by Minx Malone
“You’ll be as beautiful pregnant as you’ve always been.” He was saying the right things but looking down at his phone. He’d been like this lately, distracted and distant.
Raina looked at herself in the mirror over her dresser. Was it any wonder? Throwing up for the past month and a half had robbed her complexion of its usual freshness. She snorted. Who was she trying to fool? Freshness? She looked like a hag. She was bloated even though she hadn’t been eating much because even the smell of food made her want to upchuck.
They arrived at the ABC Farm and Nick ushered Raina quickly from the car into the house. It was much colder out now. The weather seemed to have gotten pissed off that summer was gone and had just snapped into the low forties overnight.
Julia greeted them at the door. “I’m so glad you’re feeling well enough to come, Raina. Come on into the kitchen and keep me company.”
Raina followed behind as Julia led her through the family room and into the kitchen. It was a relief to leave the noise and chaos of the den behind.
Ridley and Laura were chopping tomatoes and dropping them into a big wooden bowl. A decorative plate of oranges sat on the table.
“Would you like something to drink, Raina?”
“I’d love an orange, actually.” Raina stood at the counter and peeled the fruit. She popped a section in her mouth and the tart juice exploded on her taste buds. She wasn’t able to keep much down, but everything she ate now just tasted better. She found herself eyeing the peel, wondering how it would taste. Before she could stop herself, she popped a small piece in her mouth.
Weird but good.
She looked up to find Ridley watching her in disbelief. “Did you just eat the orange peel?”
“I don’t know why I did that.” Slightly embarrassed, Raina continued eating her orange while Ridley and Laura carried the food out to the table.
“Weird cravings must be part of carrying an Alexander baby." Julia came over and stood next to her. “I never craved ice cream or any of the usual things when I was pregnant with any of the boys. I craved really strange things when I was pregnant with Nick. I wanted black pepper all the time.”
“Well, that’s not that weird,” Raina pointed out.
“I wanted black pepper by itself. Not sprinkled on food but I would just shake it onto my tongue. It drove Mark crazy.”
Raina looked down at the orange peel she’d been absently gnawing on and suddenly didn’t feel so bad.
“I’ve been doing weird things more than anything else. I had just about given up on baking, but lately I’ve been craving chocolate cupcakes again.”
“I bet Nick likes that. He’s always had a sweet tooth.”
“Well, he would probably like them if they didn’t all taste like cardboard. I’m completely useless in the kitchen,” she admitted. Every time she tried to cook anything, it was an utter disaster. She’d been feeling more and more useless lately. Domestic skills had never been at the top of her priority list, but now she wondered if she’d been too quick to dismiss their importance. All the things she’d thought were so boring and ordinary were skills that would come in handy now.
Julia rubbed her arm. “Everyone has different talents. What would be the point of chefs if everyone could cook? Besides, my son is a great cook. He’ll take good care of you.”
“He shouldn’t have to do everything, though. I’m sure he’s going to get tired of always having to do everything for me.”
If he isn’t already, Raina thought. Considering how distant he’d been lately, it seemed their honeymoon period was already over.
“All I know is that my son had a shadow over him for much of this past year. Until he married you. He was always making jokes so everyone else thought he was fine, but a mother doesn’t miss these things. You’ll see once yours arrives.”
She rubbed Raina’s belly. Raina warmed from the inside out. She had never been the touchy-feely type, but it was very easy to make an exception for her mother-in-law. Julia had a way about her that put everyone at ease.
“I know your own mother is gone and I’m so sorry, sweetheart. But I hope you know you can come to me with any questions you have or if you just need to talk. I wasn’t blessed with daughters, but I feel like the good Lord is making up for it now by bringing you two sweet girls into my sons’ lives. I’ve met their girlfriends before, of course, and I’m sure they were nice enough girls. But Lord love them, some of them didn’t have the brains God gave a turnip. My sons need strong women they can really talk to. Women who can be true partners.”
“I’m sure I’m not what you wanted in your daughter-in-law,” Raina said softly.
“I wanted him to have a wife who makes him happy. Look at him.” Julia gestured with her chin to where Nick was holding Jase in his lap and feeding him cookies. He was talking to Jackson and gesturing with his hands emphatically. He looked up and met Raina’s eyes. She smiled and he smiled back. It transformed his whole face.
"I’ve never seen my Nicky so happy,” Julia commented.
Raina could only hope he was really as happy as he looked.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THERE WERE FEW things Nick enjoyed more than taking his motorcycle out for a ride. The wind in his hair, the zing of adrenaline as he took a tight curve. It was one of the only times he could let go of his worries and just fly.
There were several back roads that connected most of the older farms in New Haven. There wasn’t much traffic, so he could ride for an hour easily just circling around his parents’ property and then looping around their neighbor’s spread and back again.
It was almost as good as sex.
Well, not quite.
He finally pulled up to Raina’s house. Her garage had three bays. One held her Audi sedan and the other held a black SUV that looked bulletproof. The third had been empty since he’d moved in.
He cut the engine on his bike and rolled it into the third bay. Just as he was fastening his helmet to the back, he looked up to see Raina standing in the doorway.
Things were still tense between them. He’d had to work longer hours lately and even though he tried to bring work home, it wasn’t enough. It was far too easy to get wrapped up in Raina when he was here. He often forgot to look at the files he brought home or he only completed about half of what he would have gotten done if he’d been in the office.
“You bought a motorcycle?” Raina stood in the doorway leading from the garage to the house. She wore her favorite faded purple pajamas and a pair of fuzzy pink slippers. He could see the lines of exhaustion bracketing her eyes and mouth. It must have been another bad day. She’d been nauseated more and more lately. And extremely cranky. Not that he couldn’t understand why.
Nick took off his helmet and tucked it under his arm. “No, I already had it. I drove over to my condo today and picked it up. I haven’t taken it out in a while and today was great weather for a ride.”
Raina didn’t move, just stood in the same spot, staring at the bike. He had a feeling she wasn’t admiring it for its racing lines.
“I’m guessing you’re not a fan of motorcycles.”
“I’m definitely not a fan.” She glared at the bike as if it had personally offended her. “Those things are dangerous.”
Nick sighed. “Cars are dangerous. So are airplanes. But we use those regularly. Come here, let me show you some of the safety features.”
Raina just stared at him. “So that’s it? You’re just going to ride it anyway?”
“Well, I doubt I’ll be riding much now. It’s almost winter.”
She closed her eyes slowly, as if counting to ten. “I’m not talking about this season, Nick. I mean in the future. You plan on riding this deathtrap in the future? Even after the baby is born?”
“Of course I’m going to keep riding. I’m supposed to stop riding just because you don’t like motorcycles?”
Nick was beyond caring about whether this was just her pregnancy hormones. He’d been busting his ass for weeks to
show her that he was taking his impending fatherhood seriously. He’d read that massive book about pregnancy, he’d signed them up for Lamaze classes at the hospital, and he’d spent an entire weekend putting together the jigsaw-puzzle pieces masquerading as a crib.
None of that had seemed to get her attention. But him taking out his motorcycle for the first time in months was worth notice. Enough for her to decide he was unfit to be a father, apparently.
“I’ve been riding for years, Raina. I’m careful and I’ve never been in an accident,” he assured her.
“You know what, never mind. I don’t know why I’m surprised. I’ve seen the signs these past few weeks. You’ve been distracted and distant. Staying out later and later. I should have known you’d need to seek out some excitement at some point.” She looked down at the bike. Her anger seemed to have evaporated.
Now she just looked tired.
His joy at taking the bike for a spin vanished. “Fine, I won’t ride it anymore. Will that make you happy?”
Raina just blinked at him. “No, because if it’s not this it’ll just be something else dangerous. This is who you are. I shouldn’t have expected anything different.” She turned and trudged back toward the house.
“Raina!” he called.
She didn’t look back once.
“Now you’re not speaking to me?”
The quiet click of the door closing seemed to reverberate in the otherwise silent street.
* * * * *
“WHERE’S YOUR PRETTY wife? I hope she’s feeling well.”
Nick looked up to see his father observing him closely. He’d stopped by after work to drop off some information about individual retirement accounts for Bennett. He’d ended up sticking around for dinner and then following his father out to the garage where he was tinkering with the engine on his ancient pickup truck.
It wasn’t like there was a warm welcome waiting for him at home.
“The truth is I think I might be in the doghouse with my wife.”
“Already? That was fast. What’d you do?” Mark asked.
“Who said I did anything?” Nick crossed his arms.
“Son, the first thing you need to learn if you want a happy marriage is you’ve always done something.” Mark chuckled as he pulled down a bottle from one of the shelves on the wall of the garage.
Nick stared at the tips of his shoes, debating whether to just make up something or tell his father the truth. After their fight a few days ago, Raina had been largely ignoring him. It was slightly embarrassing to have to admit that his marriage was on the rocks already.
He looked up to find his father watching him closely. He tensed under the scrutiny. There was no one whose opinion he respected more than Mark Alexander but he hated to tell his dad when he’d screwed up.
Disappointing his father was the worst feeling in the world.
“What’s wrong, son? I hate to see you like this.”
“Raina and I have been trying for a baby. It’s kind of tricky because she has fertility issues. She was willing to marry me so I could get her pregnant, but she doesn’t love me, Dad. I’m starting to think she never will.”
Nick didn’t look up but he could feel the weight of his dad’s stare.
“I won’t speak on what initially brought you together. I don’t condone what you did, but what’s done is done. It sounds like your lady is dealing with a lot of heartache right now. I can understand her fears about not being able to have children. It’s a little different for women, I think, but as a man, I can tell you my life wouldn’t be the same without you boys in it. The four of you are truly my greatest accomplishment. You are my gift and legacy to the world.”
“I didn’t think I’d feel this way. I thought of the baby as just a means to an end, a way to get Raina to agree to marry me. But I’m already attached to this baby. I can’t stand the thought of her leaving me and not seeing her or the baby. But we fought and now she thinks I’m immature. Too immature to be a good parent. I’ve screwed things up so badly and I can’t see how to fix the damage I’ve done.”
“Nothing is unfixable. If I could win your mother’s heart after making a sexist comment, then anything is possible.”
Nick sat forward, suddenly intrigued. “You did what?”
It was part of the family lore that his father had initially struck out with their mother after saying something stupid. He’d had to work long and hard that summer to regain her good opinion. Neither of his parents had ever said what the “stupid thing” was. He’d assumed it had been a dirty comment, so he’d never had any interest in hearing it.
But if his father had really said something sexist, he was definitely interested in how he’d atoned for it. Their mother had been a feminist for as long as Nick could remember. If his dad could change her mind after a strikeout of that magnitude, maybe there was hope for Nick after all.
Mark grumbled. “It wasn’t that bad. I was trying to make a joke and she took it the wrong way.”
Nick folded his arms and tried not to smile. “What exactly did you say?”
“We were talking about colleges and I may have said a pretty girl like her didn’t need to worry about it.”
Nick winced. “Nice, Dad. So she should have just gotten married and stayed barefoot and pregnant, huh?”
Mark hitched up his pants and circled the hood of the truck again. He wiped his hands on the old rag thrown over his shoulder. “It was a joke! I’m willing to admit it was a bad one.”
Nick finally gave in to laughter. “Um, I can see how you might have thought you were complimenting her, but knowing Mom, I’m sure she wasn’t amused.”
“She let me know in no uncertain terms what I could do with my attempts at flattery. After that, she didn’t even look at me when she visited Maria. No more flirtatious looks or conversations. She wasn’t rude—she’s far too classy for that. But I could see she thought I was an uncivilized oaf. She was pretty determined to keep me at arm’s length after that.”
The situation was eerily similar to where he found himself with Raina. She was unfailingly polite and she hadn’t asked for any more space. But she didn’t come seek him out when he got home anymore. She didn’t complain about her nausea or her random food cravings. There were no more late-night cuddle sessions and no more monster muffins with the bottoms burned off.
No more of those sweet smiles that made him feel like he’d just come in out of a storm.
“So, what happened? What did you say to change her mind?”
“I didn’t say anything. Her parents died and during the aftermath, I was there for her. I was willing to do whatever she needed. More importantly, I didn’t just offer my help; I gave it without her asking. In the midst of tragedy, people have the opportunity to show what they’re really made of. This is your chance to show your lady what you’re really made of, son. That you’ll be there for her no matter what. In good times and in bad.”
Too keyed up to sit still any longer, Nick jumped up and paced. He might not be able to convince her that he was there for her, but he could show her. He was suddenly sure that everything would be okay. That was one of his favorite things about spending time with his parents. He always felt better after seeing them.
“Thanks, Dad. You’re never too busy for us. Even now, when I’m clearly keeping you from your work.”
Mark ruffled his hair. “I’ve always got time for you, Nicky. My own father used to say that the true measure of a man is how he treats the people he loves.”
“You fixing this old thing again?”
“Just changing the oil.” His dad stroked an affectionate hand over the hood of the truck “She’s got years of life left in her.”
“Well, I guess I’d better go. Thanks for the advice, Dad.”
“Anytime, kiddo.”
He hugged his father and walked back in the house. His mother stood next to the sink, washing a handful of berries.
“Nick! You’re still here.”
“Yeah, I was
just hanging out with Dad.”
She smiled. “I’m so glad. It’s strange sometimes for us, having this big old place all to ourselves. You always think you’ll enjoy the peace and quiet after your kids are grown, but sometimes I miss all the noise. All the laughter.”
She gazed out the window at the backyard as if seeing all the memories of the nights they’d spent playing there. His mother was still a beautiful woman, just softened by time, the lines around her eyes and mouth a testament to a life well lived. As he watched her, it occurred to him that his parents were getting older and that one day, one terrible day, they wouldn’t be there anymore.
“You know what, Mom? I think I’ll stay a little longer. Do you mind bringing me a pair of Dad’s old jeans and a T-shirt? I think I’ll help him with the truck.”
“I think he’d love that.” She disappeared and came back with a pile of clothes, then stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “I probably don’t tell you enough, but I’m proud of you, Nick. You were a bit of a wild child but you’ve grown into a fine man.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
He ducked into the first-floor bathroom and changed clothes, hanging his suit on the back of the door. When he went back into the garage, his father had already gotten the truck up on the ramps. He looked up at Nick, startled.
“What are you still doing here, Nick? I thought you were long gone to go sweet-talk your lady.”
Nick picked up one of the clean rags on the workbench and threw it over his shoulder. “I’m going to help you with this old clunker before I leave.”
“You don’t have to do that. I know you’re anxious to get home.”
“I’ve got time. This really smart guy once told me that the measure of a man is how he treats the people he loves. Since I had the best role model in the world for what it means to be a man, I’m never too busy to help you out, Dad.”
Mark swallowed a few times. Tears shone in his eyes as he nodded. “Well, I’ll let you get down there then. You’ll have an easier time getting back up than I will, that’s for sure!”
