by Beth Rinyu
A WILL TO CHANGE
Copyright © 2014 by Beth Rinyu
All rights reserved
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of Beth Rinyu, except for the use of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Cover design by Amy Queau of Qdesign
Cover Photo ©Shutterstock/©dotshock
©Shutterstock/©robert paul van beets
Editing by: Kim’s Editing Service
Interior formatting by: Integrity Formatting
To all of my dedicated readers who encourage me to keep doing this and the blogs that help spread the word about my books....THANK YOU!!
May all of the tears that you shed for Hope be replaced with laughter and smiles for Will and Gabby.
xo
Dedication
Prologue - Will
Chapter 1 - Will
Chapter 2 - Gabby
Chapter 3 - Will
Chapter 4 - Gabby
Chapter 5 - Will
Chapter 6 - Gabby
Chapter 7 - Will
Chapter 8 - Gabby
Chapter 9 - Will
Chapter 10 - Gabby
Chapter 11 - Will
Chapter 12 - Gabby
Chapter 13 - Will
Chapter 14 - Gabby
Chapter 15 - Will
Chapter 16 - Gabby
Chapter 17 - Will
Chapter 18 - Gabby
Chapter 19 - Will
Chapter 20 - Gabby
Chapter 21 - Will
Chapter 22 - Gabby
Chapter 23 - Will
Chapter 24 - Gabby
Chapter 25 - Will
Chapter 26 - Gabby
Chapter 27 - Will
Chapter 28 - Gabby
Chapter 29 - Will
Chapter 30 - Gabby
Chapter 31 - Will
Chapter 32 - Gabby
Chapter 33 - Will
Chapter 34 - Gabby
Chapter 35 - Will
Chapter 36 - Gabby
Chapter 37 - Will
Chapter 38 - Gabby
Chapter 39 - Will
Chapter 40 - Gabby
Chapter 41 - Will
Chapter 42 - Gabby
Chapter 43 - Will
Chapter 44 - Gabby
Chapter 45 - Will
Chapter 46 - Gabby
Chapter 47 - Will
Chapter 48 - Gabby
Chapter 49 - Will
Chapter 50 - Gabby
Chapter 51 - Will
Chapter 52 - Gabby
Chapter 53 - Will
Chapter 54 - Gabby
Chapter 55 - Will
Chapter 56 - Gabby
Chapter 57 - Will
Chapter 58 - Gabby
Chapter 59 - Will
Chapter 60 - Gabby
Chapter 61 - Will
Chapter 62 - Gabby
Chapter 63 - Will
Chapter 64 - Gabby
Epilogue - Will: 15 Months Later……
I was twenty-one years old and thought I knew everything there was to know about life…until September 11, 2001. It was my second day on the job as a New York City firefighter, a day that would forever change me on the inside. It was the first time that I actually thought my old man had been right. I should have gone to law school like my brother, instead of chasing fires and women.
As the years passed, I tried to focus on the lives that were saved on that day, and not the countless ones that were lost. So many sad and tragic stories came from that horrible event, but the one that remained with me all these years later was that of a man and his teenage daughter that Danny, another firefighter and my mentor, and I met in the stairwell on the eighteenth floor of the South Tower. He was guiding his daughter, who was trying her best to walk down the crowded stairwell with the cast that was on her leg. I noticed immediately that he was having a hard time breathing. The thickening smoke and smell of fumes was becoming unbearable.
“Are you okay?” Danny asked him.
“I can’t breathe,” he answered, gasping for air. His daughter clung tightly to his arm, not wanting to leave his side. She was trembling, sobbing uncontrollably. Danny removed his oxygen tank to try and help the man breathe.
“Please, take my daughter and get her to safety,” the man begged.
“Will, get her out of here!” Danny shouted. “I’m going to give him some more oxygen to help him out with his breathing.”
“No, Daddy, I'm not leaving you!” she cried, grasping onto him even tighter.
His deep brown eyes stared into mine, pleading with his whole heart. At that moment, I realized that I was looking into the eyes of a man who may have been making his last request, not knowing if he was going to make it out of there alive. I pried her arms from his arm while she fought me with everything she had.
“No!” she shouted with tears rolling down her face. “I'm not leaving my father!”
“Listen to me, Bree. Please, just go with this fireman and I’ll meet you outside.” His words were barely audible through his labored breathing.
She hugged him tightly. “I love you, Daddy. I love you more than anything.”
“I love you, too, little bumble bee.”
She kissed him softly on his cheek, then loosened her grip from his arm. When she went to stand up, her one good leg gave out. I wrapped her arm around my neck, allowing her to bear her weight on me to help her get down the stairs. I turned around one last time, looking into her father's tear-filled eyes.
Thank you, he mouthed.
I guided her down the crowded stairwell, trying to calm her down by having a conversation with her, as if everything were normal. She was seventeen, broke her leg two weeks ago when she fell from her bike, and the only reason she was here this morning was because she had left her homework in her dad’s office the night before. She told me all about her dog and how she just wanted to get home and give him a hug. I found that keeping her talking and diverting her attention from the total chaos around her was comforting her a bit and, in a strange way, it was helping me to cope with the situation a little bit better, too. I could tell she was in pain with her leg, so somewhere around the tenth floor, I picked her up and carried her.
Thirty minutes later, we finally made it outside, granting her father's wish. I put her down and wrapped her arm around my neck once again, leading her across the chaotic street and as far away from the building as possible. We walked a few blocks through the droves of people until I finally felt like she was out of harm’s way. “Listen to me!” I shouted as she stared blankly into space. I could tell she was in shock and I felt bad leaving her, but I knew that there were so many others still inside that needed help. “Listen to me!” I repeated. She finally looked at me with tear-filled eyes. “I need you to try and get as far -.”
A loud roar and shrill screams broke my thoughts as I looked up, not believing what I was witnessing. The entire tower came crumbling down in a matter of seconds. “No!” the girl screamed as she watched in horror. I pulled her into me and buried her face into my chest. I wanted to shield her from the dust that was beginning to swallow us up and also prevent her from watching what was taking place, knowing that her dad was still inside.
Her father and Danny never came out of the building that day, and if it wasn’t for a stranger named Bree, I knew that I wouldn’t have, either. The look in her dad’s eyes would be
something that would remain in my head and my heart for the rest of my life. Because of that day, I realized that life can change in an instant so you may as well enjoy it while you’re here. Those were words that I chose to live by every day since.
I lifted my head from the pillow, feeling like I had been run over by a freight train. Clearly, this was my body's way of telling me that I was getting too old to be partying this way, but I was going to ignore it for as long as I could. I knew better than anyone that you only live once so you may as well make it memorable. Once my eyes focused, I realized I was in Delia's bed, the woman I had sworn myself away from. But, after my eighth shot of Jack and one too many beers, I guess I had thrown all sense of reasoning out the window. I would have much rather been waking up next to that cute little waitress who had been flirting with me all night.
I sat up, grabbed my pants from the floor and pulled them up. I reached inside the pocket for my phone to check the time and found a text from my sister-in-law.
Don't forget it’s your mom's b-day.
Oh, fuck. I totally forgot. Now I would just have to pay double to have flowers delivered to her today.
“Hey, where are you going?” Delia asked as she sat up on her elbow. Black smudges were swirled around her eyes like a raccoon.
“I gotta get. I have some things to do before my shift starts,” I said, bending down to tie my shoe.
“Liar. You’re off for the next three days.”
Was I? Damn, this bitch knew my schedule better than I did.
“Yeah, well, I got lots to do today. It’s my mom’s birthday.” She didn’t need to know that my mother was lucky to even get a phone call from me, and that was if I still remembered after I slept it off.
“Well, am I going to see you tonight?”
“Um...I don't think so.”
She stuck out her bottom lip and pretended to pout. Normally that would work on me, but not anymore.
“Oh, come on, Will. Albert is only going to be in Florida until Friday. Let’s make the most of it.”
Albert was Delia's much older husband; as in, he was seventy-two and she was thirty. He liked having a young, hot wife on his arm for all of his social functions, and she liked his bank account. She had everything that she wanted…a posh penthouse on the upper east side, a beautiful set of tits, diamonds strung around her neck, shoes that probably cost more than I made in a month. All paid for by said bank account. The only thing she was missing was a guy in her bedroom that was closer to her age, and that's where I came in.
At first, I was happy to accommodate her needs, but now it was just starting to get old. The sex was good enough and she certainly wasn’t afraid to try new things. But she was starting to become needy, almost as if she wanted some type of commitment from me. That’s where I drew the line. I was commitment phobic and wasn't ashamed to admit it. I could never imagine myself with one woman for the rest of my life. The mere thought of the same piece of ass forever depressed me. It was like settling for one type of liquor when there was a whole bar full to be sampled. Not to mention that I had to live up to my parent's very low expectations of me.
“Sorry, Delia, not tonight. We need to take this down a notch.” I stood up and buttoned up my pants.
She sat up quickly and got out of bed, wrapping the sheet around herself. “What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, as she frantically followed me out of the bedroom.
“Delia, you’re a great girl and I like you, I really do, but it’s just getting old now. You’re married and –.”
“Oh no! Don’t you dare play that card, you son of a bitch! You couldn’t give two shits about that when I was sucking your dick last night.”
“Sweetheart, I was so drunk last night that a fuckin’ Sports Illustrated swimsuit model could have been sucking my dick and I wouldn’t have remembered. But I’m sure you were great, just like always.”
“I can’t believe you’re doing this.”
“Doing what? What did you think? That you and I were in some type of monogamous relationship or something? You’re married and I don’t tie myself down to one girl. These are things that we both knew going in. So why are you going all psycho on me now?”
“You used me, Will!”
I couldn’t control my laughter. “I used you? How the fuck did I use you? You’re the one that needed someone to be a fill-in for your decrepit husband that can’t get it up, and I was just happy to provide those services. So, in a way, you used me. Just have Albert buy you some new diamond earrings when he gets back, pop a few Viagra’s in his orange juice, and everything will be just fine.”
She lunged toward me and pushed me as hard as she could, not even budging me, causing the sheet to come off of her in the process. “You’re a fuckin’ asshole!” she shouted.
I looked over her naked body one last time. I had to admit, I was going to miss those tits and that perfect ass. “Better to be a fuckin’ asshole than an asshole gettin’ fucked.”
Her jaw dropped and her eyes narrowed. I gave her a quick grin before making my exit, just as I heard her heave what sounded like a very heavy object at the closed door, which I’m sure was intended for my head. While I stood in the hallway and waited for the elevator, I pulled out my phone and texted my sister-in-law back.
Hope, did I ever tell you that you’re my favorite sister-in-law?
Her reply came through just as I stepped into the elevator and hit the L button.
I’m your only sister-in-law.
What’s your credit card number and how much do you want to spend?
I pulled out my credit card and punched the numbers into my phone. “Happy birthday, Mom,” I said, leaning my head on the elevator wall. When I stepped out and into the lobby, I instinctively reached for my sunglasses on top of my head, only to find that they weren’t there. Somehow, I didn’t think that the bright August sunlight streaming through the window and my throbbing head would mesh too well. After last night, I couldn’t even imagine where they were. I was surprised that I actually still had my wallet on me. Oh, well. Another pair bites the dust. Too bad they had to be my favorite two hundred dollar pair of Oakley’s.
I squinted as I stepped outside. It felt like it was a hundred degrees already and it was only a little after seven.
“Hey, Mr. McAdams. Are you putting out any fires today?” Jeffrey, the doorman for Delia’s apartment building, asked.
“No, but I think I may have started one on the top floor.” I smirked.
He shook his head and smirked back. I could tell that he was doing his best to hold back his laughter. I was pretty sure that he was up to speed on all the dirt of the tenants in the building. “Have a good one, Jeffrey,” I said as I hailed down a cab with nothing else on my mind except my own bed and being passed out cold in it within the next twenty minutes.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. “No, it’s not. It’s just a continuation of the same miserable one you’ve been living for the past thirty years,” I whispered as I looked at the sign hanging on the cafeteria wall.
“Hey, Gabby Gabs. What’s going on?” Rochelle asked, placing her tray down on the table and taking the seat across from me.
“Oh, let’s see. Two-and-a-half hours of changing Jasper Hoch’s dressing and having him scream in pain. You would think that after seven years of doing this, it would get a little easier to deal with.”
She looked at me sympathetically. “It never gets easier, honey, especially when it’s a child.”
I sighed heavily and looked out the window. I loved my job, I really did, but working at the Burn Unit of NY Memorial Hospital was mentally draining. I formed such a deep bond with my patients and I hated to see any of them in pain. It was rewarding in its own way, like when I would watch one of them walk out of here, healed and smiling. It made all of the countless nights that I would spend sitting by their side and comforting them through their pain, and the hours that I would spend changing their dressing in a ninety degree plus room because
their skin was so sensitive to the cold all worthwhile.
Many of these patients had become an extended family to me and I still checked up on them from time to time. They helped fill the void in my life for my lack of my own family. My mother and I talked only when necessary. She was so consumed with her husband and his wealth that there was very little time for me in her life. Not that there was ever much time in her life for me before she had married him. She always made it clear to me, in an indirect and sometimes very direct manner, that I was a mistake and a cramp in her ability of climbing up the Manhattan social ladder. She was never in love with my father and was forced into marrying him when she became pregnant with me. My dad was the one that would care for me when I was sick. The one that would attend all of my school functions. The one that made sure that I never missed out on anything in my childhood.
When he passed away, I knew that I was on my own. I kept my promise to him and went to college and even though I was happy to be away in Florida, putting some much needed distance between me and my mother, I sill missed New York. So, after graduation, I came back, got my job, and met Evan, my boyfriend…or roommate, which seemed to be more fitting these days. I wasn’t happy with where I was with my life, by any means. I was thirty-years-old, had a ticking biological clock, and was in a dead end relationship with a man who was starting to treat me just as badly as my mother did. I was feeling pretty much trapped, not able to afford an apartment on my own in the city. So this job, my co-workers, and my patients became my family. They were the reason that I looked forward to getting out of bed each morning. It was ironic that my job, the same thing that so many would complain about, was the one and only thing that I felt like I had to look forward to.
“Well, I’m working a double tonight. So my day hasn’t even begun,” I said to Rochelle as I took a sip of my water.
“Girl, you are crazy! Why would you subject yourself to that?”
Why? Do I tell her the truth? Evan was coming home from a week long business trip and I really didn’t feel like seeing him. Not to mention that I would more than likely have to do my dutiful girlfriend role and have sex with him, which was quickly becoming a chore.
