by J. Bengtsson
“No,” Jake jerked up. “I swear to God…don’t fucking touch it!”
I was absolutely shocked. Jake never spoke to people like that…ever. “Jake, he’s trying to help you,” I tried.
“Only…,” he clenched in pain, “only a surgeon,”.
“Okay. Don’t worry I won’t touch it,” the doctor said. Just then two men came in carrying an ambulance stretcher. “Jake, we are going to transfer you to the cot.”
“I can do it,” Jake responded. He sat up but immediately got lightheaded.
“Just lie back. It will be easier,” the doctor said as he laid Jake back down. To my surprise, he didn’t protest. The two men quickly transferred Jake onto the stretcher. He was strapped in and carried out off the bus. Jake was immediately wheeled away so I went to the waiting room. Lassen sat down next to me. Within 30 minutes the waiting room filled up with roadies and band members. All the busses and trucks in the tour had been notified that Jake was in the hospital and all had turned around and come back. The streets outside the hospital were lined with semis and tour busses all baring the “Elevate World Tour” logo. It must have been quite a sight for the hospital staff as they started trickling in for their am shifts.
I could hear Sean on the phone. The question of whether Jake could perform his next concert, which was scheduled to start in 16 hours, was being debated. I could only hear one side of the story but I could tell that Sean was being pressured into making a decision.
“Look, I’m not doing anything until I talk to Jake. If I cancel it and he’s okay to perform tonight, it’ll be my head. What? No, I’m not saying that. I seriously don’t know if he will physically be able to get up on the stage. Just wait for him to be seen by a doctor, that is all I’m asking.”
I looked at Lassen.
“They should cancel it,” I said. “You saw him. He can’t even stand up.”
“I know but maybe he just needs some antibiotics. I don’t know. But I will say, it’s not that easy to cancel a concert. Sean is right to wait,” Lassen replied.
At least an hour after arriving at the hospital, a pretty dark-haired nurse walked over to me.
“Are you Casey?”
“Yes,” I stood up.
“Come with me please,” she said and waved me toward the door.
“Is he alright?” I asked.
“I’m not allowed to give out patient information. You can ask him.”
I couldn’t help but notice her flawless face and perfect curves as she pointed me through an open door. I made a silent prayer that she wasn’t Jake’s nurse. As I came in, I saw him lying on a hospital bed with his arm over his face. An IV was in his other arm. Jake looked less flushed now but I could tell he was still in extreme pain. He heard me come in and removed his arm then reached it out and took my hand. I sat down next to his bed. We didn’t talk for a moment but I understood that it was Jake’s way of saying sorry. I picked up his hand, turned it over and kissed the back of it. Jake smiled weakly.
“You look a little better,” I said.
“Yeah, they mixed a little morphine in with my IV cocktail.”
“Gotta love morphine,” I grinned. “Have you seen the doctor?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want an ER doc touching it. I’m waiting for an orthopedic surgeon.”
“Yeah, I know. You made that pretty clear,” I smiled.
“Why? What did I say?”
“Well you pretty much threatened the ER doc with death if he touched your knee.”
“No, I didn’t,” Jake groaned.
“Oh yes you did.”
“Shit that’s not good.”
“Don’t worry. I’m sure he hears worse. You’re hardly the first aggressive guy to come into his ER in pain.”
“What else did I say?”
I thought about his ramblings about Ray and the kidnapping but I knew to keep that information to myself. “Mostly you were just mumbling incoherently. Blah, blah, blah. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening,” I teased.
“Look Casey, I know I’ve been a miserable jerk. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“It’s worth a lot. You’re forgiven,” I smiled.
Jake shook his head like he didn’t believe me.
“Give yourself a break,” I whispered. “You’ve been in a lot of pain. I’m not mad. I promise.”
Jake squeezed my hand then suddenly tensed. He grimaced as pain rolled through him again.
“I thought they gave you morphine.”
“They did, but not enough to knock me out. I want to be awake and coherent when the orthopedic surgeon gets here.”
“Well where is he? It has been almost two hours?”
“I think,” Jake gritted his teeth, “I think he’s coming from Belgium or something.”
I laughed. “Was that a joke, Jake McKallister?”
Jake nodded.
“I like ‘Morphine Jake’ better than ‘Tylenol Jake’,” I teased.
Jake attempted to laugh but it came out more like a gasping groan.
A few more minutes passed before a tall man in green scrubs walked into the room.
“My name is Doctor Weiss,” he said with a thick accent. He shook Jake’s hand.
“Jake,” he said then glanced towards me, “My girlfriend Casey.”
“Nice to meet you both. Dr. Stolts tells me you have effusion in your knee.”
Jake nodded.
“Let me take a look,” the doctor said as he began to pull apart the Velcro. On first contact Jake gasped. The doctor paused. “I’ll be careful.”
Jake nodded and looked away, biting his lip as the pain increased. The doctor got the wrap off and mumbled something I didn’t understand. Jake’s knee was twice the size and red and purple.
“How long has it been this swollen?”
“About a week and a half.”
“Okay, sorry but I have to palpate the knee. I’ll be as gentle as possible,” the doctor said then lightly pushed on several different areas in Jake’s knee. Jake cringed, gasped and groaned throughout the exam. The doctor stood back up and picked up his chart.
He looked over it before asking, “Is your blood pressure normally high?”
“No,” Jake replied.
“On a scale from one to ten, what is your pain level?”
Through gritted teeth Jake managed to say, “It ranges from 8 to 10.”
“How long has it been at this level?”
“A couple of days.”
“You told Dr. Stolts that you had an earlier injury to this knee.”
“Yes.”
“What kind of injury?”
“My knee was crushed.”
“In an accident?”
“Not exactly.”
“What kind of injury then?”
Jake glanced at me then hesitated a second before saying, “It was smashed by a sledgehammer.”
My mouth dropped open in shock.
“A sledgehammer?” The doctor said, not sure if he heard right.
“Yes,” Jake said, avoiding my astonished expression.
“I’m not sure if I’m understanding the word correctly. Are you saying it was smashed with a metal hammer?”
“Yes, you’re understanding it right.”
“Deliberately?” The doctor asked, still too surprised to accept Jake’s answer.
Jake looked away and said, “I was kidnapped when I was a kid. I got this injury then.”
Doctor Weiss stared at him, clearly shocked by Jake’s admission, before clearing his throat and saying, “Okay. I see. Um…uh…do you have your original kneecap?”
“No,” Jake said, wincing in pain.
“How many surgeries have you had?”
“Uh…two knee replacement surgeries.”
“How often does it swell like this?”
“Um…I’ve only had it this bad one other time.”
“And you had a replacement after that last swelling?”
“Yes.”
The doctor nodded. “I need to check your mobility.” He raised Jake’s leg by the ankle and bent the knee several times. Jake was gripping the sides of the bed with white knuckles. Sweat was dripping down his face.
“Sorry. Almost done,” the doctor said. He pulled Jake’s leg up and slightly to the side. Jake jerked forward, in a state of agony. The doctor gently put his leg back down.
“Okay, well, obviously there is a tremendous amount of fluid in the knee and that is probably what’s causing the majority of your pain. That will, of course, need to be effused. But the dark coloring and the high fever, suggests a secondary infection.”
Jake nodded. “Do whatever you need to do. I just need to be on my feet and ready to perform by tonight.”
“I don’t…that isn’t advisable,” the doctor said. “You will need to rest that knee for a few days after I drain it or the fluid will come right back. And raising your heart rate when you have an infection can be dangerous.”
“I get what you’re saying and, trust me, if I had the luxury of time, I would jump at the chance to take a few days rest but I’m in the middle of a tour. Tickets have been sold. Stadiums have been booked. I can’t just postpone. It would be a logistical nightmare. I’m just asking for a temporary solution…something to get me back on my feet so I can perform. I won’t consent to anything more. So please…just drain the fluid, give me a lidocaine and a steroid shot and some antibiotics and I’ll be on my way.”
Dr. Weiss seemed to be considering what Jake said. He was obviously trying to decide what to do. He looked at Jake, and then down at the chart, then back at Jake before finally clearing his throat and saying, “This is a unique situation.”
Jake nodded.
“I understand your dilemma and will honor your request but please understand…the choice you’re making isn’t medically advised?”
“Yes, I understand.”
“Alright then. I want to move you to a more sterile environment. I’ll have the nurse bring you in when the room is ready.”
“Okay, thank you.”
Dr. Weiss walked out of the room.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked. “I really think you need a few days rest.”
“I don’t really have a choice, Casey.”
“Yes you do. Postponing your tour isn’t the end of the world. No one would fault you.”
“You don’t understand this business like I do. Music exec’s don’t look kindly to that sort of thing. And it’s not just the tour…it’s the publicity. I’ll be crucified. The rumor mill will be working overtime. Before you know it, they will have me in rehab recovering from a drug overdose or some other made up bullshit.”
I looked at Jake in stunned surprise.
“I’m not making this shit up Casey. That is what will happen. I guarantee you,” Jake replied.
Two nurses came in…the pretty one from earlier, my silent prayer clearly not answered, and an older, sour-looking one who didn’t speak English. She grunted her commands in German to the younger nurse. As the very attractive younger nurse went about her tasks she smiled and chatted in fluent English with Jake. I could tell he was not feeling up to talking but he politely responded to her anyway. I sat there next to him like I was invisible. The nurse never once acknowledged me. I was annoyed. Was she really flirting with him when he looked about ready to pass out? I guess that was definitely a perk of being a rock star. You could look and feel like shit but still be hot. And my poor Jake was sick as a dog. He barely had the energy to lift his head; yet still, the nurse seemed a little too interested. I think Jake sensed my irritation and mentioned weakly to her that I was his girlfriend. The nurse actually gave me a thorough once over. It occurred to me that I was without makeup, in sweats and my hair had been hastily pulled back into a messy bun. I imagine I deserved the contemptuous look I received. I could almost hear her describe me to her friends, telling them that Jake could do so much better.
Within a few minutes, the nurses were wheeling Jake out the door.
“Hold on for a second,” Jake said. The nurse stopped pushing the bed. He looked at me and reached out his hand. I walked up to him and grabbed it.
“Can you get my phone and call my parents. I don’t want them to hear on the news that I’m in the hospital. You can call the home contact.”
“What do you want me to tell them?”
“Just tell them I had swelling and needed to get the knee drained. Tell them I’ll call when it’s over.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine,” Jake whispered in my ear then pulled me to him and kissed me.
“I know,” I whispered back. “I’ll be here waiting.”
Dr. Weiss walked up to us then grinned, “Alright. How do you say it? Let’s get the show on the road.”
Jake nodded as he dropped my hand. I watched him get wheeled away. I went back to the waiting room. I told all the band and crew what was happening and that Jake was still planning on performing that night. They nodded like they never doubted it for a minute but I saw Sean actually sigh in relief.
I went out to the bus to get Jake’s phone and nervously dialed his home. Aside from the brief exchange at the wedding I’d never spoken to Jake’s parents. I hoped Jake’s dad answered. He seemed less intimidating than the mom. No such luck. Jake’s mom, Michelle, picked up my call. It was obvious by her groggy voice that I’d woken her up.
“Hello? Jake? What time is it?”
“Mrs. McKallister, I’m sorry to wake you.”
“Who is this?” She seemed instantly awake and immediately concerned.
“I’m Casey Caldwell, Jake’s girlfriend. He asked me to call you.”
“Is he alright?”
I could hear the panic in her voice.
“Jake is okay but he’s in the hospital.”
Michelle gasped.
“His knee swelled up and he was in terrible pain. He got really sick and feverish and then this morning he passed out.”
“He was unconscious?”
“No, not really. It was more like he was unresponsive. Lassen drove him to the hospital. He’s with the doctor now having the fluid drained. They are going to give him antibiotics and then release him.”
“They are releasing him today?”
“Well, they wanted to keep him for a few days but Jake refused. He has a concert tonight.”
“Good Lord. Is he even going to be able to perform?”
“I don’t know. Jake thinks so and there is no talking him out of it. And I tried.”
“He’s so damn stubborn.”
“Yes he is,” I agreed. “Anyway Jake didn’t want you to hear on the news that he was in the hospital and get worried. He told me to tell you that he will call as soon as he gets back on the bus.”
“Casey, is that your name?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you for letting us know. Can you keep his phone on you so we can call for updates?”
“Yes, of course. If you like I can call as soon as he’s done with the procedure.”
“Yes, please do that. When did it begin?”
“They are just getting started now. The doctor thought it might take about an hour. I’ll call as soon as I know anything.”
“Thank you Casey.”
I hung up and my tension eased. That wasn’t so bad. Michelle and I had something very important in common. We both loved Jake with all our hearts. She only wanted the best for him. I would just have to prove to her that I was best for him. I spent a few minutes making myself look a bit more presentable by changing into a Henley long sleeve shirt and jeans, brushing my hair into a ponytail and putting on a little eye makeup. Lassen walked in.
“I was just heading back,” I explained, feeling guilty that I was taking the time to make myself look better when Jake was in torturous pain.
“He’ll be in there a while, I think,” Lassen replied.
I nodded as tears filled my eyes.
“He’ll be alright. Jake is a toug
h kid. He’s been through way worse than this.”
“You’d know.”
Lassen looked at me in surprise.
“Jake told me that he talks to you.”
“Oh.”
“How much do you know about what happened to Jake during the kidnapping?”
Lassen hesitated.
“I know you can’t tell me what he went through. I just want to know how much you know.”
“I know some things.”
“Do you know what happened to his knee?”
Lassen nodded.
“So you knew it was crushed by a sledgehammer?”
Lassen nodded again.
Neither of us spoke for a moment.
“What kind of a monster does that to a kid?” I wondered. Tears threatened to pour out.
Lassen shook his head.
“What kind of monster does that?” I questioned, angrily. Then I started bawling. “I mean how am I…how can I help him heal when he has been through something I can’t even comprehend?”
I cried and cried. All the stress of the past few days poured down my cheeks. Lassen stood there awkwardly, looking highly uncomfortable.
I pulled myself together for his sake.
When I finally stopped crying, Lassen said, “You can’t heal him. Just love him. That’s all he wants.”
“I do love him.”
“I know,” he shifted back and forth a few times before clearing his throat and saying; “Sean wants me to get some sleep so I can safely drive later.”
“Yeah, of course.”
Lassen walked away, looking relieved to be getting away from me.
After fixing my makeup again, I went back to the waiting room and sat with Jake’s guitarist, Eric and his wife, Kayla. They were the couple travelling together in a motorhome with their three kids. Kayla and I’d become friends and Jake and I had spent some time together with them and their kids. Kayla had the baby monitor up to her ear. All three kids were sleeping inside the locked motorhome steps outside the emergency room.
As we waited for Jake’s procedure to be completed, the hospital began to fill up with staff and patients. It was nine in the morning and the typical hurried activities of a busy hospital were swirling around us. The waiting room was bursting at the seams with, not only all of our people but also the patients who were coming in on a steady basis. All the drivers had been ordered to sleep and some of the crew had followed suit. Some had also headed over to the cafeteria but at least half were still waiting in the room with me for word on Jake’s condition.
