Lucca smiles like a little kid at Christmas and kisses his Mom to thank her. I open it and in my palm is a silver and diamond angel on a little white ribbon. I’m speechless. Lucca puts his arms around my waist “Lexi, something special for us to keep. Do you like it?”

  Nothing like putting me on the spot. “Yes, I adore it. That’s very thoughtful, Marissa. It’s simply beautiful. I will promise to look after it but I don’t-”

  Lucca kisses my lips before I finish my sentence, then turns around to face his parents. “She’ll change her mind.”

  They laugh. “Well, don’t leave it too long,” Antonio adds.

  Is this really happening? I’ve just met Lucca!

  “Thank you, Marissa. It is very special,” I whisper and she hugs me tightly.

  I fiddle with it in my fingers all the way back to the farmhouse as I collect my thoughts. I have never wanted kids. I’m too messed up. I’ve always felt that my life was cursed and I should never have been born, and those insecurities would pass on to a child.

  “You are quiet. What’s wrong?” Lucca asks with worry in his voice.

  “Nothing, I’m just feeling a little tired.”

  “No, you’re not. You’re thinking about that little angel in your hand.” He’s so good at reading me.

  “It’s pretty,” I softly add.

  “Are you upset?”

  “No. I’m just thinking, that’s all.”

  He grins his sexy smile. “I’ve got you.”

  Hazel, Dominic, Cameron and Anna are out back when we return to the farmhouse. Anna is sitting on Cameron’s knee and he’s playing with her hair. I roll my eyes at him. Anna jumps off his knee, desperate to show me what she bought today.

  “Orianna, if you think you are extending this holiday and gallivanting about here for another week you can forget it. You have work to do back home.”

  I giggle. Lucca’s using her full name so he must be serious.

  She wraps her arms around him. “Brother dearest, fear not, I’m going home on the same flight as Cameron.”

  Oh God.

  “Good, you get away with bloody murder, girl,” Lucca directs back. Everyone laughs along. We head upstairs to get ready for dinner. I admire Lucca in his crisp white shirt, navy tailored trousers and blazer. He is smart, sexy and sophisticated, he’s breathtaking. I wear a long black maxi dress with gold belt and gold sandals; it’s so much better than high heels when I’m still wearing dressings.

  Marco picks us all up shortly after in a SUV and drives us off at a beautiful little al a carte restaurant in town called Da Claudio’s. Lucca insists that he joins us for the meal and it’s a lovely evening. I sit back and enjoy the night, listening to the conversation around me. It’s relaxing and slow paced, and the food is divine.

  After a long day and night, we drive back to the farmhouse; I fall asleep on Lucca’s shoulder on the way home. I wake as the car stops; Lucca scoops me up and carries me upstairs to bed. We don’t even bother showering tonight; I sit the little angel in the red pouch next to the bed. We lie down and Lucca wraps his arms around me. “You looked beautiful tonight.”

  “Hmm, thanks. And you looked sexy, hot and handsome.” He laughs, stroking my back. “You would be a great mother someday, Lexi. Don’t ever doubt that. I know you worry about your fears, but Lexi baby, you just need me to love you. Look how well you’re doing.” He kisses my lips.

  “I’m too afraid to have children, Lucca. It’s not a natural instinct for me. I can’t even feel maternal like a normal woman, plus I want to keep you all to myself.” I sigh.

  “I’ll just need to convince you one day,” he whispers into the side of my head.

  I worry that losing the baby with Fran has made him obsessed with having one with me, almost like a...

  I don’t want to think about it.

  I close my eyes and drift off.

  The next day we spend lazing about the pool again. I write some more notes in the journal and then close my eyes on the lounger for a while, absorbing more sun. Hazel makes pesto spaghetti for lunch, and I’m impressed; she definitely did learn a few things from Maurizio and Annalisa. I giggle as I watch Lucca clean things up after Hazel.

  “You’re not the most tidiest of girls are you?” he says to her.

  “She’s a messy bitch!” Cameron yells, and everyone laughs.

  Later, we have an early dinner of casserole, vegetables and potatoes, then decide we are going out to go out to enjoy the end of the music festival. “I’m looking forward to getting these big hearty meals when we get home, honey,” Dominic says as he kisses Hazel.

  ****

  Watching me as I put my makeup on, Lucca leans against the wall wearing just his designer boxers and looking sexy as hell. I can’t take my eyes off him as he watches me; his smoldering, dark, sexy image distracting me.

  “I’ve been thinking all day about you on top of me yesterday. I would definitely love some more of that.” He bites his lip.

  Oh dear Lord.

  I buckle and I’m wet already at his husky sexy words. He walks behind me and thrusts his body against me, pulling me around to meet him in a tight, swift move. I lift my right leg up and he grabs under my thigh, pulling me into his erection. “Baby, if you keep this up we’re not getting out tonight.”

  Let’s stay in then.

  He trails his tongue down my cleavage, and I throw my head back, overwhelmed with desire. “Tell me what you would you like tonight because I would like to give you a gift of the day to remember.” He presses his chin on my chest and looks at me with wide electric eyes.

  “You,” I say desperately. I press my pelvis down and under, pushing my hips into him.

  “No, I want to know what you want me to do to you. What you would like,” he grits, biting my ear. I don’t know what to say; I just want him. All of him.

  He cups my breasts and I quietly moan. Thinking about it, I want to please him, please myself. “Okay, maybe I’d like you to be back there again, but not until we have the house to ourselves,” I whisper, thoroughly mortified and ashamed admitting my desires.

  “Now that you’re opening up, we’ll be able to enjoy so much more than what we have already because we’ll hear what each other wants.”

  Shock!

  I drop my leg and step back a little, crossing my hands over my shoulders. “What’s wrong?” he asks with concern.

  “You make it sound like you’re not happy with what we already have, what we’ve already experienced together.” I feel inadequate, like I’m not satisfying him.

  In one strong move, he grabs me and picks me up, holding me tightly straddled around his waist. “Baby, I love you. I love everything you do to me, and everything you make me do to you. I’ve told you, I can’t get enough of you.”

  “Then why do you want more? I must not be satisfying you,” I choke out
.

  “Of course you are. I meant I want you to be more confident with yourself and not so insecure. When you tell me what you like and what you want more of, I can satisfy you more. I want to be able to give you the best love I can, from here,” he touches his heart, “and from here…” He pushes his erection up against me.

  He’s done it again; the Casanova has managed to win me over—folded, crumbled and melted. “I want more of this always,” I place my hand on his heart, “and I want more of this always.” I press firmly against his bulge which throbs against my swollen clitoris in such a way that makes me clench my vagina wall imagining I’m around his armoured shaft already. “I want you inside me. I want to feel you.”

  He lifts my face and pulls me into him. “I was hoping you’d say that because I have a want to dive deep inside you, giving you everything you want,” he growls low into my ear.

  Underwear and lingerie fly across the bathroom and we give one another the most sexual, erotic and gratifying spur of the moment heated fuck.

  Chapter 25

  Goodbyes

  I slump down on the bed in Lucca’s suite back at Sofia and Franco’s Villa. It seems like an eternity has passed since we were here. We’ve decided to spend Sunday and Monday night here. Hazel and Dominic leave on Tuesday and I want to spend as much time with her as I can, knowing our lives will be very different once we return home.

  Marco dropped Anna and Cameron off at the airport earlier. I felt very emotional saying goodbye to him again. I know I’ll see him soon, but I suspect he’s letting me go slightly now that I have Lucca. I do worry what will happen with Rachael, but I love Cameron and will always support him no matter what.

  Sofia and Franco are delighted to have us back. She has introduced us to the new guests—now that its mid-June it’s so much busier here—and I’m glad Lucca and I have the privacy of this suite and the private outdoor area away from the guests. Hazel and Dominic are off to their room for alone time, so we decide to stay and eat downstairs in the dining area of the suite. Looking at the sofa and table, I blush, remembering our erotic romp down here.