“Isn’t it supposed to be doing something by now?” he heard himself say.
Jana nodded. “Yeah. Maybe something isn’t hooked up right. Hold on.” She set down a grey controller she was holding, careful not to yank the cord that attached it to the bulky, metallic box. A video game. An edge of curiosity crept into his awareness. The metallic box didn’t look like an ordinary console to him, but then he didn’t have a lot of experience with video games. Something about it nagged at him, though. He sat in the bluish glow of the television, watching as Jana crossed her legs in front of her, then squinted at the instruction manual in the dim light.
He leaned to the side and pulled the chain of the lamp on a nearby end-table. Golden light illuminated the room. Jana turned to him and smiled. “Thanks,” she said, then buried her face back in the manual. She was biting her lower lip, as she always did when she was concentrating, and as she craned her neck forward, a piece of blonde hair slid loose from her ponytail and swung down around her face.
Where are we? When is this? Why this glimpse? Why now?
He felt himself reach out to brush her hair behind her ear, moving on impulse, but he caught himself – or Marcus, the one whose memories these were, did – and dropped his hand.
Lex felt a dual awareness, both him and not-him existing simultaneously. Now that he knew these weren’t his memories, he felt as though he were acting out a movie, watching it unfold from inside the character’s eyes. He felt every emotion, every sensation vividly, though he knew they weren’t his own. It was disorienting.
These glimpses, it’s like I’m there… living what he lived. But why? He was grateful for them, in a sense, eager to know more about his brother and hopefully learn something about himself. But he wished he could control when the glimpses came. Something poked at the back of his awareness, telling him he shouldn’t be here, that there was something more important he was neglecting. He couldn’t remember what, though. The sensations of the glimpse were so strong they blocked all else from his mind.
Jana turned her face to him, her eyebrows scrunched in curiosity. Their eyes locked for a minute, and he felt himself open his mouth to speak. His heart raced. Whatever he was about to say, he – Marcus, not me, he reminded himself again – was nervous about saying it.
The door between the kitchen and the den swung open and another boy barged through, looking about their same age but taller, and already beginning to fill out, a muscular torso where Marcus’ was still scrawny. Marcus’ chest swirled with a blend of familiarity and jealousy. Steve. His friend. And yet, at this moment, he felt distinctly unhappy to see him.
Steve was balancing plates on each arm and holding two more in his hands.
Jana laughed and jumped to her feet, dropping the instruction manual. “You’re like one of those crazy waiters in the movies,” she said, moving toward Steve. “Let me help you.”
Lex felt Marcus sense her movement away from him like a tangible void, a coldness where her warmth had been.
Jana grabbed a plate in each of her hands, freeing Steve’s arms to move. He held his two remaining plates out and smiled at her, his green eyes lighting.
Lex felt a flash of hot jealousy rush through Marcus’ chest as Steve and Jana met each other’s gaze. Then Steve spun his grin toward Marcus. “Pizza Rolls or Hot Pockets?” he asked, indicating the two plates he held.
Lex still swam in Marcus’ pain and jealousy, a whirlpool dragging him under. He heard Steve’s speech as though through a tunnel.
Lex felt Marcus sigh softly before he looked up at Steve. “I’m not hungry right now, but thanks.” He turned back toward the television, reaching out to jiggle one of the cords hooked to the console. The screen flickered and then lit up in a spiral of color, and a short burst of musical notes flooded from the television as the spiral faded out into a start-up screen.
Jana let out a quick, pleased laugh, and bounced once on her heels. “You got it to work!”
Marcus turned toward her, and his breath caught in his chest. Jana’s ice-blue eyes were wide and sparkling, her whole face lit up by her smile directed at him. But it was only a moment, and then the spell was broken as Jana and Steve both rushed in and dropped to their knees on either side of Marcus, transfixed by the image on the screen. The words Press Start danced across a black background in pixilated, white letters, while the title of the game – Legends of Arameth – flickered in large swirls of color at the top of the screen.
Marcus stared at the screen in shock. Arameth. How was that possible? But no – he knew exactly what this was. That nagging feeling when he’d seen the console. His stomach dropped. This was bad. This was very, very bad. Luther should have warned him, should have told him – but that didn’t matter; it was too late for that. He needed to focus on what to do now. He glanced at Jana and Steve, but they seemed totally relaxed.
Lex rode Marcus’ wave of thoughts, confused and frustrated. He had the awareness that Marcus knew something, without actually possessing the knowledge of it.
Marcus spoke, and Lex could feel his effort to hold his voice steady. “Jana… where did your dad get this game again?”
She turned to face him. “It was my grandmother’s. He found it in the attic buried under a bunch of her stuff. He said she used to be some sort of game researcher or something. It only has one game, but my dad thinks it’s an original, one that was never released.” She grinned at him.
Lex felt a sudden panic come over Marcus with an urgent need to turn off the game. His mind raced. “Anyone want to take a quick walk before we play?” he heard Marcus say. “We’ve been inside for a while, now, and–”
Steve and Jana were both looking at him like he was crazy. “We’ve been trying to get this game to work for half an hour,” Jana said. “I don’t want to stop now. Maybe we can go for a walk after we check out the game. You play first; you’re the one who got it working.” She handed him the controller.
He – or Marcus, it was becoming harder to tell where one ended and the other began – wanted to argue, but he knew there was no way to do that without making them question him. “Okay,” he said. Jana’s fingers brushed his as he slipped the controller out of her hand. What do I do? His pulse and thoughts both raced as time around him seemed to slow down. He sent a mental plea to whatever might hear him – please, tell me what to do!
Jana bounced up onto her feet, one finger pointed into the air. “The drinks!” she declared. “We forgot the drinks!” She looked down at Marcus. “Wait a sec before you hit Start? I want to see how the game begins.”
He nodded, stunned, and Jana rushed off toward the kitchen.
Steve jumped up and followed her, calling out, “I’ll help you.” They pushed through the swinging door and disappeared.
He dropped the controller like it was a viper and scooted back. Panic coursed through him. Steve and Jana would be back any moment. What could he possibly do? He glanced around the room. There were no exits, only curtains covering large bay windows he wasn’t even sure opened. He could unplug the console and hide it, but then what would he tell them when they came back? How would he explain? Maybe he could grab the whole thing and run for it, but the only door from this room led through the kitchen, where Steve and Jana both were. He might escape, but they’d know something was up, and he’d never be able to come back. It would all be over. But if they started the console, it would be over, too. In the worst possible way.
He was trapped. Curse Luther and my family and all of them, every one of them. But no… he didn’t mean that. He’d volunteered for this. Then he’d got caught up in it, and wasted so much time. He hadn’t done what he’d been sent to do, and this was the universe punishing him. How had he thought he could ever escape it? But Jana.
He could hear Steve’s voice murmur something in the kitchen, followed by a bright giggle from Jana. He took a breath. Maybe I could just tell them? No. That would risk everything. And this wasn’t their fault. This was
on him to fix, and he had to do it now.
He focused his thoughts on Jana – her smile, her eyes, the way that one strand of blonde hair always slipped down into her face. He thought of his family here, the ones who had taken him in and loved him with a warmth his own family had never shown, and of his tiny brother’s hand clasped in his. His chest contracted. He grabbed the controller. I love you, he thought. This was his problem, and he would die before he brought them into any of it. It was the only way. And he had to do it quickly. He punched Start.
A bright light exploded through the room, and he threw his arms up over his face. Within the light a form appeared. All its features were cast in shadow and it had the shape of a man, yet not quite right, as though deformed. It made a deep sound, halfway between a chuckle and a growl, and moved toward him, reaching out with a large, dark hand.
Confusion swam over Lex as his awareness peeled itself apart from Marcus’ once more. What had he just seen? He was himself again, yet still staring into the burst of light as a shadow reached toward him. The light blinded him, blocking out all else as he squinted against it.
The world tilted again. He was standing in a dim room, the faint sound of an a cappella chorus playing from speakers somewhere in the background. His eyes strained to adjust to the dimness as he dropped to his knees, resting his head on the tiny casket. His chest felt like it was crushing inward. It was hard to even breathe.
No guilt in life, no fear in death, the chorus of voices swelled in the background.
Neither of those were true for him, not after what he’d done.
Someone’s hand settled onto his back. “It’s alright, son,” a deep voice said. The man took a shaky breath from behind him. “I know this is hard for you, too. But we’re here. We’re still here. We’ll get through this, together.”
He wouldn’t say that if he knew what I’ve done.
The world tilted again and he blinked, his eyes struggling to adjust in the sudden brightness. He was in a sunlit kitchen, one large window opening up to a well-tended backyard full of rich green grass, edged with rows of flowers along the fence which bordered it. A girl stood in front of the window, her back to him. The sky outside the window was a bright blue, nearly the color of–
She turned around and her eyes were red around the edges, still wet with tears.
Next to him, someone fidgeted. He glanced over – Steve. He was watching Jana with pain-filled eyes. Why does Steve always have to be here? But they’d come here together, he knew. They’d come for her.
She was older than in the last glimpse, maybe mid-teens. And beautiful. So beautiful. His breath caught in his chest.
“Hey,” he heard himself say in a soft voice, and his heart lurched as she met his eyes. He felt desperate to help her, but knew too well he couldn’t. Not this time; not with this. The realization bristled inside him, making him want to hit something.
And then came the hot wave of shame. He had seen her in the hallway after school a few days ago, not yet knowing it had been the death of her grandmother that kept her out of class that day. He had seen her eyes go wide with shock and hurt as some other girl draped on his shoulder. It hadn’t been how it looked, but she had no way of knowing that. He hadn’t had a chance to explain, and had unknowingly piled more hurt upon what she’d already been carrying. He stared, his throat thick and achy. Just as before, words failed him.
“Hey,” she whispered back.
“I really think she could use some friends right now.” He heard a woman’s voice echo in his head, and a recognition whispered – Jana’s mother; what she said to him and Steve before bringing them into the kitchen. But guilt overwhelmed him. Jana needed a true friend. Not him. She deserved better than him. He glanced to his side. She deserves someone like Steve, he thought, and it made his stomach flip but he knew it was true. Steve would bring only goodness to her life, but the best thing he could do for her was to stay away.
His thoughts skipped back to months earlier, kneeling in the dim room, his hand still on the casket, and Jana silently kneeling beside him, simply being there. It had been enough. But he could not do the same for her, he realized that now. The worst part was he wouldn’t even be able to explain to her why.
Steve stepped toward Jana. “How are you?” he asked, his voice gentle.
He’s a good guy, he thought. Steve was always kind to Jana, and had been a good friend to Marcus, too, despite clearly being in love with the same girl. Guilt swam through him as he glanced between them.
Forgive me, he thought silently.
Jana turned to look at him and her eyes widened, as though reading something on his face.
He spun and walked out the front door before she could say anything.
The world tilted once more, the slam of the door behind him morphing into a clashing of swords. He was on the ground, staring upward at the sky. Something was very wrong. His breath came in short, ragged gasps and his arms and legs felt cold – numb, though a hot spear of pain shot through his chest every time he breathed. The ground was wet beneath him. He peeled a shaky hand from its wetness and held it up to his face. Blood. He was lying in blood. He tried to push up with his arms but they failed him, too weak to lift his weight. I’m dying, he realized. This is the end.
Then a sharp awareness cut through him. Jana. Where’s Jana? His mind struggled to piece things together. What had happened? He could hear shouting, people fighting nearby. He tipped his head to the side.
Blue eyes stared at him, open – empty. Her body sprawled beside him, blood pooling out around her, soaking her blonde hair. No. No no no no no. He reached for her, but she was just beyond the length of his arm. He pushed up, gasping as pain sliced through him, but his hand slipped in the blood and he collapsed again. Fire exploded in his abdomen and he looked down – his torso was sliced open from his collarbone to his waist. He was bleeding out.
This can’t be real, he thought. Not real not real not real. But his brain drew up flashes – they had been surrounded. He’d stepped in front of Jana, shielding her with his own body. He’d fought and then collapsed, sliced from shoulder to hip by one of the enemy in one brief moment of distraction. He had felt no pain from his own wound, but her terrified scream seared him to the bone. Jana. He had failed her.
He turned his head back toward her. Beneath their mixing pools of blood, the ground was charred outward around them in a blackened ring. Burnt? Why? It made no sense – the enemy had fought with swords, not fire.
He took a ragged breath, focusing on her face, though it hurt to see her eyes so empty. But he deserved to hurt.
The world was blacking in around him from the edges of his vision.
Suddenly someone was over him, pushing a wad of cloth against his stomach. “Hey. Hey! Stay with me.”
Acarius, his mind whispered. His face was blurry, but it was him – younger, maybe in his teens, but him. He felt a wave of regret. He must have failed Acarius in some way, too, though he couldn’t remember how.
“You’re going to be okay,” Acarius said again. “It’s all going to be okay.”
Doesn’t he see that nothing is going to be okay?
“Let me help,” a female voice said, and hot pain exploded anew on his chest as another pair of hands pressed against his wound. She paused. “Did you see?”
“Yes,” Acarius answered, sounding breathless.
“But how – “
“I don’t know.”
Lex heard himself – Marcus, not me; Marcus, not me – groan as new flames of pain burst through his chest. The rim of darkness on the edges of his vision inched inward.
“Stay with me.” Acarius’ voice cracked and he leaned forward, his green eyes staring directly into Marcus’.
The woman’s hands moved off of him and he heard her whispering fervently, as though praying, though he could not understand the words.
Lex knew it was only a vision, but he truly felt as though h
e was dying. The last of his energy seeped out with his blood, leaving his thoughts heavy and fogged.
“No. Stay with me!” Acarius shouted.
The black edges slid inward, consuming everything.
Lex floated free in a void of nothingness, suddenly expelled from the vision. Then something yanked him backwards, slamming him into hard ground.
He blinked up, gasping.
Acarius bent over him. “Lex.” He exhaled, clearly relieved. “Stay with me,” he said, pressing something against the side of Lex’s head. “You’re going to be okay.”
Fireworks of pain burst from behind his eyes as Acarius pressed his hand against the side of Lex’s head again, dabbing at something. Then Acarius sat back. “It’s not bad,” he said. “Just a graze. The blood is already slowing. Can you sit up?”
Lex groaned as he pushed up to sitting. The world swam a bit, then righted itself. He looked around. They were on a dirt path just inside the gate, with it closed firmly behind them. Lex couldn’t see much more than that, as the circle of archers surrounding him blocked the rest of their surroundings. They were all pointing their arrows at him and Acarius.
“Are you well?” Acarius asked in a low voice.
Lex nodded.
“What’s wrong with him?” one of the archers spat.
Lex blinked, trying to push the lingering images of the glimpses aside and focus on the present. He must have fallen off his horse and been dragged inside. How long had he been unconscious, trapped in the vision? Clearly not long, as he could now hear loud voices approaching from outside the wooden gates. The enemy had reached them.
The archers scattered, calling out to others from the village… all except Maharan, who planted himself beside Lex, his arrow pointed at the gates.
The Edge of Nothing_The Lex Chronicles_Book 1 Page 14
