“Let it go, Daddy. Okay?”
“Sure, sweetie.” He freed the fish from the net, removed the hook from its mouth, stooped, and gently dropped it into the water. The fish seemed confused for a moment and hesitated on the surface, before slowly swimming into the depth of the water and out of sight.
He knelt before his daughter and wiped his hands on a towel. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t want to fish any more today, Daddy.” A tear meandered down her rosy cheek.
He lifted her into his arms and held her tight, as if he could alleviate the pain she felt from the realities of life. The absence of Noelle probably also played a role with her sudden display of emotions.
The future might offer much tougher demons for him to slay in protecting his daughter from the harsh dealings of life. He resolved to take them on one at a time. He turned toward the sailboat. Right now, he needed a diversion. “What say we take her out?”
“Really, just me and you take our boat out?”
“Well, why not? But I’ll need some help, matey.”
“Aye, aye, cap’n. What do I need to do?”
He stepped on board and gently set her on the deck. “Safety is always first, sweetie, so go below and get that funny-looking stretchy line that’s hanging on a peg near the ice box.”
When she returned, her eyes were wide with anticipation. They had talked about sailing before, but she had always been too small. He promised one day she would be old enough. It was hard enough to sail the boat alone—although it was rigged and laid out for that—and he didn’t want to get into a situation where he would have to tend to Raine instead of navigating the boat. The events of the last months had changed his mind about her readiness to listen and her ability to at least do no harm concerning the sailing process. He had been thinking a lot lately about taking the boat out with her, so he had bought a harness and tether line as an extra precaution. When she returned he put the harness over her life jacket and tethered the line to the mast.
“First we prepare the sail. I think we only need the mainsail today. Do you think you could help Daddy take the sail cover off and then wad it up for me and stuff it in the deck locker?”
The day and weather were perfect for the maiden voyage. He put his own safety line and jacket on and lifted her to the ties for the mainsail. She untied them and helped him pull the cover off the main.
“You’re doing great, matey.” He set her down and guided her to the engine controls at the wheel. “Now we start the engine, so we can free the lines. Once we have the lines untied, we can shove off. You think maybe you can steer the boat out into the sound, away from the dock?”
“Can I?”
“Absolutely.” He had never seen her so enthusiastic. He had always hoped she would love sailing as much as her mother had and prayed the enthusiasm wouldn’t fade with time.
Away from the dock, Sean idled the engine and helped Raine turn the wheel until the boat headed into the light wind. He clipped both their tether lines to the wheel pedestal and instructed her to keep her eyes on a point directly lined up with the forward mainstay.
“Try to keep us headed right toward that power pole across the water while I hoist the mainsail.”
She was so cute, sitting in the pilot’s chair, straining forward to reach the wheel as it moved back and forth, keeping the heading perfectly straight. She was a natural. Once the mainsail was up and secure, Sean took the pilot’s chair, picked her up, and sat her in his lap. He helped her turn the wheel to port. When the wind filled the sail, the boat heeled to port and began moving forward. He killed the engine and all was quiet, except for the sound of the wind and the water lapping against the hull of the boat as it moved through the ripple of waves.
“Wow,” she whispered, keeping the wheel steady as the boat moved east along a reach from the southern wind. “It’s so nice out here. And quiet.”
Sean glanced toward the heavens and smiled as he tightened his grip around her waist. His first sail with his daughter was turning out better than he could ever have hoped. He cradled his chin on the top of her head and took a deep breath.
“Your mom would be so proud. I’m proud of you, matey,” he whispered in her ear. “You are quite the good sailor.”
“I love it, Daddy.”
She got it. Not everyone did. It was something you either loved, or you became impatient to get to your destination quickly via a power boat. He was so happy she seemed to be one of the former, not the latter.
The incident with the fish was only a distant memory.
****
Noelle put the marker in another one of his books, closed it, and laid it on the small table next to her chaise. She took her cell phone from the table and called Connie.
“Hey lady,” she said after she answered. “I think I’m ready to talk now. Can you bring my car out?”
“I’m there,” her friend said. “Look for me in an hour.”
“Thanks. See you then.”
She felt a tinge of guilt at deciding to hide out at the beach house. Sean had been so persistent in trying to reach her, but she didn’t want to have to deal with him showing up. The open car port offered little place to hide a vehicle, so if he drove by, he would know she was there. For the entire week since returning from Washington, she had sought the solitude of the beach house, using it to unclutter her mind. And she was so proud of Connie, honoring her reluctance to talk about the situation. But now she was ready. It was time to buy Connie dinner for taking care of her car woes.
She adjusted her sunglasses and leaned her head back to face the heat of the sun. The warmth of the breeze caressed her. She had forgotten what it was like to relax. The stress, as well as the sweet memories of the last day in New York, were ever so slowly beginning to fade. If only she could find the secret to turning off the pain in her heart. She picked up the book and turned to the back cover. There Sean was, a hint of a smile on his lips, looking back at her. The photo alone could have sold thousands of copies of the book. Had she not known him or anything about his writing, she would have bought the book just to look at the photo. She would bet many other women would react the same.
She had purchased all of his books. In the last few days, she had read four of them and was into the fifth. To say they were good stories was an understatement. She understood why his books were so popular. He was a gifted writer. It was a shame the average reader would never know how he managed to capture a piece of himself in every one of his protagonists. Yet they were all very different.
The anomaly, Noelle surmised, was that the leading ladies in his stories were all cut from the same mold. They were all beautiful, successful, erotic women, and all of them were fiercely independent—at least until they met the protagonists. Reading his books gave her a better understanding of the man with whom she had spent wonderful days and one magical night. As popular as all his fictional male characters were, none of them had the exact complement of attributes he possessed. His readers would never know the full extent of his talents and qualities, except for perhaps one lucky woman someday. The full array of those qualities would be impossible to capture by any author, although Sean had done a good job sprinkling his heroes with some of his best traits. She could see his selflessness, his stability, even his temper in some of the characters. Of course, all his heroes were good lovers, but none could compare to his actual prowess in that category.
As independent as the women in his books were, none could resist the lure of his leading men. They became putty in the hands of his protagonists. One day, the writer might well find his perfect real-life heroine again in a story. That woman would no doubt encompass the strongest and best attributes of all the characters he created in the stories so many people loved. It was no wonder the stories had died.
Had they forever died with the woman he fashioned them from? Could anyone ever measure up to that woman again?
Noelle had assumed since he had loved once, he might love again. And that the woman he chose t
o love again might be her. Was it a pipe dream? In spite of enjoying his books and the fantasy world they related, she was keenly aware she lived in a much different world. In her world, there wasn’t always a happy ending. Instead, her world consisted of lost loves and failed relationships, always ending with the same heartache.
This episode had cut deeply. It was especially brutal because she had given her heart unconditionally, as well as her body and soul. It had felt so right. Yet it had ended so wrong. Unlike the lost loves in her past, this time things had changed, and now she couldn’t change them back. This was the end for her, the end to ever hoping for true love. Could she ever recover from losing Sean? She certainly couldn’t picture having the courage to risk putting herself out there again. Nothing could make her believe there was any reason whatsoever in trying to find love once more. Even if she did give it another try in the future, it was going to take a lot of time—not to mention self-analysis—to find her way back to love.
Future. What an obscene word. Who was she kidding? There was no future, at least not romantically. There were very few Seans out there in the world, and she had been lucky to find one, if only for a while. Then she had promptly lost him. She couldn’t expect him to ever trust her again. And she doubted she would ever trust him again. She had in fact sold Raine out, just as he had accused her.
She loved his daughter as if she were her own, and as surely as she loved him. Her love was so strong she had lost sight of her logic and had erroneously thought that answering the agency’s questions would help Raine. How idiotic that assumption had been. Those feelings made her cross a line—a line someone like her should never have crossed. Her weak, misguided moment had cost her the love of her life. She had let herself be intimidated by the NSA agent, and it had meant losing the only true love she had ever experienced. The strength of the brief relationship with Sean made it so clear to her. It emphasized how meaningless her other relationships had been.
She stood from her chair and made her way to the beach. Perhaps a swim in the Gulf could wash away her mistakes and the fog that distorted her thoughts. It was, after all, time to get back to reality. Connie would soon arrive.
She was reminded of the dinner she owed Connie. She wasn’t looking forward to going out in public until she was back in Pensacola at the beginning of a new work week. She was no closer now to gearing up to face her patients than when she had arrived at the beach. She dreaded going back to the office. It would remind her of the time she had spent with Raine and Sean, getting to know them and working with him to evaluate her.
The thought of going back to work had always been something she had looked forward to. Now it was the very last thing she wanted to do.
****
Sean stared at the dustcover and wondered if he would be opening a different can of worms by removing it from the dormant desktop computer. The corner desk, his writing haven, had been collecting dust for two years. Why should he disturb it now? Removing the cover, looking at the keyboard and monitor might dredge up more than a few painful memories.
Yet it felt like the right thing to do.
Raine was in her room with her laptop, continuing her feeding frenzy for knowledge. Since the issue of the July meeting in Washington was confirmed, she had spent a lot of time on that laptop. He hadn’t interfered with her desire for answers to questions—except to install some parental controls—mainly because he didn’t understand it all, and doubted anyone did. He simply had faith she was doing what she was supposed to be doing.
As much as he tried to block out all the questions about where he fit into all she might know, his curiosity continued to hound him. He wanted to believe if she knew something about his or her own future, she would come to him with it. She was a very intelligent little girl who possessed uncanny wisdom. Maybe she did have some knowledge of what lay ahead for them but instinctively knew he wasn’t ready to hear about it.
In particular, he was curious about her suggestion about a Mother’s Day gift for Noelle. Had she known something about Noelle’s future and didn’t want to verbalize it? Could he assume, if Raine did know something concerning the subject, that he was a part of Noelle’s future? Did she know Noelle was to have biological children? He found this particularly disturbing, given his own situation. Although the tests proved conclusively that Patty was unable to have children, the tests concerning his virility were less definitive. The doctor was very specific in the delivery of the prognosis concerning their inability to have children together. He had continually emphasized the possibility of the two of them producing children was remote. He had not pressed the doctor concerning his own ability to conceive, given the diagnosis of Patty. He had merely accepted they weren’t destined to have biological children.
“What are you looking at, Daddy?”
Sean flinched and swung around toward his daughter. “Whoa, you gave me a start, little one.”
Raine giggled, and then looked at the desk. “What’s under that cover, Daddy?”
“Oh, just a computer and an old monitor I’ve had for a few years.”
“Is this where you used to write your stories?”
Was she now reading minds? “Yes, sweetie.”
“When are you going to write another story, Daddy?”
He hesitated for a moment and then sat at the desk. “I guess maybe I’m going to start right now.”
He removed the plastic cover, folded it neatly, opened a drawer, and placed it inside. When he turned to speak to his daughter, she was gone.
Once again he had underestimated her. Had he been nudged into something he had thought about for days? It wasn’t inconceivable, given her talents, that her short conversation with him was based on more than random curiosity.
He flipped the computer and monitor switches to the on position and settled into the chair. When the computer screen came to life he opened Word. The white screen appeared before him. In the upper left hand corner of the screen, the cursor blinked.
He took a deep breath, cracked his knuckles, and started writing.
Chapter Sixteen
Surrounded by the sanctity of her routine, Noelle’s apprehension eased. Although she had not looked forward to returning to work, it had turned out to be exactly what she needed. In a matter of days her caseload of patients had increased dramatically, bolstered by her appearance on the morning show, which was confirmed by all the new patient referral sheets. It seemed everyone wanted their child to be the next Raine.
In spite of taking the days off with her and Sean, the business was growing. Each new day found her spending more and more time building and accommodating her ever-growing patient list. For the first time she added Saturday morning appointments to her schedule. There was safety and security in becoming immersed in work. It also helped to kill the sting of recent events, giving her less time to contemplate things lost. The pain and loneliness dulled with each passing day—if only to some minute degree.
The intercom buzzer startled Noelle.
“Yes, Connie?”
“You know who is on line four,” Connie said tiredly.
She hesitated for a moment she fought a smile. “And what do we do when you know who calls?”
“Tell him you aren’t available?” Connie whispered.
“Correct!”
In a lower volume, Connie pleaded, “Come on, Noelle. He’s so cute, and he sounds so dejected. Won’t you speak to him? Just for a moment?” After a few moments of silence, Connie reapplied her business voice. “Very well, Dr. Victor. I’ll tell Mr. Sampson you aren’t available at the moment.”
Sean had been persistent in trying to reach her. During the first few days. there was a plethora of messages on her voice mail systems for both her land line at home and her cell phone. He also called the office repeatedly, of course never getting past Connie.
He chose to ignore the referral letter she had mailed him and had tried to make an appointment for Raine. The wording of the letter had been clear, informing him that she had
completed her evaluation. It also explained that, due to her heavy caseload, she was discharging Raine as her patient. If additional services were required he would have to make an appointment with another doctor. She had suggested several good ones for him to choose from, including a few of the best.
In a note she sent to Raine in care of her father, Noelle explained she wouldn’t be able to see her any more for a while. At the time, the “for a while” part caused her pain because, in truth, it would most probably be a permanent separation. But she didn’t want to hurt the little girl and instead stretched the truth for the sake of the child’s well-being. It was a long and carefully constructed note, meant to let her down gently.
Surprisingly, she received a hand-written note back from the child, in which she said she understood. The note was more upbeat than she had expected and was written in a tone that strongly suggested the parting was indeed temporary and not at all permanent. The words the three-year-old had skillfully constructed, without literally spelling it out, implied Noelle would continue to be in her life. As much as she refused to believe it, she suspected there was more to Raine’s words than could be derived from the note. Aware of the depth of the little girl’s perception, Noelle might not have a clue how insightful the note could turn out to be. And in a strange way, Noelle took comfort in that.
After having no success with the calls, Sean had resorted to other tactics. The gifts continued for many days. Each gift was something thoughtful that brought a lump to Noelle’s throat and tears to her eyes. All the gifts came with a note. Although she deemed it unfair given his propensity for words, she found she could not help but read them all. She had once laughed through her tears, surmising each new note and gift was a continuation of a prior one. He was writing a story, one gift at a time. His message was clear—he was sorry. He was a jerk. He didn’t mean what he said. He missed her. He wanted another chance.
Time for Raine Page 17
